Very random thoughts

Let’s rant first:

First thing first, I miss the previous editing system (classic, was it?) and dislike the new one. If I cannot get over this feeling, I can carry my blog to somewhere else. This was for you WordPress. Do a good job, not shitty.

Ooo. But, what is it with this potty mouth?

Shit happens all the time.

A few weeks back, someone in my neighbourhood committed suicide. I do not know him, but I had seen the ambulance in front of the house. It was remarkably quite and I did not even think that such a drastic thing could have happened. My heart goes to family who found him. May he rest in peace. It must be so hard to live that you have decided to take your life in your home, with your family around. What an unbearable pain you must have had. I am glad that I have not contributed to your pain but I am also sorry that I have not done anything to lessen it. I am sure you are at rest right now. I wish that I can help the family. Maybe I will knock their door tomorrow.

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Great things also happen all the time.

For example, yours truly is so fed up with mistreatment that she started to say “no” very easily. And It feels good and right. To be able to do that spontaneously and without getting emotional (aka, pissed off) is a blessing and a huge progress on my side. I thank myself for doing this 🙂 I also started to not take shit from friends or colleagues. Very proud.

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6 months of lock-down, and we seem to be doing okay. I continue to like working mostly from home, with occasional visit to my office. Sometimes we see our colleagues, sometimes not. And that is okay. There is some sort of understanding that we will likely go on like this for another year. I am okay with this. As a matter of fact, even after lock down is over, I will make sure to work at least 2 days from home – I think this is a great plan.

Other than this, all is the same. I work all the time, sometimes I get exhausted and keep telling myself that once this or that task is over, I will take time off. Maybe I will.

I have reached a milestone age lately and I feel great about it 🙂 there is something about getting old. I started to trust more on my own wisdom and less on my conscious mind. So far, it has been fantastic. I have read somewhere that our subconscious mind knows and remembers everything we heard, read, or listened. With this age, I feel like yes, this is so true. This is very empowering 🙂 I find that I handle my anxiety better as well. Less suffering, more quality of life = new age motto 🙂

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Sunday morning musings

Hello folks,

It has been sometime that I have engaged here. How could I stay away from blogging ???

🙂

The month of January went fast. Unbelievable. The other day I was telling a colleague of mine – do you also think that as we age the time goes by faster?

This is certainly my experience.

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when body is happy, mind is happy too

It has been a fine day.

I woke up thinking that if my body is happy, my mood is happy too.

I am saying this because I am actually very lazy in the mornings and while I need to use the washroom, say in the middle of the night, I keep staying in the bed, cannot easily sleep as a result because my body feels uncomfortable. Ouch..

So this morning around 5am, I did what I was supposed to do and went back to bed and had a great resting sleep.

Tell me about it 🙂

I believe that my thoughts help determine my mood, but noticing that when my body feels good, my mind feels good too was a great revelation. I am almost 50 but hey wisdom waits for the right time to come I guess…

I could relate this to two other activities; walking in the morning makes me feel great the whole day and if I force myself to smile then I feel instantly good too. Go figure!

Ladies and gents; do you have such interesting body-mood connections yourself?

Tell us in the comment section so that we all can learn from each other.

cannot believe it is October already..

The year has passed very fast.

Last October I was trying to get a good deal on my sewing machine. It was an exciting ordeal 🙂

Then I shopped for gifts and my own needs by taking advantage of the sales.

Then came December and the holiday season. It was nice.

A year later here I am not knowing how to process this speedy pass of time. I managed to live one more year. I also became a year closer to my own death. Hmmm..

Maybe I should keep this in my mind and sweeten my life a little bit.

 

my new hair – II

After 8 weeks of first treatment (e.g. dyeing and highlighting), I have visited a hair salon for the second time as part of my saga to transition to my natural, gray hair (you can find a picture of my hair at around 10 days ago here).

It took around 3 hours to foil the highlights (platinum) and dye the rest of the hair to a neutral dark gray/light brown colour, followed by application of toner. 

I must say the new dresser was awesome; very understanding and positive. When I saw my new hair, I have had a reaction similar to previous treatment, but much milder and much more positive……Such a change is not easy to take. I feel like my hair will never have a dark colour anymore (feels like an end of an era… it is saddening…).

I also look old.

Much older than I thought I would look…

I can always start dyeing my hair, so that is a freedom that I may or may not exercise. We will see.

