Happy Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone – wherever and whoever you are.

We have a somewhat foggy day but that is okay. Summer is here and sometimes we can get tan 🙂 Not today, but that is fine.

I am enjoying my weekend. Last few weeks were too busy and stressful with deadlines, but the end of the tunnel is showing. So, on Friday evening I felt the right to simply enjoy my weekend. That means I will do whatever I want to do and I will not think about work. This works wonderfully.

You may ask what I am doing this weekend, then?

Well, first of all, some sort of more intense than usual cleaning ensured. I love my home when it is well ordered and clean 🙂 So, it works so well for my mood.

Second of all, I just sit, browse the internet, and get bored of not doing anything particular 🙂 yes, indeed. This boredom is important because it makes me want to work, so I am certainly looking for a highly productive week 🙂

It is interesting that at my age (around mid century), I am still figuring out the best way to work. There is no limit to when and what we can learn, I guess. Also, sometimes we learn when we really need it – yes, I can be stubborn and may not learn what life offers me as a learning opportunity. Also, things change and adaptation requires noticing and fixing things. These are my justification for today 🙂

Do you also feel that as you age, you get better? There is so much to do and offer to others and work? Past generations would retire and perhaps die at around my age. What a waste of human potential. I am so full of energy and motivation to do more. I hope I will have the opportunity to live and make my contributions.

I am saying this because I also see many people at my age or 5-10 years older passing away…. This is a real reminder that I cannot take any day guaranteed anymore. When my father had passed away 5 years ago, I had felt that reality for the first time. That one day I would pass away too and cannot enjoy my coffee (I was depressed at that time and coffee was something that has always given me some sort of pleasure). It was painful. I wanted to live and enjoy every minute. I just did not know how to do this.

I am still not good at that, but my anti-depressant work and gives me relief, at least. My foster cat Mona is pure love and makes me feel happy and loving. My latest promotion made me feel good and more motivated to do accomplish more. I have my first covid-19 shot and looking forward to getting the 2nd one soon. My family is safe from the pandemic so far and are vaccinated, too.

That is pretty much it. Still many things are missing to reach a really joyful life where I enjoy it more (like music, art), but this is a progress. Right?

Right.

Today I am grateful for progressing in feeling better and having more positive experiences relative to my recent past, and for realizing that I can integrate more in my life to even enjoy it more.

random thoughts

What a beautiful, bright day!

We still have snow here and there, but since the daylights savings stuff ending, we get to see much better weather and day outside, I want to walk so badly, hopefully tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am getting my taxes done. I admire those people who do their own taxes. Hats off! I never tried it in Canada, Honestly I am scared that I will do something wrong, and the CRA will get back to me after 🙂 So, I pay over 100 bucks each year for my taxes to be filed. Peace of mind, that is. Hope to get a return and add up to it a little bit more, and make a prepayment next week 🙂 this is so exciting – I am looking forward to it.

I was able to get up around 8 am, and it made my day very productive. I know that getting not later than 8.30 am is a factor in my productivity.. Since we started working from home, my sleep has been really good (sleeping 6-7 hours/night) and since Mona – my foster cat – came to stay with me and I started to take antidepressant medication at around the same time, it even got better. Now I can sleep around 8 hours, without anxiety and negative fears/thoughts filling my mind during the night.

However my morning sleep has also become too sweet, and as such, I love, LOVE sleeping in, an hour or more in the morning. This means I usually get up around 9, 9.30 am. With the morning routine of feeding Mona and cleaning her bowls and litter box/room, that means I do not start the work till at least an hour later. Staring the work around 10 am almost always makes me feel like I am late, and as a result, I feel stress to catch up. Oh well.

So hope to make it a habit to get up around 7.30 – 8 am so that I can feel a lot better, despite cutting from the sweet morning sleep 🙂 Wish me luck 🙂

Anyways, all is well on my, my family’s, and Mona’s side. So there is so much to be grateful of. I am grateful for:

• sleeping well and getting up relatively early

• having a productive, calm, and peaceful work day

• we all being well and healthy

• eating home made meal and apple

• getting a highly positive comment from the organizers of an event I participated last week – their note was short but specific to what was amazing about my talk (engaging the audience with my talk during this virtual meeting), so I especially loved it 🙂 Great motivation to keep going, making interactive talks, and knowing that my efforts paid off,

• beautiful, bright day that gives the impression that Spring is coming

• resting and relaxing tonite by blogging, surfing on the internet, and watching Netflix

have a great night everyone

Joy journal – February 11, 2021

It has been some time that I wrote on my joy journal. Not that I have not been having joyful moments, or needed to remind myself the experiences, things, and people/animals that had some sort of positive values.

I was just simply engulfed too much in the COVID-19 matters, the lock-down, and work. Anyways.

