Forget everyone else; love, care, and cherish yourself first. Let 2019 be the year of Ease, Comfort, and Appreciation!
poem
—————
I may have forgetten
got busy with work
but pain remains
for not being who I could be
if I were with you
I may have forgetten
got hopeful with future
but my dream remains
hinting how it could be
if I were your girl
I may have forgotten
got down with misery
but my grief has remained
for not being what I could be
if I could be
I would be happy with you
eventually I have forgotten
my heart mended
and mind refreshed
but tears remained
I got cold and void
for not forgivin’
poem
——————
sometimes we must accept that
we do not have all the answers
and we cannot get everyone’s circumstances
in these cases;
empathy has the softest voice
and silence has the sweetest tune……
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PS: the interesting thing is that I wrote these words in anger as a response to a comment on one of my posts about unhappiness. I hardly get upset about the comments on my posts, yet in this case I had taken the comment as “blaming” me for my unhappiness, which is ridiculous. Nobody wants or plans to be unhappy. Right?
Right.
Cheers! 🙂
poem
——————
You will come;
we will see each other again
I will look absolutely stunning
with my red lipstick and smile
and my hat will fit me this time
you will take pictures of me
with your phone
I won’t know
in a dream floating on a river
with eyes on the sky
and heart on the sun
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poem
—————-
there are ties that we don’t break
they are there for a reason
maybe it is love, maybe just a flake
like appreciation or the pleasin’
when the time is up, the line drops
one by one in the season
maybe genuine strength maybe just luck
like the Fall sun or the healin’
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poem
it is unfortunate
that love is precious
it is hard to get
yet easy to lose
makes you feel awed,
silly, and
painful to yearn more
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poem
————————–
I will forgive you for all
except for giving me that clove
a decade and a half ago
and for pushing me away
many years later
by your thorns wrapped around
your tongue that dared to insult us
by separating our worlds
I really hate you for my pain
for many moments of false happiness
but most of all for making me
not being able to forgive you
until one of us dies
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I do not know darling;
all now lies in the past
maybe on a sunday morning I can get to remember
with a smile on my face and a mug of coffee in my hand
the scent reminding me your smile
that day on the shore with the sunlight caressing your face
and your hair mixing with the wind
that cute smile on your lips…
remembering that would hurt, but the day is new
even with the pain, now I can walk through
your face had a careless expression
gazing off the ocean
steady and happy like nothing mattered
I was awed and at the same time uneasy
you had mattered to me darling
but this had to stop;
knowing that there was no us
had drilled me bad
I remembered it was unfair, this thing we called life
it was as if I did not get to deserve love
the pain was careless, merciles, inevitable
and I let myself turn around and leave
the air had tasted bitter, the salt had burnt my skin
my eyes had turned red with the pain
ocean’s arms mixed with the rocks and then the dirty roads
blackened they had ruined everywhere they touched
the scent was hellish, disguised in the air
I had failed and fallen; that abyss was dark and deep
terrified yet I just kept going
with each passing second feeling the fear of crash…
it has been years now that this fall has started
I seem to have relaxed inevitably, caressed by the wind
I talk and joke with the darkness
nothing is strange, nothing is hurtful
I keep falling and falling, yet
there is some kind of careless smile on my face
that makes me awed
and you seem to be forgotten
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I was attracted to you then, and later, and now….
I do not know why
I thought about this for a long time
multiple times, in multiple lines
for some unknown reasons
you brought something out in me
each time I was with you
there was excitement, happiness, and life…
my thirst has amplified over time
despite knowing well that
it would never be okay between you and I
my only solution now is to forget you..
that hammers my heart darling;
I never knew why it was you
but I knew that it was you
and I cannot love without you
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It is a fine day, but I am not
I realized I am incomplete
I lost my greatest protection
and joined the millions of people
with the same agony
that is the red tears I have for
It is a fine day, but I am not
I am fatherless
poem
—————————
cannot cry hard enough, dad
my tears are done running
I since then been grieving
cannot dream anymore, dad
my inner child is hidden
now that I am regret-ridden
worse; cannot fly high, dad
I never will
one of my wings is broken
now that you are gone
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Things would have been different
but they were not
this was the destiny we have had
Rest In Peace Dad
I love you
and one day I will find you again….
poem
—————————
destiny…….
some say we must accept it
after trying hard to make it better
some say we may not escape it
so we should not react to it
some say life can turn around any minute
so we should be hopeful and patient
none, however, is the answer;
our destiny is ours
only because we could not change it
PS: I am not sure what is going on with this poem; a little bit conflicting, is it not?