My new colour is much lighter than any other time in my life, very close to dark gray. My roots (which were not treated today) nicely mix with the new colour. I have strong platinum highlight at around my face, which I specifically asked for. There could be no better way to transition to my natural hair. I am rationally very, very pleased.

It is just that I must get used to this hair. I also think that if I smile more or change my make up, I may look better. Not a mid-age and tired woman, but a mid-age woman gracefully comfortable in her own skin……

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transitioning to gray – 6.5th week after first treatment

Here is my hair after 6.5 weeks of first highlights and dyeing my hair close to its natural colour.

Highlights finally show up, which is a blessing (I am still fuming about the invisible highlights right after the hair salon visit).

My hair grew like an inch.

Between grays and highlights, there is a dark stripe (the dye applied last time, which gives an additional oddity to this hair…).

Honestly this hair does not look good at all (why did I not at least comb it before taking the pic?)….

The roots are annoying but not as much as before – I think the hair dresser was right – after a while highlights help soothe the gray roots. Only problem is that now I have my natural colour (dark brown), latest dye (lighter brown), grays, and yellowish highlights in addition to previous hair colour of red!

More is better!!

Argh.

I have an appointment in two weeks to get it dyed again and hopefully with better highlights this time. I would love to have wider streaks of platinum highlights to help with the gray hair coming off the roots. I hope this dresser will be able to give me what I want. Honestly, I am not very hopeful, but I will try as much as possible to demonstrate (with pics from internet) what I really want and expect.

I must say despite everything, this is a much better feeling than previous.

I previously very much disliked seeing the gray roots after 2-3 weeks of dyeing. Now it is 6.5 weeks and I am feeling okay with the roots. This is I believe because I have much bigger problems in that hair than only the gray roots…

I know this is a long journey to take up to a year, but I already have had the first 6.5 weeks, so I want to just keep going and get this transition done.

Wish me patience please. Because I may as well chop the entire thing and start from fresh!

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where is my resilience?

I feel on the edge the majority of the time. My nerves are firing and sometime for the little things. It is time that I take a break.

I have another 3 weeks of speedy work schedule after which I will have another business related trip followed by a couple of days for rest in Europe. I am really looking forward to this break. When I return I have another month to go with stress and high work volume, but I am assuming that the break will help heal my nerves. I keep telling myself I must find a way to manage my stress. The best way, in my experience, is cardio exercise, aka martial arts. At my age?? I am hesitant…

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My other alternative is to sooth my nerves with junk food.

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What is it gonna be?

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what would I do when I retire?

I want to retire in 8-11 years only to get rid of the stress and ridiculous issues that I deal with everyday at the office.

A few minutes ago I thought about this: what would be my retired life like?

It would be free of work related things, I would have some kind of financial stability/security, but then how would I fill my life? What would it be like?

This is an unknown situation. As someone living alone, I probably would need some human interactions. I think I would have a part-time job. That would also give me some pocket money. I can switch jobs easily too if I do not like the environment. That is a relief.

What else?

I think I would travel a little bit with tours. I have no interest in going around the world by myself at that age. Too much stress. Tours, on the other hand, would make this experience easier. I would love to go see the South America and Europe.

What else?

Would I write a novel? Poems? Where would I publish them? Would they be good? If not, why to write at all?

What would I do really??

Would I be free of stress? I think not, but at least I would not have the stress of work. I think I would be stressed about other things.

My health for one. I would probably stressed about health problems. Right now I am free of chronic diseases, but heck, anytime something may show up. So..

Life does not wait and time flies. I think I should stop thinking about retirement and rather focus on how to have a better and more fulfilling life.

What would make me more joyful and fulfilled now, I wonder?

Spending good time with my family. Having laughter. Feeling energized and hopeful for the future. Being more in the moment. Caring less about work and more about my life experiences. Being more positive. Seeing opportunities more. Taking opportunities more. Changing things that do not work. Removing toxic experiences and people from my life. Caring less about money and having less anxiety about future financial well-being. Being more spontaneous. Joking with life. Dancing with life.

Do I want too much?

 

 

joy journal – September 10, 2017

It has been a long time that I wrote in this journal. I miss it almost everyday but it is hard to find time to put the words out. Today I am taking my time as I made a conscious choice of being grateful and, as a result feeling good.

Not all days and moments are joyful, or without any problem or hurt that bothers us. But we/I could find some time to remember the things, event, experiences, and people that makes our lives better, safer, and enjoyable. This journal has served me well in this sense, I hope you too will start your own and benefit from it at least as much as I do.