I am grateful for the followings today:

• for sleeping well and waking up feeling good – check

I have been sleeping much better because of the lock-down. I have no shame telling this. I also have been sleeping much better since I started my anti-depressants and my foster cat Mona joined my life. Insomnia is a terrible thing. Your mind races from one thought to other, without finding any solution to the situation or to the issues at hand. A tired mind leads to a tired body. Not a cool thing. For over 3-4 years I slept around 4 hours every night and then woke up, always feeling like shit and stressed.. It is over for now, for which I am extremely grateful

• for Mona being well and safe – check

I really love my foster cat. She is the most joyful, kind, pleasant, and loving thing in my life. She changed my life for the better and every minute spent with her is precious.

• for working well and without much of a stress – check

my goodness – my work stress has reduced quite a bit and I can work and enjoy completing things. I am so pumped up by these feelings. I must say I spend much less time on uncritical things than before – I do not need to check every word, every calculation. I can, rather, make it an effective and joyful experience by not straining myself and by not needing an extreme focus to work at hand 🙂

• for eating healthy – check

I love apples, but in the last few weeks I have not eaten any. I bought apples yesterday and this noon I enjoyed one. I really like this fruit that is neither too sweet nor too sour. I also ate yogurt, which is one of my daily snacks. It nourishes and hydrates my body. Feeling good 🙂

• for not going to the office – check

our case numbers have been good, but are increasing. So I keep to home mostly, without going to the office. The new variants are making us anxious and just because the COVID-19 situation is much better here than many other places around the globe does not mean I should relax. I must admit I had relaxed and did not care much about the pandemic (while also socially distancing and wearing masks/gloves). I was shopping like any other time. Now, I feel like I need to start being a little bit more cautious, as we will never know when the variants will hit my region.

Our workplace allows us to go use our offices, but I will mostly keep it to my home. So, I am grateful I have this flexibility

• for tomorrow being Friday – yey!

I am very excited about this! Since new year, I have completed a number of things that were on my plate and handled many difficult people and situation. This weekend I will work again, only to finish small staff so that from next Monday on, I can start focusing on big plans. feeling excited 🙂

• for having all the essential items at home – check

I have been shopping to make sure in case of a strict lock-down I could still be able to comfortably feed myself (and Mona). I have everything, enough for at least 3 months. I can get some laundry detergent sometime, and maybe facial tissues, but that is pretty much it. I am glad that I stocked up on things that are durable and useful so that I can feel secure if pandemic starts to soar here again

• for being alright and grateful for today and everything and everyone in it – check

🙂

Saturday morning musings

Happy Saturday everyone – hope you all will have a pleasant day, and find a chance to rest and be joyful.

I am excited for today as I am not planning to work. Rather I will be out going for shopping 🙂 I did some shopping this week, thanks to a friend who gave me a ride. But I still have some stuff to purchase and some items to return, so today is a great day to do all of these.

Since I do not have a car, my shopping (in malls) is often restricted to one mall and a few stores in the mall in a given day. Carrying bulky or heavy stuff by hand around is not practical. This is just one restriction of not having a car, while there are so many other benefits of not having one 🙂

I had a rather less busy week at work, and that allowed me doing the house chores yesterday, leaving today to myself. I am quite grateful for this.

It takes longer to clean the house now, considering I have a foster cat (Mona) under my care. But that is okay. I would rather spent 2x time in cleaning than not having these magical creatures in my home. I feel so lucky and happy to have finally decided to take the step to foster cats. It has been 6 happy weeks 🙂

While fostering comes with almost no extra expense, I nevertheless supply around 1/4 of the food and litter to help the organization. I also am happy to make other expenses that make my and Mona’s life easier – these include disposable litter boxes and scoops (replaced every 2 weeks), generous use of litter bags (scooping the litter 3-4 times a day) and disposable cleaning clothes and disinfectant wipes. All of these make it much better experience. I also need a second vacuum (maybe a small, hand-held one) to help with the vacuuming (litter and cat hair, mostly). This is better than carrying my bulky vacuum on the two floors of the house everyday.

As someone who is interested in saving money as much as possible, the fact that I am enthusiastic about these extra expenses are a clear indication that I get so much by having Mona at home. Money is not everything, right? Right.

We have a rather warm December. Looks like it is gonna be a warm winter this year, which I am sure is welcomed by open arms. We have had such a tough 2020.

Are you looking forward to 2021? Honestly, I do not expect much of a change, maybe except for the vaccinations rolling on and mortality from COVID-19 going down. We still need to figure out the economy, the travel, and opportunities lying ahead in the post-pandemic future.

One of these opportunities is more virtual meetings & conferences organized. For professionals like me, this provides a cost-effective and comfortable professional development opportunity. I am really looking forward to these.

I still do not know when I can go visit my family, but summer 2021 does not seem to be an option. Have not talked about this to my family, but I think they already predict that. As long as they are healthy and safe, I am okay with this.

I really am.

random thoughts

Much better day today compared to yesterday, and I could not be happier 🙂

It was a busy day that was filled with itsy bitsy things, all work related. Sometimes our days are filled with little stuff with big hearts. They need to be addressed and they like our attention…sigh…

We have had a rainy, gray day. Looks like it is gonna continue like this for some time. I am okay with this, except that I was planning to go shop (by bus); this will likely not gonna happen as long as it rains.