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unfinished poem
—————————
Why was our destiny our destiny?
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poem
——————–
no words were enough;
you were gone….
slipped off my bare hands
I could not hold
I could not reach
sleeping with the darkness
numbness first, then anger
yelled at the trees
punched the rainbows
I could not help but live
and what a life it was
sticky with reminders and memories
long and so disregarding the bleeds
tiring, yet not merciful enough to kill
my breath has exhausted itself
yet I can neither die nor run away from memories
poem
——————–
many springs passed since last time
green and alive
and many thoughts and tears
without care
hard to imagine when this will end
this winter.. this foggy air..
I am stuck with hunger;
dreams give temporary relief
telling the regular lie
we are together like a lovely couple
I look at your eyes and see the inner boy
a 10 years old with hope and joyful
no age matters, no gray, no hair
giggling and humming the tunes
we are walking down the harbour
like no one else exists, none matters
the sky is blue and it is warm
I see the river and the city behind
it is one dream I love
poem
——————–
it is as if there was nothing you cannot do
to not kiss this girl
and not to wrap your arms around her
we reached the old age
can hardly lift our arms
let alone give a kiss
and just now you are making a move
and just now I am not to be missed
poem
—————————————————–
First
all what love does is to remind you
I am afraid to listen to the songs
no love story can come through
no couple I can stand to see
I am a stranger to my own silence
cannot talk my heart out of you
tired of this defiance
I must try once again
to assault your memory
what would you say
if you knew my side of the story?
========================
Second
I must try once again
to insult your memory
cannot talk my heart out of you
cursed it is, hurt
it has been years
yet years did not sweep tears
how am I going to move ahead
when all what love does is to remind you
I am afraid to listen to the songs
no love story can be read
no couple I can stand to see
if you knew, what would you feel?
it has been years
for years you have occupied me
I am a stranger to my own silence
I am left with no smile, no inner stillness
poem
————————-
It has been years
I have had a love so young, so innocent
yet, it was stillborn..
you have left me faster than the blood
strange that hate is stronger than love
and love gives birth to hate that easily
why are you still in my thoughts?
no song, no poem is written for you
but all remind me you
I cannot stand any of these
I must be myself without you
yet without you I cannot be
I saw a couple today happy
seeing them deepens my sorrow
reminds me…. inside
inside is so hollow
I am missing a part of me
I can’t steer my way around
pain is sharp, my legs tremble
it exhausts me
reality hurts so dreams are better
I long somewhere in another world
where I am…
I am…….
where there is that little line on your cheek!
that makes you all sweet and speak!
seeing that again I can reach to the moon!
humming the sweetest tune!
I fuel the blaze around my feelings
it reaches the sky
gazing up I smile
remembering that I left you behind
much later than you have had
they start to fall from the sky, the ashes
like the wedding veil I embraced
my eyes softened, gazing low
feeling everything I longed for
I lift my own veil
see, dreams are stronger
poem
————————-
Oh, Brienne..
why was honor your most cherished value?
standing tall, shaky but somewhat mighty
all you cared was honor, loyalty
underneath your toughness was perceptiveness
kindness you would know if in presence
you were gentle somehow but this was not seen
they laughed at you, this has always been
while you did not care for womanliness
boy, did you crave for acceptance
tough life; suffering souls kept you company
one was your enemy
Jamie, the troll that would call you
the beast, the ugliest..
he fell once and lost his pride
with that was shattered his hide
you listened, eyes ice blue
no tears, no wrinkles, no affection
you understood and he knew
with one arm leaning on your shoulder
his persona was geared to stride
you saved him once and then he
for no obvious reason, that is be
you two battered souls battled first
then relied upon and you both nursed
they say you are in love
and he is too but does not know
I saw you together, there were moments
but I realized I did not know what love is
I have been thinking since then;
there must be different types of love
different than what I know
Oh Brienne….
what have you done?
———————–
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poem
—————————–
poem (unfinished)
————————————
We all have our share of life.
