I have forgotten

poem

—————

I may have forgetten

got busy with work

but pain remains

for not being who I could be

if I were with you

I may have forgetten

got hopeful with future

but my dream remains

hinting how it could be

if I were your girl

I may have forgotten

got down with misery

but my grief has remained

for not being what I could be

if I could be

I would be happy with you

eventually I have forgotten

my heart mended

and mind refreshed

but tears remained

I got cold and void

for not forgivin’

Advertisements

my animal shelter experience today

You know I have been considering having a cat as a companion for sometime, which was further motivated by the pest problem I have had in my house in the last few months.

Well; yesterday I ranted a little bit about the cat and I liked at a shelter and my cat-friendly friend who would refuse to go there to give me a hand with her cat-wisdom. I was frustrated and a little bit angry yesterday, but today things turned out to be better.

Let me explain:

Today, my friend took me to another shelter first. It was a nice one with lots of cats, who were not solely cage-contained (they had other contained places to go, including fenced areas outside). How nice.

I have liked one grumpy cat called George, who did not like other cats and preferred to be in his cage only. Okay…. George was a lovely young male cat and it would be awesome to have him around and watch/observe. Yet, my feeling is that his grumpiness could give me some stress, especially when I need to do things that he would not like (like trimming his nails, or putting him in a transporter). So, while he was an awesome and likable one, I a few hours back decided not to get it.

I saw another female cat, white and with odd-eyes. She may be deaf in one ear, not necessarily a great looking cat, but very easy going. I feel affection for her, especially for being deaf in one ear. Her eyes reminds me about “being different” yet still being beautiful and valuable. I am inclined to get her for now. Hopefully thursday. I hope she is a mouser 🙂

When I said to my friend that I also would like to see the cat I liked in the other shelter, she said no first, but then decided to come with me… That was incredible on her side, as she has very strong and negative feelings about that shelter. Anyways; we have been there, the shelter did not take her dog inside the shelter so she had to wait outside, and I checked the cats. They were all contained in cages and they have had no free space to explore, walk, run, or play. This, my friends, is cruel if you ask me and the main reason why my friend did not have a positive feeling about the shelter. I understood her better today and she has every single right to dislike the management of that shelter.

Anyways; I found the cat I liked (i had chosen him thru the website/photos). A very cute and young male cat. very easy going as well – i held him in my arms! I was not scared and he was not scared or aggressive. I asked about him and they told me that he lost a few teeth but was fine now. I went out and asked my friend to check the cat; she came back and said he was lovely. We made plans to adopt him tonite.

Then while driving back, we talked about the teeth and my friend and I got a little bit skeptical about it. For a young cat like him, losing ” a few teeth” would not be considered normal… It would mean he was sick, old, or plain unlucky. I emailed the shelter and it turned out to be a likely permanent gum/neck problem that would require further tooth loss in the future…

My heart bleeds my friends that I will not have him. Considering how much I liked this cat and he may have health problems that require immediate attention, I cannot possibly leave him behind while I am away for extended periods of time (which I do at least twice a year). Since I must make these trips, that means that he should not be under my care.

Would someone love him as much as I do and care for him as he needs? I do not know…. See, I am still hesitant and emotionally would love to get that cat, but logically it is better I do not.

My first cat-love has now ended with a broken heart, I must say.

It is like the first love in life that cannot be  replaced by another. I guarantee you that….

I am determined to love the next cat, though. All living beings deserve love.

vengeance

poem

——————–

it is as if there was nothing you cannot do

to not kiss this girl

and not to wrap your arms around her

we reached the old age

can hardly lift our arms

let alone give a kiss

and just now you are making a move

and just now I am not to be missed

 

—————————————————–
All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

 

the poem with two colors

poem

—————————————————–

First

all what love does is to remind you

I am afraid to listen to the songs

no love story can come through

no couple I can stand to see

I am a stranger to my own silence

cannot talk my heart out of you

tired of this defiance

I must try once again

to assault your memory

what would you say

if you knew my side of the story?

