I have forgotten

poem

—————

I may have forgetten

got busy with work

but pain remains

for not being who I could be

if I were with you

I may have forgetten

got hopeful with future

but my dream remains

hinting how it could be

if I were your girl

I may have forgotten

got down with misery

but my grief has remained

for not being what I could be

if I could be

I would be happy with you

eventually I have forgotten

my heart mended

and mind refreshed

but tears remained

I got cold and void

for not forgivin’

unhappiness

poem

——————

sometimes we must accept that

we do not have all the answers

and we cannot get everyone’s circumstances

in these cases;

empathy has the softest voice

and silence has the sweetest tune……

—————-

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PS: the interesting thing is that I wrote these words in anger as a response to a comment on one of my posts about unhappiness. I hardly get upset about the comments on my posts, yet in this case I had taken the comment as “blaming” me for my unhappiness, which is ridiculous. Nobody wants or plans to be unhappy. Right?

Right.

Cheers! 🙂

The Dream of Athena

poem

——————

You will come;

we will see each other again

I will look absolutely stunning

with my red lipstick and smile

and my hat will fit me this time

you will take pictures of me

with your phone

I won’t know

in a dream floating on a river

with eyes on the sky

and heart on the sun

you will realize that this is the woman
you want to connect with
you will realize that no matter
what, she is the one that
makes you stronger
lighter
livelier
and a dreamer.

—————-

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They are there for a reason

poem

—————-

there are ties that we don’t break

they are there for a reason

maybe it is love, maybe just a flake

like appreciation or the pleasin’

 

when the time is up, the line drops

one by one in the season

maybe genuine strength maybe just luck

like the Fall sun or the healin’

 

—————-

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non passe absolution

poem

————————–

I will forgive you for all

except for giving me that clove

a decade and a half ago

and for pushing me away

many years later

by your thorns wrapped around

your tongue that dared to insult us

by separating our worlds

I really hate you for my pain

for many moments of false happiness

but most of all for making me

not being able to forgive you

until one of us dies

————————–


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abyss

I do not know darling;

all now lies in the past

maybe on a sunday morning I can get to remember

with a smile on my face and a mug of coffee in my hand

the scent reminding me your smile

that day on the shore with the sunlight caressing your face

and your hair mixing with the wind

that cute smile on your lips…

remembering that would hurt, but the day is new

even with the pain, now I can walk through

your face had a careless expression

gazing off the ocean

steady and happy like nothing mattered

I was awed and at the same time uneasy

you had mattered to me darling

but this had to stop;

knowing that there was no us

had drilled me bad

I remembered it was unfair, this thing we called life

it was as if I did not get to deserve love

the pain was careless, merciles, inevitable

and I let myself turn around and leave

the air had tasted bitter, the salt had burnt my skin

my eyes had turned red with the pain

ocean’s arms mixed with the rocks and then the dirty roads

blackened they had ruined everywhere they touched

the scent was hellish, disguised in the air

I had failed and fallen; that abyss was dark and deep

terrified yet I just kept going

with each passing second feeling the fear of crash…

it has been years now that this fall has started

I seem to have relaxed inevitably, caressed by the wind

I talk and joke with the darkness

nothing is strange, nothing is hurtful

I keep falling and falling, yet

there is some kind of careless smile on my face

that makes me awed

and you seem to be forgotten

 

—————————-

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cannot love without you

 

I was attracted to you then, and later, and now….

I do not know why

I thought about this for a long time

multiple times, in multiple lines

for some unknown reasons

you brought something out in me

each time I was with you

there was excitement, happiness, and life…

 

my thirst has amplified over time

despite knowing well that

it would never be okay between you and I

my only solution now is to forget you..

that hammers my heart darling;

I never knew why it was you

but I knew that it was you

and I cannot love without you

 

—————————-

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broken

poem

—————————

cannot cry hard enough, dad

my tears are done running

I since then been grieving

 

cannot dream anymore, dad

my inner child is hidden

now that I am regret-ridden

 

worse; cannot fly high, dad

I never will

one of my wings is broken

now that you are gone

 

—————————-

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destiny – II

poem

—————————

destiny…….

some say we must accept it

after trying hard to make it better

some say we may not escape it

so we should not react to it

some say life can turn around any minute

so we should be hopeful and patient

none, however, is the answer;

our destiny is ours

only because we could not change it

 

PS: I am not sure what is going on with this poem; a little bit conflicting, is it not?