————————————-
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poem
———————
poem
——————————-
today I dreamt about you;
we were together again, walking
on the streets of the city we love
chatting formally and distant first, and then
bursting into laughter for no reason
we were what we were years ago;
no matter how distant now our hearts are
we were close once we were together
nothing much changed…. nothing much differed…
your voice, look, and smile decidedly
and still was exciting and ineradicable
yet, reality struck once the abrupt silence arrived
the closer we were, the more clear it was
none of these was true….none of these mattered……
——————————-
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poem
————————-
we both aged
I am not pretty anymore;
my hair turned gray
teeth stained
arms weakened
body changed
I put make up darling
to lift my spirit
I smile more darling
to radiate
all have been changing
saddening me…
I knew what aging meant
for you, for me
oh, darling….
not once you have told me
how pretty I was
that my smile warmed you
my sight delighted
my love was the light
around you
no, darling, no..
you have not, not even once
talked about aging
as if i was that 20 years old girl
you first had met
————————-
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poem
——————————————–
I feel fearful nowadays darling
lots happened; I am weakened
one by one I am hit
repeatedly I got up
scrapped by each trouble
slower over time
despite my best wishes
I am feeling vulnerable now
I fear I will give up
not because I think I cannot get up
but because I may not want to
you sure would say
when the next one comes
“resist darling, resist
get up, just show up”
I got so tired darling
remind me one last hope
I am fearful nowadays
I may give up
——————————————–
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red; I will miss you
your colour, even the pain you have given me
your presence said so much, so silent
for so long, so with me
I had not realized
we in fact were separate
they say you gotta go
and that is what I must accept
you were me
with me
for all these times
I know I have nothing to do to reverse this
I am glad I have lived enough to see you leave me
leave me as you please
you served me well
I will cherish your memory
I am now pink
still pulsating, still living
only without you
——————————————–
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——————————————–
love struck I was
smiling for no reason
life was pretty
love was a must
hungry I was
for all seasons
rain did not bother
snow, hey, was just there
standing tall
feeling lively
lifelike I was
gone, gone, gone
tears came and when done
emptied I was, emptied
my heart in three pieces
sigh…………….
broken it was, broken
not once but twice
suffice it was, the price
be gone
do not remember me
or call my name
be gone, you
be gone to another love
suck its blood while you can
drain if you wish
but do not let me be
do not let me be…
leave me
leave me be
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—————————————————
it is damn true you have not asked me out
on a date; that was all I wanted
you have not loved, cherished, or cared
made me yours, happy and elated
you have not hurt me either
or bullied me, made jokes out of me
pulled pranks or swore
my love, there was a lot of things you have not done
but some were just fine
——————————————–
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they say when you break a bone
even after healing
you can still feel it lightly aching;
how true it seems….
one of these days that my heart aches
over an old heart-break
there were things to live, things to say
things to experience, things to share,
and things to be happy with
life would have been different,
more content maybe, more exciting,
and more fulfilling..
or maybe not….
possibly not actually.
well, what did I expect?
without living that love,
one can only cry
after the dreams
for the dreams
——————————————————————-
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if you had seen me desperate
if you had believed I was desperate
would you love me more?
if I was in pain
and had broken into tears
with wrinkles around my eyes deepening
my lips trembling….. trembling
like the sands under the the last ocean wave
would your pain lessen?
having more mercy than pain this time
the sameness…
between you and I..
would you find it?
———————————————————————–
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there were times when we had just walked
on the streets of the city I loved
there were times we had dined
in the places you have chosen
there were times we just fought
well.. rather I have; you’ve hardly spoken
these were the times
the thunders were gone
and the rain had fallen for the last time
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gather all the leaves
on the ground
on a fall day and
look at the colours
remember me; me
whose feelings were
genuine; me
whose thoughts were
resilient; me
whose heart was
expanding; me
whose mind was free;
free from fears
free from emotional breaks
free from prejudice
me;
my colour was orange;
remember me.
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you did good ending this
running and spreading your coldness
frozen I was; frozen
did not cry, did not complain, did not vent
peace it was; only frozen
dreamt about you the other day
woke up trying to remember
forgiving I was; forgetting
did not remember, did not hate, did not cry
forgotten you were; forgotten
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they will say “oh, he is nice”
his laugh, his energy, his interest
in life and work is profound
they will say “and, he is pretty”
his eyes, his shoulders, his stand
the way he carries his own
they will say “ah, we miss him”
his talk, his look, his voice
the way he looks away
heavy with indifference
they will say “we wish he was here”
with us, among us
and I smile when I hear this
knowing the difference
between them and him
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gather all the leaves
on the ground
on a fall day and
look at the colours
remember me; me
whose feelings were
genuine; me
whose thoughts were
resilient; me
whose heart was
expanding; me
whose mind was free;
free from fears
free from emotional breaks
free from prejudice
me;
my colour was orange;
remember me.
———————————————————————–
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there are times that you stream like a river in my heart
quiet and peaceful;
forgetting the internal fights and the thunder outside
I look at you and I find myself adoring
all speechless just gazing.
there are times that I gain strength from you
I stand tall, with a large smile;
I am invulnerable
confident that I can reach to moon
humming the sweetest tune.
Then I want to walk with you, within you
I jump in, alas! your stones bleed my feet
your stream suffocates me;
feeling you and not being with you
that is, my love, how it hurts
each time you go through me
———————————————————————–
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..no…
tonite I thought about you
bored mind makes things happen
plus, the stage; that curtain, those lights..
I remembered all; and all was misshapen
…yes…
I have not forgiven, yet forgotten
cannot smile to your memory
nor care;
not sad…. not forsaken
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I have a need to fulfill
a dream to realize
something that gives me hope
something that I look for
doing the same things everyday
with the same routine, sequence;
for example;
negotiate with myself to get up
brush the teeth, put on clothes
socks the latest
look at the mirror, put on make up
find a jacket, put on the coat
get to the office by cab or bus
unlock the office, prepare coffee
check emails and news
check the calendar, get ready for the day
then evening comes
walk back to home or take the bus
turn on the laptop
eat something, anything
then sit on the couch and relax…
this does not excite me any more
I want more;
on top of what I have
excitement.. fulfilment…
yes, I need something
and I will find it
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are the winds gone? why am I breathless?
none seems right; perception perplexed
xerosis of my soul is here… no joy, no avidness
in the lightest hour of the day
envision a sky reflecting greyness
the dreams fighting with hopes
yes – it is dark here, but I will have perseverance
*dedicated to an anxiety patient
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that is another day; with bright and blue sky
early morning serene and then comes work
coffee in the mug is fuming and feeling like July
tasks are abundant and require overwork
but none of these is a hurdle one cannot pass
first of all, coffee can cool down on the desk
and the files can be fixed and move up one class
have a look at around; see the natural boutique
from human to animals to plants and the sky
ah yes! there is joy in life; say hi
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you will find me one day in a distant time
or email me somehow out of blue
unsurprisingly will say hi
and wish good things to me
response from me? hmm…
eh! you deserve an unwelcoming attitude!
and I will be happy to give it to you
honey; you messed real bad
old scars remain in memory for long
riddle as much as you want
response will be cold, very cold
“I do not know you”
be aware; that is no joke
lame listens, strong admits
“erred I am, terribly sorry”
perfectly undeserving my attention
explain further how wrong you were
riddle as much as you want, if you dare!
surrounded with dignity while turning my back
opting for no other moment with you
naming the day my day and my day only.
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calming nerves was not easy
and smiling to sky
not telling mom.. oh boy..
could not dare
erred
run, feelings, run..
seated on an old, lovely wooden bench
untie your tangled self
reminiscent of the day
vigilance at hand
inside the bubble of shadow
vent the distress; oh well
old times are over
relax.. just relax for a sec
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there was sun
bees chirping
ladybugs dancing
leaves whooshing
and the rain…
rain was the best
caressing my pain
removing my cry
I remember that day…
there was sun
and then none
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Go.
leave me with my life
I am better with no emptiness
with no longing so restless
and feeling constant silliness
Go.
never show up in the coming years
ever
with ordinary words, hi’s, how are you’s
with your false tears and sweetness
Go.
live yourself somewhere
for you I have no forgiveness
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no need to forever try
it is okay to let go
be a hero of your own
start with me; let me go
——————————————————-
there is no love left
only a sudden rush of dislike
I guess that is it
that is the end of it
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Kate’s short story – LXXII
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———————————————————————–
they seem not to know
how lovely I have seen life
how different I was too
when I was around you
I have no anger left in me
to encounter this
so I cry, I cry now
whenever someone asks
why the hey did I love you
but not anyone else
they seem to forget calculations
or maybe it was me
that among all, billions of men
I chose you, what the hey! 🙂
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Kate’s short story – LVI
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I looked at your eyes and I entered a new world
distant and unnoticeable no more
as if it has been the world I was born for
as if my life has had only one purpose
of preparing me for that magical place
by so far depriving me of it
so that in a split second
I would know where I was supposed to be
I looked around and all was clear, brighter
life hopeful and beautiful
the colours I have not seen
the words I have not uttered
the songs were more beautiful even
my heart has never been lighter
my sight sharper, my senses higher
I have never been that much in life, with life
that is what it is in me that has craved hurriedly
for you, for so long, endlessly, tirelessly
———————————————————————–
Kate’s short story – LV
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———————————————————–
there is a day I do not want to see;
when they tell me that you are gone
do not love me, hate me, all is fine
just do not die before me
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Kate’s short story – LII
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good job, you; do what you do best
stay away; frustrate, anger me
when you need no interest, no zest
good job, you; turned yourself
into an old can of veggie
torn and worn, rightfully goofy
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—————————————————-
in a dark corner
I am leaving now
our stillborn love
—————————————————-
Kate’s short story – XLIX
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———————————————————-
ah! the joyless writing;
everybody deserves you but him.
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Kate’s short story – XLVI
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I can feel the excitement I would have; butterflies around me
white, light blue, and red; flipping and singing a serenade
I would walk around the house excited, with a smile on my face
looking at the mirror I would see myself, ah! how to turn into a date?
I would put my little hairpins on – the ones that I love so much
my dress would have to be perfect, so would be my shoes
I do not know how many times I would check everything
change dresses, shoes, hair, oh boy, where is the girly muse?
in the middle of this chaos, the phone would ring
you would say you are on your way
I could not know what to do until then, or worse yet
when you arrive, ah.. shyness does not pay
but excitement and excitement! my heart chirping
I would get the dress, the shoes; forget the hair – it is hopeless
do me a favour, my love, put me at ease
give me hug, silently smile, keep me there
say it is gonna be all right, no matter what
this one date I wanna flare.
——————————————————————————————————-
Kate’s short story – XLV
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it has been my choice
the length of my hair, colour even
the clothes I have had
the tango I did not dance
the song that moved me in to deep emotions
the book I have not written
the violin I have purchased
the cities I lived in
the love I missed
the love I missed more than anything else
all my choices
now I am middle aged regretting
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PS: I accidentally published this draft – I was going to edit it yet I think that is what it was supposed to be. Leaving it as it is.
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In an earlier post, I had come up with a two-line poem:
one part of me is yours;
I treasure it more than anything else
I have since been perplexed and mesmerized by it because I am not sure whether it is the most romantic or the cheesiest thing I have ever said.
If not cheesy then, what does it mean? What is its significance? What was I thinking while writing it?
I sometime have free-writing sessions where I just type down things as they appear in my mind. That poem was a product of such a session, though I certainly had an inspiring person in my mind. So sadly, I cannot know what was going through my mind at that time.
But I contemplated about the other questions. My current interpretation is that she refers to her feelings, thoughts, care, and memories about him (or maybe just her heart) when she says “one part of me is yours”. That I would say is a romantic thing to say, though one can question why she was his only in part but not entirely. Realistically, one part is good enough. So I will leave it here.
While the first part is a simple but powerful statement, the second part is overly a cliché (e.g. treasure) and an over-generalization (e.g. more than anything else), so there is a little bit of a sharp turn here. Anyhow. But I understand that she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much. Why? Just because it is his? I think that is a critical question to ask but I am not sure whether I have an answer to it yet. Additionally, she sounds overly protective of her “part”; I would say she is determined.
These being said, I need to go back to the section above; “she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much“.
Even more than him??
When I reflected on this question, I realized that the entire effort to find a meaning, a label for this poem fell apart. I realized that she does not have him. All she has of him is her “part”. This is her only connection to him; if she loses her feelings, thoughts, memories about him, she loses him. She loses her love. That is why she values it that much.
This poem is not romantic or cheesy; it is a very sad poem.
I almost bumped into you today
with my shopping cart riding out of the aisle
we both stopped, smiling I said “oops”
yet I stayed there longer than a second
your eyes were pulsating, smiling
as if you were in fact happy to see me
the mysterious “connection” it should be
you in a moment lessened my heartache
wherever you are, know that I double take
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I have not lost myself in love yet
you have not met with my feelings
my feelings; those little birdies
new to life, curious and excited
so innocent, so shortsighted
I am excited mostly; just sometime cautious
what will happen to my feelings
once they meet with yours
they can get crushed
they can get cherished
in cherishment is the hope
and the hope I dream
however excited I may be
and my feelings daring and keen
my love, I can not lose myself in love
unless you walk in
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Kate’s short story – XLI
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I once loved a boy
he was young and scarred
life was his biggest enemy
pained in every inch, every moment
all remedies stolen
he had the softest heart I have ever known
gentle, loving, even though broken
he was my little morning dove
to be handled with affection and love
he was my son, my brother, my husband
he was the love of my life
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I have not lost myself in love yet
you have not met with my feelings
I can not lose myself in love yet
unless you walk in
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Kate’s short story – XL
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make me another cup of coffee
with awake eyes, just get out of the room
let me lie on the couch, lazily looking at the TV
exhange “good mornings” with a melody
to conceal the shyness in us, as a momentary remedy
pour the coffee in a mug, put it on the little table
let me get off the couch, looking all able
bring that topping you got, let me shake it this time
let me smell and take a sip, oh heaven!
my love, do something others have not given in
please make me another cup of coffee
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I was so young, so naive
when I first met you
I did not see much
among my bunches of trouble
I saw you though
yes, I did my love
yet time was not right
I was not right
this time was better
we both had changed
you were more relax
less reserved
there was no walls around you
mine were gone, too
as usual it took some time
to know in my mind
what went through my heart
did I lose my chance with you?
did I?
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I forgave myself and then remembered
the way I was, the feminine side
the girl next door, sweet, lovely, and cute
with nice nails, hair, and dresses
with an adorable shyness
and inherent, challenging toughness
that was a girl to move the mountains for
you made her fall for you with your charm
yet misread her outer calm
feeling defeated, you let it stand in the air
with no care, no feelings to dare
she drifted away mending, understanding
when she knew and eventually opened up to you
you denied all, sought for esteem of your own
and enjoyed every bit of her misery
her tears and years lost to you
became your cherished victory
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Kate’s short story – XXXV
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I dreamed about you tonite
there was a sudden rush of feelings
joy, happiness, and excitement
it was so real, so profoundly felt
you talked to me, held my hands
overwhelmed, I cried silently
tears streaming
I kept looking at you, surprised
what did you feel? what did you think?
of seeing me crying
I kept looking at you
and you telling me these
that you loved me
and you wanted to marry me
that was all you said
that was all you did
did I dream a dream?
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love seems to be everywhere
in songs I listen to
in cards I get, in stories I read
in excitement of a friend
who is getting married
there is no escape from this
twisting, evil pain in my heart
that bursts in flames
shouting at my face
“you do not have the love you want!”
pained, void, and deeply bruised
I realize I am jealous
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Kate’s short story – XXXII
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this is a Thursday afternoon
one of those days that is
not as impactful as Fridays
or Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays
yet it feels good to me today
just because it has been a great day
how many more Thursdays did I miss
that were just fine but not Fridays
or Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays
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one can clean her home whenever she wants to
listen to the music or watch the TV channel of her choice
one does not have to think about cooking for dinner
nor preparing food for lunch the next day
no need to worry about someone who does not show up
or becomes late time to time
no need to rely on someone to call the repair company
though this would be nice, really nice
one can cry the moment it calls, no need to hide
there is no complications related to finances either
have own budget, bank account, and investment
there is stability and simplicity in single life
though it can get sad and unbearable time to time
especially when the bad times, old age, or sickness strikes
nothing replaces a person who cares
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after my early morning meeting
done something unusual this morning
I went to the cafeteria to give myself a gift
and purchased a cup of nice coffee
it smelled so good, so did the muffins
and the scrambled eggs
I decided I can treat myself to a breakfast for a change
I bought warm eggs, hash browns, toasted my bread
ah, liberally spread the butter and it melt
found a table next to the window
and enjoyed nibbling on my breakfast, one by one
with no regrets for time lost from work
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I want to lie down tonite
feeling sick, as if something is coming
a bug, a tiredness, something
no tea, no soup, no nothing
