random thoughts

I am okay with admitting that I was wrong. Humility and setting the record right feels a lot better than ego playing tricks. Plus, I do not like negative feelings; it is a lot better when all sides are content.

Today after a couple of heated conversations (because of months of delay – almost a year now), with someone who was supposed to do some work for me, I realized I made him responsible for also the things he was not directly responsible for (he was partially only). I realized this only after he made his points. The end result was we both were aggravated and it did not help either of us. As a jerk-knee reaction, I have got defensive for a second or so, but later saw what he meant. And I acknowledged this. Sometimes, we forget the details, the whole picture I guess.

I have been stressed for the work that remained undone for so long now that this experience was good at reminding me once again what was important. Peace is better than having arguments. Mental clarity is a lot better than a cluttered mind. Keeping a good relationship is better than hurting it first and then trying to mend later.

I keep asking myself though: how do we find the balance between protecting our rights and interests while also controlling our frustration and still being constructive and kind?

In my experience, it is possible when we are relaxed. When we think that all will eventually be fine.

Off to stretching and listening to relaxing music now. Time for some inner work…

thoughts awaken by a poem – cont’d

What is it about those people we argue, get upset with, hiss to, but nevertheless care, like/love, and miss?

I have some idea, which make some sense time to time; but then none…

Sometimes I feel like arguments are a way of communication; maybe it is what is helping us to connect. Can there be a more pleasant way of communication? Certainly it may, but for some unexplained reasons, with some people that is what it is..

Maybe we get upset because we have expectations from them that remain unmet; or because whatever they do/say (or not) hurts only because we care about them a little bit more than usual and each reaction evokes some strong emotions in us (upsetting feelings, happiness, excitement, etc.). This level of emotions created by such individuals is what makes them unique to me.

So, eventually what happens? I do not know; I guess people continue like this happily and with an acceptance of each other. Or slowly disappear from each other’s lives with no farewells, no further arguments, no bad-feelings.

Or, maybe we can stand being neither with them nor without them. Maybe then it is best to end the relationship/friendship/acquaintance. But, who could blame me for missing that person years later then?

Unless I really cared then, I would not care now.

That is all I have to say.

arguments and relationships

Arguments can either kill the trust, rapport, or the love between two people or it may strengthen them.

I am of open and sincere communication as much as the other party allows. Let’s face it, not everybody opens up well enough. Understanding each other is essential in relationships but it can be quite limited because of un-openness leading to misunderstandings, not clarifying issues/meanings, and conflicting or changing priorities, life events, or feelings. Or just to protect ourselves.

Arguments sometimes is inevitable when the misunderstandings stack up tall or our feelings are hurt for some other reason. At those times, it is difficult to erase the ego or the agitation and to focus on understanding the opposite person and to express ourselves. Sometimes, though both listening the other person and communicating ourselves can help to open up, clear the air, and resolve the issues.

More importantly, we can understand ourselves better in such situations; are we constructive? are we confidently present our case and stand by our opinions/values/actions? Do we have dignity and respect? Do we have confidence and determination to stand tall if the other person is at fault?

Have you ever noticed and liked your behaviour/attitude after an argument, whether it turned out to be resolving argument or not? then you know what I mean.

Have you understood the other person better and realized what might have gone wrong in  your relationship? then again you know what I mean.

being peaceful, kind, and respectful while also being confident and expressive works well sometime. There are two people in the argument, in the relationship. All go both ways.

peace and cheers

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