snow storm and neighbours

Snow storm has passed leaving around 2 meters of snow bank in front of my house and making me anxious about whether this snow bank would hurt my house, especially the window facing it…..

It is strange that my neighbors, even the ones across from my house, would shovel their snows towards my house. Where does this come from? Please keep it in your own area. I had to step out a number of times and kindly ask my neighbors to keep the snow on and around their sides… Sigh… One thing that really ticked me off today… Kind of inconsiderate…

I continue to feel agitated mostly because of work-related issues and the snow bank-neighbour issues. Yet, I am supposed to feel good about my life and myself. So how do I find this balance?

I guess it is time that I focus on the big picture, relax, and find the confidence in me that I can handle everything well 🙂

 

 

here I am working and thinking, and probably missing life…

I have just taken care of an urgent matter related to work and risked along the way to clash with a colleague of mine (since I am correcting their stuff…). I am interested in preventing this kind of personal or professional conflicts but sometime it just cannot be possible. I am more of a conservative person who would not confidently conclude about something without solid evidence, yet this does not look like applicable to everyone I work with. So, what do we do when find ourselves in that intersection with a colleague? Do the right thing but risk sore feelings by the colleague, or comply, be in good relationships with the colleague, but risk self-respect and reliability?

I do the right thing. Over the years, after many conflicts and clashes and negative consequences, I just am more careful and more constructive in doing so. That seems to be working well. Have I matured? 🙂 Boy, it looks so 🙂 Or get mellow, I do not know. Less ego and more wisdom would still be desired on my side, though (I have an ego, too) :).

Because of the critical consequences of clashes on collaborations (that also were supposed to benefit me or solve my own work-related questions), while I get furious sometime, I can calmly decide to be political, too. Once the storm has passed and once I am done, I can quietly move away. Until my work is done, too; that is my motto now.

Why do I tell all of these to you?

Because swallowing the screams of my own ego, finding courage to take responsibility and mellow things that I did not even create at the first place, and making the moves to do so takes energy, character, and determination. Additionally, during the constructive “handling and mending stage” knowing how critical every step I take and every word I say will be, I am naturally stressed. Those times can be quite dark sometimes…. Lately I have had such occurrences, and felt bad.

But must I?

I should not be losing the big picture along the way. There is life out of work. There are other ways to do things at work. Yes, there can be challenges, there can be significant drawbacks, new ideas and relationships to develop, and there may be delays along the way, but eventually nothing is that important.

I lost my dad and my world crashed. I have other people whom I love more than anything else and I can lose them, too. As a matter of fact, I may die anytime myself. So what is all these fuss about work?

What is it that makes work so important for us? I know many people who can make the decision to leave a career that does not serve them well. I have not done that yet. Honestly, I do not know what else to do and I need the income. It is the greatest job in the world (for me), yet my life is almost entirely filled with stress and issues related to my work. That is not good, not fair, not healthy. I take responsibility for this, of course. While I am aware of this, will I take steps to change the things as well?

I do not know, but I do sure wish so.

I have not lost my hope yet. I know, based on my past experience, that when it is over, I will know, and it will be over. Whether it is professional collaborations, job, or living conditions itself. I trust that and that is why I am okay to go, till the end of these fuss. Then, there will be a new start.

This always feels good, does it not?

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