joy journal – Jan 21, 2018

1. I am grateful for sleeping well and getting up with the feeling that I care about myself and support myself with kindness, understanding, and food. Great food 🙂

2. I am grateful for baking sourdough loaves. I baked two loaves today; both turned out to be delicious. How did I start with baking bread? It is a dilemma really. I remember that my first trials were frustrating. I am glad that I did not give up.

3. I am grateful for speaking with my family. we all love cats and talking about cats make us all cheerful and happy 🙂

4. I am grateful for cooking a healthy meal for myself and eating it with lots of garlic. Garlic became somehow common in my life lately. This crunchy and tasty food is making me feel better, presumably by reducing my blood pressure. I will take it! 🙂

5. I am grateful for seeing a change in my perception of my conditions. I see the glass half full increasingly. For a person who is known to be highly critical and skeptical, this is a wonderful change that has naturally come to my life.

For example:

I complained about my work a lot, but what if it is the best job for me for now? What if it is better than other alternatives I may have had should I have made different choices? I may have a stressful patch at work, but it is a meaningful job that allows me to contribute, create, train others, and learn. It also comes with a great salary. Although my salary is eaten up significantly by the taxes and extra taxes, it is still good enough to let me pay my mortgage, have an abundant life, and invest for my future. These may not be as much as I wanted them to be, but when I think that it could have been worse, I can do nothing but appreciate and like it…

The same thing with the city I live in. The economy may not be good and the future does not looks prosperous here, but it is a small and safe city with a very simple life. What if it could have been worse? Full of crime, traffic, and complications? I am indeed lucky to be living here.

Thus, I may have been going through a hard time, but it could have been much worse. I am grateful for realizing this.

6. I am grateful for being kind to myself.

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for eating better, drinking kefir, eating fruits, cooking healthy food, and baking my own bread
  2. I appreciate myself for seeing the positive out of the negative, even though it may not be visible at the beginning
  3. I appreciate myself for exercising my right to say “no” the other day and having no negative feelings about it, which says that it was the right thing to do
  4. I appreciate myself for taking time to relax this evening after days of non-stop work
  5. I appreciate myself for getting excited about my plan to shop next Saturday
  6. I appreciate myself for exchanging nice words with someone I know and feeling elated about it
  7. I appreciate myself for working on my issues; I know I am angry deep down. I will find out why and I will release it
  8. I appreciate myself for mentally supporting myself when I feel like things are too much and I cannot handle them
  9. I appreciate myself for being ready for a busy work day tomorrow. I know what I will do and I am confident that I will do well 

 

 

#5 topic for reflection during holidays

I have been thinking; without taking new challenges, growth is stalled. Why do I not look at the problems as challenges and see how I learn and grow?

Taking issues as challenges will be my #5 topic to reflect during the reflection season (aka holiday season).

I have been dealing with a lot of issues all my life, both at work and at my social life. I  yesterday mentioned about “liking my comfort zone” in the last few years. It is somehow related to this.

I have many work-place issues that I constantly try to solve. Little, big does not matter. They are constantly occurring. There are times that I am free of them, which are blessing. Naturally when one appears after such a period of comfortable time period, I react negatively.

I will try to take it easy next time. Next week I have an important meeting that can change things for me. I trust life. As long as I keep my cool, it is gonna be fine. I suspect that I will have to make a hard choice after this meeting, but it is possible that this choice is the better one. I must trust life. I must trust the unknown.

I will then decide with a soother and more rational mind.

leaving everything behind soon

They say anticipation is more exciting than attaining something.

I truly believe in this – in a few days I will be flying to Europe for a couple of days of business trip and I must say I was not able to anticipate much till this morning, but I guess I am now and it excites me. I will leave everything behind for a couple of day – all the stress of work, work-place, and issues. 

I will be free.

Something marvelous at last 🙂

Disney Zootopia GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/3NtY188QaxDdC

 

joy journal – April 1, 2017

There I am – writing to my joy journal again today 🙂 

It is because in the last one hour or so, I started to feel a lot better. I was reading one of my self-help books that opened my eyes again. The message is that “the more you dwell in negative experiences, thoughts, and emotions, the more they are pronounced in your life.”

