animal love and the grief of loss

I am getting cold feet re; adopting a cat.

Two reasons:

1) I was really mentally ready to get a cat today, yet my cat-friendly friend had other urgent matters to attend, so we could not make it to the shelter. Since it did not get the cat today, I am kind of getting frustrated and less motivated to check the cats in the future.

Plus, it turned out my cat-friendly friend has personal problems with the shelter I chose a cat from (thru their website) and she is directing me to another shelter and suggesting to pick one from there… She says we can go there tomorrow.

I am not dependent on my friend, of course. Only that she would be great help pointing out desirable or undesirable things in a cat (she has had cats for a long time). That is one great advantage of having my friend with me while picking the cat.

But, I also do not like my preferences not being considered – I liked a cat (however virtually) and I feel like I should be able to get it if I continue to like it when I meet face-to-face. Down side? I will not have anyone helping me with their cat-wisdom because my friend will not come with me to that shelter.

I now need to decide whether to go after the cat I liked (which means I will not have my friend with me to get ideas), or to go to another shelter with my friend tomorrow and pick a different cat?

Have I mentioned I do not like the uncertainties and would like to make the decision and take the steps immediately? Or, should I completely forget the idea or park it for a while?

Some people say I am not patient. I say, I would like to do and complete things that I put my mind into.

So, this new-decision making ordeal is annoying me. It is like it dangles over my head.. Very annoying indeed.


2) My mom just told me with sadness that she has lost two of her birdies, whom I loved dearly too. They were the joy of the household, we loved their chirping and characters, and we have had a strong bond with them. Especially my mom, who tended to their daily needs.

I got very upset and cannot imagine how my mom is feeling about this….

I thought, after having all the grief over these birdies, that perhaps this is the sign that I should not get an animal, another living being, in my care as I also have a chance to lose the cat while in my care – I have to open the doors, both the front and the back doors daily. What happens if the cat just run away to the street where there are cars and other dangers, or to the backyard, which has high fences, but come on, this is a cat who will climb, get lost, or get into fights with the dogs/cats of my neighbours?

Worse yet, what if the cat gets injured, sick, or dead while s/he is with me?


I guess I will have some break from the cat story for a while.

I hope I will not have another mouse-annoyance in the meanwhile.

13 thoughts on “animal love and the grief of loss

Add yours

  1. Have you considered volunteering at an animal shelter for a while to help with your confidence in being able to care for the cat? You’ll have a chance to do all the unglamorous bits like cleaning up and see how professionals care for unwell and/or unsocialized animals as a learning tool.

    It won’t make the anxiety go away but to be honest your level of preparedness is more than a lot of people start out with. I’ve owned my cat for roughly 14 years starting when I was a child and they really only need three things: to be fed/watered, have a clean litter box, and cuddles.

    One thing to think about is that your friend doesn’t know any better than you do about what cat is a good fit–the shelter does. They know which cats are high energy, which should really have another cat to socialize with and which have known health issues. Talk to THEM! And even then a cat is like a baby–they may grow up with a personality you can’t predict, but it’s still your responsibility to love and care for them. Also a rescue cat is a rescue cat. If your friend has such a strong opinion about the matter why aren’t they regularly donating and volunteering at their preferred shelter? Are they regularly this high handed?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you for the thoughtful comment. you understood my anxiety pretty well. Volunteering at a shelter is a great idea. It is just that the two I visited today are far away (I do not have a car…) making this a little bit impractical for me. My friend used to volunteer at one of the shelters for a very long time. Turns out she was right why she did not agree with that shelter anymore – they do not let the cats or dogs to move out of the cage…. talking about animal shelter/protection/care.. my heart hurt when I saw the kittens and cats like that today and I was determined to get one out to give a better home. Unfortunately the cat I liked turned out to have permanent gum and dental problems. I will not be able to adopt it, but today I understood why my friend did not want to come to that shelter with me (which she did by the way – so nice of her). I was angry with her yesterday, which now I realize was an over-reaction. I apologize that my post gives such a negative impression of my friend. Overall, my friend has been great help and even came with me to somewhere she would not, I understood why she had a trouble with that shelter (not the animals), and I hope now I am able to correct the impression of her I made yesterday 🙂 have a great day 🙂


  2. From someone who was on the board of a local animal shelter….and who adopted 5 cats from there (still have 4). I can tell you that when you meet the right cat….you will know. Personally I prefer male cats…they seem to be sweeter and as long as they are neutered, they are precious little balls of fur.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. the two cats I was connected so far and wanted to adopt were males and neutered. not sure whether it is coincidence but they are also big ones. One female cat I was sort of interested in was small and very elegant 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well. Apparently I lost my first response. I was on the board of a local animal shelter and adopted 5 cats from them. Best decision! I personally like male cats the best…they seem to be more loving. Once they are neutered you don’t have to worry about spraying. I think when you meet the right cat, you will know

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it is because I had not approved the previous comment of yours (it must be there now). I do not know why I need to approve your comments anymore – I am pretty sure I have checked that anyone can comment on my posts and those who have previously approved comments do not need my approval to shop up! I will check 🙂 and thanks for the comments(s)! I am still hesitant and trying to find a solution (re; how to best care for the cat while I am away for my annual family visit, which lasts around a month)

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: