your body let you know when you need to slow down

My tummy was aching yesterday and this morning, and I have a terrible headache since morning. I have eaten lots of carbs and drank too much soft drinks, and my face is puffy and I feel lethargic. I believe my blood tension is also high. 

Where am I going like this?

I may not have managed my work-related stress effectively so far, but I think it is time that I start doing this.

Action item 1. Stop thinking work at nights. Watch the X-files instead. Give my mind a break.

Action item 2: Breathe. Deep breaths. Continuously. For 5 minutes or longer. Try time to time.

Action item 3: Stop drinking soft drinks. Replace it with water. Drink milk.

Action item 4: Get out of the house.

Action item 5: Eat better. No carbs for some time. Eat delicious veggies and fruits for a change. They energize me.

Action item 6: Do not work this weekend, if I can.

Action item 7: Work at the office tomorrow, not at home. Get some human interaction. Get away from isolation.

Action item 8: Write down the things that go well.

Action item 9: Cuddle with a nice book.

Action item 10: Watch these lovely creatures and put on a smile 🙂

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stretching class tonite

So I went to participate in the yoga class this evening, which is in effect a stretching class. I was over-protective of my back but to my surprise, my back felt and did just perfect.

Almost each of the classes, I come to realize something, come up with a great idea, or just find myself smile.

Rarely, tears go down and tonite was one of these sessions.

I was not upset, sad, or depressed. In contrast, the reason tears came down was this genuine appreciation of connecting with my body.

See, these classes make me think about my body, like my back, shoulders, legs, hips, face, hands, or wherever we are trying to stretch. The instructor also guides us and mentions about our internal organs (how they are massaged by some of the stretches or poses), which made me think and feel the most precious love for my heart and lungs tonite.

I also have the chance to see my feet in these classes (always wearing socks except in these classes) and I happen to have that precious, genuine, and sincere love for them, too; their shape… the fingers…the toes… the nails… the skin… the way they are designed… the way they move…the way they differ from each other… I just love seeing them and feeling this love.

Realizing,.. no, remembering the existence of my body, seeing and feeling it, and connecting with it were what create these overwhelming feelings and the reason of my tears of joy tonite.

When did I get so unconnected to my own body, which has been working so well all these years, defining me in so many different ways, and making me an alive and well functioning organism?

If you could find a chance today or tomorrow or the days after tomorrow, take a minute to connect to your body and your organs; listen it, feel it, watch it, admire it, love it.



today’s bits

I have pulled a muscle at my lower back and I have been having extraordinary feelings/experiences about this.

First of all, for the first time I found it very difficult, almost impossible, to get out of bed and go down to the the first floor to get my pain medication. This was yesterday and it was scary. I for the first time thought about maybe I would have to stay in my bedroom for ever or something like that…..Living alone brings this kind of thoughts I am afraid.

Well, after 20 min of struggle, with lots of pain, trial and error to find the right angle of movement without locking my back or increasing the pain, I finally made it to the 1st floor and my pain medications. It helps and limits the pain – which is useful in terms of mobility (I am very grateful).

Then come the hard decision of what to do: take the cab or walk to the emergency?

I decided to go to emergency because this was nothing like I knew, even though I have had lower back problems/pulled muscles in the past. I decided I did not have to go thru the pain all by myself. Seeing that I was not able to kneel or sit, I decided to walk. Luckily the hospital is 10 min away from here.

I could walk up, changed my pajamas and put on my boots, walked to the hospital, waited like 30 min, cared by a lovely doctor, got my shot for pain and prescription, and walked back to pharmacy and home. The medication consists of painkiller and a muscle relaxant. I was also recommended to  follow up with my doctor; there may be some nerve problems I was told. Arghh..

I am literally wishing to go to office while I am here at home. I am not supposed to go to work for the rest of the week, but I am telling you; this is boring. Yes, I still work on my computer (which is going very well by the way) and coordinate with my team members through emails, but I am seriously bored. I just wished (what a twisted wish that is, by the way) that this has happened in December, when I was very tired – I would appreciate being at home then. After the refreshing holidays, all I want now is to go to office and work for long hours….