How true.

I knew it. Yet, I needed to be reminded it. 

The opposite is also true – the more we dwell in positive experiences, thoughts, and emotions, the more they are pronounced in our lives. I realized that while I am scared of being fired, I actually have no reason to be fired – I am productive, creative, and very well contributing to all aspects of my organization, as expected from me. So why do I have this negative self-suspicion about my own worth? I am worth it; I deserve this job as much as anyone else, even sometimes more than many. I should start pushing away my inner critique and other poisonous people around me.

Very well.

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1. I am grateful that I have not given away the book that I am reading when I decluttered my books last year 🙂  This is a book that I bought in 2015 and it seems timeless and very beneficial for me. Thank you whoever wrote, published, distributed, and sold it.

2. I am grateful for waking up early this morning, around 7.45 am. Quite early and that means the day is long and opportunities are limitless 🙂

3. I am grateful for the coffee I brew at home and enjoying it. I like my morning routines – coffee, browsing the news, and checking the emails before I start doing more serious work. Lovely routine 🙂

4. I am grateful for cleaning my home and doing the laundry. This is my Saturday routine and it works well with me. I am lucky that cleaning my home is usually very easy and does not take much time or effort.

5. I am grateful for speaking with my mom and sister and having lots of laughter. I told them what one of my co-workers said to me this week. I was having a stressful and defensive conversation about something that negatively affected both of us and my co-worker said ” life is so big“. He did not continue but when I heard what he said, I knew how I interpreted it “life is so big and this is such a small issue. Like a little point in the entire universe“. What a beautiful thing to say!  Visualizing this little point in a big circle puts everything in a realistic context for me and many little issues lose their importance right away (do you want to give it a try? – see below).

 

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look at this beautiful upbeat life symbolized by the circle and the small “issue” symbolized with the dot; is it really worth focusing on it so much while there are so many other “points” in life? What is this dot’s worth really when compared to the whole life?

6. I am grateful for taking the bus and going to a mall. I broke the frame of my eye glasses and luckily could find the same frame. All I need to do is now to have the glasses fit in a store.

7. I am grateful for buying canned fish (that I snack at the office), personal care products, and canola oil from a store today.

8. I am grateful for preparing two dough today; one sourdough and one commercial yeast dough. Tomorrow I plan to bake 4 mid-size loaves; two for myself (the sourdough) and two plain bread; one for my neighbor and one for a colleague of mine. It was too much trying to deal with both of the dough at the same time, but both are looking very strong and it will be exciting to see them in the morning all fluffy and risen 🙂

9. I am grateful for the healthy meals I have had today; I did not eat for breakfast, but I have had beans and rice for lunch and quinoa salad with greens and turnips in the evening. The fact that I eat a variety of food that are usually prepared in a healthy way (e.g. not fried or so) should be credited for. I should credit and appreciate myself for these healthy choices.

10. I am grateful for consuming up quinoa! My goodness, I am not buying it again. Such a tasteless and expensive grain. Good bye! 🙂

11. I am grateful for trying to fix a collar that I messed up a while ago. Basically I wanted to see whether a binding tape could make it better and it looks like it is not a bad idea. I just need to make sure to stretch it a little bit so that the collar will hold itself well. This is a progress – there is hope, my friends! I will make it! One day! 🙂

12. I am grateful for having lots of smiles on my face this evening 🙂

13. I am grateful for feeling a lot better today; very positive, and content. Even a little bit silly but yes, I am feeling good and this feels fantastic. Feeling good is a birthright – even though I am guilty of being a perfectionist and a worrying type of person, and thus, usually not feeling good. This being said, it does not mean that I do not enjoy and appreciate it when I feel great. This evening is such an evening. After feeling down for a long time, and dealing with one issue after the other since new year, I take this opportunity to breathe well and put a smile on my face. Till next time.

