random thoughts

I have been having interesting days. Overall, things are going well, with me head-butting an issue that creates an anxiety. yesterday and today – it has been solved. I am really happy with this. I am not afraid of it anymore, as I figured that the issue does not even exist… Sigh…

This is what anxiety does to you. It is debilitating and limiting. I cannot conquer it, but sometimes I can attack it. I mostly attack when I must. Otherwise, I just wait and continue my mental torture. What a ridiculous situation…. Fear of fear is the most paralyzing of all.

Also, yesterday I learnt about Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) from a blog, and it all made sense to me. Like a miracle. I also learnt that I was not the only person who cannot meditate and silence my mind, and maybe it was because it was the wrong thing for me to practice.

Iย  believe I get anxiety because I do not listen to my inner voice. Since I do not listen to, I miss what it is trying to say, until the situation or possible future event becomes probable. No wonder why when I hear it, my inner voice is almost always alarming and panicking. How else would it get my attention??

I work all the time. I keep my mind busy all the time. What do I expect? I must take regular breaks and let my mind speak to me. Safely. I need inner connection. I do.

Yesterday I also have had fun with meeting my IFS components; the exiles, firefighter, and manager. I can easily see each one of this, as well as my Self, in my mind as of yesterday. They are all lovable. To be able to do this exercise was amazing. I am grateful.


I cannot count anymore – has it been 2.5 or 3.5 months that we have been self-isolating? I find my work getting less and less efficient. I want to do more, but I do not know how else to kick my arse really. When will we be back to normal, if we will?


The weather is awesome, and walking is a delight. The nature is awakening, and greeting each tree and flower on my neighborhood has been a cherished activity. Each one of them are beautiful – how do we still deserve and compare to animals and plants? When has human become the most destructive of all?

I continue to limit my meat sources to fish, and occasional chicken hotdogs. I have some minced beef and chicken in my freezer. When they are consumed, I wish to eat any meat other than seafood only when I truly crave or get sick (chicken soup). I may not be a strict pescatarian, but I sure am trying and keeping it the majority of the time ๐Ÿ™‚


I am watching the news on #BlackLivesMatter in horror. I stand in solidarity with the oppressed, discriminated, and hurt. I stand together with the Black community and friends and colleagues. I stand together with all who experienced such nonsense in their lives. We must change how we approach one other. The worst is racism and other discriminating/stereotyping behavior to be institutionalized and politicized. You know that it is not one group or other, but many groups of human beings are treated unjustly. I stand with all of them.













4 thoughts on “random thoughts

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  1. I’m glad you found it helpful. Do you have a therapist near you that you can make use of (and can you even afford it)? I have to do it on my own because it’s too expensive. I found some pretty good books I’ve been using. Let me know if you are interested in the titles. They also have some great videos on YouTube which are really helpful in seeing how it is to work with your parts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. please send me the titles of the books. I may or may not be able to afford counseling – it is damn expensive. but Books I love and I feel that reading them can be the best first steps. Thank you very much for your blog and this comment – they are making a positive change in my life ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sure, the two books I’m reading are “Internal Family Systems Therapy–Second Edition” by Richard Schwarz and Martha Sweezy. And “Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide…etc” by Jay Earley. The only drawback to “Self-Therapy” is he does not go into detail about Firefighters. It’s helpful to have both books and to use the videos and writings posted by IFS Institute on their site and YouTube channel for that reason. The main thing is it just becomes a part of your natural thought pattern so that, at least at some point each day, you realize, “Oh, I’ve been doing X, I should really see why that is.” I don’t know if it works for everyone, but man, it has worked for me and absolutely nothing else ever has. I’m not a religious person at all, not even spiritual, this hasn’t changed my spirituality at all. But I know it has definitely changed my view of myself and every single person around me for the better. Things I never thought possible, like having a clear mind most of the time, are now how I live. I start back to school next week so I am a little nervous to see how the added pressure will affect things. I’ll try to post an update on that some time during the week. Good luck to you. I really hope it works for you as well as it has for me.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. thank you very much for taking time to tell me these. your god wishes are much appreciated as well. I am glad that my roads crossed with your blog. I hope to have a positive experience as well. Going back to school is a fantastic thing! I wish you a pleasant and successful school year. Best

          Liked by 1 person

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