making a job application tonite

I am making a job application tonite and I am pretty shaken up about it; I feel like they will make me a great offer and another highly toxic thing will happen at my current work place, and therefore, I will take the offer.

For some reason this does not make me happy, even though such a thing would make my leave highly justifiable and me a highly fortunate person.

I do not understand my dilemma. Do I want to go? Do I not want to go? What is it that keeps me from understanding it?


I know that I am looking for reasons to make my mind to leave here. This afternoon I have had such a thing occurred at the workplace. I was like “okay, that is it. I do not have to take this sh.t anymore”. But an hour later it was fixed and actually I could see it was not a big deal at all.ย I think I want to make my mind and I want to leave here.ย I think that is why I keep looking for things that can annoy me and make me realize what I do not want about here.

Yet, I also feel incredibly responsible towards my team members and cannot think about leaving them behind. This is huge for me – can I be that selfish and leave them here for a job somewhere else? Can I transfer them to other groups here so that they can still have their jobs secured? Even so, will they want to be parts of these new groups? Do I have the right to do these to them?

If you ask me no, I do not have this right. But when it is actually right to do this – if I cannot be a happy boss, can I be a good boss anyhow? Could they make better at new teams? Maybe I am just exaggerating and in reality things would work out just fine. Really…

Maybe all I must do is to care less about all of these now, go through it as it develops, and make a sound decision if it comes to it. I can even talk to my team members before I make any decision and get their opinion – if they are genuinely okay with it, who knows, maybe I can take the job with a clear conscience.

But before any of these, they must offer me the job and they must offer me a job with much better conditions, salary, and benefits than my current one. I am thinking if the salary is at least 30% more, benefits are more extensive, pension is more generous and transferable from here to there without extra payments, there is at least five weeks/year paid annual leave, flexible schedule, and of course a standing desk at the office :))) I want too much – I know ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ย Am I spoiled or have lost track of reality, or what?

In reality:ย I love this unnecessary but interesting mental judo. It helps me understand my needs and wishes related to my life and career.

Now, I must go and make this application.

ย Wish me luck friends! ๐Ÿ™‚

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17 thoughts on “making a job application tonite

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    1. thank you. I actually have a great job, I just feel like I could do a lot better somewhere else. I feel like i cannot reach my full potential because there is so much issues (budgetary mostly) and somehow toxic environment partly because of that. I am surprised that I am making this application, but then it helps me to understand me, myself, my wishes, and priorities. maybe I will “decide” that there is no job better than where I am and will continue to work here. I do not know but this is a possibility. this kind of mental judo is challenging, but in the long run, it is very useful ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Good luck with the application.
    As worried as you are about leaving others behind to carry on the work, you’ve got to put you first. You’re the most important person in all of this, they will move on, you should too.
    It’s all very exciting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you! I want to think so too but i feel quite selfish… so I will see how everything will work out. my plan is to talk to my team members and if they are not okay with it, I will not leave them. this, of course, will have to wait till I get the job offered :)) (I am so funny sometime – i think about the future possibilities to the least detail. hah haaa ๐Ÿ™‚ )


  2. I know how you feel I am in the same situation. Before you leave your current job, write down your perfect job and what it would be like. List all the things you want, as you did in this post and if you want 30% more then that’s fine, put it on the list. How close do you want it to be, what type of job, what are the hours, the benefits, how wonderful are you co-workers, what does the building look like, what does your office look like. Create your next job. Read and update and change your desires as often as you want. Imagine working at this job and how happy you are and how you love it. And just get carried away with it. In the meantime at your current job tell yourself that it’s just temporary, that it was right for you when you accepted it and it has served you well. Focus on the parts of your job that you enjoy and don’t let the parts you don’t enjoy occupy or overwhelm you. Think about the job you are creating instead. I know it’s not always easy, and you will have your moments, know that too so that when you do you can think ok here’s one of those moments, it will pass, all us well, because everything always works out for me!! Hope this helps…good luck my friend xo โ˜บ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. every word is beautiful…. I loved the idea of “creating” my next job in my mind. interestingly thinking that this current job is only temporary broke my heart. I 98% of the time love my current job – how sad is this? but I will develop and my future will be what it is meant to be… we all will see…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Perhaps you could create something that would turn that 2% around…i think your feelings are quite normal because even though I’ve been having many trying days at work and want to leave, when I really think about it it makes a part of me sad. I’ve been there 20 years and so have several other people so they are like family and hard to leave. Plus it’s scary to venture out into the unknown especially when you know this job so well. So you don’t have to make any decisions today, just have fun playing around with what you might like to do, how much you would like to make, where you would like to work, etc. Be outrageous if you want, it’s all in fun and it will open up new ideas for you. Make yourself happy where you are now then you’ll be happy where you go. Have fun!!

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