 

========================

Second

I must try once again

to insult your memory

cannot talk my heart out of you

cursed it is, hurt

it has been years

yet years did not sweep tears

how am I going to move ahead

when all what love does is to remind you

I am afraid to listen to the songs

no love story can be read

no couple I can stand to see

if you knew, what would you feel?

it has been years

for years you have occupied me

I am a stranger to my own silence

I am left with no smile, no inner stillness

 

—————————————————–
All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

 

 

stillborn love – II

poem

————————-

It has been years

I have had a love so young, so innocent

yet, it was stillborn..

you have left me faster than the blood

strange that hate is stronger than love

and love gives birth to hate that easily

why are you still in my thoughts?

no song, no poem is written for you

but all remind me you

I cannot stand any of these

I must be myself without you

yet without you I cannot be

 

 

——————————-
All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

stretching class tonite

So I went to participate in the yoga class this evening, which is in effect a stretching class. I was over-protective of my back but to my surprise, my back felt and did just perfect.

Almost each of the classes, I come to realize something, come up with a great idea, or just find myself smile.

Rarely, tears go down and tonite was one of these sessions.

I was not upset, sad, or depressed. In contrast, the reason tears came down was this genuine appreciation of connecting with my body.

See, these classes make me think about my body, like my back, shoulders, legs, hips, face, hands, or wherever we are trying to stretch. The instructor also guides us and mentions about our internal organs (how they are massaged by some of the stretches or poses), which made me think and feel the most precious love for my heart and lungs tonite.

I also have the chance to see my feet in these classes (always wearing socks except in these classes) and I happen to have that precious, genuine, and sincere love for them, too; their shape… the fingers…the toes… the nails… the skin… the way they are designed… the way they move…the way they differ from each other… I just love seeing them and feeling this love.

Realizing,.. no, remembering the existence of my body, seeing and feeling it, and connecting with it were what create these overwhelming feelings and the reason of my tears of joy tonite.

When did I get so unconnected to my own body, which has been working so well all these years, defining me in so many different ways, and making me an alive and well functioning organism?

If you could find a chance today or tomorrow or the days after tomorrow, take a minute to connect to your body and your organs; listen it, feel it, watch it, admire it, love it.

🙂

 

Wren

poem

———————

he looked in a way that
only she would understand
it was quiet and painful..
smiles were dead, silence was hurtful
pain drilled her eyes
heading low, sinking towards
all the pain
they have gone thru
this one she not knew
eye lids closed, cheeks cold
she just wished he had told
his reasons for giving up
words could have been forgotten
but silence.. no it cannot be forsaken…
she dreamed for heartlessness
whatever breath left with her
she walked away, dull and worthless
she wished he had
looked up and said
“goodbye sweetheart”
to ease her demise
no… but… no…
she turned around disbelieving
he was lying on the bed
his head turned to right
watching the wren on the window trim
as it pecked lovingly with the sun beam
———————
All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

silence

poem

——————————-

today I dreamt about you;

we were together again, walking

on the streets of the city we love

chatting formally and distant first, and then

bursting into laughter for no reason

we were what we were years ago;

no matter how distant now our hearts are

we were close once we were together

nothing much changed…. nothing much differed…

your voice, look, and smile decidedly

and still was exciting and ineradicable

yet, reality struck once the abrupt silence arrived

the closer we were, the more clear it was

none of these was true….none of these mattered……

——————————-

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

 

 

leave me be

——————————————–

love struck I was

smiling for no reason

life was pretty

love was a must

hungry I was

for all seasons

rain did not bother

snow, hey, was just there

standing tall

feeling lively

lifelike I was

gone, gone, gone

tears came and when done

emptied I was, emptied

my heart in three pieces

sigh…………….

broken it was, broken

not once but twice

suffice it was, the price

be gone

do not remember me

or call my name

be gone, you

be gone to another love

suck its blood while you can

drain if you wish

but do not let me be

do not let me be…

leave me

leave me be

——————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

aching dreams

they say when you break a bone

even after healing

you can still feel it lightly aching;

how true it seems….

one of these days that my heart aches

over an old heart-break

there were things to live, things to say

things to experience, things to share,

and things to be happy with

life would have been different,

more content maybe, more exciting,

and more fulfilling..

or maybe not….

