The life in the diary – VIX



February 13, 2013

The other patient in the room now is moved to somewhere else. Despite her hopes, she had to undergo another surgery. No idea what happened to her after that. The room has been silent since then.

My nurse offered me to switch the beds; mine is closer to the door and the bathroom while the other one is close to the window. I said I was okay where I am. Plus, I get to see the hall from where I am. How else to spend time in a hospital room? I did not tell her that I did not want to have the space of the previous patient. Feels weird…. What happened to her? They will not tell me, the nurses I mean. Privacy issues. So I did not even bother to ask. I am keeping my bed, at least for now, and I am happy with it.

There are times I regret my decision though. Sometimes I see covered hospital beds moved silently on the hall. I kinda know what they carry. The floor I am staying in has many geriatric patients. I hear them sometime speaking with their nurses, doctors, or visitors. Young people usually, but sometime elderly visitors as well. They all have nice outfits, as if they are going to a special event. I like this in old people – the care they display. One lady had particularly captured my attention; she had gray hair neatly done, elegant shoes, and a red skirt. It was the loveliest skirt I have ever seen. The colour was just right; neither too light nor too dark. It dropped comfortably on her knees. Elegantly meshed with a thin, transparent belt. She usually came with a young man, I am assuming his son, to visit a patient. I have not seen her for a couple of day for now. I do not want to think why. Maybe she is on vacation, who knows? Not everything is bad news. It should not be.

I had some tests the other day. Ah, yes, these…. My pen does not want to bleed ink for them, but I force myself to acknowledge. Lying on cold tables, holding my breath, moving this way or that way with each direction by the technician. People are nice, but I keep thinking; I am just another patient for them; do they care about me?

This de-personalisation felt ridiculous at the beginning. Now I am grateful for it. Helps to convince myself that if nobody remembers me without it, then I should still be keeping my dignity.


The life in the diary – VIX

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old scars remain in memory long

you will find me one day in a distant time

or email me somehow out of blue

unsurprisingly will say hi

and wish good things to me

response from me? hmm…

eh! you deserve an unwelcoming attitude!

and I will be happy to give it to you

honey; you messed real bad

old scars remain in memory for long

riddle as much as you want

response will be cold, very cold

“I do not know you”

be aware; that is no joke

lame listens, strong admits

“erred I am, terribly sorry”

perfectly undeserving my attention

explain further how wrong you were

riddle as much as you want, if you dare!

surrounded with dignity while turning my back

opting for no other moment with you

naming the day my day and my day only.


All rights reserved.  ©

arguments and relationships

Arguments can either kill the trust, rapport, or the love between two people or it may strengthen them.

I am of open and sincere communication as much as the other party allows. Let’s face it, not everybody opens up well enough. Understanding each other is essential in relationships but it can be quite limited because of un-openness leading to misunderstandings, not clarifying issues/meanings, and conflicting or changing priorities, life events, or feelings. Or just to protect ourselves.

Arguments sometimes is inevitable when the misunderstandings stack up tall or our feelings are hurt for some other reason. At those times, it is difficult to erase the ego or the agitation and to focus on understanding the opposite person and to express ourselves. Sometimes, though both listening the other person and communicating ourselves can help to open up, clear the air, and resolve the issues.

More importantly, we can understand ourselves better in such situations; are we constructive? are we confidently present our case and stand by our opinions/values/actions? Do we have dignity and respect? Do we have confidence and determination to stand tall if the other person is at fault?

Have you ever noticed and liked your behaviour/attitude after an argument, whether it turned out to be resolving argument or not? then you know what I mean.

Have you understood the other person better and realized what might have gone wrong in  your relationship? then again you know what I mean.

being peaceful, kind, and respectful while also being confident and expressive works well sometime. There are two people in the argument, in the relationship. All go both ways.

peace and cheers

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