—————————-

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tiring

poem

——————–

no words were enough;

you were gone….

slipped off my bare hands

I could not hold

I could not reach

sleeping with the darkness

numbness first, then anger

yelled at the trees

punched the rainbows

I could not help but live

and what a life it was

sticky with reminders and memories

long and so disregarding the bleeds

tiring, yet not merciful enough to kill

my breath has exhausted itself

yet I can neither die nor run away from memories

—————————————————–
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season winter

poem

——————–

 

many springs passed since last time

green and alive

and many thoughts and tears

without care

hard to imagine when this will end

this winter.. this foggy air..

I am stuck with hunger;

dreams give temporary relief

telling the regular lie

we are together like a lovely couple

I look at your eyes and see the inner boy

a 10 years old with hope and joyful

no age matters, no gray, no hair

giggling and humming the tunes

we are walking down the harbour

like no one else exists, none matters

the sky is blue and it is warm

I see the river and the city behind

it is one dream I love

—————————————————–
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vengeance

poem

——————–

it is as if there was nothing you cannot do

to not kiss this girl

and not to wrap your arms around her

we reached the old age

can hardly lift our arms

let alone give a kiss

and just now you are making a move

and just now I am not to be missed

 

—————————————————–
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the poem with two colors

poem

—————————————————–

First

all what love does is to remind you

I am afraid to listen to the songs

no love story can come through

no couple I can stand to see

I am a stranger to my own silence

cannot talk my heart out of you

tired of this defiance

I must try once again

to assault your memory

what would you say

if you knew my side of the story?

 

========================

Second

I must try once again

to insult your memory

cannot talk my heart out of you

cursed it is, hurt

it has been years

yet years did not sweep tears

how am I going to move ahead

when all what love does is to remind you

I am afraid to listen to the songs

no love story can be read

no couple I can stand to see

if you knew, what would you feel?

it has been years

for years you have occupied me

I am a stranger to my own silence

I am left with no smile, no inner stillness

 

—————————————————–
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stillborn love – II

poem

————————-

It has been years

I have had a love so young, so innocent

yet, it was stillborn..

you have left me faster than the blood

strange that hate is stronger than love

and love gives birth to hate that easily

why are you still in my thoughts?

no song, no poem is written for you

but all remind me you

I cannot stand any of these

I must be myself without you

yet without you I cannot be

 

 

——————————-
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dreams are stronger

poem
————————-

I saw a couple today happy

seeing them deepens my sorrow

reminds me…. inside

inside is so hollow

I am missing a part of me

I can’t steer my way around

pain is sharp, my legs tremble

it exhausts me

reality hurts so dreams are better

I long somewhere in another world

where I am…

I am…….

where there is that little line on your cheek!

that makes you all sweet and speak!

seeing that again I can reach to the moon!

humming the sweetest tune!

I fuel the blaze around my feelings

it reaches the sky

gazing up I smile

remembering that I left you behind

much later than you have had

they start to fall from the sky, the ashes

like the wedding veil I embraced

my eyes softened, gazing low

feeling everything I longed for

I lift my own veil

see, dreams are stronger

————————-
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all gone

poem
————————-
yesterday, I wanted to remember you
the way you looked, the way you felt
closed my eyes, forced myself even
no my dear, I cannot believe in
no part of my heart is yours
no part of my mind is of dreams
it’s all gone my dear, all gone
love, need, pain, and longing
no dark silences, no more agony
love ended first, now the misery
none matters, none dear
————————-
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Hardest love

poem
————————-
the hardest love is the love towards
the ones we know most
their heart that beats at fights
or upon the beauty’s sight
their mind that thinks fair
or pulls one down with tear
their hand that chokes the beasts
as it sways away the fears
the eyes that shine
when they lie
the hardest love
my friends, the hardest love
is to know all these
and love anyhow
————————-
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eyes ice blue

poem

————————-

Oh, Brienne..

