not picking the cheques anymore?


You know I have been on a budget to spend less and save more for my future, whether I do that to pay extra mortgage payments, to finance future house repairs (likely considering my house being an old one), to built an emergency fund (we all can need it anytime), to help family (they are important to me), or retirement (hey; I am important too).

And lately, you know that I got interested in sewing and have been saving extra to finance my new sewing machine, in addition to support my shopping plans for the holiday season.

You may also know that I like to be generous and pick up the cheques as dinners/cafes, if I am with friends or colleagues.

I came to a point that being a saver/conscious spender and being generous do not go well sometime. Sometime one has to choose one over the other.

Yesterday I have had two socials with the same people; a brunch and then a dinner. I offered to pay the bill of the brunch, but I was not let to. I am grateful for their kindness. Then later during the dinner I decided I did not want to pick up the bill. So, we got split cheques after a few awkward moments.

I felt cheap, I still somehow feel cheap, for not paying the entire bill, but it was the right thing to do.

One; I had no say in the choice of the diner (one of my friends yesterday made the reservation). It had one fixed menu. (by the way, that is quite strange… what if I do not feel like eating those?). Honestly I would love Asian cuisine much better and then it would worth every penny. So, strike one.

Two; it was an expensive restaurant. Do not get me wrong; it was a fine restaurant, food was interesting, and the service was excellent, but do I really need to pay around 80 bucks for a 5 course meal? I am here sacrificing from my weekend breakfast (that consists of a cup of coffee and one bagel) to help save for my sewing/holiday shopping needs, and then at one night I can spend 80 bucks? 80 bucks pay for 20 breakfast……That is a huge….The best choice is clear.

Three: as I was conscious of my money, I did not order extra meals/drinks like my friends did. Should I really pay for this?

Four: in the past I have picked cheques for both of my friends, so we should be fine.

So after this analysis, I am feeling better and I decided I might have been cheap but not unnecessarily. The question is; how am I going to continue making better choices in the future with other socials?

There will be some learning,  I guess 🙂

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7 thoughts on “not picking the cheques anymore?

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  1. I agree with you on this one. When I am out with friends, I will pay for my order, tax and 20% of the tip based on what I ordered. In the past I have gotten stuck putting in way too much $ to cover those who did not contribute their fair share and I find it annoying. Sometimes is OK to put ourselves, our values and out goals at the front of the line, no matter what ‘others’ think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you! it is a tricky feeling but I fully agree with you that sometimes it is better to put ourselves at the front line. I know there were and there will be occasions where i will keep being generous, but this time it did feel better if I was not. A nice change on my account 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve always split the bill with others when we’ve gone out, but one thing I really hate and think is really rude is if there are say 3 of us, and I only ordered a small number of items or less expensive items and then people want to split the bill 33/33/33 so I end up paying extra for people who ordered desert, coffee, two drinks and an expensive main.
    If someone else is offering to pay then I’ve been considerate in what and how much I ordered, even when they say to order anything, just because I think it is polite.
    I think sharing is healthy – the food and the bill – and you shouldn’t feel bad for taking care of you. If they are real friends they won’t mind picking up their half.
    Just my 2 cents.
    Jane

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thanks a lot for these Jane 🙂 I love it when the restaurants ask whether it will be one or separate bills (separate please!). It is strange that some people ask for 33/33/33 payment…. in your case, it is seriously wrong. … I am too considerate when others bring me out for a dinner (for birthdays for example) and would hardly consume more than I would normally do (though I am suspicious that some people actually do the opposite..). it is interesting. I think I will automatically opt for separate bills from now on – I will know when want to treat people I like, but not the rest 🙂

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