what was love for me?


I have no answer to that.

The fact that I have decided not to adopt the cat that I have loved, touched, hugged, and admired (seriously did) only because of its dental problems that showed up at a young age (suggesting a serious problem that will need me to handle in future too, emotionally and financially), I must actually question this very hard.

After all, I too show a behavior of preferring those who are healthy, or have been healthy, over those who have not been, to love, to care for, and to make a part of my life. I know many people who would be hesitant/reject the idea of marrying others who have family history of heart problems or cancer, for example. How is that sensible? Is this not ridiculous?

Has this not been a behavior that disgusted me much in the past? Did I not say that that was discrimination and equally offensive, insensitivity and short-sightedness towards those who have gone thru much already? After all, every living being deserves to be loved, regardless of their conditions.

Who says that we all are healthy and, most importantly, will remain healthy?

Who says we will not make extra effort, emotionally and financially, for others we love in our lives?

Who says that I will not be that person who will be sick or require extra care and effort?

Where is my consciousness? Where is my mind? Where are my values now?

What makes me think that a healthier cat today will not get seriously sick next day and give me the same trouble I would have with the cat I liked but denied to adopt today?

probabilities. reality. emotions. thoughts. calculations……

All internal conflict – that is what I am going thru tonite.

Conflict over my decision.

Conflict about love.

Conflict over myself.

Tonite is a hard night indeed. I admit I cried for that cat and seriously is hating myself time to time.

I gotta be realistic.

I gotta bury my emotions, right?

Right.

But since I am questioning a much bigger concept, love, this does not seem to be possible.

Love, after all, is an emotion. And a very important one.

How can we deny love to others because they are sick, have been sick in the past, or we think they will give us more trouble over time?

How can I do that myself ????

How can I deny love to others because they are sick, have been sick in the past, or I think they will give me more trouble over time ????

……

I really do not like myself right now.

 

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7 thoughts on “what was love for me?

Add yours

  1. I want to give you a hug!
    Based on your original post where you mentioned your travel I think you are making the loving decision. You assessed the cat’s needs and thought about if you would be able to provide the kind of support he needs.
    You are also searching for a mouser. I know you fell in love but will this guy be able to hunt?
    I think the shelter was awful for their treatment of the animals and their dishonesty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much 🙂 I guess I need to remember this re; a loving and caring decision I have made… i feel better today, but I keep thinking; what will happen to hat poor cat? Hope he will be adopted by someone who will love and care for him. have a lovely day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I once adopted a blind in one eye 120 pound golden retriever. I had to have him because I was afraid no one else would adopt him….because of his size and because of the one eye. It was love throughout his life, he gave me more than I gave him.

    Liked by 1 person

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