why was honor your most cherished value?

standing tall, shaky but somewhat mighty

all you cared was honor, loyalty

 

underneath your toughness was perceptiveness

kindness you would know if in presence

you were gentle somehow but this was not seen

they laughed at you, this has always been

while you did not care for womanliness

boy, did you crave for acceptance

 

tough life; suffering souls kept you company

one was your enemy

Jamie, the troll that would call you

the beast, the ugliest..

he fell once and lost his pride

with that was shattered his hide

you listened, eyes ice blue

no tears, no wrinkles, no affection

you understood and he knew

 

with one arm leaning on your shoulder

his persona was geared to stride

you saved him once and then he

for no obvious reason, that is be

you two battered souls battled first

then relied upon and you both nursed

 

they say you are in love

and he is too but does not know

I saw you together, there were moments

but I realized I did not know what love is

I have been thinking since then;

there must be different types of love

different than what I know

Oh Brienne….

what have you done?

———————–

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confusion of love

poem

—————————–

I read a story yesterday
there was love as I dream it
it pained me sort of, perplexed
I recognized the love in the text
but not the one that we had
was it love, darling?
what we had;
was it love?
………………..
what was love, darling?
……………….
in my dream
or in my deem
there was no love, darling
that was not a dream
—————————–
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Wren

poem

———————

he looked in a way that
only she would understand
it was quiet and painful..
smiles were dead, silence was hurtful
pain drilled her eyes
heading low, sinking towards
all the pain
they have gone thru
this one she not knew
eye lids closed, cheeks cold
she just wished he had told
his reasons for giving up
words could have been forgotten
but silence.. no it cannot be forsaken…
she dreamed for heartlessness
whatever breath left with her
she walked away, dull and worthless
she wished he had
looked up and said
“goodbye sweetheart”
to ease her demise
no… but… no…
she turned around disbelieving
he was lying on the bed
his head turned to right
watching the wren on the window trim
as it pecked lovingly with the sun beam
———————
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silence

poem

——————————-

today I dreamt about you;

we were together again, walking

on the streets of the city we love

chatting formally and distant first, and then

bursting into laughter for no reason

we were what we were years ago;

no matter how distant now our hearts are

we were close once we were together

nothing much changed…. nothing much differed…

your voice, look, and smile decidedly

and still was exciting and ineradicable

yet, reality struck once the abrupt silence arrived

the closer we were, the more clear it was

none of these was true….none of these mattered……

——————————-

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timeless

poem

————————-

we both aged

I am not pretty anymore;

my hair turned gray

teeth stained

arms weakened

body changed

I put make up darling

to lift my spirit

I smile more darling

to radiate

all have been changing

saddening me…

I knew what aging meant

for you, for me

oh, darling….

not once you have told me

how pretty I was

that my smile warmed you

my sight delighted

my love was the light

around you

no, darling, no..

you have not, not even once

talked about aging

as if i was that 20 years old girl

you first had met

————————-

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darkness

poem

——————————————–

I feel fearful nowadays darling
lots happened; I am weakened
one by one I am hit
repeatedly I got up
scrapped by each trouble
slower over time
despite my best wishes
I am feeling vulnerable now
I fear I will give up
not because I think I cannot get up
but because I may not want to
you sure would say
when the next one comes
“resist darling, resist
get up, just show up”
I got so tired darling
remind me one last hope
I am fearful nowadays
I may give up

——————————————–

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red

red; I will miss you

your colour, even the pain you have given me

your presence said so much, so silent

for so long, so with me

I had not realized

we in fact were separate

they say you gotta go

and that is what I must accept

you were me

with me

for all these times

I know I have nothing to do to reverse this

I am glad I have lived enough to see you leave me

leave me as you please

you served me well

I will cherish your memory

I am now pink

still pulsating, still living

only without you

——————————————–

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leave me be

——————————————–

love struck I was

smiling for no reason

life was pretty

love was a must

hungry I was

for all seasons

rain did not bother

snow, hey, was just there

standing tall

feeling lively

lifelike I was

gone, gone, gone

tears came and when done

emptied I was, emptied

my heart in three pieces

sigh…………….