We are now into 7 months of lock-down. How are you all doing?

• I am generally okay, though there are a couple of things that have changed:

• I visited the thrift stores only once during the pandemic, can you imagine? I used to find great books, clothing and kitchen item, and unique pots for my plants so easily in the thrift stores. This type of excitement has been lacking from my recent life. Maybe that is okay, considering I actually have everything I need

• I spent more money, now that everything is more expensive. I admit that I spent quite a bit of sum of money to stock up durables (for example, toilet paper, soap, shampoo) and food (for example, canned food, lentils/beans, butter, and so on). On the other hand, I saved money, re; bus fare (small, but significant savings)

• I drink tea and crave for greens more often

• I have initially gained some pounds, and then lost a few of them, and am still trying to drop pounds

• I baked sourdough bread only once during the last 7 months – mostly due to getting even busier with remote work conditions

• I started fostering cats, with the first one, Mona, being an angel 🙂

• I have not visited my family this year and I hope that I can do this in the next two years

When I think about the pandemic and see the news, I realize how lucky I am for being here, healthy, and knowing no one who contracted the virus or died from it

Honestly, thinking about future with COVID-19 in my mind is giving me headaches sometime. While certain things have changed for the better, I really do not know how the economy will recover, whether our jobs, salaries, and benefits will be protected, whether I will still be eligible to early retire on time, and whether we will have to deal with this virus even after a successful vaccine is developed and become accessible by everyone around the world.

The likely outcome is that many of us will find ourselves in worse conditions than today. I am grateful for my job, not having my salary or benefits being reduced (not yet), all the savings I have done in the last especially 6 years, and the fact that it could have been much worse… Thinking about the young generations – what awaits them in terms of economy and job opportunities is probably worse than ours.

The economic forecast is possibly the best motivator for me to look into my spendings and see how I can curb it. Maybe I will write about this later…

COVID-19 (May 15, 2020)

Today was the grocery day. It went well 🙂 My pantry and fridge are full, and I have so much beautiful and fresh produce to consume. Life feels good and abundant again.

Who knew fresh produce would make such a difference in my life. They apparently make me happy.

I am grateful.

 

 

morning musings

It is early morning 🙂

One of those peaceful times of the day. Do you also find the early and late part of the day the most peaceful, most yours?

I had a very busy day yesterday with a 6 hours of online meeting going up late in the evening. I volunteer in that committee, but I keep thinking why I do that year after year. Maybe next year it will be wise to skip this role.

I am sometimes surprised by my (optimistic) thinking. I am still mostly focusing on work, its stress/issues, and completing tasks. However, I do not even know whether myself or people that I care and love most, will be here next year in the face of this pandemic or another reason…..The ambitions I feel for my job performance and the sourness I feel because of the recent rejection of my promotion request – do they really matter? Will they matter if something happens to me or my family?

 

The absolute answer is no. But I must remember this context and ask this question to come to this answer.

The mortality risk due to COVID-19 is real. For someone who has a tendency to be pessimistic and having depressive thoughts, I think I actually try not to think so much during this difficult time. I think keeping busy with work actually helps my mind not focusing on these highly depressive but somehow realistic thoughts.

A strong part of this silent pain is because I am away from my family. I feel trapped, and I would feel kind of terrorized if something happens to them now. I cannot fly, I cannot reach. Goodness help me.

I am sure I am not the only one.

 

But, enough with that negativity.

• I am grateful that my family and myself are safe and well.
• I am grateful that I have a shelter, food, and a job that pays the bills and mortgage.
• I am grateful that with each day passing, we are getting a little bit closer to a medical solution to COVID-19.
• I am grateful that the morning is peaceful and I am free to walk and enjoy these hours all by myself.
• I am grateful that I have coffee and I enjoy it every single morning day after day.
• I am grateful that I have this blog that helps me connect with the rest of the world.

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COVID-19 (March 31)

Cannot believe we came to the end of March. Spring must be here 🙂

I slept well again and woke up at 7 am. It was a great morning and I decided it was time that I went to the office. It was quiet there, which is great for work. It was a productive day.

I am tempted to go to office and work there, but I came to my senses this evening. I must limit my risk to be exposed to COVID-19. To do so, I must limit my out of house adventures. I decided that unless extremely needed, I can visit my office once every two weeks or so. Not more frequent. Nope.

Since I walked both in the morning and evening, I felt great today. While I was walking everyday, what is a much better way is to be walking long (around 45-60 min), just enough to break a sweat. This kind of walking is more pleasurable and more relaxing than short walks.

I cooked and ate home-made dishes.

I spoke to family and knowing that they are okay feels great.

I heard from two friends today – one through an email and the other on phone. It was awesome to hear from them and I feel very lucky to have them in my life.

Good night, friends. May you always be kind and loving to yourself and others, including animals.

all the good things – check

In a long time, I have not felt as good as today 🙂 This deserves a celebration and a lots of gratitude.

