impulses, mistakes, choices, and life as it is


Like many of us, I made mistakes that shaped the rest of my life for the worse (that is how I interpret them anyhow) upon wishes and desires of my heart, but not of my mind.

I had felt I was suffering anyhow, so the alternative (a.k.a. the mistake) would be equally hurting. So, what the heck? At least I would feel alive; pulsing with life, hope, excitement, and happiness.

And I had 🙂

Yet, I was not the same after a while, somethings were inherently gone, and I missed them. So, that is why I interpreted them as “mistakes”, as there was no opportunity to go back in time and get again what I had had.

I then decided that mindful choices were better than the desires of my heart, safety more than excitement and impulses. Love was out of question, so was taking risks. I become conservative in my look to life and I would rather have a structured/safe life where I would have peace of mind. I also went through financial hardship – being fired twice in a year (even though I found jobs right away and did not even have one day out of pay check) and knowing how valuable a dollar can be (could buy 1.5 cans of beans for a buck those days), I also prioritized financial security as a result..

Now, I have got all of these; a great job with a great salary and benefits in a safe city. Arse boring life, but safe, well structured, and financially secure. 

Do I feel accomplished?

————–

How do I feel really?

————–

I feel like I want to quit this job and find the true desire of my heart again.

Take risks, move somewhere, meet with new people, and have spontaneity and curiosity about life.

Be open to excitement in seeing new faces, new cities, new cultures, and new experiences.

I want to rediscover myself and the course of my evolution…..

But, I will not take an active step and write that resignation letter.

Not yet.

I will know when it is the time to get out of this, and explore and bloom with excitement.

I will know……

I gotta trust that.

Freedom at last.

One day.

I will be waiting.

One day.

 

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8 thoughts on “impulses, mistakes, choices, and life as it is

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  1. When I get stressed, I also think about quitting my job because I really want to pursue working from home. But I think about it hard for I have a family to feed and being impulsive would not help at all. Pray and ask for wisdom.I’m sure you’ll be able to fulfill whatever your heart desires.. All the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post!! It’s like reading my own feelings and experiences. I very recently took the plunge and left my secure, well payed job to find what ”makes my soul sing.’ What that is, I have no idea but life’s too short to be boring and I’m ready to start the journey to find out. Thank you for writing this post. It’s great to know that there are other people out there, just like me who think and feel the same way. How we each decide to action these thoughts and feelings may be different but it’s good to know I’m not alone in how I feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. :)))) I am so blessed to know that I am not the only one feeling this way either! thanks for commenting and letting me know – it is incredibly powerful. I congratulate you for your decision. I hope very easily you will figure out what exactly is your heart’s desire and be genuinely happy!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Can I recommend Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic. She suggests that you don’t throw in your day job to follow/find your passion, but instead pursue it alongside. You can travel in your vacation (paid!), work on your side projects in your weekends and evenings, and develop your passions and have a rich fulfilling creative life alongside your safe, secure job. It doesn’t have to be either/or. If in time your passion turns into a viable income, excellent, go for it. If not – so what? You’re still doing what you love, just not making your livelihood dependent on it.

    Liked by 1 person

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