I have been thinking – what is it that I want from my life?
I am close to 50. It is a significant age.
All my life, I have studied and worked. School and workplace have always had a strong place in my life and decisions. It has been quite stressful, though. Especially in the last few years. You know I developed sleeping problems.
Some of this stress is self-created because there are things that I want to do and there are recognition that I want to achieve. Today I have learnt that my request for promotion has been denied. It does not feel right… I worked so hard and so much, and put in a great application file. I applied because I find my qualifications satisfying the criteria. External evaluators also said the same thing. When it comes to internal evaluators, this is where they rejected the idea. It really hurts that there are negative opinions about my performance within my organization, while outside of here my qualifications are well recognized. What a mess.
But I wonder – is it the most important thing?
I wonder this because for some reason, I do not feel discouraged or down by the denial of my request for promotion.
One thing that I kept thinking while preparing my promotion file was that I would undertake only meaningful and really big tasks once I receive my promotion. I would also care about the quality of my life. Well. I feel like I can do this right now as well (I hope I will continue to feel this way about it). I feel like I have reached that objective of promotion anyhow.
I believe in my qualifications and it does not matter what they say anymore. I can slow down and I can undertake less.
My quality of life.
How to elevate it?
I need some thinking to do.