• waking up early and hitting the office early – check

there is an incredible peace coming out of early mornings. It is quiet and gives me the much needed distraction-free time to do work. I enjoy these times enormously and am kind of grateful that my sleep pattern is not the greatest, but works like a charm for me by making me wake up early 🙂

• ending a time of project writing period till August- check

I have been designing, developing, and writing new projects very intensely in the last few years. This week I submitted another one, which for now let me be free of this enjoyable but stressful activity. I feel free to move on to new activities and I appreciate the sense of accomplishment as well as the reduced self-inflicted stress 🙂

• working nice and easy and moving a number of things today – check

this is always a great feeling! being happy with my own performance is so important – it limits my self-beating episodes that inevitably reduces my self-confidence. I am very grateful

• eating healthy, home-cooked meal and a banana today – check

I make an attempt to eat better and it shows 🙂 I feel more energetic and happier when I take care of myself

• resolving a conflict with a colleague of mine – check

this has been going for a few weeks and I think we finally are okay. I affirmed prior to meeting that I would keep calm and be supportive. I also made an effort to speak less and listen more. It did not hurt, and also supported the work-relationship. Thus, what a great feeling – win-win-win!

• helping a team member of mine by using large papers and drawing the concepts and our work details – check

this was much needed as my team member is working on a rather quite complicated work. Many times we felt lost among the details and eventually got demotivated. The drawing was a great idea, where each detail was shown and I also advised to keep it so that we both could refer to it to gather our thoughts. I like the idea and my team member was also pleased. We will also document more so that we can refer to when we need the details. This went well and I am grateful that we have had the materials (large colourful papers and markers) to do so

• supporting a team member by attending to their fund rising event – check

this always feels great. They often do not let me know, but when I know I make an effort to support their causes. Today they raised money to help patients affected by a disorder – I am so proud of them

• taking the bus in the afternoon – check

I have done well by taking the bus. I did not wait too long and it was an easy ride. I also saved around 8 bucks by not taking the cab. 8 bucks is 8 bucks. It may be small, but it is mighty 🙂

• enjoying the night with all the positive feelings the day has brought – check

I am simmering this feeling of all the good things that today has brought to me. I am not in rush, nor stressed, which are additionally great. I have time to think about the weekend and what I can do for myself. For example, I think it is time that I visit the thrift stores and may be get a pot or two. Or books. I will enjoy my time there – that is for sure.

• tending to my plants at the office and sharing one of them with a team member of mine – check

I have had a small plant that I had grown from a small cutting. It really hit of in my office and has flowered! That little thing (7-8 cm tops) gave incredibly coloured flowers. In so many ways it is such a miracle plant. You may ask why I gave it away. My team member deserves the best as they have been doing incredible in the last few years and I thought that miraculous plant would just fit their character – resilient and mighty. I am very happy that they found each other.

this is a different plant (a coleus) – the colours are amazing and this plant has been very sturdy and quick growing. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in a mesmerizing plant 🙂 look at the structure of this leaf – what a wonderful creature. I am so lucky to have it (so can you – please adopt a plant and experience this joy)

 

 

 

 

In need of “me” time

I have been running and running from one work related issue to other. I think it is true that if you do work hard and well, more work will come to you. Whether it is self imposed or others dump things on you is a separate issue.

I want to have “me time”, now more than yesterday and the day before yesterday…. I missed planning for grocery shopping and getting items at low prices that make me feel incredibly abundant and grateful.

I missed keeping my money to myself and having a simple life.

I missed being excited by the smallest thing in life, a little plant, a beautiful thrift treasure, a healthy meal.

I missed being grateful…

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by the way, am I the only one who absolutely dislike the new editing features on wordpress? It is so hard to write now, with many props popping out constantly. Tell me I am not the only one please.

Rant over.

all the good things – check

• getting my thooth filling fixed – check
• walking during the day for 20 min – check
• deciding to work tomorrow to clear some outstanding work – check

I am not very enthusiastic about this, but then it is good for me as I am behind many things nowadays. I can always take a rest later, especially on Sunday. Looking forward to it

• sharing some plants with my colleagues – check

this always feels good 🙂 Some of my friends with whom I had shared plants expressed how positively the plants changed the feeling of their offices/home, and I believe in them. What a fantastic feeling to be able to help spread the power of plants to others. Today I was also given a couple of baby plants that I cherish 🙂 This also feels great 🙂

• learning the importance of context dependency better with the help of a plate – check

a couple of weeks back I had purchased some second hand plates from thrift stores to be used to collect the water underneath the pots/planters I have. One of them, even though has this wonderful green colour, had not fit well any of my pots so I had decided to give it away. Today I tried it with the new pot I was gifted with a plant and to my cheerful surprise, it just fit so wonderfully – both in size and in colour. I almost got tearful with joy! I was about to get rid of it just because I did not have a use for it and I was feeling quite bad about purchasing/owning it 🙂 It is all fixed nice and easy now 🙂

• having a strong and pain-free lower back and no physical problems at the time being – check

very grateful!