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1. I am grateful for sleeping well and getting up at around 9 am. It was not too early or too late. Just right.

2. I am grateful for my morning coffee which was just right. Every once a while I get the temperature right and today was one of those times. With a little bit of sugar, it was the most enjoyable drink I have had in the last while 🙂

3. I am grateful for not getting crazy over the rain. I was planning to shop today but it rained whole day and made my plan a future plan. I do not need anything urgent, but shopping would be very therapeutic and help me with feeling good and excited. Ah, shopping…. 🙂

4. I am grateful for baking a sourdough loaf today. I run out of the bread in my freezer and I was so craving for fresh bread 🙂 

5. I am grateful for speaking with my family today and for their well being, health, and happiness.

6. I am grateful for working today. I worked around 3 hours reviewing a report and drafting a report about it. I still have work to do on it, but I started and this is good. I must finish my report in two weeks and I have ample time now that I progressed quite a bit today.

7. I am grateful for being assertive with a dominant and bossy collaborator of mine. He changes things or involves more people in without consulting me on matters directly related to me. I swallowed a few incident like that in the last one month and today he did it again and I said it is time that we talked. I asked him to call me, which he did and we talked. He admits that I am a control freak (who did not know this?) and he was too negligent of others’ opinions and priorities. We talked like two mature individuals with understanding and without yelling or getting mean, which was nice. I am not naive enough to think that this talk has solved the problem for ever; no, as long as I work with him, we will come to the same point again and again. But I am happy that I talked without fearing negative consequences (I actually need him for a project of mine), and formed a more respectful bond between us. This is good enough for now and we can always talk in the future should it be required.

8. I m grateful for the kale meal I have cooked yesterday. At one point in the afternoon I took a supplement that upset my stomach. I ate the meal and it was okay after that. Should I not have the meal ready, I think I would suffer longer while trying to cook something new. Long live kale! 🙂

9. I am grateful for my windows being open and having fresh air in. I love this about summer and fall. One of my treasured activities at home. I feel so lucky 🙂

10. I am grateful for listening to a relaxing music that is great for my fried nerves…. Many years ago I used to try to mediate listening to this kind of music. Seeing the bigger picture in life and feeling safe and well in it in the moment are priceless. I should try sitting meditation someday again, but honestly it is the most boring thing for me (I know many people can do it – hats off!!).

11. I am grateful for stepping out for a short time and purchasing yogurt. I love yogurt!! I can eat an entire tub on a single day; it is creamy and healthy. I should make better choices and opt for low fat variety next time. My doctor informed me that my bad cholesterol is a little bit high. I am still at low risk group, but it was consistently increasing in the last year, so I must be careful with it.

12. I am grateful for realizing my needs and short-comings. I  just had a birthday in the last few weeks. Between the trip to Rome and the busy and stressful work schedule, I could not reflect on my new age except in a few short moments….. I have been looking forward to a quiet time to actually reflect and figure out how I feel about my age and aging, what changes I must introduce in my life, and how content I was with everything else. But this is not happening yet, and I feel annoyed by this… I know that I am changing as a middle aged individual. I know my dreams and plans are changing. I know my days are getting shorter and shorter and so are the days of my loved ones. My chronic disease and death probability is also increasing with each passing moment. These demand significant changes in my attitude, my life-style, and the way I look at life and my priorities. I know my health and my family’s health are the most important thing, but ask me how I contribute to either of this and the answer will be very lame. I am so focused on turning work around and dealing with antsy bitsy issues that I cannot find time to think big or be positive. What a shame…. I am rationally aware of what I must do, yet still cannot or do not take the steps to better my life and spend more time with and cherish my family…. It takes one step to start this journey… I wish that I can start it right now… I may or may not, but at least I am aware of my need and wish and who knows, maybe I will take that step sometime soon.

13. I am grateful for having the day to myself. I plan to watch TV after this and enjoy my time.

14. I am grateful for the cat of my neighbour’s who spends time in my yard a lot. It is a beautiful black and young female cat that keeps hunting and surveilling the yard for pests and moth. She killed a little rat a couple of weeks ago in my yard, which was a scary sight at first. But I am so grateful for this mouser that keeps my yard free of pests. She and I do not interact much except that we both look at each other whenever both of us exist in the yard at the same time. I respect her presence and she respects mine. We are a good team 🙂

15. I am grateful for the food in my fridge and pantry; all the clothes, shoes, furniture, and everything else in my home. They make my life easy and comfortable. 