14. I am grateful for having the night to myself and tomorrow. Tomorrow my plan is to get up early again and walk to a store to get milk and eggs. Then I will bake my breads and a cauliflower dish. I also would like to try another neck line to improve my skills. Yes – sounds like a good Sunday 🙂

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I appreciate myself for the followings today:

  1. I appreciate myself for being healthy
  2. I appreciate myself for having books and benefiting from them
  3. I appreciate myself for re-realizing my worth and the great things about myself
  4. I appreciate myself for taking excellent steps to ensure that I eat nutritious and healthy food
  5. I appreciate myself for not having expensive hobbies or wants
  6. I appreciate myself for constantly expanding my understanding about myself and life
  7. I appreciate myself for smiling 
  8. I appreciate myself for not making unnecessary expenses today
  9. I appreciate myself for being lighter today than yesterday (by one pound)
  10. I appreciate myself for laughing together with my family today

it is not that bad

While I have bragged about how boring my life is, this morning I came to the realization that in the last one years or so, I have changed my life in a much better way.

First of; I started baking my own bread – they may not be the best, but they are getting better each time. More importantly, baking gives excitement to my daily life. Every Sunday I am eager to see how my dough and the loaf will turn out like! It is also healthy (I believe – it must be way better than the store-made bread). What a wonderful, healthy, and easy way to have a recurrent type of excitement 🙂

Second of; I eat better – that is for sure. I eat more raw veggies, which agree with my body. I have also lost some weight (even though I gained some of it back lately I am positive that I can do it again).

Third of; I walk more. I walked in the morning not only during summer, but also in winter (for the first time this winter) from home to office! For someone like me who was chronically tired, stressed, and impatient, this is quite an achievement.

Fourth; I have more energy – thanks to my iron and vitamin D supplements. This makes me feel better about myself and it is incredibly satisfying.

Fifth of; I am saving more than the last few years, so I am in much better shape financially.

Funny thing is that I have come up with these out of blue while walking  this morning 🙂

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These being said, it is only normal to fix some issues and then move on with identifying and aiming to fix new issues. In this logic, it is almost impossible to be without any issue.

Fine.

So I must be okay with having  a number of things that bother me now; 

I need a more social life; I do not know what that is gonna be but whether I join a hobby class or start hosting more frequently at home, I have got to come up with something.

I need variety – doing the same things and seeing the same faces/places are dead boring. I have every single right to be bored, considering the circumstances. I believe a new social hobby would enrich my daily life a little bit. Also, traveling is an opportunity to break it, but how frequently one can go away?

I need to stop believing that I am old. I am not old – older, yes, but not old. I still have a life!

🙂

snow storm and neighbours

Snow storm has passed leaving around 2 meters of snow bank in front of my house and making me anxious about whether this snow bank would hurt my house, especially the window facing it…..

It is strange that my neighbors, even the ones across from my house, would shovel their snows towards my house. Where does this come from? Please keep it in your own area. I had to step out a number of times and kindly ask my neighbors to keep the snow on and around their sides… Sigh… One thing that really ticked me off today… Kind of inconsiderate…

I continue to feel agitated mostly because of work-related issues and the snow bank-neighbour issues. Yet, I am supposed to feel good about my life and myself. So how do I find this balance?

I guess it is time that I focus on the big picture, relax, and find the confidence in me that I can handle everything well 🙂

 

 

what important thing I was reminded today

One of those days that agitating stuff has happened.

BUT

I will not let these ruin my morale and spirit.

 

I have so much to worry about and so much to be grateful about. The choice is mine.

Worry is not going to solve any problem, at least in a healthy way.

More importantly, many of the stuff I deal with are nothing when compared to life and death.

In addition, calmer mind works stuff better.

 

So here I am; agitated one minute and providing self therapy the next…..

Nevertheless, I seem to be handling this much better than before….

So, I must wholeheartedly congratulate myself, but the credit is not mine. Carry on and read the rest of the post….

…………………………..

A lot of things in life seems to be relative; youth/age, wisdom/ignorance, experience, goodness/badness, kindness/meanness, especially the breadth and depth and importance of issues..

From one person to other, from one life stage to other, from one issue to other, this relativity can shift easily.

