I am hesitant to call this a “staycation” because I am doing anything but relaxing.
I got up before 8 am and started working right away. I realized one of the works I have been working on the last 1 month or so had a significant flaw. Naturally, I fumed and my agitation that started yesterday heightened again.
I was so pissed and lost my hope in doing a good job that I contemplated about quitting this line of work and leave here for good. Oh, how lovely my life would have been then? (ah, no really… it would come with its own problems that is for sure, but at that time the idea of leaving these behind looked so appealing, so lovely…anyways).
I talked to my family and it was great to know that they were well and sound. Yet I think with my toxic mindset, I negatively affected their morale. Boy.. At least I felt a little bit better. But, at what cost, I should ask. I will apologize tomorrow…
After that fiasco, I realized that I may not be able to solve that flaw just yet, so I moved on with other tasks that I must be taking care of. Two of them have moved quite nice and easy. I must say sometimes being pissed off or feeling inadequate makes me quite productive. After all, if there is one feeling that makes me feel better is to be able to move/progress something.. Anything!
I want to remind myself that all hurdles are an opportunity to grow and do better….
I want to think that realizing that work of mine was bad earlier than later was actually a great thing for me overall…..
I want to believe that whatever I am going through right now will pass and I will feel good again…..
As my sister said today, there are so many insoluble and serious problems in life that these kind of things do not make sense after all.
I want to feel these.
I want to.