random thoughts

After a hiatus from blogging, here I am again 🙂

Goodness knows, I missed it!!

The last month has been good to me. I still struggle with frayed nerves and occasional elevated blood pressure; insomnia and stress; but things are looking a little bit better.

I enormously benefited from the worry journal practice and I would recommend it to anyone.

I also do not work all the time and try to take a rest during the weekends. This also includes visits to cafe houses and enjoying my time on Saturdays and Sundays. Life is good.

I reduced my baking bread saga to every two weeks, rather than every week. This gives me a chance to just have one less task to do at the weekends. I bake two loafs at the same time and freeze one of the loafs. When needed, this loaf is as good to go as a fresh one. It works wonderfully for me.

I make a good attempt to take the bus and save money from cab fare. This has had a positive impact on my chequing account. I am excited. This was also topped up with the tax return – I am happy to say that I do not need to use my line of credit anymore and my chequing account is lifting up nice and easy. I feel quite excited about this!

I walk more often now. We have beautiful weather that makes it possible. I feel like energized and the hibernation season has surely ended.

Work is going okay. I still feel strained sometime when faced with difficult decisions. But I move along anyway and guess what – nothing is as bad as it looks.

I relaxed the self-imposed obligations and do not attend the meetings at work unless they are really interesting or absolutely required. This feels good as well.

I say “no” more often as well. I kind of prioritize my time over others’ needs. What a change! What a progress! 🙂

I have taken a couple of days off in the last two weeks – only because I was not feeling well or enthusiastic about going to work. I was worried at first, thinking maybe I had lost my interest at work for good, but I rapidly realized it to be a wrong assumption. I love this – I love loving my job.

Spring is here, which signals a time to close the loose ends and start anew. Last year this feeling had resulted in me getting interested in plants – succulents and cacti to be exact. This year I am not sure what it is gonna be, but I wait life to direct me to my next exciting interest.

I have more positive relationships at work thanks to me getting some rest and things look brighter and more positive.

I have socialized with friends a couple of times and this also had a positive impact on me and how I feel.

My relationship with my family is also much better since new year and I am very grateful for this.

Pokemon Episode Spring GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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random affirmations

It is a peaceful Saturday night. It is important for me to remember this now 🙂

I am thinking about the new challenges and annoyances that appear here and there. I tell myself that I should not be scared of these. It is not the first time and likely not the last that I face adversary. I do not let myself be scared tonite.

Also, out of blue, it came to my mind that everything is happening in my life because they are supposed to be. When I think about life as a continuous thing, this gives some kind of serenity. One thing may challenge, harm, or annoy me, yet the lessons learnt from this experience will help shape better tomorrows. I surprise myself with this thought happily.

One of the anxiety creating thoughts for me is “I do not know what to do”. With many new things and lots of conflicting pressures around, it is not unusual to find myself try to get the complete picture of the situation and make an effort to do the best, most informative decision. Sometimes it is hard to get the information. This means the matter stays with me unsolved for sometime. Sometimes it also is possible that the best decision turns out to be not the right one. Some of these experiences have made me feel annoyed when a new thing comes along. I would love to take this reaction out of my habits.

Going back to “everything happening is happening because they are supposed to be”; this thought gives me peace. This can be one of the affirmations I can work on (yay! I just found a new affirmation for myself that can really work).

Going back to “I do not know what to do” thought that arises in me in a new or challenging situation; I can switch it with “how would others feel in this situation?” I think that many people would take it easier than me. This also gives me some kind of peace.

And going back to this beautiful Saturday night – my aim is to enjoy every single minute of it.

You all have a great Saturday night as well 🙂

 

all the good things – check

more or less a positive day, which made me appreciate it.

  • sleeping well and getting up only after 8 am – check

this is mostly because I am tired. So I let myself go back to sleep even though I woke up frequently at night. In the past few months, I did get up around 5 am and worked under much stress. I miss my early morning productive and distraction-free work time, but I am able to keep working during the day, so eventually all is well

  • working well during the day and surviving 3 separate meetings, all with positive ends and productivity – check

it is a rare opportunity to be able to say that the meetings were productive! It was my lucky day all 3 meetings went well and progressed the issues at hand – this is wonderful 🙂

  • loving my all natural gray hair and being excited about it – check

it is amazing that after 1.5 years of letting my natural hair grow, I see it healthy, shinny, and just beautiful. If somebody had said I would feel this way, I would have started the gray hair saga much earlier! I do not know any other hair style that I cherished this much. It is also amplified by the fact that I do not have bangs now, as such, my hair has a distinct, mature, and very good looking style 🙂

  • being excited about my laptop case that I thrifted this weekend for only 3 bucks and carrying it around like a jewel – check

honestly it has been sometime that I was so excited and happy to have a material being. The case is the right colour, right size, and very useful. The price I paid for it makes it extra sweet 🙂

  • feeling better overall and with less stress – check

this is an amazing feeling and I could not be appreciative more!

