random thoughts


I have had three long and unproductive meetings in the last two days. As a result, once again I ask for a world without work meetings.


I said it.


I have seen a colleague of mine in one of these meetings. She and I hit off quite fast a few years back. Even though we do not see each other much, we seem to get along just fine. She told me today that she has been sick for sometime and she had quite worrisome days. We talked. Our approach to health problems are similar, so I understood her well and treated her the way I would like to be treated if I were in her shoes. As a result, she was relieved and happy, and so was I. And our friendship, thus, got stronger.

And that feels good.


I have been trying to lose weight since August and I am not losing it…… What is going on, really? How do I reach that goal????




By the way; those that waste my time with these meetings where I am not even needed, do me a favor and get out of my head. I would love to feel rather peaceful and hopeful tonite than remembering and getting annoyed by your memory.

So, here is a beautiful piece of music that just washes my palate and gives me positive vibes.

Good night friends.




I just read somewhere about cherishing our friends; it said when they are loyal, they are priceless. Or something like that. There was also a picture of two young women hugging each other with large smiles on their faces ūüôā

I have had such friends and I am very lucky to have them.

When I started thinking about my friends, I could not remember what made them being in my live for so long, with so many memories. Was it their kindness? Loveliness? Respect? Sincerity? Support in bad times? Being happy for me when great things happened? Being excited for me, with me? Spending time with our families? The care we show each other? The extra steps we have taken for each other?

What drives these behaviour? Why some people care about us and become great friends and then many others cannot?

See, I cannot put my finger on what makes friends friends. What distinguish them from thousands of other people I have met in my life….

I made the majority of my friends before the age of 30. We studied together, we laughed and cried together. We trust each other. We love each other. I would not change them to the world. The only good friend I have made after the age of 30 is a great person, a colleague of mine who is smart, humane, kind, funny, and dependable. I wonder whether I will make another one in my future Рpossibly not.

I love my friends. Perhaps I will never know the reasons that led them and me keep being friends, love and care about each other for so many years, but I know that I am grateful for them for ever.

Next time I see them, I will give them an extra hug.

thoughts awaken by a poem – cont’d

What is it about those people we argue, get upset with, hiss to, but nevertheless care, like/love, and miss?

I have¬†some idea, which make some sense time to time; but then none…

Sometimes I feel like arguments are a way of communication; maybe it is what is helping us to connect. Can there be a more pleasant way of communication? Certainly it may, but for some unexplained reasons, with some people that is what it is..

Maybe we get upset because we have expectations from them that remain unmet; or because whatever they do/say (or not) hurts only because we care about them a little bit more than usual and each reaction evokes some strong emotions in us (upsetting feelings, happiness, excitement, etc.). This level of emotions created by such individuals is what makes them unique to me.

So, eventually what happens? I do not know; I guess¬†people continue like this happily and with an acceptance of each other. Or slowly disappear from each other’s lives with no¬†farewells, no¬†further¬†arguments, no bad-feelings.

Or, maybe we can stand being neither with them nor without them. Maybe then it is best to end the relationship/friendship/acquaintance. But, who could blame me for missing that person years later then?

Unless I really cared then, I would not care now.

That is all I have to say.

late-night random thoughts

First of all, late nights are awesome! They are silent, peaceful, and I feel like I have the entire world to myself.

Nowadays I have been going to the bed late. Tonite is one of them. I am not worried about not getting up on time. I am not sure whether it is true that as we age, we need less sleep? I always thought it was because of reduced amount of exercise maybe? Considering my almost the same level of exercise over the days or months, i do not think lack of exercise has anything to do with my reduced need of sleep. There must be another reason.

This morning, I woke up right on time to catch the bus, but rather took the cab. Why?

I do not have good mood in the mornings. This morning I woke up particularly pissed. I remembered (and why did I do that?) that one of my “good” friends had joked and almost insulted me about a treat basket I sent her all they way from Canada to USA when she got married. That was maybe 8 years ago. That is what she said about the chocolate in the basket; ¬†“You know how much I love chocolate; I even ate that chocolate”.

Well, I  am not sorry that I did not send you the finest chocolate ever. I was almost penniless at that time and it cost me more than 2 weeks of allowance. 2 weeks.. yet, I sent it to you to celebrate your beautiful day.

No more gifts for you my friend – until you start appreciating people’s efforts and good wishes for you. Or at least until you¬†zip it.

And this thought does not make me feel good, either; I prefer to have good wishes, good thoughts, gratefulness….

I am pissed at my friend once more.

I am surprised how mean and inconsiderate people can be and how we can keep them in our lives. In my case, my friend turned out to be a solid one, but she certainly is not shy to insult me as she pleases.

Again, I am pissed..

Deep breath.. All is well.. Right now I have everything and everyone I need and want. Right now I am at peace….

When I get up in the morning, I will be grateful for being alive, for welcoming another beautiful day full of life-experiences and opportunities, and hopefully will do or think something to make myself feel good.

Goodnight everyone ūüôā

note to self – Day 20

Even the people who we have known for years/decades may turn out to be “unknown”, someone so different than what we have once thought of.

Getting to know a person takes more than just “knowing” someone – the idea¬†is that without sharing, support, clear communication, and seeing each under different situations, our vision on the individuals will always be limited.

Here are the life lessons I have got lately

Here are the life lessons I have got lately:

1. whatever you do, never underestimate yourself; modesty is a great virtue if you ask me. Yet some people confuse modesty with lack of confidence. Horrible experience.

2. never take b.s. from others. Even those people who are very important for your life can push you with their unacceptable behaviour – never let your self-worth to be trashed; never let insults, games, and whatever else you think is an unacceptable behaviour on you by others. Stand up and speak up. Let it be known. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder after that.

3. Try something new every once a while; start a light yoga, stretching, or meditation class. See how you feel during and after the class. have you noticed something new? something different? is it a positive experience?

tolerating unacceptable behaviour of friends

There is something about tolerating unacceptable behaviour of¬†friends and others we interact in our daily life. For example, rudeness; a good and a long-time friend of mine can get so rude time to time and can even talk “insultfull” that despite all the support and other goodness I get from this person,¬†I¬†sometimes just want to cut our ties. I want that person to disappear and stop the¬†rarely uttered but nevertheless impactful and unnecessary rudeness from my life.

Friendship requires effort, love, support and understanding. Yet when one side starts treating you like s..t, it may be a good idea to show your reaction rather than tolerating whatever is bothering you. Let them either fix themselves or disappear. Life is short. We do not need this s..t.

Go ahead, make yourself tired real good for once!

I am mad.

I know someone, who for his work travels a lot. A LOT. In the last few weeks I am not sure how many states he has been to, often with flights as little as 12 hours apart. Now he says he is about to board a trans-atlantic flight.

Since I am not comfortable talking to him, but I do care about him, I will say it here. He may not know what I think, but at last I have this chance to get it out of my system.

Go ahead, make yourself tired real good for once!!! Get burnt out. Get cold. No heart attack or a serious issue, but something manageable. Maybe you will stop killing yourself. Maybe this time people in your life will, instead of clapping, talk to you out of hurting yourself for your career.

she was difficult to deal with

she was difficult to deal with

weird, and quick to get mad

and when mad, she spoke harsh

over small things we would fight

yet she never stopped fuelling my dreams

except when it was hard on me

then she would show her attitude

expecting me to have gratitude

I completely ignored her

I took no steps to see

nor called to ask how she was

though she did contact me

over the years time to time

she passed away lately

after a long illness I was told

I wonder why she never told me;

come to think about it

I never happened to ask her her life

the attention was always on me


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