broken it was, broken

not once but twice

suffice it was, the price

be gone

do not remember me

or call my name

be gone, you

be gone to another love

suck its blood while you can

drain if you wish

but do not let me be

do not let me be…

leave me

leave me be

——————————————–

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my love, there was a lot of things you have not done

—————————————————

it is damn true you have not asked me out
on a date; that was all I wanted
you have not loved, cherished, or cared
made me yours, happy and elated
you have not hurt me either
or bullied me, made jokes out of me
pulled pranks or swore
my love, there was a lot of things you have not done
but some were just fine

——————————————–

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aching dreams

they say when you break a bone

even after healing

you can still feel it lightly aching;

how true it seems….

one of these days that my heart aches

over an old heart-break

there were things to live, things to say

things to experience, things to share,

and things to be happy with

life would have been different,

more content maybe, more exciting,

and more fulfilling..

or maybe not….

possibly not actually.

well, what did I expect?

without living that love,

one can only cry

after the dreams

for the dreams

——————————————————————-

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the sameness

if you had seen me desperate

if you had believed I was desperate

would you love me more?

if I was in pain

and had broken into tears

with wrinkles around my eyes deepening

my lips trembling….. trembling

like the sands under the the last ocean wave

would your pain lessen?

having more mercy than pain this time

the sameness…

between you and I..

would you find it?

———————————————————————–

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there were times

there were times when we had just walked

on the streets of the city I loved

there were times we had dined

in the places you have chosen

there were times we just fought

well.. rather I have; you’ve hardly spoken

these were the times

the thunders were gone

and the rain had fallen for the last time

———————————————————————-

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remember me

Life as I interpret it

gather all the leaves

on the ground

on a fall day and

look at the colours

remember me; me

whose feelings were

genuine; me

whose thoughts were

resilient; me

whose heart was

expanding; me

whose mind was free;

free from fears

free from emotional breaks

free from prejudice

me;

my colour was orange;

remember me.

———————————————————————–

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forgotten

you did good ending this

running and spreading your coldness

frozen I was; frozen

did not cry, did not complain, did not vent

peace it was; only frozen

dreamt about you the other day

woke up trying to remember

forgiving I was; forgetting

did not remember, did not hate, did not cry

forgotten you were; forgotten

———————————————————————–

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and they will say

they will say “oh, he is nice”

his laugh, his energy, his interest

in life and work is profound

they will say “and, he is pretty”

his eyes, his shoulders, his stand

the way he carries his own

they will say “ah, we miss him”

his talk, his look, his voice

the way he looks away

heavy with indifference

they will say “we wish he was here”

with us, among us

and I smile when I hear this

knowing the difference

between them and him

———————————————————————–

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remember me

gather all the leaves

on the ground

on a fall day and

look at the colours

remember me; me

whose feelings were

genuine; me

whose thoughts were

resilient; me

whose heart was

expanding; me

whose mind was free;

free from fears

free from emotional breaks

free from prejudice

me;

my colour was orange;

remember me.

———————————————————————–

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there are times that you stream like a river in my heart

there are times that you stream like a river in my heart

quiet and peaceful;

forgetting the internal fights and the thunder outside

I look at you and I find myself adoring

all speechless just gazing.

there are times that I gain strength from you

I stand tall, with a large smile;

I am invulnerable

confident that I can reach to moon

humming the sweetest tune.

Then I want to walk with you, within you

I jump in, alas! your stones bleed my feet

your stream suffocates me;

feeling you and not being with you

that is, my love, how it hurts

each time you go through me

———————————————————————–

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not forsaken

..no…

tonite I thought about you

bored mind makes things happen

plus, the stage; that curtain, those lights..