  • asking for a discount and getting it for a service my organization needed – check

this is pretty awesome. I am not into asking discounts from companies for my work, but sometime it is worth it. I tried it this time and got over 1K (~20%) discount. My boss is happy, which makes me feel like positively contributing to the organization! Talking about confidence 🙂

  • getting an email from a committee that I had dumped this year and learning that they desperately needed my knowledge and expertise – check

huh! how about this? 🙂

last year the person who sent this email was criticizing and pressuring me for my work related to this committee. This lack of appreciation was one of the main reasons that I had decided to leave the committee, even though I had liked and enjoyed my role in it.

I do not know what to think about the invitation. I personally do not wish to be there anymore, yet I have a sense of duty that wants me to go and benefit that committee. I think I can still be there, yet I do not plan to undertake a lot of work or an active role. With this in my mind, I will know tomorrow morning how I feel and then will respond to this invitation.

This is the second example in the last 4-6 months where people who tried to trash and insult me came back and asked for my help later. 

Is life a master of correcting bad behavior and treatment?

I would like to think so.

 

 

money can buy happiness

Yesterday I treated myself with a thrift store visit.

Those who follows this blog know well that it is one of my most favorite past time activities. It is always exciting to go through the shelves finding treasures. I purchased a number of useful and lovely things over the last few years, and it helps me support not only others, but my own purse as well. It is wonderful in so many ways.

Yesterday I was not looking anything particularly, with the exception of a book or two. Well, I bought a book that inspires me to think positively – which is a real treasure. The positive and encouraging words are just what I needed in a state of “having fried nerves”. I feel hopeful, positive, and more welcoming whatever life throws in front of me after reading the pages of that book. It is amazing that 6 bucks can create such positive experiences. It was well worth the money.

I also purchased a new backpack that I have been looking for for some time. It has never been used (my guess based on a critical assessment), has a good size, and multiple pockets that will make its usage effective. I feel lucky to have found this back pack. No more the old, battered backpack that I have been feeling very conscious about. What a relief 🙂

I also purchased a what appears to be a laptop case that I use to carry my documents and paperwork. It is brand new (again based on my critical assessment), has a great colour and shape, and takes up all my hundreds of pages of paperwork that I often carry with me between home and office. Just thinking about it making me excited – what a find – pretty and enriching/easing my life. I am lucky indeed.

I also got a sugar dispenser. For the past 3-5 years I have been using an old dispenser at the office. It was not in good shape and often spilled sugar whenever I handled it. Cleaning sugar granules after it was something that I dreaded, but despite for looking for a better dispenser for many months, it was not until yesterday that I was able to find one. Hello easy life – I like you! 🙂 It is amazing how small things like the old dispenser was taking my energy away. Now, I fixed that problem and feel relieved, however small it can be.

Better yet, guess what?

It turned out that there was a sale on the items I purchased so I got all of these for a total of 20 bucks with 50% off. I did not even know that there was a sale yesterday and everything I purchased made a positive difference in my life. Wow…

I have been thinking; 20 bucks often may sound a lot. What is the worth of:

  • being able to get rid of the old problematic dispenser that needed me to clean after it every single time I used it;
  • feeling positive and hopeful after reading the book,
  • having the excitement and comfort the laptop case gives me, and
  • the relief coming with the backpack, which will help me get rid of the sub-conscious judgment I hold against myself (for having such an ugly and kind of cheap-looking backpack)

You got that right.

On top of that; think about this – my cab fare from the office to home is 10 bucks. There are times that these rides provide me with comfort, but when I think about all the other items that I can get with that money that will free my time, provide comfort to me, or make me feel better, I ask myself how to better use of my money.

That is why I also purchased a soap with a lovely scent yesterday (from another store). It is slightly expensive than my regular soap, but day after day, it will enrich my life experiences.

Verdict is clear and loud. Money can make one happy.

 

 

holidays diary – Day 6

My goodness – almost a week of the holidays vacation is over.

At least today was a little bit better. I went to office today and worked like 5-6 hours. It felt good. I love how my office looks now, clean, well organized, and full of beautiful plants. Honestly after 5 days at home, seeing the sky from my office window was also priceless. I felt “hopeful” :).

Then I took the donation items with me and went to a charity/thrift store. I am grateful that I was able to share my now-unneeded items with others – what a blessing. I also shopped there – I bought two blouses and two planters 🙂 One of the pots took my breath away when I saw it – again, I feel quite lucky. My new blouses are great-looking and, hey they were 50% off today 🙂 How lucky one can get sometime 🙂

I was also fortunate enough to purchase notebooks that I use so frequently. They were on sale as well. I had imagined them to be on sale and purchased during the holidays. My imagination turned to be reality today. I feel fortunate and very excited about all these positive experiences today.

On the way back home, I was thinking on the bus that I actually like my office, my work place, thrift stores, and the bus. Feeling joyful 🙂

I do not know whether it was getting out of home after 5 days, shopping and finding items that I loved, or some other mysterious thoughts that went through my mind on the way back home, but today I have felt grateful and excited about my life again. I am blessed.

