Feeling down, but looking up!


I am feeling down today, a little bit more than usual, but I keep my chin up and look up as well.

I think I am just tired and vulnerable to feel nervous, shaky, and to have low self-esteem, or my nerves are fried to a point that I cannot even see what the reality in the issues I deal with is.

The first one can be remedied by a break, self-pampering, and so on,

The second one can be fixed by therapy.

Or, by quitting all the struggles, all the issues, and this effing job environment.

I admire those who quit everything and followed their dreams by making drastic changes.

I did follow my dreams but ended up with this job. It was the dream job once, but not anymore.

It is time to find another dream.

I actually have it – retirement. Early retirement that I am eligible to take with a little bit of pension is 5 years away.

I cannot survive comfortably with early retirement, but I can stop at least for sometime without thinking income. I can move to a cheaper country as well. I can. I can get out of this environment.

5 years is a long time.

This is not the first time that I thought about resigning my job. I think it was always there, the most serious ones being in the last 3 years.

3 years passed since then – can 5 more years pass?

It sure can, especially if I can survive this time. Pandemic – duh…

But imagine staying in this toxic unhappy environment and missing life somewhere else?

Take a leap of faith, be brave, and conquer the dreams and life?

or,

Take a huge risk, create and go through more anxiety & hurt, and be even fail ?

The problem is we do not know which one is actually better – here or the future place – what if it is bad as well?

What is it that I must choose?

…………………………

I know that eventually this too will pass.

I know that the real issue is why do I care so much about the toxic work environment and relations?

As soon as I think I let go and uncare things & people, I can have less emotions nagging me and I can be happy where I am and in my life.

Why can I not do this?????

11 thoughts on “Feeling down, but looking up!

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    1. thank you very much… come to think about it, I have been complaining about my work environment for some time. years to be exact…. why is so hard to quit it?
      ah.
      financial insecurity, and now the pandemic, of course.
      thank you for your excellent wish. hope to have the courage to just quit it one day….

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I would not advise you. it is a serious decision. (but I understand what you are trying to do here; why cannot I let go? My problem as well. I have a high level job; I can find other jobs but not likely as high level as this one. So my fight is not to have a job, it is not to fail – as something lower than this would mean failure). I HATE failure (which ironically fails my emotional well-being, though). sigh

          Like

              1. You are making a lot of assumptions there. You don’t know how well others are “managing it.” You only see their professional image.

                Also, you have managed it. For a long time. You haven’t liked it, but you have managed it.

                Liked by 1 person

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