While I was having my silly mental judo this afternoon, I read a genuine and open post from a dear fellow blogger who is a young patient with a terminal disease…. She said “do not ever let anyone steal your joy.”

I was immediately ashamed for suffering and having depressive thoughts about my silly problems….

I am happy to honor her wish and I would like to thank her for this beautiful post and very meaningful, very powerful words.

 

joy journal – Oct 24, 2015

1. I am grateful for the following; I am tired after a long and daunting trip and I feel like I will leave quite a bit of stuff in my work and in my life and move towards a new, better structured, and meaningful life. I am excited about this, as sometime in the stress and problems lie the solution for a better future. I am hoping this is what is happening. I should be cautious as I do not want to make a mistake and leave something just because I am feeling tired (mentally) and frustrated. From my past experience, I have had many knee-jerk reactions, some of which I later regretted. This time, I will think calmly, estimate cons and pros, and decide about the best by taking my time.

2. I am grateful for sleeping well yesterday night prior to the early morning flight which I need to catch up.

3. I am grateful for the coffee, bagels, yogurt, cheese, and bread I have had today; they nourished my body and gave me the energy I needed.

4. I am grateful for my health and well being.

5. I am grateful for being resourceful and being familiar with minimalism prior to my trip, when my airline lost my luggage and left me with a set of clothes. I kept generally positive and look for ways to minimize the impact on myself and my business meeting. I saw it as an “adventure”. It was not the end of the world. It was not that bad. Until I talked to my airline and learning that they were sending the luggage back to my hotel the next day when I was scheduled to return back. I wonder; the airlines have no plan, no system in place to ensure the best for their customers? I plan to put these in writing together with my reimbursement form. Hope they will benefit from the feedback and if we are any lucky, then maybe they will do some adjustments for future customers.

6. I am grateful for my backpack and having some extra items in it prior to my trip. It literally helped me go thru the first 2 days. I made a mental note to have an extra trouser and a t-shirt whenever i go for a meeting, together with my personal stuff in case I get to experience a luggage lost again.

7. I am grateful for the trip starting tomorrow. It is a long trip, but I hope to enjoy my stay. I also get to meet with an old friend of mine who I love. It is gonna be awesome 🙂

8. I am grateful for doing the laundry and nothing else today. I am relaxing and mending.

9. I am grateful for not eating too much or unhealthy today.

10. I am grateful for thinking about my job and my job relationship. I think I am going thru a “middle age awakening: (not crisis). I am evaluating my past choices, my current life and work, and listening to my feelings; what are my priorities now? What would make my life more meaningful, happy, and exciting? What would make my life better? What are the things that I am missing in life? how can I get more meaning, peace, happiness, and satisfaction in my life? What should be the new directions in my life? Am I happy where I am? Where can I? What are my needs? What are my dreams?…

11. I am grateful for coming to home and coming to my senses about my healthy life style plans. I have not done well during the trip, but i have seen how good choices I have made the first day. This is a good reminder to keep going.

12. I am grateful for my family and good friends. Their love, humour, support and sincerity makes my life a lot easier and lovelier.

13. I am grateful for the relaxing music I am listening to now. It reminds me my need to stretch and being mindful. See what is important; what is not..

14. I am grateful for my blogging experience; I have missed reading, writing, and interacting with my fellow bloggers. I have been thinking the other day; no matter how depressing or problematic is a time-period in my life, I always have, find, and do things that I like and cherish. This experience is one of them.

15. I am grateful for being grateful. Honestly I started this post to feel better (which I do not…), as writing my journal always cheered me up in the past. I will accept this as what it is; I will accept my feelings as they are. Tomorrow will be another day 🙂

16. I am grateful for having hope 🙂

joy journal – August 15, 2015

I have not written my joy journal for quite sometime (due to vacation). I missed expressing gratitude and the good feeling coming out of it so much.

1. I have many things to be grateful about the time I spent with my family – there is no short way to express all of them here. I cherish every memory and every smile, hug, and kind word. I am grateful that my family members are well and sound; loving and supporting; and genuinely interested in my well-being. Thank you all of you for being there for me.

