joy journal – August 14, 2016

I have lots to be grateful for 🙂

1. I am grateful for the funny movie I have watched yesterday night. I was up till 1.30 am and as a result woke up a little bit tired this morning. However, this movie made me laugh a lot and sometimes very aloud! What a rare treat 🙂

2. I am grateful for the coffee and bagel I have had this morning. My mind was full of thoughts so I did not even remember going to the cafe or eating the bagel, but hey, at least I provided breakfast for myself (I usually do not eat breakfast) 🙂

3. I am grateful for walking to a store 15 minutes away. They did refund me for the passport photo they took, which turned out to be too light in colour and as such, unacceptable for the passport office. No questions were asked. I had no receipt (only their stamp and date at the back of one of the photos) and a form from the passport office stating the reason for not accepting the photo. I was prepared to make a complaint, yet rather I was welcome with a rapid refund. How great is that? 🙂

4. I am grateful for speaking with my family and knowing that they are well and sound.

5. I am grateful for baking my best bread so far 🙂 I have eaten more than half of one of the loafs (it was a small loaf, so no need to get alarmed 🙂 )

6. I am grateful for my sourdough starter that excites me. Today is the 6th day and I must say I was getting tired of taking its picture; analyzing its rise, smell, and texture, and taking notes; and feeding it everyday. It is great that as of this evening, it is placed in the fridge and will be handled only once a week to feed or to use in a sourdough loaf 🙂

7. I am grateful for today not being too hot.

8. I am grateful for eating veggies today.

9. I am grateful for having the night to myself. it is peaceful and just the right temperature. I can read or write whatever I want. It is also a great time for reflection. I have always been a night-owl 🙂

10. I am grateful for my pens and my papers/notebooks that allow me to write, list, or plan things. Very exciting activity 🙂

11. I am grateful for computer and internet connection that make learning, reading, and blogging easy and possible.

12. I am grateful for my floss! I love my floss ( a tri-liner). Am I the only person who loves their floss?? 🙂

13. I am grateful for everything I have at home; my furniture, my appliances, my kitchen items, my shoes and clothes, my books and notebooks, pens and pencils, plants and food. They make my life easy, and me safe, full, warm, and content.

14. I am grateful for being grateful and taking my time to note it here.

15. I am grateful for everyone here who commented on my posts lately, re; adopting a cat. You guys took time to read and respond and gave me many useful ideas. I felt supported and cared, and you may know well that this is a very good feeling, especially when it is needed. So, my friends; may your lives fill with happiness and peace and may your hearts find whatever good things/people/experiences you are longing for.

Thank you all.

candid thoughts

There are times that very heavily I remember the “loves of my life”.

I was lucky enough to love two wonderful men. I do not know what prompts me to remember and wonder how they are.  Are they well? Healthy? Happy? Do they remember me? Ever. How do they feel if they do?

I am lucky that both of them are still alive – to my knowledge. Cannot take the pain of thinking they are being dead. I am so lucky that I have not experienced this yet.

Love is an interesting thing; you do not know where you will find it, and when and how you will lose. Or how it will affect you. It does affect, right? To me both cases were detrimental, with years of trying to forget, trying to get over. They, however, never leave my mind (or my heart for that matter) for good. A part of me is theirs.

I am okay with this. Not that I am interested in the pain of longing or mourning for all the lost possibilities that could be experienced with them. No. It is just that I am glad they were in my life. And I got the chance to love them deeply.

One of the bloggers said in a post last week that he rather prefers to be loved deeply than widely. It struck me hard, as that reminded me many things (I had slightly touched this topic earlier in a post of mine). The reason I had written about it then was a book; The faults in our stars”, a novel by John Green where the author makes a case for being loved widely versus being loved deeply. A friend of mine had mentioned to me this last year, after which I had bought and read the book. I had found it interesting (amazing that a book can make such a shift in my understanding of things). When you think about it, do you not find it interesting? Which one would you like?

Being loved deeply must be a beautiful thing. Loving deeply certainly is.

I am not sorry that I loved that much. At the end of the day (or till the end of my life), I will be grateful for these two men for being so lovable and so amazing.

That is one of the few candid posts I have written where I split opened my heart. Anyways, I think it is okay, as I can not be the only one who loved and then lost.

Live, laugh, and love.