Birthdays, middle age, and reflections

It will be my birthday soon.

As usual I do not plan to have something special that day. I used to have birthday parties with family and friends when I was young. Since I am away from my family, that tradition has long gone. One of my friends insists that i do something, even a little cake for myself, to take note of my birthday. Maybe I will..

When I was young, the age I am becoming now would terrify me. I would say it was too old and I could never imagine myself reaching that age. I hope I did not give the message of “please die prior to that age” message to my subconsciousness; I have no interest in dying now. As a matter of fact I just feel like I started living.

I am middle aged now and probably missed a couple of life’s opportunities, like having a kid. I am not sorry for this. For some reason, I was never interested in that. Maybe I never realized how fast the life goes on. This is a possibility. But other than that I feel like I have become more experienced with dealing life’s ups and downs and this gives me some kind of peace.

I have been reflecting for some time about my life so far, how I feel about the age, and my future plans and wishes. I continue to have no long – term plans, interestingly. I have some wishes, of course, like to live a long life safe and without chronic or serious diseases. The only thing that terrifies me about aging is getting incapacitated or suffering from a serious disease. After all, I live alone and it looks like I will keep it this way till the end.

I am not bragging about living alone. It may be hard to keep up with work and life and all the responsibilities by myself, but I guess I proved it long time ago that more or less I handle it. Of course there are hard, trying times, I make mistakes or fail. But then who does not?

I also wish to visit South America one day. This has been a recurring wish for me for quite some time. I had written about this and other wishes here. I have no idea why so far I have not taken steps to do so.

There are other things in that list, which I still keep being interested in. My wish to have a cat continues, even after I had to return back the lovely cat I adopted; I will try fostering cats for short times. Less responsibility for me and possibly a good chance for these lovely creatures.

I continue to work on my financial health and plans, including paying off my mortgage.

I may as well get that black dress sometime soon, if I continue to lose weight. I have lost my appetite for the last 6 months or so, and I have been losing weight slowly. I am kind of anxious that this may as well be a sign of a disease, but I sure hope I am wrong.

Overall, I have had an interesting life, not necessarily a happy life, but a very interesting one. It is my sincere wish that life will continue to amaze me, drive me to new and exciting territories, make me a better and wiser person, and bring me more joy and happiness 🙂






6 thoughts on “Birthdays, middle age, and reflections

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  1. My birthday was in the spring and the combination of me turning 55, my daughter moving out as well as I could be the mom of 90% of the people I work with has really done a number on my head. I understand fully where you are coming from.

    When i was a child my mother called me Scarlet O’Hara (Gone with the Wind) because my view like hers was “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Well this past May, tomorrow finally arrived and I began taking stock of the decisions I’ve made, the point where I am now, and have no clue to where I am going to end up. It’s scary and somewhere along the line I’ve convinced myself that I’m getting old.

    Like you I have the same wish and after reading your post I realize that I have to get the concept of middle-age out of my head for that to happen. I am going to embrace the age I am now and run with it. I’m no longer going to dwell on the past, just the future with unlimited possibilities.

    Thanks for posting this, you’ve made my transitional period easier. Have a wonderful birthday. Celebrate all your successes and all the things you want and are going to accomplish.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad I am not the only one going thru some life transition and we can all hear, share, and support each other. thank you for this sincere comment – I also found a chance to reflect more and become more peaceful about life and aging 🙂


    1. that is an interesting idea. I sure have searched for happiness my entire life… it is tiring… I have been happy three times in my life for no reason; each followed up by disasters (like the passing of my dad). it certainly is possible (though I have no recipe for it to have it anytime I want). “interesting” may make it exciting I guess. After all so far in my carrier and in my hobbies, I have only looked for something interesting. Maybe this is a easier and more satisfying way to look at life? 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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