2. I am grateful for my job. I have gotta give its credit; it gives me a sense of purpose, excites, and provides me with livelihood (despite the challenges and occasional crises that I face). Thanks to my job, I get to see around the world, live in different cities, meet with people with diverse backgrounds, and get insurance. Insurances are important too – providing a sense of security if something out of ordinary occurs in life.

3. I am grateful for my house. It is in a quite neighborhood that is close to downtown as well as my work place. It is true that the prospect of the serious repairs (e.g. the foundation problem I probably have) has been giving me the chills and depressed me beyond my imagination; that I cannot develop trust to the previous owners/renovators, which prevents from feeling peaceful in it; and that I constantly find myself checking for potential issues and thus further create anxiety in myself. But then what can I do? I did not know there may be problem in my house. I did not know when I purchased my home that houses can be fragile and they require constant maintenance. I did not know that it would take me a long time to accept these and then finally find peace in this acceptance. I have not still fully accepted these and thus am emotionally suffering deeply, but I know eventually one day I will give up the resistance and glide into acceptance gracefully. I thank my house-troubles for this; reminding me that it is a process and I am going thru it.

4. I am grateful for my retirement plans, however small they may be. It is true that I could have saved and invested more for my retirement and in the past I have had very obvious expenses that I could have avoided. Yet past is past and I can only look at the present and the future. I have been giving serious thoughts about budgeting lately (mostly motivated by the expenses related to the repairs at home) and have progressed quite satisfactorily. I have a healthy and abundant budget that will take care of my fixed as well as variable but essential expenses that I have been implementing in the last 2-3 months. I know I can do better once I feel comfortable with it. It is awesome to feel this hope and confidence. It is awesome to know that I am making a difference in my financial situation, however small it may be.

5. I am grateful for summer; where I am usually is cool in summers (15-25 C). But since I came back from vacation, it has been hot, sunny, and lovely. A perfect summer 🙂

6. I am grateful for the document I have to finish till monday evening. I have made quite a progress with it yesterday and today. Seeing that I can work effectively under mild stress by taking it lightly (the benefit of having a wonderful vacation prior to it) is one thing, but more importantly the fact that I had to do it in such a short time is what helped me to adapt to work so soon and to stop feeling the emotions associated with leaving my family.

7. I am grateful for my blog. Writing is therapeutic, reading other posts and interacting with fellow bloggers are fun, interesting, and informative. It certainly helps me feel better.

8. I am grateful for the breakfast I have had this morning together with a friend/colleague of mine. I had my usual bagels and coffee after 6 weeks of vacation and a wonderful conversation with my friend, which felt great 🙂

9. I am grateful for walking to and from the coffee shop and sweating a long the way.

10. I am grateful for my new little fryer that makes fried eggs so tasty, so different 🙂

11. I am grateful for doing the laundry and aerating my home today. No I am not cleaning my place this week. My friend who house-sat while I am away already took care of this. I am feeling blessed.

12. I am grateful for being keen about starting a huge decluttering at home. Yep! I have been meaning to do it for quite sometime. I will start easy with bathrooms (which are easier to declutter) and slowly move to the other parts of the house. I will open every single box, purse, bag, and drawer. I will sort things out generously, collect the usable items for donation, and dump the rest. I really need this – I feel like I am carrying a huge and unnecessary weight on my shoulders. This feeling gotta go. I am also excited for the possibility that I will find out many stuff that I had forgotten I have had but are useful or valuable. cannot wait to rediscover my stuff 🙂

13. I am grateful for my couch that provides me with a comfortable place to sit on and write this journal.

14. I am grateful for my laptop, internet connection, cable, TV, phone and all others that help me have a comfortable and engaging life at home.

15. I am grateful for all the stuff I have brought from my vacation. Many of them are the gifts that are given to me by my family members, which I love and cherish. Seeing them around make me feel extra grateful and happy.

16. I am grateful for the music I am listening to right now. It is relaxing and something I have not had heard before and thus is interesting.