16. I am grateful for making a conscious effort to have a healthier lifestyle as of today. The last 2 months have been crazy stressful and I lacked the time, energy, and willpower to pay attention to my own health and well being. I almost left home today for a convenience store trip to get junk food, but stopped at the last minute and I am very happy about this.

17. I am grateful for being grateful and finding time to note these here today 🙂

random thoughts

Three more days till my two weeks holidays time off 🙂 I cannot wait!

Honestly, I am done with work. I have things to do but enough is enough. I have been working very hard and made a good attempt to finish ongoing work. I will make one last push tomorrow and Wednesday, and then I will take Thursday off (even though it is not  apart of our holidays). I deserve this extra day 🙂

I have done the majority of my shopping by taking advantage of the sales, though I still would love to check trousers and get one or two if they are on sale. Other than that, I have no need for shopping and I feel good about this. Of course I have many socials to attend, especially this week, which kind of makes me bored already, but I will go through it. The exciting things will be to declutter my home, clean it up, and get some time for myself.

I have quite a reflection to do and the holidays have always been the best time for me to do so… This year has been full of ups and downs…. While on the average it was one year that I have had felt happy, it was also the one that brought me the most profound sadness; my dad has passed away this year.. May he rest in peace…. I did not know what sadness was prior to this and I had never appreciated life as much I have since my dad’s death…My dad has given me life and also taught me the best lesson ever by his death; that I must appreciate life while I have it…. How could I not feel this before, when he was alive? He has seen me mostly depressed and fed up with life; that feels so unfair to him… But I am sure he would love to see me now with this new zest towards life.

I am also older now and getting close to 50 🙂 hah haaa. I have never thought I would but here I am! With age comes change in the body as well as in the attitude towards anything really. I appreciate my family and I still care about my work, but I want to have a better and healthier life-style overall. I am losing weight slowly but steadily, which is good. My mood is overall better, which is awesome. I must continue to care for my back and keep doing my stretches and light weight training, which have been really good for me. I want to get better at sewing and start doing some serious projects, which I hope the holidays will be a good opportunity to do so. I am still keen about saving and paying down my mortgage, but I am not going to get too enthusiastic about it and would like to make it a priority to enjoy my life and care for people I love…

It looks like I have little new projects for the new year. This somehow bothers me (i.e. does not excite me that much) but I would like to think positive. Perhaps this is an opportunity to go with the flow. Who knows, maybe I will develop new interests and projects without thinking about them? After all my two current interest, blogging and sewing, were never planned and were just spontaneously born 🙂

push-up surprise

I sometime surprise myself….

Very amusing I can be 🙂

Well, I have been in a great mood this past week (mostly because of the motivation coming out of losing weight lately and steadily) and I even started doing some push ups. It has been years that I have had the energy to try them (thank you again vit D and iron supplements…). My maximum number of push ups done all at one round was 55. This was something like 10 years ago. Sure, I have started small this time; with 6, then 8 the next day and now 10 push ups today. Well, you know what? I do not think I will go up 55 as before, but I sure will go high. I am in love.. They are so good for building the arms and chest as well as the back and abs. I am very excited 🙂

There is something so powerful about feeling the energy and strength I once had. I may be getting old, but I am not that old.

Have a great weekend everyone 🙂

Birthdays, middle age, and reflections

It will be my birthday soon.

As usual I do not plan to have something special that day. I used to have birthday parties with family and friends when I was young. Since I am away from my family, that tradition has long gone. One of my friends insists that i do something, even a little cake for myself, to take note of my birthday. Maybe I will..

When I was young, the age I am becoming now would terrify me. I would say it was too old and I could never imagine myself reaching that age. I hope I did not give the message of “please die prior to that age” message to my subconsciousness; I have no interest in dying now. As a matter of fact I just feel like I started living.

I am middle aged now and probably missed a couple of life’s opportunities, like having a kid. I am not sorry for this. For some reason, I was never interested in that. Maybe I never realized how fast the life goes on. This is a possibility. But other than that I feel like I have become more experienced with dealing life’s ups and downs and this gives me some kind of peace.