• being gifted with some pastries by a friend this morning – check

this was a wonderful gesture on my friend’s side. They were delicious and I ate all of them in the morning. They absolutely lifted my energy levels up and made me feel good. I think this example showed me once again the importance of breakfast and the need to start having regular breakfast. It sure will help me go through the stress and heavy work much easier. I am of course highly appreciative of my friend for thinking about me and helping my body and mind nourish with her kind gesture

• starting a new task that I have been delaying lately – check

I am behind many things, but once I start I often follow. So I was happy to start this work this evening – it is going to be finished 🙂 Yay!

• not having any shopping plans this weekend – check

I am too busy to shop… I love shopping but it is not good for my purse. Plus, I appreciate it more when I have a break from it for a while. All is good 🙂

• seeing my succulents props doing well – check

these plants are a bundle of joy 🙂 seeing that they grow roots and little plants out of mere leaves is a miraculous feeling. I may have killed a couple a long the way but generally speaking my succulents are doing well 🙂

• getting good opinions on my quest to find out what is the best thing to do when you have two options both of which are the correct (or incorrect) roads to choose – check

thanking the blogger friend for her valuable comment. I sure am thinking like her and this gives me a sound base to work on.

 

 

 

 

random thoughts

It has been a fine day 🙂

The morning was peaceful and warm enough. I have had a pleasant bus ride to office, enjoyed my coffee, took care of urgent matters, socialized with a colleague during lunch time, bought two lovely pots for my succulents (they are amazing – originally tea cups with beautiful colours and shape) from a thrift store, by the way (double amazing!), came home kind of late from the office, did grocery shopping and bought myself nourishing food, all for a small amount of money.

After the careless spending that took place between the summer of 2017 and this year, I am back to my sensible, frugal self. I gotta! My chequing account was at the minus side at the beginning of this month and I knew I could not keep doing what I was doing. Right after the beautiful family visit, here I am at a kind of stricker but nevertheless abundant frugal life. I must say I have saved quite a chunk of my salary this month and I am moving the chequing account to the positive side. It feels great 🙂

Originally I had an extensive shopping ban till new year, but after 3 weeks I realized such a regime was making me quite unhappy. So last week and today I made visits to thrift stores and bought myself some nice blouses and pots. I am very excited about all of the purchases, which costed me around 30 bucks. What did I buy? 4 blouses all in great condition and loveable; one new plastic pot, one ceramic pot just right for my beautiful succulent props, two other pots I mentioned above (the tea cups),and a large sturdy ceramic plate to be used as a tray for a large terra cotta pot of mine 🙂 Just remembering these makes me joyful and excited 🙂

Life is good, my friends.

I have other good news. I have been wishing for an additional position within my organization in the last 1.5 years. It is something I would absolutely enjoy (it is related to training new project managers like myself), which would also strengthen my place in my work-place. Luckily, this year the colleague who has been undertaking this position had to have a leave and I was offered the position as a replacement! This is on top of what I am already doing, so it is extra work, but I am up for it. My boss wants to see how this one year will go and after that we will see whether my colleague or I would stay in the position. Even for one year I am grateful for this opportunity and yesterday, when I get the appointment formal, I was hyper the whole night with excitement and could hardly sleep at night 🙂 I believe that life is supporting me well and my hard work to keep my job and become more successful is paying off 🙂 I am grateful!

Super duper 🙂

Have a great Friday night everyone 🙂

 

 

 

when the good news comes

Well, my friends, looks like my hard work in the last one year has paid of a part of it – one of the projects I applied for is approved and for the second project I was able to gather some initial funds to help ask another organization to provide the remaining project resources.

Aaah. The sweet taste of being grateful, extra motivated, hopeful, and joyful 🙂

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all the good things – check

• sleeping well and getting up early – check

a good quality of sleep is something awesome, friends. It makes you refreshed, rested, and positive. Have I mentioned my doctor recommended using melatonin to help sleep? I took it only once; it upset my stomach and it felt strange. I am considering taking half of the supplements, but I will see how this will go first – maybe the better weather and sunny days will help. 

• working at home on a report review and almost finishing it – check

this feels good. I have been working on it for the last three days. A kind of complicated file and reviewing it was hard, but I am almost there. I do this review for an external organization of which I am a member. There are a number of points that I do not have the expertise to evaluate. I note them clearly and make them know. I have come up with this idea a while ago while reviewing another file. I do not want to be responsible for shortsightedness if the file turns out to be problematic in the future. Feeling good to protect myself 🙂

• deciding to go to office even though it is a public holiday today (Victoria day) – check

I thought it was the best opportunity to do some work at the office while there were not many people around. I am glad I have! There were a few people like me who worked today but it was such a quiet and peaceful environment that I felt like I have done 3 days worth of work in a couple of hours. I am pleased 🙂

• walking to and from the office today – check!

this is the first time in a while that I have walked to office! I not only saved money (total around 20 bucks today), but also found a chance to exercise my body and calm my mind 🙂

• eating better with lots of fruits and healthy food – check
• feeling calmer and hopeful – check

this is very important for me. I have been having down moments and anxiety lately – today has been really good in this regard 🙂

• realizing that my health-related expenses are increasing and I must make efforts to minimize my unnecessary expenses – check

This is not particularly a good news, but I would like to see it as such. It reminded me a few years back when I did not have much money left from my pay cheque (immediately after buying my house). It was a very hard feeling but I had decided to cut significant expenses to turn things around. I have not been fugal in the last 11 months, which shows in my chequing account. I have continuous physiotherapy (for my lower back) and now counseling sessions to start.. These are expensive services.