17. I am grateful for today being Saturday. I can enjoy it as I please without going to the office.

18. I am grateful for my joy journal and my continuous wish to write in it.

19. I am grateful for life.

20. I am grateful for being grateful.

joy journal – May 9, 2015

1. I am grateful for getting up early – 8 am to be exact. I found a chance to fill the day with many activities.

2. I am grateful for having breakfast at my favourite cafe – the staff changed, which makes it a little bit different. Change is good, though I would prefer the previous staff – she was really nice and kind.

3. I am grateful for getting bored at home and going to the office around 11 am. I have worked with a team member of mine, who was also at work. With time available, we have taken care of some stuff. I could not finish my own work but that is okay. I worked a little bit back at home, which made me pleased. I also printed out some documents which I can handle tomorrow.

4. I am grateful for drinking two cups of teas today at the office – I am feeling better when I drink tea 🙂

5. I am grateful for walking back from office to home. I was feeling lazy (as usual) but decided to walk anyhow. That amazes me; good job! I should integrate more walking here and there, especially at the weekends. It is relaxing, healthy, and makes me feel good.

6. I am grateful for cleaning my home – honestly I did not want to do it today (one of the reasons I went to office today). But I did it. I also opened the windows and let fresh air in. Additionally I noticed that the crack on my wall is getting worse – it is time to get a second opinion and start taking care of it before it gets way worse. Not that I feel good about it, no. I quietly wished that the crack was random, due to the warming temperatures. But no, I guess it is more like a foundation problem. Emotions around financial hardship, stress to find and arrange for a good repair company, and finding the time to deal with all of these are not joyful. But, knowing that I have nothing to do but work towards the repair at least focuses me. Focus gives me peace of mind.

7. I am grateful that I finally focused and planned my work-related tasks. Now, I have a plan. When you have a plan, an itemized and scheduled plan, it does not feel overwhelming. One step at a time. things are clear in my mind and thus I feel motivated to take the steps.

8. I am grateful that I also listed the things I have to take care in my life. I have been aware of them for a long time, with little determination but nothing too substantial. For example, my weight, my unhealthy eating habits, the need for more exercise, and reducing my expenses. I have done all of these before and I was more or less successful – especially about frugality and healthy diet+exercise. I have the expertise, I have the confidence, I just do not have the determination… I just gotta take action.

9. I am grateful for figuring out why I constantly feel the need to pamper myself. because I have too many things to deal with (work, house, and life). Since these issues are not going anywhere unless I start taking care of them, they just keep accumulate and collectively bother me. I need a plan. I need to stick to it. I will write on this later in detail – it will help me to activate the plan.

10. I am grateful for having a healthy dinner tonite.

11. I am grateful for having the night to myself – quiet, lovely, and peaceful.

12. I am grateful for getting ready for a good night sleep. I really hope that it will be a restful sleep.

13. I am grateful for tomorrow being sunday. I can go to office, I can take my time and relax at home, or I can do whatever I would like to do.

14. For some reason, I am grateful for not shopping in the last 10 days or so. Could not figure out the reason yet 🙂

joy journal – April 26, 2015

I am literally pushing myself to write this journal today. While writing I am sure I will feel better remembering things that I am grateful for – that is my greatest motivation to write now.

1. I am grateful for going through ups and downs, positive and negative in life, which so far all are deal-able things. It does not mean that I am having a great time; I feel like acknowledging things helps with reducing their effect and seeing them within the larger picture helps me to downgrade their importance and thus their effects.

2. I am grateful for having breakfast this morning. Not necessarily enjoyed it as I was not hungry, but that is okay.

3. I am grateful for the throws one of my friends gave me a while ago. I use them to cover the couch while I am sitting on it. They help it from being getting dirty as I am known to have ink stains all around where I am 🙂 At first I did not like them, but now I can see how useful they are.

4. I am grateful for its being Sunday and still afternoon. I am seeing today as a great opportunity to feel my emotions, rather than suppressing them. It is not pleasant but I think healthy.

5. I am grateful for tomorrow being a work day, which will help me to start dealing and moving with the work-related issues. I hope to get positive progress.