possibly not actually.

well, what did I expect?

without living that love,

one can only cry

after the dreams

for the dreams

——————————————————————-

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

forgotten

you did good ending this

running and spreading your coldness

frozen I was; frozen

did not cry, did not complain, did not vent

peace it was; only frozen

dreamt about you the other day

woke up trying to remember

forgiving I was; forgetting

did not remember, did not hate, did not cry

forgotten you were; forgotten

———————————————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

the movie “Cast Away”

I am watching the movie “Cast Away”, which evoked a bunch of different emotions; from stress (the initial part of the movie), to a sense of adventure (the life on island), courage or indifference (sailing away from the island), beauty in nature (when the whale and the character exchange glances), hope (when the cargo ship passes next to the character), healing (when the character flies back home on a plane), gratefulness (when the character is back to civilized life), love (when he sees his sweetheart again), the heart-break (when the character cannot get his sweetheart back in his life).

Possibly under different conditions, yet we all experience these emotions throughout our lives. I felt for the character especially when he realized he cannot get his love back.

Love makes it or breaks it.

May your heart stay strong.

there are times that you stream like a river in my heart

there are times that you stream like a river in my heart

quiet and peaceful;

forgetting the internal fights and the thunder outside

I look at you and I find myself adoring

all speechless just gazing.

there are times that I gain strength from you

I stand tall, with a large smile;

I am invulnerable

confident that I can reach to moon

humming the sweetest tune.

Then I want to walk with you, within you

I jump in, alas! your stones bleed my feet

your stream suffocates me;

feeling you and not being with you

that is, my love, how it hurts

each time you go through me

———————————————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

turn of the heart

In some cases, dislike is such a great follow-up to liking someone first.

Why do we like someone and then dislike? Well, I guess as we learn more about these people over time, through more interaction or observation,  we kind of form our true feelings about people.

Yet, the most interesting ones are those who I have liked for so long (years/decades) and then suddenly (often accompanied by an unacceptable behaviour) started to dislike/to be irritated.

Where are all the previous positive emotions?? This turn of the heart is the one that I find the most interesting.

cheerful poem

———————————————————————–

they seem not to know

how lovely I have seen life

how different I was too

when I was around you

I have no anger left in me

to encounter this

so I cry, I cry now

whenever someone asks

why the hey did I love you

but not anyone else

they seem to forget calculations

or maybe it was me

that among all, billions of men

I chose you, what the hey! 🙂

———————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – LVI

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

I have never been that much in life, with life

———————————————————————–

I looked at your eyes and I entered a new world

distant and unnoticeable no more

as if it has been the world I was born for

as if my life has had only one purpose

of preparing me for that magical place

by so far depriving me of it

so that in a split second

I would know where I was supposed to be

I looked around and all was clear, brighter

life hopeful and beautiful

the colours I have not seen

the words I have not uttered

the songs were more beautiful even

my heart has never been lighter

my sight sharper, my senses higher

I have never been that much in life, with life

that is what it is in me that has craved hurriedly

for you, for so long, endlessly, tirelessly

———————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – LV

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

My take on 2014

My take on 2014 is:

family is great.

long-term and solid friends are the best.

work is endless and as such does not deserve my entire time.

my heart first expanded to the size of Atlantic Ocean, then sank to the bottom, and now it does not matter.

and now I am writing; no words to be unuttered, no emotion unendured, no wishes unblessed, and no day unspoken for.

getting close to accepting the defeat

—————————————————————————————————–

I hope, my love, one day you will love someone who loves you at least as much as I do.

I hope you will find the sparks, excitement, happiness, and contentment with that girl who deserves you, your gentle manners, your wonderful character, and your lovely laughter.

I hope she will always cherish, respect, and love you; do the right things for you; make you laugh often; give you a warm hug and keep there when you need it; care for your health and well being; relentlessly support you in all of your endeavours, and admire you like nobody else.

I hope she will love your voice and make you hum happy songs all day long; lift you up when you kneeled down, stand next to you when all is troublesome, and be proud of you when you solve all. I hope one day you will marry her and have the daughters you wish for. I hope my love you will be the one to give me these great news.

