sometimes it is okay to sink

Sometimes it is okay to sink down…

I have been feeling too much pressure in my life lately, feeling like I have to much to do and too little time or energy. My eating is not great, I am not losing weight at all (despite my efforts since september), my budget is more or less alright but I am opening the purse more liberally nowadays, I was not able to remove one last unnecessary expense from my life for years, my mind is overwhelmed by the things I need to do, things I want to do, and things others expect from me.

The end result is constant struggle, loss of confidence and lack of satisfaction with myself and with my performance, followed by indifference to the wishes and plans for good things, good habits, and good experiences for myself.

While I was going in the direction of my aims previously, now I am not. I not only stopped going towards them. Worse. I started walking the opposite direction along the path, towards the beginning.

Is this not annoying?

Yes, it is.

I feel like I am wasting all the good things I have done for myself (such as unhealthy eating habits harming my body or the unnecessary expenses decreasing my savings). I am also missing good opportunities at work as I am not able to finish things on time and I am certainly not efficient.

I deserve better than living and working with low performance and constant mental struggle.

I feel like the time for shattering certain patterns or re-constructing my plans/wishes/priorities is coming.

I feel like maybe I should stop for a couple of days; no work, no blogging, no whatever I do every single day, and work on myself. Listen to myself. Clarify things. Clear the mud. See through. Identify what it is that I need to realize, change, work on, remove, or include in me. In my life.

I feel that it is gonna be hard turn. Something will drastically change. I will have to make a choice or two.

I remind myself that there is always somewhere to go along the journeys; if I feel like I sank to the bottom, then it cannot get worse than it; from there all I can do is to go up next.

Better days will come.


4 thoughts on “sometimes it is okay to sink

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  1. Have you tried meditation. I’m just beginning…it’s not something you start one day and are good at it the next. It takes practice. 3 minutes the first day and the next and then when you can do it try 10. Clear your mind and let your sub conscious assist you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree better days will come. I have let myself down many times, especially about exercising and diet. Don’t give up. It’s OK to interrupt responsibility and allow yourself some freedom. I am a believer of making changes gradually rather than drastically because those are the ones that actually happen in a longterm.

    You can always start over. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks Rebecca; I am feeling better now that I started to tackle the things that bothered me most; some comes with acceptance (weight loss will be very slow), some with excitement (I can make better choices in my daily life), and some comes with yielding (I can only work up to a level). I am also aware that I need to prioritize better, should celebrate my good choices, and be okay with occasional sloppiness or failure) 🙂


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