6. I am grateful for my TV and cable. I am watching a movie; the sound track for a few seconds made me felt good.

7. I am grateful for all the food and clothes I have, my home, my furniture and all I can get for myself to provide myself with a comfortable life.

8. I am grateful for my job that keeps my mind busy and helps me with my life.

9. I am grateful for family and friends who support me, listen to me, make me laugh, and enable me to share.

10. I am grateful for the grey day that makes me feel like I am having a long evening and night, which are the most peaceful times of the day for me.

11. I am grateful for chatting with one of my colleagues at the breakfast cafe in the morning. What a nice feeling to be around nice and positive persons.

12. I am grateful for watering my plants yesterday. I sometimes forget to do this. The effect of water is immediately observable. I like plants; one of my plants has been with me for 5-6 years. Quite a resilient plant that does not require much of a care but still keeps green and leafy through winter and summer.

13. I am grateful for being lazy today; not doing much other than watching TV, occasionally writing and reading.

14. I am grateful for getting increasingly aware of the life-style changes that I need to make. I cannot say that I have taken firm steps to do the changes, but they keep showing up on my mind and keep bugging me. I wonder when I will make the changes. I kind of feel like when the right time comes, they will happen. But if I keep having my excuses (i.e. lack of time or energy,, stress levels, need to pamper myself), I am not sure whether it will become reality. I can only hope.

15. I am grateful for not being crashed under the weight of my issues.

16. I am grateful that I know I have options to change my life for better. I can start exercise programs, I can shop better and spend time at the kitchen to prepare healthier food, I can cut out unhealthy food from my life and actually save some pennies, I can start walking in the morning to increase my daily exercise, I can take a break during lunch to walk around a near-by pond and park, I can start doing exercise by watching exercise programs at home, I can motivate myself to lose weight… The problem with weight lose is that it is hard to keep off the pounds coming back and different programs seem to work with different individuals. I know exercise helps me to keep it on track (but not necessarily helping me to lose weight but sure helps me to feel good and maybe eat less), so what is the best way? what is the best continuous way to lose weight for myself? Gotta figure that out. Bread comes to my mind first. Leave the bread out and then see.

17. I am grateful for having some left over meal today. I am not feeling like cooking; so the left-over is quite helpful.

random thoughts

1. Writing is therapeutic. yes I am not having a blast of good feelings when I think about the possible consequences of my current issues. I want to repeat several times “I will be fine. Whatever happens, maybe not right after, but certainly after a while lessons learnt and my experiences will help me to go in a better direction, a better place in life”. Even writing this helps me to feel better. So please tolerate me writing this or similar sentences today or in the coming days.

2. Self-help books are useful in this sense. I find that the books that use the terms, such as “peaceful, welcoming, acceptance, harmony, etc.” have a positive effect on my psychology. I am aware that many thoughts, not necessarily positive ones, pass through our minds every moment. I believe reading such words and writing sentences as in (1) above, have a direct role in changing the thoughts going thru my mind and the feelings I have as a result of them.

3. Someone said today we need to be a little bit relax in our thinking and worries. I am a control freak, there is no question about that. And being a control freak and seeing possible risks/issues in future so that they can be prevented today are my characteristics. Now, a lot of people would find what I wrote about myself negative; trust me I understand why; because this kind of people are not easy or fun to work with. Yet, when a detailed, meticulous, and high-quality work is needed, such individuals like me can be very valuable. That is why I am okay with being a control freak. But do not get me wrong; it is not fun for me. I go through the anxiety and sometimes exhaustion of controlling things to my best as well as preventing or resolving issues.

4. Come to thing about it; risk assessment and preventing potential issues and errors are awesome; because they lessen the amount of trouble in future. See, I told you! Writing is therapeutic as it just occurred to me that the issues I am facing now could get worse if I had delayed facing them now. So, I should actually be okay with my current situation as long as I deal with them – a worse outcome is surely prevented!

I gotta write more so that I can understand myself and the big picture ahead of me.

Thanks for sharing your stories

Have you ever surprised yourself with the ways you dealt with things?