I have been reflecting for some time about my life so far, how I feel about the age, and my future plans and wishes. I continue to have no long – term plans, interestingly. I have some wishes, of course, like to live a long life safe and without chronic or serious diseases. The only thing that terrifies me about aging is getting incapacitated or suffering from a serious disease. After all, I live alone and it looks like I will keep it this way till the end.

I am not bragging about living alone. It may be hard to keep up with work and life and all the responsibilities by myself, but I guess I proved it long time ago that more or less I handle it. Of course there are hard, trying times, I make mistakes or fail. But then who does not?

I also wish to visit South America one day. This has been a recurring wish for me for quite some time. I had written about this and other wishes here. I have no idea why so far I have not taken steps to do so.

There are other things in that list, which I still keep being interested in. My wish to have a cat continues, even after I had to return back the lovely cat I adopted; I will try fostering cats for short times. Less responsibility for me and possibly a good chance for these lovely creatures.

I continue to work on my financial health and plans, including paying off my mortgage.

I may as well get that black dress sometime soon, if I continue to lose weight. I have lost my appetite for the last 6 months or so, and I have been losing weight slowly. I am kind of anxious that this may as well be a sign of a disease, but I sure hope I am wrong.

Overall, I have had an interesting life, not necessarily a happy life, but a very interesting one. It is my sincere wish that life will continue to amaze me, drive me to new and exciting territories, make me a better and wiser person, and bring me more joy and happiness 🙂

 

 

 

 

random thoughts

A cold and snowy day!

April and Spring…Yeah right 🙂

The scenery from my office window was amazing with snow covering the trees and roofs of the houses. I must say I will miss snow. The truth is the winters here are so long that after a while it kinda becomes the “normal” weather. It is enjoyable. It is beautiful. It does not bother anymore. Spring and summer become distant realities, if not dreams…. And with June, we kind of notice the change, the warm temperatures, and maybe more than that, the awakening of the nature. Spring, after all the snow and dark days, really surprises me every year. Very interesting experience indeed…..

When I was in Toronto, winters were colder, but the sky was always blue and clear. It did make a huge positive difference in my mood. So when I moved here, more than the huge amount of snow dumped every winter, it was the lack of sunlight that bothered me. After all these years, I might have just adapted to the lack of sunlight. Or, it may be the vitamin D supplements I started to take in the last 6-7 months that makes me not requiring sunlight as before… Hard to know.

I worked long hours today, mostly at home. Until 8 pm I was busy with documents. I feel good working and taking care of stuff, especially if they are going well. Today was just one of these days. Now I will focus on relaxing my mind by watching TV shows or reading blogs. I gotta slow down my mind to go to sleep.

I noticed that in the last few years, I do not require 9 hours of sleep anymore. It is maybe more like 7 hours. I had read somewhere that as we age, we would need less sleep (since our physical activity levels would reduce over time). I do not want to believe in it as I am reacting to aging 🙂 but, no – seriously – my activity levels did not change in the last few years, so I am not sure whether it is the reason behind my reduced sleep needs. But I must say this gives me more time and an opportunity to go to sleep late. So, I cannot complain 🙂

Have a great night everyone 🙂

timeless

poem

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we both aged

I am not pretty anymore;

my hair turned gray

teeth stained

arms weakened

body changed

I put make up darling

to lift my spirit

I smile more darling

to radiate

all have been changing

saddening me…

I knew what aging meant

for you, for me

oh, darling….

not once you have told me

how pretty I was

that my smile warmed you

my sight delighted

my love was the light

around you

no, darling, no..

you have not, not even once

talked about aging

as if i was that 20 years old girl

you first had met

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happiness

I have many objectives in my live that I believe will make it better, make me healthier and wealthier (at least debt free). These are more or less attainable.

My life-long objective was to be happy. I have had happy periods in my life, which I cherish. These memories also make me believe that I can be happy.

Do not get me wrong, I am not unhappy. I just would not define myself as a happy person.

I just have had a conversation with a friend of mine. She is a single mom and having financial problems. On top of that, she feels stuck and hopeless. Obviously a down time for her. I could do nothing but listen to her. I understand that she is deeply unhappy.

It is selfish, but after hearing her hurdles, I felt blessed. So what if I do not feel happy? I at least did not have the challenges my friend have: I was in a safer environment, largely abundant, with a stable and awesome job that stresses me but also excites me. I never needed to think about finding the food for the next meal in my life. Maybe I am spoiled in fact.

