goodbyes

Yesterday I have read a blog where a terminally ill patient wrote a “goodbye” post after her treatment failed her and she entered into hospice care.

That goodbye post profoundly affected me in multiple ways. There are a couple of people whom I would not speak to (or they would not speak to me), whom I care about, whom I once loved but did not have a chance to make a good end to our relationships. Considering these, and also that our lives can end any time, I had a tough time yesterday.

If they were sick or dead, I would be saddened beyond their imagination. Knowing that there were things I wanted to say to clarify our interactions, apologies to make, questions to ask to understand them better, and one last hug to show that none of the things happened or did not happen in the past were important now. Knowing that we had no or little chance to do all of these, unless something drastic happens and unless we are given time and opportunity to do so. Knowing all of these hurt.

I loved these individuals more than they can imagine. I loved them deeply, as there was no end to my love for them, regardless of whatever or whoever they were or whatever had happened or had not happened between us.

I loved them timelessly, as not only one spring (where things are the most hopeful, positive, and lovely), but many years (with continuous cycle of different seasons, different grieving, reflections, and healing) passed while my feelings for them excited me, made me happy, and then tormented and emptied me.

I really loved them, as I know I would still love them if I had a chance to be with them, even it has been years or decades since I have last seen/talked to them.

Sickness and death are powerful in the sense that when we face them, then the little things do not matter any more. It becomes easy to forgive and forget all the things that helped our ego or our pain to keep us at an angry, cold, and resentful state.

It is important to say a proper goodbye, it is important to have and show compassion for each other while ending relationships. It is important to remember each other with a smile and warmness in the heart, rather than having the heaviness of negative feelings. I know they have compassion, I know I have, too. I also know neither me nor them will make a move any time soon to restore our compassion and kindness for each other.

Love you both.

note to self – Day 21

If you know and believe yourself, do not feel pressurized to change your heart, priorities, wishes, or well-being for someone who cannot see you.

note to self – Day 20

Even the people who we have known for years/decades may turn out to be “unknown”, someone so different than what we have once thought of.

Getting to know a person takes more than just “knowing” someone – the idea is that without sharing, support, clear communication, and seeing each under different situations, our vision on the individuals will always be limited.

note to self – Day 19

Look for something deeper than love – look for understanding, clarity and sincerity in communications, open hearts and minds, and respect. Without this, there is no viable love.

note to self – Day 18

Maybe sometime we fail in something after a long struggle so that we can realize enough is enough and it is time to remember the other aspects of life that we have been neglecting.

note to self – Day 17

The biggest conversation I am having is with myself.

note to self – Day 16

Despite all the troubles, suffering, and uncertainty in life, happiness and joy are our birth right.

note to self – Day 15

The most unsought one is the most beautiful one.

note to self – Day 14

There is a turning point in all relationships – when the time comes, those that mean nothing more than a head-ache or a heart-ache are destined to perish from your life.

note to self – Day 13

December, I noticed, is a month of taking it easy at work.

I feel the excitement of the off days during the holidays and the plans about all bunch of stuff to do during this time right from the beginning of the month.

Is there a better start than this to get ready to hibernate during the winter months?

note to self – Day 12

I wonder whether I will ever be able to inspire someone to try the joy journalling.

I sincerely hope that they will be as much surprised and benefited from it as I have been.

note to self – Day 11

Friends, and I mean friends not acquaintances, makes quite a positive difference in life. Whether it is laughter, understanding, support, care, or missing, hold on to your friends once you have them and nourish them as much as they nourish you.

note to self – Day 10

It is only 17 days before the holidays; celebrate the motivation to finish business before the holidays to fully enjoy it 🙂

2nd note to self – Day 9

Immersing in a deep love, interest, or whatever it is that gets full attention eventually gets tiring.

Yesterday’s love is destined to be tomorrow’s memory.

note to self – Day 9

Even the biggest crush ends. No worries – there will be another one.

note to self- Day 8

Music is more fulfilling, joyful, and emotionally stimulating than an impossible love. Enjoy.

note to self – Day 7

Go ahead. Have a crush. Feel the amazement and excitement.

note to self – Day 6

Missing someone, despite the lack of satisfaction and the emotional weight it fuels, is better than not caring that person. If you care, she/he must be worth it.

note to self – Day 5

Writing is liberating.

2nd note to self – Day 4

Have heart.

note to self – Day 4

In solidarity with those who have suffered from physical and mental illnesses.

note to self – Day 3

This is I guess how one loses herself in love.

note to self – Day 2

Love your courage to write the most candid elements of your mind/heart.

note to self – Day 1

There is something miraculous about love 🙂