I am an antsy, reactive kind of person. Upon the occurrence of an issue, I have to assess the situation and then take the necessary actions.

Some people call me impatient: I happen to take the actions right away, rather than waiting; I think there are two reasons for that; a) as issues arise almost everyday, taking care of things right away is the most effective way (before I forget it or before other issues to deal with emerge), and b) unresponded issues almost always come back stronger. So, they can call me impatient, but I will do my best to take care of things as soon as possible.

Usually the issues, assessment, and deciding upon what to do are also stressful things; I often find myself experiencing the heaviness of the prospect and the stress coming out of it. Thus, my regular reaction to an issue would be an immediate “antsiness”.

Well, lately I have had some issues to deal with and I surprised myself by not feeling too stressed. I am not sure whether I accepted the situation as it is and effectively dealing with it, or I have been to similar issues before so I am more experienced in dealing with things. Maybe I have confidence, maybe I think I am not the only one in similar situations.

Not feeling isolated by thinking that the issue is specific to me (taking the “why me?” question out of equation) is helpful. Maybe that is why I am actually okay with reading the self-help books. Whether they are about our feelings/plans about our lives, interpersonal relationship, healthy-related issues, or work.

There is some kind of relief in this: we are not the only one going through life, with all the ups and downs.

Thanks for sharing your stories.

problems; how important they are?

Like anyone else, I have things to think about, resolve, or worry about.

A friend of mine lost her father to cancer last year. I was talking to her after a couple of months, and she was still devastated and sad. yet for some reason she asked about my life, I happened to complain about my own issues. Then I had realized that was so inconsiderate of me – she had lost her dad and my problems were so minor compared to hers.

When I told my friend I was sorry I was bragging about such unimportant things, my friend said something that I cannot forget; she said “There is no little or big problem; problem is problem and how you feel is how you feel. If something trivial makes you feel like sh.t, you feel like sh.t and no one can argue that you should not feel this way, just because it is a little issue according to them, or relatively to others problems.”

That was such an amazing understanding and compassion on my friend’s side. And a great moment for me.

I have problems; big or small does not matter, but right now they are important for me.

Are they more important than having a serious health issue or losing someone I love and care?

No.

Do they hurt me now?

Yes.

Will I be okay?

Eventually, yes.

I can only be compassionate and understanding

Since I wrote this post a couple of days ago, I have been thinking; there is so much truth to it. Yes, “there is a limit to what one can undertake”.

I have chronically low levels of energy; it has not been like this all the time; but in the last 5-6 years, this has been the case. Whether it is a natural change in the body/metabolism due to middle-age, or I have been undertaking too many work-related activities with too much of responsibility, or I have been living in geography with usually grey skies and icy, snowy, or long winters, I do not know. But, I walk less, I exercise less, and most importantly I want to do less (except the work activities).

What do we do when we have many to take care or think about? We all have lives and people we care about; the majority of us have houses and other properties to clean, organize and take care of, work and financial needs and worries are there, too. Include your health, hobbies, and wishes and plans for future. How do we deal with too many thoughts? Issues? I personally will shut down some of the issues to deal with those which needs to be taken care of immediately or that carry some kind of importance. Or, just to keep my mind occupied by other activities to give my mind a break. That means, the rest will remain somewhere out there or in my mind to be dealt later.

I can only be compassionate and understanding when the issues not dealt with come back more problematic, as I cannot deal with all. It is okay to shut down, relax, and recharge when it is needed. It is okay to prioritize and it is okay to err in prioritizations.

This is not “losing”, this is not “giving up”, this is not “not fighting up”.

This is acceptance. This is being human.

I really would like that to happen

I read it somewhere today that “there are people who would like to have your bad day” or something like that.

It did make quite a sense to me; we all have problems and stressful events, however small or big, however real or anticipatory they might be, but some issues are really real and big.

For a day tomorrow, I will try to stop complaining about little issues/problems. I will see how it goes. Then I will see whether I can make a positive difference in somebody’s life tomorrow.

We are all connected; maybe with that person a little bit more at ease, somebody else may get at ease, and then another one, and so on.

I really would like that to happen.

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