Argh… What a mess.
I am tired.
Almost exhausted.
One thing over the other.
It is all work-related of course…
You know I really believe in the fact that I usually have a tendency to see the glass half-empty. If it was not for my joy journal, I would probably keep dwelling on the negative, issues, and the feelings I experience because of them. And I would miss all the beautiful things happening in addition to them.
I, however, work well.
I, however, take care of stuff to my best.
I, however, witness beautiful things around me.
I, however, cannot accept well the things that I cannot change.
I also do not forgive myself easily.
Argh…
here I am miserable within my own world that I shaped for myself.
I know I am not the only one that goes thru this. I know many people work and face with hurdles as much as I do, even more and bigger. yet, they keep smiling and not exhausting as much as I am.
The reasons I am feeling miserable, stressed, exhausted, and inadequate are because of my own choices towards work – it needs to be high quality, finish as soon as possible, and I should dwell into new fields all the time.
Well, I cannot have a work of poor quality, so I applaud myself for insisting on it. Yet, I can relax the need to finish things in limited periods of time. And I do not have to fly in the new fields, new questions, new projects all the time. Maybe it is time that I realize I have a limited capacity, too. Perhaps instead of challenging myself and others around me, I should focus on what I do best. Maybe I should choose comfort over challenge more often.
Lesson of the day 🙂
Life as I interpret it 
Yes!
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Everyone is so unique in dealing with things. I say we accept who we are and stay true to ourselves, no matter what society tries to tell us. I am not sure there’s a ‘right way’ or ‘wrong way’ of dealing with ’emotional damage’. In cancerland, I deal with these feelings a lot. I see other patients smiling through their experience and I wonder if I don’t know how to do survivorship. But this isn’t true! I have my ways of coping, and if I try to be any different, I would be more unhappy. So if you feel like venting, I say go for it! We’re here for you.
Here’s a great post you might enjoy reading (it’s parallel to how you feel): https://anotheronewiththecancer.wordpress.com/2016/04/14/whats-good-for-the-cat-is-good-for-the-cancer-curmudgeon/
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it is a great post, thanks for giving me the link. This being said, I loved what you said. You made me realize that I am apologetic when I rant. So…. I apologize for being frustrated and not feeling well….while facing issues and feeling the internal turmoil.. you said it well – this is not right. I should not be apologetic for being true to my self and sharing it with others openly. I guess the social expectations are really working. I kind of related to those who have mental diseases and feel fully rejected by the society as they (for example, their behavior or attitudes) do not “fit” into the expectations.. Not being true to myself is like sweeping the things under the carpet; on the outside things would look fine, but inside I would boil and eventually blast. I wonder how many people felt this way, constantly swept things under the carpet and eventually get hurt, or stood out the pressure and dealt with the things “their way” in a perhaps socially frowned upon, but nevertheless authentic way. thanks Rebecca for this comment that made me realize a couple of things 🙂
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