Have the determination to open your heart to the beauties around you. Share yourself more so that all can know your greatness and human side. Be happy beyond your imagination. Write those pieces, produce those programs, and take the most spectacular photos. Even if life cuts short and none or only some of them happens, know before we perish, how thoroughly, passionately, and tirelessly you were loved. Despite all. Despite by me.

None has touched both my heart and my life as you have, none has left me with myself so fast, so many different times. I love you. One part of me will always be thinking about you, loving, caring, and admiring you.

—————————————————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – XLVII

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

self reflections on a poem re; one part of me is yours

In an earlier post, I had come up with a two-line poem:

one part of me is yours;

I treasure it more than anything else

I have since been perplexed and mesmerized by it because I am not sure whether it is the most romantic or the cheesiest thing I have ever said.

If not cheesy then, what does it mean? What is its significance? What was I thinking while writing it?

I sometime have free-writing sessions where I just type down things as they appear in my mind. That poem was a product of such a session, though I certainly had an inspiring person in my mind. So sadly, I cannot know what was going through my mind at that time.

But I contemplated about the other questions. My current interpretation is that she refers to her feelings, thoughts, care, and memories about him (or maybe just her heart) when she says “one part of me is yours”. That I would say is a romantic thing to say, though one can question why she was his only in part but not entirely. Realistically, one part is good enough. So I will leave it here.

While the first part is a simple but powerful statement, the second part is overly a cliché (e.g. treasure) and an over-generalization (e.g. more than anything else), so there is a little bit of a sharp turn here. Anyhow. But I understand that she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much. Why? Just because it is his? I think that is a critical question to ask but I am not sure whether I have an answer to it yet. Additionally, she sounds overly protective of her “part”; I would say she is determined.

These being said, I need to go back to the section above; “she values and cherishes that “part” of her very, very much“.

Even more than him??

When I reflected on this question, I realized that the entire effort to find a meaning, a label for this poem fell apart. I realized that she does not have him. All she has of him is her “part”. This is her only connection to him; if she loses her feelings, thoughts, memories about him, she loses him. She loses her love. That is why she values it that much.

This poem is not romantic or cheesy; it is a very sad poem.

he was my little morning dove

I once loved a boy

he was young and scarred

life was his biggest enemy

pained in every inch, every moment

all remedies stolen

he had the softest heart I have ever known

gentle, loving, even though broken

he was my little morning dove

to be handled with affection and love

he was my son, my brother, my husband

he was the love of my life

———————————————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

I saw you though

I was so young, so naive

when I first met you

I did not see much

among my bunches of trouble

I saw you though

yes, I did my love

yet time was not right

I was not right

this time was better

we both had changed

you were more relax

less reserved

there was no walls around you

mine were gone, too

as usual it took some time

to know in my mind

what went through my heart

did I lose my chance with you?

did I?

———————————————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

You are damn worthy

There is something strange about loving someone who does not love you back; the damage to the self-esteem, the loss of self-worth.

So she/he does not love you; does that mean you are unworthy?  inadequate?  undesirable? not good enough? unlovable?

Remember how you dared by putting your heart, mind, and love out there?

You are brave, strong, and damn worthy.

that was a girl to move the mountains for

——————————————————————————

I forgave myself and then remembered

the way I was, the feminine side

the girl next door, sweet, lovely, and cute

with nice nails, hair, and dresses

with an adorable shyness

and inherent, challenging toughness

that was a girl to move the mountains for

you made her fall for you with your charm

yet misread her outer calm

feeling defeated, you let it stand in the air

with no care, no feelings to dare

she drifted away mending, understanding

when she knew and eventually opened up to you

you denied all, sought for esteem of your own

and enjoyed every bit of her misery

her tears and years lost to you

became your cherished victory

——————————————————————————

Kate’s short story – XXXV

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

I realize I am jealous

————————————————————————————–

love seems to be everywhere

in songs I listen to

in cards I get, in stories I read

in excitement of a friend

who is getting married

there is no escape from this

twisting, evil pain in my heart

that bursts in flames

shouting at my face

you do not have the love you want!

pained, void, and deeply bruised

I realize I am jealous

————————————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – XXXII

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

Do you know what that makes me?

