procrastination and venting


Have you ever experienced that you are not taking care of the stuff that you must and have self-destructive feelings as a result?

I am. As a matter of fact, it is a lot nowadays.

I have work-related, house-related, and personal healthy life-style related things to do; the majority of these have been on my to-do list for sometime. As such, the fact that I have not taken care of them makes me feel incapacitated and lazy. I do not like this feeling.

For work-related things: I am way behind some of them, which is really annoying. There were times that I took it light and did not work long-hours with a sharp focus. Then I went on vacation. Then I came back and the weather and the comfort of the home were so nice that I left the office early (though I kept doing light work at home). And eventually, now I am feeling very heavily the weight of the unfinished tasks. I have done a good job today at the cafe and then later at home, but still feeling not adequate… The only remedy is to have a hard-look at the items in my list and start committing my time and energy to them.

For house-related things: I have started some of them, but did not finish them all yet; caulking around the bathroom tubs, re-painting the window trims, staining the patches that lifted up on the front stairs and the back deck are the main ones. What am I waiting for? I do not know. To my credit, I have finished caulking around the windows and between the windows and the siding. Yet, it is not enough… And the weather will turn soon, start raining and all – I must complete these in a couple of weeks.

Also decluttering the house activity: I have done quite a bit; yet the most important one, the living room, has remained. It is the hardest as I have the most paperwork and clutter in this area. Again, what am I waiting for? (I am scared to start it, see; I know it will take me maybe a day or so to do a through job; I do not like seeing piles of stuff sorted out here and there. What is my solution??).

And for the healthy-life style related ones; implementing an eating healthy strategy is still a challenge. I did not go to office today and rather started working at the cafe. And guess what I have had for the breakfast? Muffin.. Who am I kidding? How am I going to lose weight and also nourish my body while I continue to eat bagels, muffins, and bread rather than whole meals? Why can I not cook meals for myself and refrain from those that I know are not good for me?

How about my walking and more exercise aim? I have not even walked today (only to and from a cafe 5 min away from my house). Why can I not work with the dumbbells at home, or do yoga or aerobic exercise following videos on youtube?

I think there is a little child inside me that prefers the comfort, easiness, and pleasure of not stretching myself to do these…. Even though I know that I must and I can. So who will win?

I had predicted earlier that that I would vent about my lack of discipline or dedication to the changes I would like to make… It is not something new, a consistent struggle, if you will. I am getting tired of this though (which is always a good sign – that means I will start taking steps).

Let’s see how this stage will go.

Once when I had vented here about my performance related to another change that I wanted to implement in my life, some of you had commented saying that I should be kind to myself and take it easy. I am kind to myself, but also have a tendency to choose the comfort over taking necessary items. So taking easy is out of equation – I have been taking it “easy” for quite some time.

I think my main challenge right now is to win over this internal fight, gather my strength, convince myself, and have a plan to follow. I will first start with the list of things I have done so far; at least they will give me a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I find this as a necessary step to realize that I am already in the middle of the road and I can just keep going, pushing forward. Then, I will have an itemized plan for every single tasks in my to-do-list.

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3 thoughts on “procrastination and venting

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  1. HA! no coddling here! get crackin’! as far as getting things done – well, and i have to remind myself, too, there is always tomorrow and if not, well, then you don’t have to worry about. Anyway, with weather as it is, put those outdoor tasks at the top and declutter at night or when outdoor tasks can’t be done. then just don’t think about those tasks until the time is right. I tend to break jobs into smaller portions and flit back and forth. It actually works if you can keep focused. But at some point, just gotta make that final to-do list that says ‘finish this, finish this, and finish that’ and voila! several tasks accomplished. It has taken everything i’ve got to break my bad habit of starting a new task before finishing others…… grrrrrr. Just say ‘no.’

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you are good 🙂 I could never start one thing and then move on to another unless they are like 10 min jobs 🙂 you are right about the weather – hope to catch a good weather sometime (it rained today for example). I started decluttering the living room yesterday but did not do too much as I am still not clear which items to keep, which ones to get rid of (though I am improving in this one). It is overwhelming…. Hoping to finish it this long weekend; it is gonna be exciting 🙂

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