Let’s remember that the new year is the year of Ease, Comfort, and Appreciation.

 

all the good things – check

  • feeling better overall – check

yesterday I was feeling uneasy again, but today has been a relatively better day – I will appreciate this!

  • eating a home made dish with lots of healthy veggies, yogurt, and garlic – check
  • meeting with an ex-team member of mine and having a great chat and doing some work together – check!

this gave me extra boost! She is a very intelligent and genuine person and talking to her again and learning about her wellness and successful endeavors were a bliss! It made me literally happy 🙂

  • taking the bus on the way back from the office – check

I was lucky – the bus was waiting right in front of the building and I catched it – that saved me around 8 bucks from cab fare today 🙂

  • feeling bored and then doing some work after 5pm – check

I have a busy next week and I just got an additional tasks right this evening. I decided to start it so that I can make my weekend and next week a little bit easier. I am glad I have. I feel good and less stressed and time-crunched now 🙂

  • eating two juicy clementines that were delicious – check
  • drinking fresh kefir – check

I feel so much better when I drink kefir. I feel lucky to have these grains. They work so consistently!

  • seeing two seeds germinating in the yard – check

I planted them last weekend. It was a slightly rainy week, which I guess helped. I am looking forward to seeing more coming up.

Plants are my new hobby! I shared three succulents with my friends and everyday coming home and checking how they are doing is an incredibly exciting experience. The cacti seeds I planted last weekend do not have much of an activity. sadly sun is low this week, which may be affecting their germination. I will see how this saga will go on – let’s cross the finger 🙂

  • having plans for the weekend – check

I need to work, but this is okay. I also would like to go for shopping and get new pots for succulents. I also would like to get additional pots for my yard to plant seeds. I have herb as well as flower seeds to grow and I am very excited about these 🙂 I bought two big bags of soil a few days back, which was easy to do with the help of my shopping cart. I can go get two more this weekend. I want to plant potato in totes!! I have seen it in the internet and I am curious 🙂 I will try 3-4 bags of them and see how this goes 🙂

  • walking in the morning for 10-15 minutes – check

I am not walking lately. knowing what a healthy activity it is, I welcome this opportunity

  • enjoying the show I am watching – check
  • doing my back exercises – check
  • realizing that I have around 300 bucks accumulated for my next mortgage pre-payment – multi check!

I may not be able to save my money as much as I wish, but I keep saving from here and there a little sum that will help improve reducing my mortgage on the long run. I am excited about these and now I am motivated again to stop taking the cab and use that money to increase my pre-payment. I hope to catch the bus tomorrow morning – wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

wish for a new chapter in my life

Today was an interesting mix of feelings: I have been feeling kind of better one moment, and the next moment, feeling the same as in the last months when I was quite stressed and anxious.

In the middle of all of these “transitional” feelings, I felt like it would be so nice if I had closed this chapter in my life and open a new one; after all, thinking about what happened or did not happen would only make me feel frustrated, resentful, or anxious while thinking about how I changed and what I learnt along the process would only make me energized, freed, and hopeful.

Choice is quite clear.

Somethings will likely continue: I will still have to work hard and long hours; deal with issues and find solutions; deal with people; and deal with stress.

But I will also keep saying no to extra work; lose my perfectionist attitude on un-critical tasks; turn off my email when I need to focus; delegate some of the tasks to others; pamper myself with little indulgences (such as chocolate); be kind and supportive to myself; read inspirational or positive news and stories; and spare time for myself and my daily routine. I would also not dwell on the past issues or experiences and make my mental space less toxic and foggy.

How does this sound?

It sounds and feels great to me. I am ready to forget past feelings and replace them with a clean sheet of mental and emotional space.

I am releasing the negative thoughts about the people who gave me hardship; I am releasing the negative thoughts about myself; I am releasing the negative thoughts about life.

I am welcoming the opportunities; lovely people; success; calmness; peace; hope; and self-appreciation.

I feel like I must write these last sentences over and over to make my stubborn mind digest them 🙂 I may or may not be able to do these right away, but I know that I am moving away from negativity towards a new chapter in my life, and away from feeling like s.it to feeling stronger, determined, and hopeful 🙂

 

 

 

joy journal – Jan 26, 2018

I have had ups and downs today, but I know that writing here will make me focus on the positive and I feel better good after that! 🙂

1. I am grateful for sleeping well and waking up on time. I have not used an alarm clock for so many years that come to think about it, it is amazing that I wake up when I need it ! 🙂

2. I am grateful for taking the bus; good for my pocket, good for environment, good for the community. yay! 🙂

3. I am grateful for encouraging a team member of mine who feels over-whelmed by a new task he needs to do. I am frustrated myself that it is not done yet, but sometimes a little bit encouragement can go way above and beyond. I shall see.