I remembered all; and all was misshapen

…yes…

I have not forgiven, yet forgotten

cannot smile to your memory

nor care;

not sad…. not forsaken

——————————————————————————-

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persistent dream

I have a need to fulfill

a dream to realize

something that gives me hope

something that I look for

doing the same things everyday

with the same routine, sequence;

for example;

negotiate with myself to get up

brush the teeth, put on clothes

socks the latest

look at the mirror, put on make up

find a jacket, put on the coat

get to the office by cab or bus

unlock the office, prepare coffee

check emails and news

check the calendar, get ready for the day

then evening comes

walk back to home or take the bus

turn on the laptop

eat something, anything

then sit on the couch and relax…

this does not excite me any more

I want more;

on top of what I have

excitement.. fulfilment…

yes, I need something

and I will find it

——————————————————————————-

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it is dark here, but I will have perseverance

are the winds gone? why am I breathless?

none seems right; perception perplexed

xerosis of my soul is here… no joy, no avidness

in the lightest hour of the day

envision a sky reflecting greyness

the dreams fighting with hopes

yes – it is dark here, but I will have perseverance

*dedicated to an anxiety patient

——————————————————————————-

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ah yes! there is joy in life; say hi

that is another day; with bright and blue sky

early morning serene and then comes work

coffee in the mug is fuming and feeling like July

tasks are abundant and require overwork

but none of these is a hurdle one cannot pass

first of all, coffee can cool down on the desk

and the files can be fixed and move up one class

have a look at around; see the natural boutique

from human to animals to plants and the sky

ah yes! there is joy in life; say hi

——————————————————————————-

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old scars remain in memory long

you will find me one day in a distant time

or email me somehow out of blue

unsurprisingly will say hi

and wish good things to me

response from me? hmm…

eh! you deserve an unwelcoming attitude!

and I will be happy to give it to you

honey; you messed real bad

old scars remain in memory for long

riddle as much as you want

response will be cold, very cold

“I do not know you”

be aware; that is no joke

lame listens, strong admits

“erred I am, terribly sorry”

perfectly undeserving my attention

explain further how wrong you were

riddle as much as you want, if you dare!

surrounded with dignity while turning my back

opting for no other moment with you

naming the day my day and my day only.

——————————————————————————-

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inside the bubble of shadow

calming nerves was not easy

and smiling to sky

not telling mom.. oh boy..

could not dare

erred

run, feelings, run..

seated on an old, lovely wooden bench

untie your tangled self

reminiscent of the day

vigilance at hand

inside the bubble of shadow

vent the distress; oh well

old times are over

relax.. just relax for a sec

——————————————————————————-

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Go

Go.

leave me with my life

I am better with no emptiness

with no longing so restless

and feeling constant silliness

Go.

never show up in the coming years

ever

with ordinary words, hi’s, how are you’s

with your false tears and sweetness

Go.

live yourself somewhere

for you I have no forgiveness

——————————————————————————-

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cheerful poem

———————————————————————–

they seem not to know

how lovely I have seen life

how different I was too

when I was around you

I have no anger left in me

to encounter this

so I cry, I cry now

whenever someone asks

why the hey did I love you

but not anyone else

they seem to forget calculations

or maybe it was me

that among all, billions of men

I chose you, what the hey! 🙂

———————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – LVI

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I have never been that much in life, with life

———————————————————————–

I looked at your eyes and I entered a new world

distant and unnoticeable no more

as if it has been the world I was born for

as if my life has had only one purpose

of preparing me for that magical place

by so far depriving me of it

so that in a split second

I would know where I was supposed to be

I looked around and all was clear, brighter

life hopeful and beautiful

the colours I have not seen

the words I have not uttered

the songs were more beautiful even

my heart has never been lighter

my sight sharper, my senses higher

I have never been that much in life, with life

that is what it is in me that has craved hurriedly

for you, for so long, endlessly, tirelessly

———————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – LV

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there is a day I do not want to see

———————————————————–

there is a day I do not want to see;

when they tell me that you are gone

do not love me, hate me, all is fine

just do not die before me

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Kate’s short story – LII

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the funny poem

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I can feel the excitement I would have; butterflies around me

white, light blue, and red; flipping and singing a serenade

I would walk around the house excited, with a smile on my face

looking at the mirror I would see myself, ah! how to turn into a date?