While I recognize their importance and benefits to me, I also recognize the fact that I may not be able to finance all of them while also taking the cab twice a day, eating junk food every day, and shopping without thinking much… It is time that I bone cut my all unnecessary expenses, friends. Every penny counts – I know this. I may not be able to get back all the money I wasted, but I may as well stop wasting more.

Good thing is that one of my recurring expense, my hair treatments as part of my saga to transition to gray hair is about to come to an end. I have one appointment next week and maybe yet another one in summer left to complete the transition (I hope). My hair looks a lot better than what I thought it would be, but it is time that I take a break from expensive toner treatments and see whether I can keep my hair myself. We will see how this will go ahead 🙂 Gray hair is a sensitive matter!! 🙂

• removing a social from my calendar – check

under different conditions I would be happy to attend, but I am so booked that I do not wish to spend time on other peoples’ functions anymore. This was a surprising turn for me. Am I getting selfish? No. Am I prioritizing myself? Yes. I needed this.

I also did not want to spend money on this function. I thought I would rather spend this money on myself and this felt good. I am taking care of myself 🙂

• deciding that I did not have to attend all work-related functions or meetings – check

there are at least 4 functions I was invited to in a couple of weeks. These are functions that will acknowledge my team members’ success and achievements. While they are incredibly honoring moments, I will be wasting around 10 hours collectively. I can rather use this time for myself. I can go to physiotherapy, for example. Since each session costs me around 2.5 hours, I was only able to have sessions every other week. can you imagine? i cannot even make it to my physiotherapy because I am so crunched of time…

I kind of found that sad.

It is the right decision. I can use my time to care for myself. I am sure my team members will understand.

• thinking that whatever has been happening in my professional life, they are not more important than my personal well-being – check!!!

Priceless.

 

 

all the good things – check

• enjoying the good weather and phasing out may times, looking out of the window and the nature around my building – check

Spring is here, friends. It is here. My daffodils are coming out, sky is blue, and there is no snow on the ground. I feel different. Immensely different. Hopeful. Positive. Changing naturally. Enjoying my connection with nature.

Realizing once again that after any dark season will come the light….

They may tell me this millions of times, but unless I came to this realization myself, I would never buy it.

I like the fact that by observing nature I can in fact make reflections on life.

Priceless.

• enjoying the plants on window sill in my office – check

I have three new plants there. They are green. Their pots are nice and colourful. Just another sense of Spring and hope.

• eating apples and being grateful for it, knowing that it is healthy – check
• attending an award ceremony for a team member of mine and being incredibly proud and happy – check!

these are one of my favorite times 🙂 it is all worth it! What an honour. What an excitement 🙂

• munching on food served at the ceremony and not feeling like I must cook at home tonite – check

talking about being lazy or disliking to cook 🙂

• enjoying the warm and smooth breeze in the back yard – check
• being aware and excited about feeling good and positive – check, check, check! 🙂

 

 

 

less is more…

I have come across a horoscope on the internet today. I do not believe in horoscope or estimating future. So my relationship with horoscopes is quite rejecting. But I could not help but read this one, which ended with the phrase “less is more“.

It is talking about not only physical but also mental clutter. I am good at keeping my home minimally cluttered. But, how about my mental clutter?

I am guilty of mental clutter that often drags me down.

I tried many times in the past to effectively block this mental negativity. Exercise is good, reading an exciting book is good, making plans is good, working is good.

I work big time, especially nowadays, but it is actually a resource for the mental clutter. So what do I do?

While quitting my job crosses my mind, logically I do not want to do this. I have commitments for the next 3 years, so it is out of question. Plus, I have no better alternative right now, so it is not a feasible option.

Then, what is my solution?

I do not know but a break and de-stressing would be awesome. Timing could not be better – I am going away for a couple of days for a business trip. This will give me much needed break from office. But it will not be a permanent solution – as soon as I returned back, I will find myself in the same stressful and on-the-edge situation. 

Removing negative people from my life would be a good option to tackle. I have a friend and colleague who is quite negative and constantly complaining about the work and other colleagues. As a good friend and senior colleague, I listen. I have been listening to for years now, and I cannot take it anymore. Time to keep my distance….

Setting a time aside to meditate each day would be an amazing thing to do. If done properly, this “doing nothing” state always made me feel better and more optimistic.

And being grateful for my job. Just yesterday I realized that I had missed to be grateful for my job….. There are so many things to be grateful for it. I make a living thanks to my job. I am a part of a big organization and train young professionals thanks to it. I have benefits and vacation time thanks to it. I save and invest for my future thanks to it. I have a place in my community thanks to it. 