4. I am grateful for coming to home in the early evening to work and getting stressed. Honestly it makes me more stressed than being at the office. So I must stop this and embrace my office full time…

5. I am grateful for starting reading and revising a long report. I have been dreading this, but I have started and it will go on. My plan is to fix it hopefully tomorrow and move on. It is a report written by three of us, two of us being seniors. The other senior and I have different approaches and different levels of meticulousness. It creates and has created problems for both of us. I want this to be over before we get more annoyed with each other and hurt our relationship further. I ask myself; why is it me who is taking it low and still do her part? Is it because I walk what I talk, or because I am silly? Do not answer that :)))

6. I am grateful for doing grocery shopping in the evening. I bought all bunch of fresh produce and also fish. I love fish nowadays 🙂 I am feeling better after eating it with a large bowl of green salad. I cannot thank enough for these food.

7. I am grateful for feeling excited about tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday; I will first drink my coffee and browse internet for emails and news, and then clean the house. At noon I want to go shopping and take advantage of some sales in a nearby store; I would love to get some eggs, butter, and paper towel.

8. I am grateful for feeling a little bit angry about my efforts and being appreciated by others. As such, I have got more confident (or pissed off and does not care anymore). next time somebody tries to walk over me, I sure will stand taller.

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for working – no matter what I keep going
  2. I appreciate myself for getting more confident, knowing that I deserve a much higher level of appreciation
  3. I appreciate myself for keeping my grounds – I will do that increasingly
  4. I appreciate myself for being excited about shopping and the weekend
  5. I appreciate myself for not getting anxious nowadays and feeling relatively better
  6. I appreciate myself for eating fish and salad
  7. I appreciate myself for helping others

joy journal, Jan 25, 2018

A relatively good day and I am happy to share these with you:

1. I am grateful for getting up a little bit earlier and catching an earlier bus this morning 🙂 It was a chilly morning but I just made it to the bus stop. A minute later my hero bus showed up and it really made me feel lucky and happy 🙂

2. I am grateful for having a very quiet time in the office before anyone showed up. It was beautiful and gave me much needed stress-free time 🙂

3. I am grateful for keeping calm the entire day, decluttering my office and opening space for new paperwork, relieving myself from stress induced by lots of things around.

4. I am grateful for sitting at a meeting that lasted 4 hours this evening 🙂 It is not bad for a person who has got a lower back problem 🙂 What helps in this situation is that whether it is an effective meeting with opportunities to learn something new and contribute. I have got these today so I am satisfied.

5. I am grateful for eating lots of healthy food in the office; apple and baby carrots being my favorites 🙂

6. I am grateful for changing my cab company today; yesterday one of the cabbies made me think very hard about taking the cab at all – mean people have no place in my life. While one bad apple should not make the entire batch of nice and kind cabbies bad, I felt like I must preserve my self respect. So I decided I did not want to pay another dime to this cabbie and one way to achieve this was to change the cab company. Over.

This will also give me much needed chance to stop taking cab, unless really needed, and rather focus on taking the bus or walk.

7. I am grateful for not working tonite

8. I am grateful for sitting in the dark, listening to a nice music, and writing my journal. It is “me” time, alright 🙂

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Things that I appreciate myself about today:

  1. I appreciate myself for focusing on work and feeling logical and calm
  2. I appreciate myself for making my self-respect a priority
  3. I appreciate myself for not working tonite
  4. I appreciate myself for learning 
  5. I appreciate myself for keeping up with the ever changing priorities and work dynamic
  6. I appreciate myself for being genuinely happy for a colleague of mine who will take a leave to recuperate after a highly exhausting and stressful work conditions – she deserves this. I wish her well.

 

 

joy journal – Jan 23, 2018

1. I am grateful for sleeping well and getting up with relatively mild thoughts in my mind. 

2. I am grateful for taking the bus this morning even though it was really cold and windy. Sometimes I love my persistence 🙂

3. I am grateful for having three meetings today all with some kind of progress. This feels good. I have a new team member who is visiting our organization for a couple of months. She is nice and intelligent. I hope to be able to make this an enjoyable and beneficial visit for both sides. We immediately identified a technical skill for her to develop, which is one of our strength. This feels awesome. We then have a small project to develop together, which again feels good. If we can work well and if we are lucky somehow, we can make this 🙂

4. I am grateful for working till 3.30pm at the office, which is pretty good for me. I took the cab and ate junk food in the evening, but hey, at least some small goals I have had for myself are done today: sleeping well, taking the bus in the morning (despite the cold), eating better (lots of carrots today), working mostly at the office (till 3.30 pm), not having anxiety was a huge plus, working (albeit at home till late) but nevertheless finishing some work. I now have a “me” time for another 1-2 hours before I go to sleep. That should be okay – at least for today.

5. I am grateful for not beating me up for taking the cab in the afternoon and eating junk food. I came to realize that in order for me to have a life just the way I want it, I must fix the work situation first. It is sad that the stress and time-commitments of the work takes priority over my own personal life. It is really sad…. I keep going in this difficult time; poor budgets, poor conditions, and poor recognition. I have not given up yet but I keep wonder when or if that would happen…..

