I am feeling down today, a little bit more than usual, but I keep my chin up and look up as well.
I think I am just tired and vulnerable to feel nervous, shaky, and to have low self-esteem, or my nerves are fried to a point that I cannot even see what the reality in the issues I deal with is.
The first one can be remedied by a break, self-pampering, and so on,
The second one can be fixed by therapy.
Or, by quitting all the struggles, all the issues, and this effing job environment.
I admire those who quit everything and followed their dreams by making drastic changes.
I did follow my dreams but ended up with this job. It was the dream job once, but not anymore.
It is time to find another dream.
I actually have it – retirement. Early retirement that I am eligible to take with a little bit of pension is 5 years away.
I cannot survive comfortably with early retirement, but I can stop at least for sometime without thinking income. I can move to a cheaper country as well. I can. I can get out of this environment.
5 years is a long time.
This is not the first time that I thought about resigning my job. I think it was always there, the most serious ones being in the last 3 years.
3 years passed since then – can 5 more years pass?
It sure can, especially if I can survive this time. Pandemic – duh…
But imagine staying in this toxic unhappy environment and missing life somewhere else?
Take a leap of faith, be brave, and conquer the dreams and life?
Take a huge risk, create and go through more anxiety & hurt, and be even fail ?
The problem is we do not know which one is actually better – here or the future place – what if it is bad as well?
What is it that I must choose?
I know that eventually this too will pass.
I know that the real issue is why do I care so much about the toxic work environment and relations?
As soon as I think I let go and uncare things & people, I can have less emotions nagging me and I can be happy where I am and in my life.
Why can I not do this?????