————————————————————————————-

You would not imagine the role you have in my inner world M.

Did you know I found strength in you? Knowing that there you are, my heart fills with love, affection, and care? Do you know what that makes me? A happy, excited, and strong person, it does.

Did you know I found a chance to know myself better because of you? Knowing that I can love truly? Do you know what that makes me? A self-appreciating and powerful person, it does.

Did you know I found the courage to dream with you? Knowing that my life can be better, a lot better with love? Do you know what that makes me? A brave person, it does.

Did you know I found a better understanding of how selfish I was, almost as much as you were? Knowing that I had lost our mere chance because of this? Do you know what that makes me? A maturing soul, it does.

Did you know I love you more now because of all these things I have learnt about myself?

Knowing that I have profoundly changed?

Do you know what that makes me?

————————————————————————————-

Kate’s short story – XXXI

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

end content

—————————————————————————————–

two nights ago

a thought crossed my mind

“this will end one day”

it said

realizing the truth in it

maybe for the first time so naked

I felt the urge to live and panicked

I did know that

I would either regret

not having been with you

or be content

knowing that I did love you

I will not get to choose

which one will show up in my mind

to prevent the regret

forgetting you till then

would be the best

yet I will take the risk

I wish to end content

—————————————————————————————–

Kate’s short story – XVI

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

Changing directions

—————————————————————————————————-

In the entire story, two things are constant; the hurt and confusion created by ever changing directions of my emotions. One moment I am so profoundly in love with you; nothing and no one else matters. My entire existence is you, thoughts about you, longing for you. And the next day, I feel simply nothing towards you. Sometimes, just sometimes, I just hate you.

—————————————————————————————————-

Kate’ short story – XIII

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

while waiting the end of “us”

—————————————————————————————-
I trashed everything that reminded you. But memories are the worst; how do I bury a part of me?

Nevertheless, with a strange pleasure I can say that it has been four days…I was not able to feel anything for you.

Neither love nor hate.

I did not miss you.

I did not even cry.

There has been other times like this before; none so long, though. I had estimated that over time they would get longer and longer. Then, one would be “it”. “It” would be the end of “us”.

While I cry over you, I often find myself humming “Come What May” of Moulin Rouge; one particular line I like – “suddenly my life does not seem such a waste“. It is such a fragile line.. What happens if one replaces the word “waste” with “mess”?

ah, yes..

There will be an end of us.
—————————————————————————————

Kate’s short story-V

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

the poem of heart

———————————————-
we all were wrong

it started as a joke
then stuck around
yet I got it serious
and I was into it
maybe it was your joy
may be your loveliness
for whatever reason there I was
waiting you

one fall evening
you gave me a flower
finally thought
you would ask me out
waiting long enough

I asked a friend
“T, do you think he likes me?”
he said with sadness

“no, he does not”
my heart sank…
we all were wrong
and I was
the last one to know
———————————————

Kate’s short story-IV

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

love comes and goes

————————————————————————————————–

Love comes and goes; that is my observation.

It is such a fragile thing, love is; it is like an unstable chemical that one moment there with all of its intensity requiring all the attention for its needs and then the next time, it is gone … no more the exhilaration, no more the joy, no more the excitement, no more the demands of it.

Nowadays I feel like it does not exist any more and I find a kind of serenity, peace in it. Deep down, though, I know I in fact find a great pleasure for its non-existence towards him. That is possibly my ego talking and if my ego was not strong enough, then I would be deeply saddened by its non-existence; is not my love toward him what I loved more than him?

Things will change soon;  I will choose practising kindness and forgiveness and my ego will subsidize as a result. I will start feeling the intensity of it and its demands from me again. Like someone/something that I cannot say no, I will give my whole attention to ensure its survival. It will drill my heart. I will shed tears.

Human heart is a primitive thing and human mind is a calculating one. This duality is what bothers me most about love.

———————————————————————————————————-

Kate’s short story-III

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

the sincere poem

———————————————————————————–

when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.

Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.

did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.

but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!

if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong

Kate’s short story – II

———————————————————————————–

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: