forgetting the positive things

I have ranted quite a bit lately about my performance and daily struggles (for example here and here).

As someone who is quite critical of herself, I sure know better than this about myself. I know for example, while I was feeling overwhelmed lately, I kept doing things, especially at work. They may not be the fastest I have ever worked on, but I have nevertheless done several great things.

I have for example completed and submitted an important document by one of my team members for review – this task has been on my to-do-list for almost a year (that explains why I was feeling inefficient with it). While I took the entire responsibility, I forgot that I only have driven it ahead during the last one year. I diligently worked on it, gave my feedback, straightened up, revised and revised… Without my efforts, it could not have been done. So, why not to realize this and celebrate my efforts instead?

Similarly, I have had another document at my hand for sometime now; it has been on my to-do-list for again almost a year. I moved quite a bit and then stopped due to trips and other technical reasons. I just clarified an important point this Monday and from now on there is nothing that keeps me from completing it. So, let me celebrate the removal of these hurdles, all by my own efforts.

There are so many others like this; some of these remained undone so far partly because of me but mostly because of dependence on others. I can only beat myself up for the delays on my side, but not for the delays due to other people…. I am guilty of not taking care of stuff on a timely manner, but I am not guilty of checking things with others (which caused the majority of the delays) – I tried to get to the bottom of everything and do the right thing before some gray areas present themselves as problems in the future. This, now I realize, requires celebration, not beating up myself…

Interestingly, an issue I resolved this Monday also helped with another task delayed mostly because of me (I have no good excuse for delaying this task…). Perhaps, that delay was then helpful, not detrimental.. Another thing to be grateful about….

In the last 3 months, I have done so much – I thought about them today and I liked what I have seen. For example, I have delivered several speeches to colleagues, one particularly got many positive feedback. That I should particularly congratulate myself for..

Yes, there have been delays. Yes, I have not moved things forward as fast as I would like to. But I have done something, some great things in between.

I am getting a more clear picture of things today (at least for my job-related feelings), which is very helpful. I just needed to stop and look back and evaluate things… Taking the afternoon off just for this purpose seems to have just helped this progress in my thinking…

This is the highlight for today 🙂

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