I would put my little hairpins on – the ones that I love so much

my dress would have to be perfect, so would be my shoes

I do not know how many times I would check everything

change dresses, shoes, hair, oh boy, where is the girly muse?

in the middle of this chaos, the phone would ring

you would say you are on your way

I could not know what to do until then, or worse yet

when you arrive, ah.. shyness does not pay

but excitement and excitement! my heart chirping

I would get the dress, the shoes; forget the hair – it is hopeless

do me a favour, my love, put me at ease

give me hug, silently smile, keep me there

say it is gonna be all right, no matter what

this one date I wanna flare.

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Kate’s short story – XLV

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the tango I did not dance

it has been my choice

the length of my hair, colour even

the clothes I have had

the tango I did not dance

the song that moved me in to deep emotions

the book I have not written

the violin I have purchased

the cities I lived in

the love I missed

the love I missed more than anything else

all my choices

now I am middle aged regretting

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PS: I accidentally published this draft – I was going to edit it yet I think that is what it was supposed to be. Leaving it as it is.

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self reflections on a poem re; one part of me is yours

In an earlier post, I had come up with a two-line poem:

one part of me is yours;

I treasure it more than anything else

I have since been perplexed and mesmerized by it because I am not sure whether it is the most romantic or the cheesiest thing I have ever said.

If not cheesy then, what does it mean? What is its significance? What was I thinking while writing it?

I sometime have free-writing sessions where I just type down things as they appear in my mind. That poem was a product of such a session, though I certainly had an inspiring person in my mind. So sadly, I cannot know what was going through my mind at that time.

But I contemplated about the other questions. My current interpretation is that she refers to her feelings, thoughts, care, and memories about him (or maybe just her heart) when she says “one part of me is yours”. That I would say is a romantic thing to say, though one can question why she was his only in part but not entirely. Realistically, one part is good enough. So I will leave it here.

While the first part is a simple but powerful statement, the second part is overly a cliché (e.g. treasure) and an over-generalization (e.g. more than anything else), so there is a little bit of a sharp turn here. Anyhow. But I understand that she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much. Why? Just because it is his? I think that is a critical question to ask but I am not sure whether I have an answer to it yet. Additionally, she sounds overly protective of her “part”; I would say she is determined.

These being said, I need to go back to the section above; “she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much“.

Even more than him??

When I reflected on this question, I realized that the entire effort to find a meaning, a label for this poem fell apart. I realized that she does not have him. All she has of him is her “part”. This is her only connection to him; if she loses her feelings, thoughts, memories about him, she loses him. She loses her love. That is why she values it that much.

This poem is not romantic or cheesy; it is a very sad poem.

you in a moment lessened my heartache

I almost bumped into you today

with my shopping cart riding out of the aisle

we both stopped, smiling I said “oops”

yet I stayed there longer than a second

your eyes were pulsating, smiling

as if you were in fact happy to see me

the mysterious “connection” it should be

you in a moment lessened my heartache

wherever you are, know that I double take

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my love, I can not lose myself in love

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I have not lost myself in love yet

you have not met with my feelings

my feelings; those little birdies

new to life, curious and excited

so innocent, so shortsighted

I am excited mostly; just sometime cautious

what will happen to my feelings

once they meet with yours

they can get crushed

they can get cherished

in cherishment is the hope

and the hope I dream

however excited I may be

and my feelings daring and keen

my love, I can not lose myself in love

unless you walk in

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Kate’s short story – XLI

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he was my little morning dove

I once loved a boy

he was young and scarred

life was his biggest enemy

pained in every inch, every moment

all remedies stolen

he had the softest heart I have ever known

gentle, loving, even though broken

he was my little morning dove

to be handled with affection and love

he was my son, my brother, my husband

he was the love of my life

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I have not lost myself in love yet

