There are a few lessons I have got and realizations I have made today, after writing about how I felt nowadays in the previous post.
It is true that negative feelings, feeling down, thoughts, and worries are not fun to go through. Yet, they help to draw attention to issues not addressed or need to be addressed. I am grateful for them.
Here are what I have realized today:
1. I am a human being and as such, I try my best all the time. It is just that, time to time I cannot do that well. I cannot see the issues right away, even though I see them, I may ignore them to take care of more important things. Or, I may just not have enough energy to deal with many things all at the same time….
2. I have limited energy. I have energy and it is all right; but what I am trying to say is that at a given time, I gotta focus the energy I have on things important for me. Whether it is work, life, or being lazy.
3. yes, I have been feeling lazy time to time. When compared to before i.e. when I was younger, I am less physically active, less energetic, and more dormant. Especially at home. As soon as I come home from work, I focus on relaxing… Not necessarily a bad thing. Just conflicting. A lot of messages on media or in conversations with friends and colleagues focus on the importance of relaxing and having a “me” time. The question is when to stop having a “me” time to rather focus on issues.
4. I gotta arrange my life and my work schedule way better. I know under the circumstances, I have done my best. But in future I can do better. Some things need to change. Starting with my un-healthy life style. Eat better, exercise better, think better. And when it comes to work, I gotta stop undertaking more than I can. A healthy dose is needed.
5. My mind is clouded majority of the time. I lack the sharp focus I used to have. Age? being over-whelmed? What is the reason for that? How can I claim my sharp focus back? I have not figured out this one yet.
6. I noted patterns about my reaction to issues. I have a tendency to ignore them, until they come back bigger. I thought I was a control freak! 🙂 Obviously I am not. Maybe I should get more of a control freak to prevent ignoring issues. Again, that is in contrast to what many would say; that sometimes we need to let go and stop worrying… Now I see the worry as a sign that something requires my attention. I may not be aware of what it is, but I think it is the sub-conciousness that gives these signals.
7. Lessons learnt are valuable. realizations are valuable. Taking action to work towards a better experience in future is even more valuable. That is what I need to focus.
that is all I have to say for now. let me see whether I can come up with more stuff this evening 🙂