I will know when it is over. It is not over yet.

6. I am grateful for working; I may be stressed. I may be anxious. I may be depressed (time to time). But I am functional and am giving my 100% to this toxic work-place. I have been working in this field for 24 years now. This is a long time; I studied, I worked, I moved up, and now I am no sure where my career is. Frustration is a common experience with everyone I guess. After all these years and dedication, do you not expect recognition? respect? Some kind of satisfaction and ease?

I do.

Maybe that is what exactly I should be grateful for.

7. I am grateful for being safe, healthy, warm, and sane today. It could have been much worse – I could have lost my mind :))))))

Joking.

But it is a possibility, you know 🙂

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for making an effort to feel good by taking small and simple steps
  2. I appreciate myself for bringing carrot to office – they make wonderful food, especially when I have no time to have lunch
  3. I appreciate myself for working…… At least things are moving
  4. I appreciate myself for being calmer and more confident re; finishing work and figuring out things
  5. I appreciate myself for knowing – knowing myself, my feelings, my abilities, my limitations, and my wishes

 

 

 

 

 

 

craving for garlic

Boy.. I am craving for garlic…

Luckily I have a nice bunch of garlic that I have been munching on since yesterday.

I do not find garlic gross at all, but this craving is unusual. Having its crunchy and fresh texture between my teeth makes me feel great; having its smell in my nostrils rejuvenates my energy levels; and having its bitter taste at the tip of my tongue makes me feel alive.

I kind of think that it helps with my feeling down. Maybe my blood pressure has elevated and it helps drop it.

Whatever the reason, I am feeling better by eating it and I welcome this relatively healthy craving.

joy journal – September 15, 2017

I figured that if I have a positive mental state right before the sleep, then I wake up feeling positive! This is such a priceless experience. Thus, here comes today’s joy journal entry:

1. I am grateful for waking up around 4 am and getting up around 5 am. These are very early hours for me. I enjoyed a couple of cups of coffee and found a chance to work at peace. Lovely 🙂

2. I am grateful for sending out a report to other parties. We have been working very hard on it in the last few months and I am glad we are close to its final submission after the revisions.

3. I am grateful for taking the bus this morning. Weather was nice, cool, and dry, which made waiting for bus a possibility.

4. I am grateful for working quietly at the office.

5. I am grateful for for eating a pear and two apples at the office. Fruits is nice and healthy 🙂

6. I am grateful for sitting in an afternoon meeting for 4 hours and despite the lower back ache staying till the end. I wonder how we can do this.. Sitting for so long… How is this even possible to have the mental clarity to contribute to such a long meeting? I have some ideas to shorten this time, which I hope to propose next time.

7. I am grateful for walking back to the store close to my home and purchasing some items on sale. they are good for me on the long rem. Price was the lowest I have seen in that store and was very comparable to other sales in distant stores. I feel lucky to have found these items today.

8. I am grateful for eating a healthy meal with lots of iron in it (beef liver). My iron levels are down again, which worries me. I am not anemic and my energy levels are good, but I am worried about having a disease that can cause this. I hope it is just diet related. This makes sense to me because I keep eating the same things and rarely any meat, which is a good source of iron. I am making an effort now to eat more diverse than before. the trick is to aim high (more than 10 different food sources and at least one meal with red meat per week). I usually do not stick to this kind of plans, but I hope this time it will work out for me on the long run.

9. I am grateful for eating salad full of a variety of raw veggies and lemon juice. Yummy 🙂

10. I am grateful for trying to resurrect my sourdough again… This is the second time that I have forgotten to spare starter lately. I am feeling upset about this, but keep thinking that my mind is so focused on work that it can be normal to forget trivial things..

11. I am grateful for having my window open and letting fresh air in.

12. I am grateful for having plans to shop tomorrow! Yes, I plan to shop and get food. I also plan to have my hair cut tomorrow – let’s see how this will work out.

13. I am grateful for having the night to myself and enjoying the dark and quiet environment. It is so peaceful right now….

14. I am grateful for everything I have at home; furniture, clothes, shoes, kitchen items, light bulbs, comforter, my computer, and internet access that make my life easy safe, and comfortable.

15. I am grateful for making an effort to fill my mind with these beautiful experiences, rather than negative encounters 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

joy journal – August 11, 2017

It has been a long time that I have written this journal.

I must remember to do this especially when I am feeling down – there is nothing uplifting more than being grateful for events, memories, things, people, and experiences that give us hope, positivity, happiness, opportunity, and a break from all the chatter and clutter.

1. I am grateful for waking up early today; 6.30 am to be exact. When you wake up so early you have all the time in your hands. Also it is such a quiet time of the day; no traffic no phone calls. Precious.

2. I am grateful for being off today. I worked only lightly in the morning. It was enough. I have had enough. The rest of the day except email correspondences I have not dealt with work. This gave me some chance to just sit down and relax. I was tired too – at noon I have felt quite drained and lied down for a while. It was beautiful.

