It will be my birthday soon.
As usual I do not plan to have something special that day. I used to have birthday parties with family and friends when I was young. Since I am away from my family, that tradition has long gone. One of my friends insists that i do something, even a little cake for myself, to take note of my birthday. Maybe I will..
When I was young, the age I am becoming now would terrify me. I would say it was too old and I could never imagine myself reaching that age. I hope I did not give the message of “please die prior to that age” message to my subconsciousness; I have no interest in dying now. As a matter of fact I just feel like I started living.
I am middle aged now and probably missed a couple of life’s opportunities, like having a kid. I am not sorry for this. For some reason, I was never interested in that. Maybe I never realized how fast the life goes on. This is a possibility. But other than that I feel like I have become more experienced with dealing life’s ups and downs and this gives me some kind of peace.
I have been reflecting for some time about my life so far, how I feel about the age, and my future plans and wishes. I continue to have no long – term plans, interestingly. I have some wishes, of course, like to live a long life safe and without chronic or serious diseases. The only thing that terrifies me about aging is getting incapacitated or suffering from a serious disease. After all, I live alone and it looks like I will keep it this way till the end.
I am not bragging about living alone. It may be hard to keep up with work and life and all the responsibilities by myself, but I guess I proved it long time ago that more or less I handle it. Of course there are hard, trying times, I make mistakes or fail. But then who does not?
I also wish to visit South America one day. This has been a recurring wish for me for quite some time. I had written about this and other wishes here. I have no idea why so far I have not taken steps to do so.
There are other things in that list, which I still keep being interested in. My wish to have a cat continues, even after I had to return back the lovely cat I adopted; I will try fostering cats for short times. Less responsibility for me and possibly a good chance for these lovely creatures.
I continue to work on my financial health and plans, including paying off my mortgage.
I may as well get that black dress sometime soon, if I continue to lose weight. I have lost my appetite for the last 6 months or so, and I have been losing weight slowly. I am kind of anxious that this may as well be a sign of a disease, but I sure hope I am wrong.
Overall, I have had an interesting life, not necessarily a happy life, but a very interesting one. It is my sincere wish that life will continue to amaze me, drive me to new and exciting territories, make me a better and wiser person, and bring me more joy and happiness 🙂