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I have not lost myself in love yet

you have not met with my feelings

I can not lose myself in love yet

unless you walk in

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Kate’s short story – XL

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my love, do something others have not given in

make me another cup of coffee

with awake eyes, just get out of the room

let me lie on the couch, lazily looking at the TV

exhange “good mornings” with a melody

to conceal the shyness in us, as a momentary remedy

pour the coffee in a mug, put it on the little table

let me get off the couch, looking all able

bring that topping you got, let me shake it this time

let me smell and take a sip, oh heaven!

my love, do something others have not given in

please make me another cup of coffee

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I saw you though

I was so young, so naive

when I first met you

I did not see much

among my bunches of trouble

I saw you though

yes, I did my love

yet time was not right

I was not right

this time was better

we both had changed

you were more relax

less reserved

there was no walls around you

mine were gone, too

as usual it took some time

to know in my mind

what went through my heart

did I lose my chance with you?

did I?

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that was a girl to move the mountains for

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I forgave myself and then remembered

the way I was, the feminine side

the girl next door, sweet, lovely, and cute

with nice nails, hair, and dresses

with an adorable shyness

and inherent, challenging toughness

that was a girl to move the mountains for

you made her fall for you with your charm

yet misread her outer calm

feeling defeated, you let it stand in the air

with no care, no feelings to dare

she drifted away mending, understanding

when she knew and eventually opened up to you

you denied all, sought for esteem of your own

and enjoyed every bit of her misery

her tears and years lost to you

became your cherished victory

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Kate’s short story – XXXV

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I dreamed a dream

I dreamed about you tonite

there was a sudden rush of feelings

joy, happiness, and excitement

it was so real, so profoundly felt

you talked to me, held my hands

overwhelmed, I cried silently

tears streaming

I kept looking at you, surprised

what did you feel? what did you think?

of seeing me crying

I kept looking at you

and you telling me these

that you loved me

and you wanted to marry me

that was all you said

that was all you did

did I dream a dream?

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I realize I am jealous

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love seems to be everywhere

in songs I listen to

in cards I get, in stories I read

in excitement of a friend

who is getting married

there is no escape from this

twisting, evil pain in my heart

that bursts in flames

shouting at my face

you do not have the love you want!

pained, void, and deeply bruised

I realize I am jealous

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Kate’s short story – XXXII

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Thursdays

this is a Thursday afternoon

one of those days that is

not as impactful as Fridays

or Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays

yet it feels good to me today

just because it has been a great day

how many more Thursdays did I miss

that were just fine but not Fridays

or Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays

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warmth of a person who cares

one can clean her home whenever she wants to

listen to the music or watch the TV channel of her choice

one does not have to think about cooking for dinner

nor preparing food for lunch the next day

no need to worry about someone who does not show up

or becomes late time to time

no need to rely on someone to call the repair company

though this would be nice, really nice

one can cry the moment it calls, no need to hide

there is no complications related to finances either

have own budget, bank account, and investment

there is stability and simplicity in single life

though it can get sad and unbearable time to time

especially when the bad times, old age, or sickness strikes

nothing replaces a person who cares

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with no regrets for time lost from work

after my early morning meeting

done something unusual this morning

I went to the cafeteria to give myself a gift

and purchased a cup of nice coffee

it smelled so good, so did the muffins

and the scrambled eggs

I decided I can treat myself to a breakfast for a change

I bought warm eggs, hash browns, toasted my bread

ah, liberally spread the butter and it melt

found a table next to the window

and enjoyed nibbling on my breakfast, one by one

with no regrets for time lost from work

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it is gonna be okay, I gotta say

