finding a balance

My recent bout of feeling anxious and down has several causes I can think of. One of them is the re-prioritization of extensive work in the last 7 months of my life; I worked day and night and with great intensity. I have undertaken new roles, new projects, and faced lots of issues to deal with. I have been trying to grow and get stronger professionally. That meant giving my own emotional and physical health a lower priority and some parts of the jobs the same.

Right now what I am feeling is lack of control over my work and personal life. My mind keeps presenting me scenarios of negative outcomes, one being failure. Anxiety I am feeling is real.

I find some level of serenity by facing the issues, realizing what happened and why happened, and getting back to my past experience to predict for the future. My issues are the ongoing neglect on the other parts of my professional and personal life that if not handled soon can create negative outcomes; the reason they have happened is because of the toxic and negative work environment that pushed me to work at a high level continuously and the need to deal with this stress with unhealthy habits or food; and my past experiences tell me that this too will pass if I handle things well now, re-prioritize things in my life, be kind to myself, and the anxiety I feel is often an alarming but useful reminder of these changes.

I may be a control freak and I have no shame in telling this. My job requires a good deal of control for a high quality work, so maybe I am well cut for it. Maybe it makes me this way – who knows?

It is well known that in my line of work, there are many pressures that we need to deal; internal or external. Nothing new to me. I will take one thing at a time. Some things need to be dropped. Other things need to be started. I cannot prioritize my personal life yet, but I will start with controlling the work first (obviously it is very important for me) stating with neglected parts of it, starting tomorrow.

I may also ask for help. My mental health is important to me. If this goes on for a period of time, I will be speaking to a doctor.

In the middle of all of these reflections, I keep wondering how that life-work balance works for everyone.Β 

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14 thoughts on “finding a balance

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  1. Personally, I prioritize life first. What you’re describing may not be life. It may just be a round of busyness. Finding the balance is life, as you have correctly admitted. If one must neglect themselves to do a job, which many very high paid professionals do by the way, they are only robots performing a function.

    Sometimes life requires us to give something up. Getting ahead at work may suffer in order to actually live. Then again, life almost demands work and personal areas to co-habitate. If one demands the upper hand, perhaps that aspect needs a little rearranging. πŸ˜‰

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    1. understand every point of yours. I have a decent paying job that I really need now and at least the coming 10 years to secure a living and a retirement. I have wished to give up this work many times, especially lately, but it does not solve my problems, rather brings in a new one=financial insecurity. I can find a much less stressful/demanding job, but then I may not have the future retirement benefits. Thus, as you also diagnosed right, I am at a place that my current life is well neglected for my future one, through a toxic job. I feel stuck…. this being said, I trust life. Nothing is that important, not even my job. we will see how the coming days or years will unfold. I am curious and somewhat hopeful

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      1. Which brings me to a corollary… sometimes we cannot just spin on a dime. Sometimes we have to wait and sort.
        I hate toxic jobs. I’ve worked my many. But sometimes they provide that financial kick we need and we must depend on them.
        I finished one recently. I was quite reticent to give it up because of the financial risk. The thing that kept me going was that I knew this was not my calling and that if I could do what I need to do with my life, I could do many times better.
        So I am trying. I have not seen the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow yet, but I am many times happier pursuing it.
        I think I’d better make this work. Then I can be better prepared to help those who find themselves in the same dilemma.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. please figure it out and share with us :)))) I cannot trust myself that if I leave this job I can be happy looking for another one; I know myself- I will then be stressed about the financial strain and the small number of job opportunities to chase….If I do not change how I see work and its importance for myself, I guess I will always find myself in this situation…. stuck at a toxic job only because it provides money for my future (while also give me professional satisfaction of knowing that what I am doing is making a difference in others lives)… I think my approach to life and work is wrong – the more I write about it the more I understand it now πŸ™‚

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          1. As a first effort, I have come back to WordPress and am setting up a new website where I can explore my calling. My calling is very unique, so this should be fun.
            Right off the bat, I want to say I intend to make my calling my job. I want to own what I do and what I say about what I do.
            I must also say that my old toxic job is what made me so resolute about this. I could see my calling play out there everyday. I could see the effects I was having in that workplace, but the job itself could not see me for what I was and what a vast effect I was having on the business.
            This experience actually taught me how one could influence the fabric of reality, to predict success in one’s actions or lack thereof.
            Now I want to see how I can apply what I’ve learned. I’d be more than happy share the results. πŸ™‚ Patience please. It may not be ready tomorrow, but then again…

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand you. I was at a high paying job which I thought I needed. Time came when I was laid off and it was a blessing in disguise. I’m making half of the salary I was making back then but I’m happier. And have more time for me. You’ll find your balance in due time. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you very much. sometimes I feel the same way.. as if it will turn this way, I will let go off the work, and whatever will come after it will make me happy. I am generally happy with my job, except that this year has been particularly hard on us and it is getting harder (due to economy). never thought that money could be so important in my life. I am a humble person with no or little luxury. after all the efforts I put into turning things around, I would like to be confident that life can be kind on me..

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  3. My heart hurts for you. It’s hard to take care of yourself in a toxic environment. My job also requires a dedicated perfectionist so my anxiety has been a blessing and a curse. Through therapy I learnt about distorted thinking and the need to create my own measuring system.
    I attempt to use both in my life to create balance and mitigate stress. Currently, it’s not a crazy time at work so I am finding balance by working only the hours I am paid to and making use of lists both at work and at home. Having a home list helps me recognize I need to save energy for that part of my life. This weekend the list was: make bread again, budget, blog, play with Bunny, read, cook and nap when tired.
    Not a big or stressful list but when I was tempted to pop in the office to work I was able to recognize that my anxiety was driving the desire rather than need and that I still had things on my home list to complete.
    I know life has phases and that this will change but I am sorry you are struggling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much! It is great to feel the empathy and support of you and other bloggers here. I always say that knowing I am not the only or the first one with the issue at hand is the first step towards feeling better. I am feeling much better today because I had to take steps to “control” my anxiety (work related advances mostly) and I worked whole day and walked back to home. even though it was chilly, walking made me feel good about many things. I hope that I will keep caring about myself and this will help with my nerves and mental calmness. here is to another night of self-care! have a lovely 2018 πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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