is gonna make it better
just need to lie down
warm and silent
under a blanket
lights dimmed to help my eyes
rested and my body and mind
feeling contemplations
it is gonna be okay, I gotta say
holding my own head
checking my fever
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it hurts deeply that you are gone
all is undelightful, bland in fact
I do not find myself prepare breakfast
the ones that we cherished so much
early in the morning
in the sunny little room next to kitchen
with coffee and cream, tea, and old good food
smiling, chatting, laughing
me being cranky as usual prior to coffee
and you pouring down it in my favourite mug
looking at my eyes, looking for an awakening
similar to spring bringing life to nature
each drop of the coffee getting into me
transforming me into finally a smiling one
you smiling back to me, eyes more than lips
eating with joy, flirt, and taste
ah! loving you for ever my love
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it is cold in here
I am feeling dizzy; my mind is sleepy
I stopped noticing my body a while ago
I think it was cold, my fingers, my feet, my face
I desperately had missed my blanket
the soup my mom made, tea and coffee
the clothes I have had
I was so wet; my clothes, my body, my hair
I could not do much; I remained wet
nothing mattered after a while
no cold, no worry, no loneliness
all I could see was my breath moving in the air
it was such a nice warming view
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there is a storm outside
the sky is bright and white
with snow swept by the winds
from roofs to the ground
it is nice watching the nature
as it evolves tonite
with tea at my hand
warming my hands and inside
as I sip it in
standing next to the window
looking at the street down
with my eyes relaxing
with the dance of the snow
I see a lady rushing
with short, quick steps
a red scarf around her face
carrying a shopping bag
the wind moving her coat
from side to side
I am thankful for being inside
it would not be fun otherwise
wishing those on the street
an immediate safe shelter
and something hot to drink
and a window somewhere
to see what I see
and say to someone nearby
look! how nice it is
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this poem has a special place for me. tears, be gone.
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when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.
Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.
did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.
but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!
if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong
Kate’s short story – II
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while walking back to home
I imagined I was next to you
we were walking on the streets of the city
and laughing; I was saying
“attention please”
and you were not giving it to me
so instead of getting sad
I did the opposite for a change
I said again attention s’il vous plaît!
and you found that funny this time
so I followed by making words up in French
with a deep accent
with my eyes laughing and my body acting
soft and eclectically
I was silly but radiant
you looked at me all amazed
that was me happy
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she was difficult to deal with
weird, and quick to get mad
and when mad, she spoke harsh
over small things we would fight
yet she never stopped fuelling my dreams
except when it was hard on me
then she would show her attitude
expecting me to have gratitude
I completely ignored her
I took no steps to see
nor called to ask how she was
though she did contact me
over the years time to time
she passed away lately
after a long illness I was told
I wonder why she never told me;
come to think about it
I never happened to ask her her life
the attention was always on me
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I get it; I went nuts
I am doubtful of what I say
what I think, what I feel
my mind is a star away
I keep thinking
how can I be both happy and in pain
because of a love unattainable
I feel on the edge again
many thoughts float in my brain
if it continues like this
I will not be sane
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Kate’s short story – XVII
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two nights ago
a thought crossed my mind
“this will end one day”
it said
realizing the truth in it
maybe for the first time so naked
I felt the urge to live and panicked
I did know that
I would either regret
not having been with you
or be content
knowing that I did love you
I will not get to choose
which one will show up in my mind
to prevent the regret
forgetting you till then
would be the best
yet I will take the risk
I wish to end content
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Kate’s short story – XVI
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no Sir,
not yet
you seem not to
have shared
the best of you
and you tell me that
I do not get you?
no Sir,
not yet
without mutual laughter
and time spent together
I can not be guilty of
unassuming of you
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Kate’s short story – XII
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we all were wrong
it started as a joke
then stuck around
yet I got it serious
and I was into it
maybe it was your joy
may be your loveliness
for whatever reason there I was
waiting you
one fall evening
you gave me a flower
finally thought
you would ask me out
waiting long enough
I asked a friend
“T, do you think he likes me?”
he said with sadness
“no, he does not”
my heart sank…
we all were wrong
and I was
the last one to know
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Kate’s short story-IV
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when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.
Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.
did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.
but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!
if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong
Kate’s short story – II
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Life as I interpret it 