I always believed that happiness is not a neutral state (as the state I am in where I am neither happy nor unhappy). It is rather a positive state where I smiled for no reason, looked at life and observed it rather than reacting to it, and hummed songs along the way. Life was very enjoyable then.

I also know what unhappiness is; it is agonizing, painful, and depressing. Very negative state.

I have had long, unhappy periods of life in the past. I wish not to feel that way again. So what if I do not feel happy? At least I do not feel unhappy right now.

But, as soon as I read the above sentence, something inside me started to rebel; I want to be happy!

So how do we get happy?

I have analyzed the times I was happy. I have no particular reason that I can put my finger on. It is so fuzzy that seriously if you asked me what would make me happy for a prolonged time, I am sure I could not tell you what that was.

This does not mean that I do not get momentarily happy; I do. when I see my family and friends, when I travel, when I realize something, when I have good luck in something… But momentarily being happy and being happy for extended periods of time are different; it is the latter that I am curious about.

Is it possible that we get happier as we age? i am not sure. I for sure deal with things and emotions a little bit better now that I have experience. But as I age, the probability of serious issues and experiences (such as sickness, losing someone loved, grieving etc.) also increase. I do not know, but I have been feeling like I am at the best period of my life. And I should be very grateful for it. Perhaps I should forget about happiness and accept what I have as the best.

Still though something inside me rebels…

random thoughts

Today I am writing for the 88 year old man who I know.

He lives alone as he has not been in good terms with his ex-wife and son. He has two daughters; one of them is away and the other one is going thru the struggle of life. There is noone that can take care of this poor man. He did not want to go to retirement residences until this year; this year he started to fall (otherwise he is wonderfully healthy) and he is very aware of the fact that he soon may need more care than now.

It must be a difficult decision to finally find a retirement home. This gentleman will hopefully be happy there and have excellent community and receive excellent care. The fact that either the residences are full or require more funds than he can afford has been challenging; I sincerely hope that the residence he has found now will work wonders for him (cross the fingers). His daughters cannot support him financially a lot but doing their best. I know it is heart-breaking for them as well. Sometimes, there is no good solution to life’s challenges and this engulfes everyone with its deep misery, hopelessness, and guilt.

Anyhow, this gentleman’s story made me think about it my own future. I am single and away from my family. I am middle aged now but may eventually age and require care (unless I die suddenly and while still healthy or middle-aged). What will I do? would I love going to these residences? How would I feel? Would I still feel my dignity and freedom? Would it depress me or would it be a useful experience?

I do not know; I do not want to think about it for now. I guess I can, and will deal, with one thing at a time.

Wishing everyone a great old age.

random thoughts

I am firm that I made peace with my body.

I am not young any more and as I am not stupid either, I can see what the aging has been doing to my body. My body is not the same as 10 years ago. I have no idea what will happen to it in another 10 years, either.

It is not that I am not feeling sorry; I am.

I used to take care of my body better prior to the last 7 years. I am glad I have. It is true that I could (and I still can) take steps to nourish and tone up my skin, my muscles. I can for example work on my biceps or triceps. Legs. Abs. Neck. I know I can do these.

There are many women out there who have taken better care of their body by diet and exercise and whose bodies hence looks younger. Maybe their genes helped, too. I do not know. But good job – please keep going.

It is just that this (aging and the associated changes in the body) is a normal extension of life. A privilege of living to this age. Who said that I could not live to age?

Honestly I am okay with my body and with aging. As long as both are healthy and happy.

random thoughts

I mowed the lawn again and am feeling sooo  tired 🙂 Man, when did I become so old or out of shape? I decided today to take it easy next time; maybe instead of mowing at a single attempt, I can divide it to two or three parts and see how I feel. I am too young to feel this tired just by an hour of yard work 🙂

My birthday is coming and although I would like to celebrate it, I still could not figure out what exactly to do; shall I invite my friends over for a dinner? shall I invite them out to a diner? Shall I spend it alone and by reflection? What shall I get myself as a gift? I have no idea…..

