on getting pissed, caring and non-caring, forgiving, and not giving a rat’s nose

I have been organizing a professional event in the last while. The amount of time and nerves I spend on it is HUGE. I mean, really huge. Only someone like me who is interested in, determined to deliver, and not giving up easily can go through this without throwing the idea out of the window. Or, a few people. Well, come to think about it, getting rid of the idea is much better and suitable to my character….


You have got the idea that I was furious at one point.

This was because three people have tried to treat me like a door mat along the way. One of them repeatedly showed rudeness including throwing documents almost to my face; another one jokingly said that they will sue me if one of the pieces we work together on was not selected (or something like that), and yet another one decided to change a part of the event without asking me and yelled at me when I asked about it and objected to their plans that somehow put me at risk as the organizer of the event.

Mean Taylor Swift GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

In all cases, I did something I am proud and surprised of, and showed reactions in a logical and cool way. In two out of three cases, I have got an apology. Not that this meant anything – it did not. Anyways. In all cases I did see that I can stand up for myself if the situation arises (honestly I do not get to experience this kind of shit and mistreatment often). But most importantly, this is how one loses respect for others.

I do not care about these people anymore, not more than just any other human being (they used to be close/respected colleagues).

Next time, I am sure I will be less willing to listen to them or speak to them.

I really do not care about their behavior and their problem.

I move on with my chin naturally lifted up without any effort….. (this is beautiful).

I just wished they did not go around and identify yet another good soul to mistreat.

Flowers Spring GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY


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all the good things – check

  • sleeping well and dreaming…. a lot – check ๐Ÿ™‚

Only sometimes I remember my dreams and remembering three dreams in the morning was absolutely interesting!

  • waiting at home for the bus so that I could continue my frugal, simple, and responsible life style I missed so much – check
  • feeling happy when the bus comes – check!

Our buses runs every 30 min – give me some credit for taking them, please :)))

  • working nice and easy during the day without much of a stress – check
  • giving a small loaf of sourdough to one of my friends and seeing her joy and excitement – check, check, check ๐Ÿ™‚

I am grateful for this feeling of happiness coming from sharing my bread, marmalade, or pickles – looks like my friends really like and appreciate them, and this just makes me hugely grateful! How did I come up with the idea of baking bread? making marmalade or pickle? Boredom, which motivated me to try these endeavors, has been good to me indeed ๐Ÿ™‚

  • coming home early and taking a new yoga/stretching class – check

I dedicated this session to appreciating myself more (wow – I am really getting healed here ๐Ÿ™‚ ) and I spent the entire one hour by focusing on all the good things and appreciating my ability to do so. One of the best 12 bucks spent ever ๐Ÿ™‚

  • eating home-made food and a large salad – check
  • having a no-spending day – check!

I am excited about this. I think I am slowly coming back to my frugal self. Today is the second day of being frugal in a very long time and it feels fantastic. If only they did not expect a snow storm soon – that may mean that I may need to take a cab to or from work. We will see how weather will develop.

I plan to do some sort of pantry challenge next week so that I can consume what I already have. This will help me with saving some money and also enable myself to consume what I already have and replace them with fresh ones. I really need this so that I can get my chequing account back to a healthy level, which always feels good. Time to do this!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Being calm and relaxing this evening – check

I am not working tonite and it feels good to me. I know time to time it gets really heavy but nowadays I feel like I deserve a break and I aim to cherish it while it lasts

  • interacting with only lovely friends and colleagues today – check
  • eating yogurt – check
  • being excited about all the good things and people in my life -multi-check!






random thoughts

I have had a good weekend and I am very happy about this ๐Ÿ™‚

I am back to my regular self after four months of rush-rush-stress-stress work marathon and two over-seas trips.

I am eating better and healthy, I walk whenever I can, and my budget is back to its wonderful self ๐Ÿ™‚

Nobodies. GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

My hair is transitioning to gray alright and I have not lost my mind over the abundance of grays or the presence of many different colours in my hair, even though I know I HATE this hair, goodness knows I want to DYE it like right now, and I never knew I could be that BRAVE to carry this hair!!

Peace… I need to make peace with this hair, but it is so challenging…

Saturday Night Live GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

Anyways; going back to positive experiences….I plucked out weeds and unnecessary plants from my yard, moved a nice flower somewhere else so that next year I can plant food at the back of the yard, enjoyed the mints and flowers still striving, and felt the satisfaction of knowing that now my yard is ready for winter. There is nothing much to be done. I have done good.

