one of these hollow days


It is one of those hollow days where no activity is stimulating or satisfying, and there is nothing much to be done. So boredom sinks. I know that this is a transition period, and I will pick up in a few days, if not the next moment.

I went to my office today for a few hours and it was good to be there. The empty halls, offices, and common areas are sad to see, but knowing that these measures keep us safe is wonderful. We are lucky in the sense that we can work mostly from home. It is somehow inefficient but we manage, and things move on at work, albeit at a slower pace.

While I was there, I had to attend a remote meeting online. It is a new group we are joining to. Observing how different certain things are has been interesting, but I was expecting this. The group dynamic is always something that interests me – there are many people who are quiet, some people who are pissed, and some others not knowing what to do when things heat up. It is strange that despite all the civilization our humanity has gone through, sometimes we all find ourselves subject to uncivilized attitudes or personal attacks (whether or not the attack should be taken personal does not matter – an attack is an attack). In those cases, I always miss a unifying voice that calls for unity, civility, and respect. There is not many people like this I guess, but all committees need one. A calmer. A negotiator. A leader.

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These are the times I also find myself needing to remind myself – be tactical. Smile. Think something else. What a waste of human potential and emotions. Do you also feel the need to change and fit in at your work? Sometimes being authentic does not work out well, even though it is the best and the right thing to do. The way our work environments shape our behavior and impose stress on our well being is very strange…..

These are the moments that my intention to resign intensifies. What is important? A livelihood and otherwise highly satisfactory career, or my well being? It is a silly idea to just stop and lose income, but I can always look for jobs as they appear in my life. I think this idea at least frees me and gives me a sort of peace.

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Nevertheless, it is beautiful outside. We have a bright sunny sky with cool temperatures. I enjoy such weather very much. I cut the grass in the yard and I saw birds and insects feasting on the cut grass. There is something great about the nature that we are missing. I was reading a blog the other day by someone who just retired and was making connections with nature again. I felt impressed by and happy for this person.

Freedom and wisdom, at last.

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gifs by: https://giphy.com/gifs/90s-80s-grunge-zTQQPJXn1j8Jy;https://giphy.com/gifs/donnathomas-rodgers-dr-donna-thomas-rodgers-bitmoji-snapchat-filter-MuCAjgunuctbJCVQMp;https://giphy.com/gifs/reaction-NsIycCG2BWmt5AP9vu

2 thoughts on “one of these hollow days

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    1. good to hear this. I like to be myself, but I often receive backlash as I am brutally honest and unpolitical 🙂 after a while, the reactions I get accumulate, pressure me back, and cut out support that I would otherwise have. These being said, though, as long as I work in such a culture, I will not be performing well or grow without extraordinary effort. So this is the dilemma. Hope you have and will have much better work experiences

      Liked by 2 people

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