This age is somehow important for me – I am mid 4os and I am feeling like the youth is slipping away from me. I should not be thinking this way as I have seen many people in their 50s, 60, and even 70s enjoying good health and high energy levels. I used to have a lot of energy once upon a time and I miss that feeling.. I know good diet and regular exercise help with the energy levels. So, maybe I will start with cooking myself a nice soup and preparing a hearty salad today. And as long as the beautiful summer days continue where I am, maybe I can increase the amount of walking I am having. Or maybe I can just pay a teenager or a student to mow my lawn next time 🙂

While I am tired and feeling the humidity/hot weather quite a bit, I must say I am very happy with the yard work. On a separate note, among all the seeds I planted, none has grown 😦 The only things that have grown are the fresh mint leaves I had inserted into the soil. Five-six of them seem to have rooted and are growing. I could not be happier as it is a very rare treat to find fresh mint here; I really love eating fresh mint with my salads; and more importantly I know once they get stronger they will spread around to form more mint plants. Yey! 🙂

Now back to healthy food that hopefully help my body recuperate; what else than the old good chicken noodle soup that heals fatigue 🙂 time to go to the kitchen.

cheers,

random thoughts

A relaxing Friday evening.

I made myself tired cleaning the house; I left the office early and decided to do the cleaning today rather than tomorrow. And I felt like I could do a more detailed, better job today, which I did. And the end result is good yet I find myself tired.

Am I getting old? Is that it? My tiredness is not physical I can tell you that. More of mental. Only because I do not like house chores, especially deep cleaning that we all gotta do time to time. On the positive side, even though I feel tired, I am glad that this is done and over. Until next  time 🙂

So tomorrow is a Saturday – what shall I do? How should I enjoy it? I know I still have some house chores to do tomorrow, but at least I can start the day with shopping. I thought today that shopping is useful mentally as it helps me to focus on the store items rather than the usual chatter going on in my mind; work, projects, etc. A nice mental break.

I gotta mow the yard but it is rainy. Hoping it will be dry this weekend so that I can clear the yard a little bit. With all the rain, the life forms just bloom. It is actually amazing; it is just the longer I wait to mow, the harder it gets to do so. Nature versus myself – we will see how it goes.

But for now, I will take it easy. Listening to classical music, sitting comfortably on the couch, and just relaxing. Old age, the weight of the house chores, or stress; it does not matter.

Tonite I am relaxing.

late-night random thoughts

First of all, late nights are awesome! They are silent, peaceful, and I feel like I have the entire world to myself.

Nowadays I have been going to the bed late. Tonite is one of them. I am not worried about not getting up on time. I am not sure whether it is true that as we age, we need less sleep? I always thought it was because of reduced amount of exercise maybe? Considering my almost the same level of exercise over the days or months, i do not think lack of exercise has anything to do with my reduced need of sleep. There must be another reason.

This morning, I woke up right on time to catch the bus, but rather took the cab. Why?

I do not have good mood in the mornings. This morning I woke up particularly pissed. I remembered (and why did I do that?) that one of my “good” friends had joked and almost insulted me about a treat basket I sent her all they way from Canada to USA when she got married. That was maybe 8 years ago. That is what she said about the chocolate in the basket;  “You know how much I love chocolate; I even ate that chocolate”.

Well, I  am not sorry that I did not send you the finest chocolate ever. I was almost penniless at that time and it cost me more than 2 weeks of allowance. 2 weeks.. yet, I sent it to you to celebrate your beautiful day.

No more gifts for you my friend – until you start appreciating people’s efforts and good wishes for you. Or at least until you zip it.

And this thought does not make me feel good, either; I prefer to have good wishes, good thoughts, gratefulness….

I am pissed at my friend once more.

I am surprised how mean and inconsiderate people can be and how we can keep them in our lives. In my case, my friend turned out to be a solid one, but she certainly is not shy to insult me as she pleases.

Again, I am pissed..

Deep breath.. All is well.. Right now I have everything and everyone I need and want. Right now I am at peace….

When I get up in the morning, I will be grateful for being alive, for welcoming another beautiful day full of life-experiences and opportunities, and hopefully will do or think something to make myself feel good.

Goodnight everyone 🙂

Not sure what to think about this article; is this this doctor’s personal wish for himself or is this article/journalist trying to publicize his way of thinking to get support for future health care implementations?

While emphasis on valuing and enjoying the quality of life is a part of this article I like, I believe everyone deserves to live as much as they can, as much as they want. I also do not agree that people beyond 75 is a burden to the society – when did we stop seeing the contributions of our senior citizens to ourselves, our families, and our societies? I bet cost of medical care is a player in this kind of thinking; as if people over 75 have not contributed to it over the decades.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/renowned-doctor-ezekiel-emanuel-says-75-is-good-age-for-us-to-die-1.2862410

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