There are countless things to be grateful for my job.

I think remembering these will help make this difficult times turn around.

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joy journal – August 14, 2017

I most need to write this journal today; nothing seems to go right and I feel some strange type of being over-whelmed. 

1. I am grateful for not losing my sanity yet, despite all the turbulence, issues, and decisions made. All work-related.

2. I am grateful for not resigning.

3. I am grateful for deciding again and again not to resign. Not without finding a job to replace what I already have. Some things are really going unkind and downhill. But no matter what, I cannot resign and leave. It is a good feeling to be able to leave everything behind, but this would not be a wise thing to do; there is me and other people who are dependent on me having a stable life and work. It is easy to quit but not easy to find a job that will satisfy me. Can I change myself? The way I think? The way I cannot handle things? What will the future bring to me? What am I doing right and what am I doing wrong? 

4. I am grateful for sitting down and listening to a relaxing music. What the days will bring, I must take it. I just wished I did not have to find myself in these situations. But then what can I do? In all cases I try to be fair and just and do the right thing. Sometimes there are no good thing and sometimes there is too much pressure. I bend under this much of a pressure. I just hope not to bend more or unnecessarily.

5. I am grateful for one of our work being assessed favorably. I got the news in the morning. Our efforts are not completed yet, but at least this is a good sign. I hope the final decision will be favorable or at least manageable so that I can feel better.

6. I am grateful for hearing from an ex-trainee of mine who had worked with me something like 5 years ago. Hearing good memories and how their time under my supervision changed and improved their skills is always a delight 🙂

7. I am grateful for taking the bus in the morning and walking in the afternoon.

8. I am grateful for the coffee I have had at the office.

9. I am grateful for the internet connection and my computer that allow me to work and enjoy my time at home.

10. I am grateful for logically analyzing the difficult time I am going thru and realizing that this is a learning opportunity and it will help me with other experiences in the future.

11. I am grateful for not having anxiety or panic attacks, and keeping my cool.

12. I am grateful for slowing down this evening. Tomorrow is another day. This is a period of time that is supposed to happen.

13. I am grateful for breathing and having a healthy body.

14. I am grateful for trying.

15. I am grateful for having loved ones.

16. I am grateful for hearing bad news from others and realizing I am not in such a bad situation. This may sound selfish, but realizing that there are bigger problems in life brings me back to reality and big picture; I must keep my sanity and well being so that I can help others.

17. I am grateful for my blog for letting me vent my frustrations and confusions, interact with others, and express myself.

life is unexpectedly good sometimes

While dealing with work stress and feeling a disastrous low self-esteem, life has reminded me once again that it is full of surprises and can be indeed a delightful experience.

Today I have given my old (but still quite good looking and functional) recliner to someone I do not know free of charge. She just loved it and the joy was very visible from her own eyes. She thanked me more than once, was very excited to have it, and her joy filled my eyes with tears. This experience literally made my day and gave me an unexpected dose of happiness. Even now I can feel her joy.

I am so grateful that such a wonderful match could happen and I was a part of it.

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gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/reaction-spoilers-outlander-LSNqpYqGRqwrS

a good day today

It has been a fine day 🙂

I got up early and that is why I did quite a bit today. For example, I deep cleaned the upstairs and I am now ready to clean downstairs and re-arrange the furniture. It is gonna be tough, but the end product will be awesome. I am hopeful 🙂  And excited 🙂

Anyways.. Most importantly, I have taken the clothes I sorted out while decluttering to a donation centre/thrift store. In turn, I grabbed a lovely mirror, two empty frames, and a great ancient Egyptian figurine. Friends, you would not believe how great I am feeling about all of these! All loved. All looking great. All excite me.

I have painted one of the empty frames. I want to frame a piece I have bought in Athens a couple of years ago. I always thought that I would have a green wood frame for it. I did not have it, so I painted one 🙂 Now, I have it 🙂

I display the dried flowers (those that were sent to me by my work place when my dad died, which I had dried) in the second empty frame. I used to have them in two small frames with white background. But this frame is large enough to have all of them inside. And it has a black background which beautifully contrasts the flowers. It looks so great. It looks so great… As my dad would have deserved. May he rest in peace.

I think this has been a day that I really found awesome pieces by luck. I think it is true what they say that you gotta keep checking them. Many days one may not find exciting stuff, but someday, you get what you ask for 🙂  Like Hugh dancing like noone is watching. See, what I say?

🙂

 

PS: this movie was really great 🙂

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random thoughts

We have a summer alright… A nice warm summer with heat and clear, blue sky. Like I have never seen here kind of sky. What a blessing we have had this year! I am grateful 🙂

The week has ended and I feel like time is flying and that is why I am not feeling overly enthusiastic. I have had a look at the important things I must do in three months: three projects to be written and submitted; one report to be finalized and submitted; two business trips to Europe; a short vacation in Europe; a new team member to hire among many others. And I am thinking about taking some days off to work comfortably at home or at the office, while also relaxing somehow, cleaning and decluttering my home, and having some free time to contemplate. How are all these gonna happen? I am feeling stressed rather than joyful, and that is not right.