Anyways, I should not be complaining about these now. My back is better, walking and light stretching helps, sitting is not a big problem, but lying on the couch or bed are scary (as I may not be able to get up again if my back feels like it); so here I am; sitting on a chair for the entire day 🙂

I missed sitting on my couch, snugging up with my blanket, and surfing on the net or watching TV. But again, I should not be complaining.

The funny thing is that the yoga classes were going so well, so relaxing. I sure was feeling relaxation on my lower back, though on monday class, I had thought my upper body (shoulders) needed quite a stretch; they were very tight. I had thought “while one region of my body relaxes, the other one tightens up – I should not have made the assumption that a week’s full of yoga classes would solve all my problems”. I also happen to have some realizations during each session – that day I have had “connecting with my body” in my mind.

I was right 🙂

The same night, I pulled the muscle at my back while picking up something from the floor. Maybe the lesson I should see was to have a healthy life style and good posture no matter how much yoga stretching classes I attend; one thing cannot be the magic solution to everything. I am thankful that my body has showed me that with my recent back problem… I will support my back while at home; especially while sitting on the couch. Since it is soft, sitting long hours on the couch actually is not good for my spine… gotta fix that. I cannot make it worse than what it already is.

Ah… Life is funny 🙂


Despite all the negativities, I am grateful for realizing these lessons,  being able to move around, having painkillers at home, and the hospital and pharmacy being so closed to my home. I am also thankful to the doctor who cared for me and the nurse who gave me the shot, saying she knew how painful that must be… Empathy is an awesome thing and nurses for sure rock!


I am lucky

Today is the second time I participated in yoga/stretching classes.

What a blessing! 🙂

I could not be happier and prouder of myself to have tried, explored, benefited, and liked these sessions!

I am so lucky; last year I had tried these classes as a new year’s resolution and had attended for a full month. After that I either got too busy with work or could not afford them.

This year, even though I was still hesitant due to its monthly fee ($100), I re-started them. New Year resolution? I am not sure. Not directly. I rather wanted to have things I liked in my life and this was on top of my list. So, here I am.

I am so lucky that the studio is  5 min away from my home – so rain, snow, or shine does not matter.

I am lucky that there are late-evening classes – so I do not need to rush back from my office to attend the classes or forced to take the classes in the morning or something.

I am lucky that every day there are classes, including the weekends, when my daily schedule is even more permissive.

I am lucky that there are different instructors that train us – I have some favorite ones that are kind, explain things well, and most importantly, contribute to the peaceful and relaxing atmosphere by their low but clear voices.

I am lucky that I like the building and the rooms; their colors, lighting, temperature (pretty warm and comfortable), and the clean floors.

I am lucky that my mind fully relaxes and empties when I am there. That is so surprising for me. How awesome 🙂

I am lucky that the stretching poses work for my body – I feel my muscles more than before and I am happy to notice my muscles again.

I am lucky that my lower back and shoulders benefit from all the stretches, not to count my legs, arms, neck, and upper back.

I am lucky that I have time and interest to keep going.

I am lucky that I have money to attend these classes.

I am lucky that it is my ME TIME. Mine and mine only – no work, no thoughts, no stress, no worries.

I am lucky that I have prioritized the well-being of my body and my mind at the same time by deciding to attend these classes.


I hope you have such things in life that makes you feel lucky! Good about yourself! Good about your life!

random thoughts

I am firm that I made peace with my body.

I am not young any more and as I am not stupid either, I can see what the aging has been doing to my body. My body is not the same as 10 years ago. I have no idea what will happen to it in another 10 years, either.

It is not that I am not feeling sorry; I am.

I used to take care of my body better prior to the last 7 years. I am glad I have. It is true that I could (and I still can) take steps to nourish and tone up my skin, my muscles. I can for example work on my biceps or triceps. Legs. Abs. Neck. I know I can do these.

There are many women out there who have taken better care of their body by diet and exercise and whose bodies hence looks younger. Maybe their genes helped, too. I do not know. But good job – please keep going.

It is just that this (aging and the associated changes in the body) is a normal extension of life. A privilege of living to this age. Who said that I could not live to age?

Honestly I am okay with my body and with aging. As long as both are healthy and happy.

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