Death does interesting stuff to your thinking.
At least, that is what the death of my dad did to me.
I am open about my pain more than I have ever imagined. I am human and I am okay to show it. I do not feel vulnerable or exploited or something like that. No. I feel completely human by talking and showing my grief and as a result, I get completely human responses; nicer, more positive, more emphatic…. I think I am lucky that I have good people around me – not one person said “stop this; you get to get over the death of your dad” or anything else that only an insensitive assh.le could say.
I am also forgiving. After all, what is not to forgive? No one in my life has hurt me physically or psychologically. Yes, there has been people influential on me and I cried, complained, got angry or heart-broken over people or their actions. Yes, I thought there was injustice or unfairness. Yes, I thought that I could do a lot better if I was given equity/equal opportunity. But no matter what, no one has ever hurt me in a way that I could not forgive. I have since then forgiven all and I am feeling good. Like an internal iceberg has melted and I am filled with warmth instead….
Death is a lonely journey. Thinking about someone going thru it is terrifying. It terrified my right before my dad passed away; I was worried about my dad going thru this unknown all alone. Was he scared? I kind of think he might have… I was not there to hold his hand, look at his eyes, and say “it is okay, dad”… It still breaks my heart. Nobody should face death alone. It would be better if our minds and hearts are filled with love and gratitude, rather than fear and loneliness, while approaching our last moments in life.
So when I think about the fact that we all will go thru death, no matter how much we would like to ignore it, I feel the same compassion and affection for all. I do not think anybody in my life really meant to hurt me. And I would not like any one to suffer or be scared during their transition to death. These make forgiveness so easy, so natural.
I cannot believe death can have such a healing effect, but that is what I have experienced.
Hope you can forgive and it has been easier for you than it was for me.
Hope you can forgive someone today.
There’s a song that I love about forgiveness and forgiving called Losing by Tenth Avenue North, this post reminded me of that song.
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Thank you for this thought-provoking post. As you know I recently wrote about walking away from situations that make me unhappy, and about forgiveness. It is hard to do both but one must stick with the situation that causes less pain. Circumstances created by others have hurt me. People have hurt me too. (I’ve probably hurt others as well.) But you’re right when you say that death can make us vulnerable. Although I don’t understand the real concept of ‘forgiveness’, and I believe each person has their own belief, I wouldn’t mind letting go of every emotional pain I feel. But just like grieving, we must allow the necessary time for this to happen. I want to believe it will happen but for now I need to have appropriate boundaries while still maintaining some of these relationship. And I need to distance myself from other relationships that cause me more pain. I wish no harm on anyone though.
Nancy wrote a post recently about ‘not being there’ when her mama passed away. It was a touching piece and I hope you find some level of comfort when you read it. Here it is: http://nancyspoint.com/i-wasnt-there/. I am glad you’ve been getting lots of support during this difficult time. I am sorry you are going through this.
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you are such a sweet soul Rebecca – thanks for the support and the useful links you have sent me. as per forgiveness; like grief it is also individual. when the time comes, if the time comes, it will happen. until then, as you said very nicely, one needs to find the best way that minimizes the hurt. so it is okay that you are staying away from people who have hurt you (I do too). Do I get angry time to time? Oh, yes I do! Am I frustrated? Yes. Do they hurt me with their hurtful remarks or behavior? Sure. Do I hate? No, but I do mind them. And i do not wish them to be in my life. No wonder that I prefer to be a-social person out of work 🙂 all the best and continue to be true to yourself! 🙂
Death just puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it?!?!
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yes, very strongly it does put all in a perspective. more compassion, more forgiveness, more support, and more love….these are what death reminds me now.