Thankfully it is true that if I am not distracted and have no meeting during the day, usually I do generate a great amount of work. Like today. This pleases me a lot and gives me hope. I can do all of these if I can be smart enough to keep the distraction by others to minimum. Yep.

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I have had a nice sleep yesterday and as a result in the morning I woke up feeling positive. I wanted to wear something different and eventually tried a white cotton shirt that I had bought years ago. I was surprised when I looked at the mirror that it actually looked pretty good on me and I was lucky to have it! Considering that I was contemplating about donating it soon, this is quite a surprise, do you not think? I wonder what other treasures I will find while going through my stuff during the decluttering activity and what items I will dump/get rid of? I really cannot wait to start this tomorrow 🙂

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My grey roots are showing and seeing them like 50 times a day annoys me big time. I am feeling like I am getting close to visiting a hair saloon and starting the process of grey hair.

I am conflicted because I want to visit a number of people in a couple of months and I wonder how they will react to me transitioning to grey hair. Perhaps I should leave it to after that time? I really do not know. I think everybody would be okay with me being happy with my new hair.

I am assuming I will be happy with it, by the way.. Is this a big assumption? Perhaps I should really let this annoyance of grey roots sink so that I can be happy when I no longer have that issue with even a larger patch of gray showing on my head… Who knows?

I was not sarcastic here… No, really.

Anyways…

Talk to you next time 🙂

 

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looking forward to the long weekend

It is Canada day tomorrow and we have the long weekend with Monday off.

I may be working on Monday but I am so excited for this long weekend! I just feel tired and too strained lately, and I am looking forward to winding down a little bit. This weekend will give me this opportunity 🙂

What are my plans?

Other than the regular stuff (i.e. cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cutting the grass – which I have done this afternoon), I plan to bake an unconventional type of sourdough this week. What could that be? Something that has not been done before…. I do not know really – I will have to really get creative here, or bake a regular sourdough – in any way it will be awesome 🙂

I would like to visit the thrift stores tomorrow and see whether i can find something interesting. I may buy some sewing material.

Sewing… Yes… Why do I not try sewing a blouse again? I have tons of fabric that I hauled last year from thrift stores 🙂 What a great idea – I hope I will not chicken again and do it!

I may also visit a nearby international food store and get some dry beans and bulghur – these could be excellent choices to prepare office lunch for me. Good idea! 🙂

I also would like to start drying some lilacs from my yard.  I have incredible lilacs that I have been thinking about drying up for some time. I think it is the time…. Once they dry up, I want to hang them on my wall in a frame. The beauty of the flowers and plants in my yard…. How nice is the nature? I have daisies blooming up. They are all so exciting 🙂

And other than this, I will look ahead my life, and plan and hope for the best. It is time that things change for the better. Now that I appreciate my life, how simple and easy going it is, and how well it works for me, including my budget, increased savings, and investments. There is a lot to be grateful for in my life. This weekend will give me an opportunity to re-think about them and re-feel my appreciation.

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gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/flowers-TFA5yuQIIoVUc;https://giphy.com/gifs/life-good-reasons-IUZSvaO2SA6mk;https://giphy.com/gifs/dance-fashion-vintage-Vsxv2SHYkcLSg

 

 

 

random thoughts

It is quite cold, my friends. We are talking about below 0C. 

Air is fresh and crispy but honestly it just feels like when winter is just starting in December. Déjà vu….. Not so cool. We have had with winter already.

Since my morale is low in the last few days, I try hard to feel okay. I am kind of numb or absent-minded. I feel like if I do not keep busy, all the thoughts and emotions will rush towards me and I will collapse under their weights. I know this is irrational thinking. But it just feels so. So I keep busy – I work and work and work and that feels good.

All my life I worked very hard, except may be a couple of times when I have had personal troubles that kept me from focusing and working a lot. Working seems to help keep my fears and emotions at check and for that I am grateful. It is just that I know that there is no running away from troubling thoughts or emotions, so one day I will have to face my sadness and worries. I hope to gracefully accept them when the time comes, rather than resisting and reacting. I found that not resisting makes it easier to cope with.

So, am I kind of saying that I am grateful that I am not retired?

What would I do if I had no work to go to or focus in such a mood? Let me tell you – that would not be nice. So, yes I am so very grateful for my job and not being a retiree right now 🙂

gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/cat-hacker-webs-o0vwzuFwCGAFO;https://giphy.com/gifs/excited-yes-nicolas-cage-RrVzUOXldFe8M

just another lovely day

I have one more day left at my staycation.

Honestly, I am getting bored being at home, and not being at the office, which is a great sign 🙂 I am ready to go back to work without any resentment. What a pleasure! 🙂

It snows in a slow motion with trees and fences covered by thick fluffy snow. I enjoy looking at this scenery and sipping my coffee, while also listening to a relaxing music.

Have a great Monday everyone 🙂