3. I am grateful for doing routine stuff today; house chores! How joyful it was to be able to engulf in a simple yet effective work for a change! I cleaned the house, did the laundry, did grocery shopping, and finally cut the grass in the yard! The last one was on my list in the last 6 weeks – the time was right today. I feel relieved – one more long-standing task is done and gone (for now, of course; I gotta repeat this in two weeks, but until that time….).

4. I am grateful for the little potato that one of my potato plants have produced! One of the plants turned yellow and I wanted to check it. And there they were, 6-7 little potatoes….. what a wondrous thing to experience… I am awed. Honestly 🙂

5. I am grateful for going through hardship and relaxing into it now. These were all work related and I am gaining somethings really good and losing somethings really important. Losing is not a great feeling, but that prompted to me to make plans for my future. I resist less to the issues and things I have lost, and focus more on what I can gain. I was right about that feeling last week or so; my life is shaping as a result. I hope it to be a good one. 

6. I am grateful for the warm weather outside that keeps us warm and windows open. There is something lovely about having the fresh air inside and feel the breeze…. Lightness! Yes, this is the feeling it does give – lightness! Being free of worries and nerve-racking things. Being in the moment and enjoying this simple act. Precious! 🙂

7. I am grateful for being ready for the dinner tomorrow. I will have two couples as guest, good friends. I have everything sorted out and the menu being realistic. Tomorrow will be a busy day but hopefully a fun day, too.

8. I am grateful for feeling better now 🙂

joy journal – March 31, 2017

I am not good at writing my joy journal this year…… I believe this is my only the second post in 2017.

I am the best person to know that writing this journal is one thing that always made me feel better, more hopeful, and joyful.

So, why is this neglect lately? Was I too joyful so that I did not need to write it, or was I not joyful at all so I did not even bother writing?

The answer is neither.

I was slightly down; that is for sure. Work has had some stressful & pissing moments in February and March. But other than that many great things happened, almost on a daily basis.

I was just lazy, I would say.

Now is a good time to break this pattern and start being and benefiting from being grateful.

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1. I am grateful for being safe and sound in this stormy day. I was not hurt, fell, or got washed out by the rain or pushed around by the wind. 

2. I am grateful for my home standing tall, strong, and safe in this weather. This year we have had quite a bit of winter with lots of wind and snow. And now we are having rain. But the house has been great with no problem at sight. I am very thankful for this.

3. I am grateful for deciding to remove from my work list those that drag me down emotionally. Whether they are the unnecessary tasks or people, I say “no” more often now and it feels good. I will keep doing this as long as it serves me best.

4. I am grateful for all the food I have in my house. 

5. I am grateful for having the night to myself. It is quite peaceful to have no one around. 

6. I am grateful for having the energy and feeling good about myself. 

7. I am grateful for eating fruits today and enjoying them.

8. I am grateful for feeding my sourdough starter this evening. I hope to make a dough tomorrow and bake a loaf on Sunday, as usual. This weekend, I will also have a loaf or two with commercial yeast to give to my colleague who gave me a ride this evening. I do not necessarily like getting favors without giving something back, especially from those people who I have no close friendship. For some reason, when someone who is not a close friend of mine offers me this kind of help/kindness, I have a hard time accepting it gracefully. Old habit… And bread sounds great – I am sure they will enjoy. And I will feel even.

9. I am grateful for the movie I am watching; my internet connection; my computer; my power and heating; my phone line; my furniture; shoes/boots and clothes and everything else I have at home. All is necessary or useful, and well liked. 

10. I am grateful for reading and enjoying reading; whether it is books or browsing on the internet. But learning is the best thing a mind can relax and grow into. I have so many opportunities to do so that I am loving my life very much right now 🙂

11. I am grateful for re-starting my joy journal and being grateful 🙂

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Added after the post:

I forgot – as of Jan 2017, I also would like to note at least 3 things that I appreciate about myself. Here is today’s list:

  1. I appreciate the fact that I am not a cheap person
  2. I appreciate the fact that I can say “no” now
  3. I appreciate the fact that I make an effort to keep a simple, peaceful, healthy, and meaningful life
  4. I appreciate the fact that I am more focused on my own well being at the office
  5. I appreciate the fact that I have simple but effective/meaningful hobbies, like reading, writing, listening to music, or watching movies
  6. I appreciate the fact that I have a character and its genuine – what you see is what you get
  7. I appreciate the fact that I make a good effort to eat at least one type of raw veggie per day – it is essential for losing weight (for some reason, it does work for me..)
  8. I appreciate the fact that I am resourceful
  9. I appreciate today especially the fact that I am writing on my joy journal and also making this “self-appreciation corner” an integral part of it 🙂

Yay!! 🙂

random thoughts

It is a warm and humid day – it started raining in the evening and that feels just like the springs I know. One moment warm and the next moment it slightly cools down with the rain. All is welcome 🙂

I am happy with the work I have done today. I came home in the afternoon to work without distraction and it proved to be a good decision.

