Sometimes it is okay to sink down…
I have been feeling too much pressure in my life lately, feeling like I have to much to do and too little time or energy. My eating is not great, I am not losing weight at all (despite my efforts since september), my budget is more or less alright but I am opening the purse more liberally nowadays, I was not able to remove one last unnecessary expense from my life for years, my mind is overwhelmed by the things I need to do, things I want to do, and things others expect from me.
The end result is constant struggle, loss of confidence and lack of satisfaction with myself and with my performance, followed by indifference to the wishes and plans for good things, good habits, and good experiences for myself.
While I was going in the direction of my aims previously, now I am not. I not only stopped going towards them. Worse. I started walking the opposite direction along the path, towards the beginning.
Is this not annoying?
Yes, it is.
I feel like I am wasting all the good things I have done for myself (such as unhealthy eating habits harming my body or the unnecessary expenses decreasing my savings). I am also missing good opportunities at work as I am not able to finish things on time and I am certainly not efficient.
I deserve better than living and working with low performance and constant mental struggle.
I feel like the time for shattering certain patterns or re-constructing my plans/wishes/priorities is coming.
I feel like maybe I should stop for a couple of days; no work, no blogging, no whatever I do every single day, and work on myself. Listen to myself. Clarify things. Clear the mud. See through. Identify what it is that I need to realize, change, work on, remove, or include in me. In my life.
I feel that it is gonna be hard turn. Something will drastically change. I will have to make a choice or two.
I remind myself that there is always somewhere to go along the journeys; if I feel like I sank to the bottom, then it cannot get worse than it; from there all I can do is to go up next.
Better days will come.