I want to lie down tonite

feeling sick, as if something is coming

a bug, a tiredness, something

no tea, no soup, no nothing

is gonna make it better

just need to lie down

warm and silent

under a blanket

lights dimmed to help my eyes

rested and my body and mind

feeling contemplations

it is gonna be okay, I gotta say

holding my own head

checking my fever

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all is undelightful, bland in fact

it hurts deeply that you are gone

all is undelightful, bland in fact

I do not find myself prepare breakfast

the ones that we cherished so much

early in the morning

in the sunny little room next to kitchen

with coffee and cream, tea, and old good food

smiling, chatting, laughing

me being cranky as usual prior to coffee

and you pouring down it in my favourite mug

looking at my eyes, looking for an awakening

similar to spring bringing life to nature

each drop of the coffee getting into me

transforming me into finally a smiling one

you smiling back to me, eyes more than lips

eating with joy, flirt, and taste

ah! loving you for ever my love

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breath moving in the air

it is cold in here

I am feeling dizzy; my mind is sleepy

I stopped noticing my body a while ago

I think it was cold, my fingers, my feet, my face

I desperately had missed my blanket

the soup my mom made, tea and coffee

the clothes I have had

I was so wet; my clothes, my body, my hair

I could not do much; I remained wet

nothing mattered after a while

no cold, no worry, no loneliness

all I could see was my breath moving in the air

it was such a nice warming view

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the lonely storm

there is a storm outside

the sky is bright and white

with snow swept by the winds

from roofs to the ground

it is nice watching the nature

as it evolves tonite

with tea at my hand

warming my hands and inside

as I sip it in

standing next to the window

looking at the street down

with my eyes relaxing

with the dance of the snow

I see a lady rushing

with short, quick steps

a red scarf around her face

carrying a shopping bag

the wind moving her coat

from side to side

I am thankful for being inside

it would not be fun otherwise

wishing those on the street

an immediate safe shelter

and something hot to drink

and a window somewhere

to see what I see

and say to someone nearby

look! how nice it is

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the sincere poem

this poem has a special place for me. tears, be gone.

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Life as I interpret it

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when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.

Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.

did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.

but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!

if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong

Kate’s short story – II

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eclectic I can be

while walking back to home

I imagined I was next to you

we were walking on the streets of the city

and laughing; I was saying

“attention please”

and you were not giving it to me

so instead of getting sad

I did the opposite for a change

I said again attention s’il vous plaît!

and you found that funny this time

so I followed by making words up in French

with a deep accent

with my eyes laughing and my body acting

soft and eclectically

I was silly but radiant

you looked at me all amazed

that was me happy

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she was difficult to deal with

she was difficult to deal with

weird, and quick to get mad

and when mad, she spoke harsh

over small things we would fight

yet she never stopped fuelling my dreams

except when it was hard on me

then she would show her attitude

expecting me to have gratitude

I completely ignored her

I took no steps to see

nor called to ask how she was

though she did contact me

over the years time to time

she passed away lately

after a long illness I was told

I wonder why she never told me;

come to think about it

I never happened to ask her her life

the attention was always on me

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nutty love

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I get it; I went nuts

I am doubtful of what I say

what I think, what I feel

my mind is a star away

I keep thinking

how can I be both happy and in pain

because of a love unattainable

I feel on the edge again

many thoughts float in my brain

if it continues like this

I will not be sane

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Kate’s short story – XVII

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end content

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two nights ago

a thought crossed my mind

“this will end one day”

it said

realizing the truth in it

maybe for the first time so naked

I felt the urge to live and panicked

I did know that

I would either regret

not having been with you

or be content

knowing that I did love you

I will not get to choose

which one will show up in my mind

to prevent the regret

forgetting you till then

would be the best

yet I will take the risk

I wish to end content

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Kate’s short story – XVI

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unassuming of you (#1)

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no Sir,

not yet

you seem not to

have shared

the best of you

and you tell me that

I do not get you?

no Sir,

not yet

without mutual laughter

and time spent together

I can not be guilty of

unassuming of you

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Kate’s short story – XII

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the poem of heart

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we all were wrong

it started as a joke
then stuck around
yet I got it serious
and I was into it
maybe it was your joy
may be your loveliness
for whatever reason there I was
waiting you

one fall evening
you gave me a flower
finally thought
you would ask me out
waiting long enough

I asked a friend
“T, do you think he likes me?”
he said with sadness

“no, he does not”
my heart sank…
we all were wrong
and I was
the last one to know
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Kate’s short story-IV

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the sincere poem

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when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.

Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.

did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.

but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!

if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong

Kate’s short story – II

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