I have a new flower bloomed in my yard 🙂 it is hidden in between the leaves of a kind of large green plant. I did not plant it there, so I am assuming it somehow got in there. I also see many small plants here and there. As soon as I understand what they are i will either plug them out or let them grow. They are kind of under a tree from next door and I am assuming that they are the seeds from that tree that germinated. But I cannot be sure yet – I am wishfully waiting.

It is official that I have a pest problem…. Disgusting….. I found new poops in my kitchen counter that make me want to puke… I am calling the pest control company tomorrow – hopefully they will be able to give me some baits and this problem will be resolved soon. I am pretty much annoyed but then I know that I am doing okay in terms of taking steps: I have sticky bands everywhere, poison in two places, electronic repellents (which I think are not working as I found the poops close to them….), i placed all food in cabinets into glass jars or in the fridge, and I try to show up in the kitchen time to time to make sure that they know they are not the only thing there and behave maybe. … Maybe… I can only hope 🙂 I know this is not a pleasant topic to write about – bear with me. I just feel better facing the issue, that is all.

In contrast to almost all of the mornings in my life, this morning I have got up feeling good…. You know what I think is the reason? I filled my mind with positive thoughts right before I went to bed by writing my joy journal. I am curious to see whether I can replicate this feeling tomorrow and the days after that. If I can see that is the reason, then, my friends, I may have just found the key to happiness and less crankiness 🙂

That would be just awesome 🙂

 

joy journal – May 26, 2015

One of these days I feel like meh... Today more than the times when I feel better, I feel the need to write my joy journal. At the end, remembering the beautiful things provide a sense of joy and serenity. Today, I will have one giant point to be thankful about;

1. I am grateful for felling like meh.. Why? you may ask. It helps me to appreciate the life as it is. I think we are not supposed to feel good, positive, or excited all the time, though they would be very much appreciated. Some days are better than the others. Eventually, I am still healthy, have a steady job I love, my family is well, and I am safe and sound. These are the bigger things in life that count. So right this moment I remind myself the important things in life I often take granted. What a valuable experience. Thank you meh day.

random thoughts

I still feel like writing today. Yesterday it was because I was upset and trying to keep my mood up. Today it is just because.

I am feeling a little bit better today. Work helps. The more my mind works the better. I have done quite a bit of work today, but am feeling like I have not catched up with my regular work rhythm yet. Hopefully soon.

Tomorrow we have two ceremonies to officially open our new building; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So I will not have a chance to do much work. It is okay. And next week I have one whole day, one half-day meeting to attend, which make the half of the week useless. Oh, well. Maybe at the weekend I will work, which is a great idea.

I got a support letter today that I have been waiting since monday. It is kind of important so I am happy that it arrived. It has a key role in one of the work-related issues I have. The rest will be determined by others later, which I am okay with; they have been helpful and ready to provide advise. I liked this very much.

It is raining today – what a miserable day! I decided to take the bus. I could as well walk as while waiting the bus, my coat and shoes got wet anyhow. I thought about eating out, but then decided not to. A simple dinner made it.

My team and I seem to get used to being in different offices. I go say hi twice or three times a day, which is good. They say they are hesitant to come and say hi to me. “By all means, please do that as I like to chat with you”. That is what I said. I feel isolated socially and they may feel the same thing. I do not know.

While I am away from my team a little bit, in the new building now we have a lot of people (who previously were scattered around the floors and buildings) together. That is actually awesome since we interact more and meet more easily. It has been very useful for me so far.

I started to drink tea again after I moved to my new office. I used to years ago, but had stopped after a while. I welcome this nice change. I have a variety of teas at the office and am interested in getting more this weekend.

Tea is good. New office is good. Change is good. 🙂

Better yet, I am aware of all these goodness. Awesome!

stay well every one

joy journal – April 27, 2015

A rainy, foggy, but nevertheless a precious day of my life. Here is my gratefulness list for today:

1. I am grateful for the rainy and foggy day. It has been like this since saturday. Foggy days, although are depressive on the long run, also gives a mystical sense to the city. It is actually a great time to take pictures. I imagine a street lamp illuminating in a dark with fog at the background. Almost a black-and-while photo, which may include colourful houses at the back. The whole picture would look so awesome…. I can see it in my mind clearly – and it makes me happy.

2. I am grateful for keeping up positive and continuing to deal with the issues. I am proud of myself for holding up.

3. I am grateful for today being another light-work day. I have not worked too much, but I gotta start doing this soon so that I can finish lagging work and start fresh ones. It is exciting 🙂

4. I am grateful that I am still excited about my new office 🙂 I know, I know dear reader you are probably about to puke, but it seriously it makes me happy and excited. I still tell everyone I see at the workplace what a nice office it is and how happy I am to have it, including my boss. My boss smiled and said “I heard from 3 other people how happy you were with your office”. She was happy for me. I thanked her previously but it does not hurt to thank her here again for my office, considering that there are only 4 offices with windows (one of which is mine) and we are around 30 people. My boss said the fact that in contrast to some others, I actually spend a lot of time in the office, which helped me to get the office. Thank you, thank me 🙂

5. I am grateful for walking in the afternoon, a little bit faster this time. I walked with one of my colleagues, who walks faster than me. So today’s walk was more like a cardio exercise, more healthy. Yay!

