here I am working and thinking, and probably missing life…


I have just taken care of an urgent matter related to work and risked along the way to clash with a colleague of mine (since I am correcting their stuff…). I am interested in preventing this kind of personal or professional conflicts but sometime it just cannot be possible. I am more of a conservative person who would not confidently conclude about something without solid evidence, yet this does not look like applicable to everyone I work with. So, what do we do when find ourselves in that intersection with a colleague? Do the right thing but risk sore feelings by the colleague, or comply, be in good relationships with the colleague, but risk self-respect and reliability?

I do the right thing. Over the years, after many conflicts and clashes and negative consequences, I just am more careful and more constructive in doing so. That seems to be working well. Have I matured? πŸ™‚ Boy, it looks so πŸ™‚ Or get mellow, I do not know. Less ego and more wisdom would still be desired on my side, though (I have an ego, too) :).

Because of the critical consequences of clashes on collaborations (that also were supposed to benefit me or solve my own work-related questions), while I get furious sometime, I can calmly decide to be political, too. Once the storm has passed and once I am done, I can quietly move away. Until my work is done, too; that is my motto now.

Why do I tell all of these to you?

Because swallowing the screams of my own ego, finding courage to take responsibility and mellow things that I did not even create at the first place, and making the moves to do so takes energy, character, and determination. Additionally, during the constructive “handling and mending stage” knowing how critical every step I take and every word I say will be, I am naturally stressed. Those times can be quite dark sometimes…. Lately I have had such occurrences, and felt bad.

But must I?

I should not be losing the big picture along the way. There is life out of work. There are other ways to do things at work. Yes, there can be challenges, there can be significant drawbacks, newΒ ideas and relationships to develop, and there may be delays along the way, but eventually nothing is that important.

I lost my dad and my world crashed. I have other people whom I love more than anything else and I can lose them, too. As a matter of fact, I may die anytime myself. So what is all these fuss about work?

What is it that makes work so important for us? I know many people who can make the decision to leave a career that does not serve them well. I have not done that yet. Honestly, IΒ do not know what else to do and I need the income. It is the greatest job in the world (for me), yet my life is almost entirely filled with stress and issues related to my work. That isΒ not good, not fair, not healthy. I take responsibility for this, of course. While I am aware of this, will I take steps to change the things as well?

I do not know, but I do sure wish so.

I have not lost my hope yet. I know, based on my past experience, that when it is over, I will know, and it will be over. Whether it is professional collaborations, job, or living conditions itself. I trust that and that is why I am okay to go, till the end of these fuss. Then, there will be a new start.

This always feels good, does it not?

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10 thoughts on “here I am working and thinking, and probably missing life…

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  1. Bravo! You handled that with such grace!! You are facing the same questions I am facing. I am very unhappy with my job and it is causing me great stress too. I cannot just up and leave as I too need the income. However I have decided to start looking at the jobs listed on the Internet through online job sites and updating my resume so that it is ready should I find a job that interests me. You continue to inspire me!! πŸ™‚

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  2. Work and works come from the same part of our soul. If we feel we have to do it or it is a responsibility, it will fall into one of these two categories. But if it comes from a space of love for who we are or what we do, it is not works at all, but joy. Sometimes this is hard to find though. πŸ™‚

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    1. not everything is black and white, right? my job is the best job in the world when i am left alone and do what I like most. but then there are endless pressure and the dealings with people with different characters, work habits, kindness and wisdom, which make it hard . when joy of work is more frequent or deeper than the stress of pressure and displease, it can be okay. but if the scale tips to the other side, love can be hard to find.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is nice that you have a wonderful job that you truly enjoy. No, not everything is black and white. It’s just a rule of thumb, a broad outline.
        There will come times that will overwhelm us even in what we love. It is difficult to go through, but it is what makes us a better person as you’ve pointed out. It also makes life that much more satisfying once we’ve figured it out and are able to look back on it.

        Liked by 1 person

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