I am baking a great-looking sourdough loaf and I will be sharing my beet pickles and potato salad with my friends, who invited me over for a dinner tonite. I am so looking forward to their company and having great time.

Good people make all the difference ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a great Sunday everyone! ๐Ÿ™‚


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joy journal – Oct 29, 2015

joy ๐Ÿ™‚

happiness ๐Ÿ™‚

joy ๐Ÿ™‚

peace ๐Ÿ™‚

Alright, alright… Not everything in life is great, positive, joyful, or useful. I have been struggling with some negative feelings caused by an ugly behavior of a colleague of mine during one of my trips lately. I was ridiculed for no reason directly related to me and I felt quite down. There are a number of blogs I wrote about it and then erased. I am making an effort to put these behind (after developing strategiesย that I can use next time if a similar situation arises) and choosing to focus on positivity, goodness, kindness, and joy in life!!!

1. I am grateful for coming home after 8 days of two trips done to separate cities with long flights and tiring business meetings. Boy.. ๐Ÿ™‚

2. I am grateful for sleeping till late to give my body to take a rest today.

3. I am grateful for seeing a friend of mine today and chatting with her all nice and easy at the cafe. Always great to have understanding and lovely people in my life.

4. I am grateful for the apple I have had this afternoon. I have not particularly eaten well in the last week during my trips. The only things I have done good were to a) eat an apple a day, b) drink milk to get calcium and vitamin D, c) take my iron supplement regularly, d) eat a variety of things, however fatty or carby they may be.

5. I am grateful for the airline that put me in a business class seat yesterday (for no reason) and provided me with hot towels and complementary food. I was hungry and planning to buy something. The food they have given was great and satisfied my hunger. On a separate note, I wished there was no economical class separation on planes. I wished we were all equal. I understand business is business, but…

5. I am grateful forย meeting with a long time friend of mine during one of my trips. We had not seen each other for over a decade, yet our sincere and trustworthy friendship continues as if there has been no time gap in our friendship. What a great experience ๐Ÿ™‚

6. I am grateful for taking today off and not going to work. I was supposed to be at my office as I have many things to do, but my body appreciated the relaxing and laid back day after the trips.

7. I am grateful for talking to my family on the phone today. I am glad that they are well and sound.

8. I am grateful for all the nice, kind, fair, lovely, and good-hearted people in the world. They do make a huge and positive difference in our lives. They make me hopeful and optimistic about life. They are my role models and I wish to spread their goodness with my behavior.

9. I am grateful for the lovely and smart colleague of mine I met at one of the trips lately. She and I met many times over the years while attending the same annual business meeting. This lovely European lady is certainly one of the kind and nice people I mentioned above and wishing her the bestย in life and continuation ofย her good heart and manners.

10. I am grateful for my internet connection and computer that makes the blogging possible for me. Reading all the genuine and authentic posts is a great pleasure. I learn a lot and I get to know really great people. Many of you guys have life experiences different than mine; I would not get to know life and develop a deeper empathy if it was not because of you. Thank you all.

11. I am grateful for keeping up with my conscious spending plan during my trips. I cannot wait till the mid December when I will wrap up this year’s budget and see how much I have spent, and ย how much I have saved. I am also excited about designing a new budget for the new year, 2016 at the same time. Hope is a great feeling; thanks to my budget and motivation, I have done well in the last 4-5 months and I am excited that it is very likely to keep going in the future.

12. I am grateful for not cooking today.

13. I am grateful for my new streaming service; I love finding all the movies from the past that I like watching… I am dreaming about sparing one or two days in the future, long after I work very hard and take care of my work, when I will get my hot chocolate and just binge-watch some of these movies for a full day ๐Ÿ™‚

14. I am grateful for the pants and the t-shirt I needed to buy last week when one airline lost my luggage and I had to purchase clothes. I liked both of them; I guess they are nice additions to my wardrobe and I certainly am enjoying using them ๐Ÿ™‚

15. I am grateful for remembering to smile time to time today ๐Ÿ™‚

16. I am grateful for the food I have had today, the coffee I have drunk in the morning, and the clothes I wear and keep me warm.

17. I am grateful for my books. I bought two books at the airports during my trips. I regret buying both of them, though they have let me pass time at the airport. Making a mental note to not to buy books at the airports anymore.

18. I am grateful for my regrets that constantly teach me something.

19. I am grateful for hope. Having hope… Being hope… Giving hope….

20. I am grateful for being grateful! ๐Ÿ™‚

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