6. I am grateful for being warm tonite. It has been cold lately, but today feels allright.

7. I am grateful for all the books I have around me. I was not reading lately, but I have occasional look at them, which is always pleasing.

8. I am grateful for my team being back and fully settled in the new place. They seem allright with this change and rapidly adapting to the new environment. We had a meeting today and we slowly getting back to operating fully.

9. I am grateful for one of my favourite TV shows airing tonite. They say it is going to be one of this memorable ones – cannot wait 🙂

10. I am grateful for feeling better tonite.

11. I am grateful for flossing lately. It may be gross to mention it, but considering how healthy it is and how lazy I usually am, I am proud of myself.

12. I am grateful for my sense of humour today; with several of my colleagues today I participated shortly in a group exercise that involved coming up with creative and humorous quotes. It was hilarious and I had great time.

13. I am grateful for not eating too much today.

14. I am grateful for not being lazy and walking within and between the buildings today.

15. I am grateful for brewing my own coffee this morning. I have also drunk two cups of tea at noon. I had a variety pack of tea that turned out to be really exciting. 6 different types of teas. I loved the opportunity to choose among different tea bags and I know that in the coming days as well I have the same opportunity. Considering the health benefits of tea, I am now more than before motivated to drink tea.

joy journal – April 26, 2015

I am literally pushing myself to write this journal today. While writing I am sure I will feel better remembering things that I am grateful for – that is my greatest motivation to write now.

1. I am grateful for going through ups and downs, positive and negative in life, which so far all are deal-able things. It does not mean that I am having a great time; I feel like acknowledging things helps with reducing their effect and seeing them within the larger picture helps me to downgrade their importance and thus their effects.

2. I am grateful for having breakfast this morning. Not necessarily enjoyed it as I was not hungry, but that is okay.

3. I am grateful for the throws one of my friends gave me a while ago. I use them to cover the couch while I am sitting on it. They help it from being getting dirty as I am known to have ink stains all around where I am 🙂 At first I did not like them, but now I can see how useful they are.

4. I am grateful for its being Sunday and still afternoon. I am seeing today as a great opportunity to feel my emotions, rather than suppressing them. It is not pleasant but I think healthy.

5. I am grateful for tomorrow being a work day, which will help me to start dealing and moving with the work-related issues. I hope to get positive progress.

6. I am grateful for my TV and cable. I am watching a movie; the sound track for a few seconds made me felt good.

7. I am grateful for all the food and clothes I have, my home, my furniture and all I can get for myself to provide myself with a comfortable life.

8. I am grateful for my job that keeps my mind busy and helps me with my life.

9. I am grateful for family and friends who support me, listen to me, make me laugh, and enable me to share.

10. I am grateful for the grey day that makes me feel like I am having a long evening and night, which are the most peaceful times of the day for me.

11. I am grateful for chatting with one of my colleagues at the breakfast cafe in the morning. What a nice feeling to be around nice and positive persons.

12. I am grateful for watering my plants yesterday. I sometimes forget to do this. The effect of water is immediately observable. I like plants; one of my plants has been with me for 5-6 years. Quite a resilient plant that does not require much of a care but still keeps green and leafy through winter and summer.

13. I am grateful for being lazy today; not doing much other than watching TV, occasionally writing and reading.

14. I am grateful for getting increasingly aware of the life-style changes that I need to make. I cannot say that I have taken firm steps to do the changes, but they keep showing up on my mind and keep bugging me. I wonder when I will make the changes. I kind of feel like when the right time comes, they will happen. But if I keep having my excuses (i.e. lack of time or energy,, stress levels, need to pamper myself), I am not sure whether it will become reality. I can only hope.

15. I am grateful for not being crashed under the weight of my issues.

16. I am grateful that I know I have options to change my life for better. I can start exercise programs, I can shop better and spend time at the kitchen to prepare healthier food, I can cut out unhealthy food from my life and actually save some pennies, I can start walking in the morning to increase my daily exercise, I can take a break during lunch to walk around a near-by pond and park, I can start doing exercise by watching exercise programs at home, I can motivate myself to lose weight… The problem with weight lose is that it is hard to keep off the pounds coming back and different programs seem to work with different individuals. I know exercise helps me to keep it on track (but not necessarily helping me to lose weight but sure helps me to feel good and maybe eat less), so what is the best way? what is the best continuous way to lose weight for myself? Gotta figure that out. Bread comes to my mind first. Leave the bread out and then see.

17. I am grateful for having some left over meal today. I am not feeling like cooking; so the left-over is quite helpful.

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