random thoughts

My relationship with food changes time to time. Sometimes I love eating food, sometimes I just go by it. Neither of these explain the extra weight, but it is okay πŸ™‚

Life is alright, folks. I had to take the cab for the first time in 6 months for an appointment. The ridiculous thing is that they let you in only at your appointment time, so I spend 30 min outside with wind sweeping my hair and cleansing my body and soul. I kind of understand why they keep you out till appointment, but then I do not. Call me spoiled.

I have not worked today. There is nothing I can do about this. I think I just need the break. Tomorrow is the shopping day – I am excited about it. I want to buy all the great food and feel grateful. In the last few months I have been eating junk food again, and as a result, I have been spending more money that I normally do. Such times make me forget being grateful for everything I have and all the food I get. So, I am trying once again starting today to cut out the junk food and rather use these funds to purchase awesome food and maybe make some pre-payments.

I have been good saving money until the junk food hysteria started, and in contrast to previous years, I decided to keep the cash in my chequing account. I suspect that the cash will be more important than the investments in near future. So I have not been making mortgage pre-payments, either.

Now, I regret this – pre-payments motivate me to save more. They excite me. Sadly, junk food got the most out of it. Perhaps time that I start making pre-payments and see how it goes.

give me one reason…

Give me one reason to not eat junk food NOW!!!

It has been a week (today is the 7th day) that I refrain from eating it, and boy, do I crave?

DO… I… CRAVE..?

I crave like crazy – especially at around noon/afternoon.

I somehow manage it in the evenings (by eating healthier food). But the office cravings are sickening me, and making me want to go to the nearest convenience store and purchase bags and packs of junk food.

Will the cravings ever get better before I quit and start eating it again?

Because I can quit RIGHT NOW!!!!

Argh.

 

random thoughts

After a couple of days with temps around 30C, I welcome the cooler and slightly rainy today πŸ™‚

I continue to sleep well – the last 2 weeks since my vacation. I hope it will continue like this for ever. I really do! Insomnia and waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep have been such a recurring and annoying theme, in the last year particularly… I am grateful for the comfortable and easy sleep I have in the last while.

This is the 5th day that I gave up junk food (yes, again. I am trying again).Β  It is hard. Very hard. I know after a few weeks, I will get used to living without them, but the first days are the hardest – especially at around noon. Then, I crave for them. Yesterday and today were particularly difficult. I believe with each day it will get better, but goodness, is there a medication or something like that to get rid of the cravings!!!

It is quite a mental judo. But, I want to be in control of my life and quitting junk food is one the ways to do it. The second one is to lose weight. Interestingly junk food addiction and weight gain are linked, right?

Right.

And both of them have been a struggle for years (or decades). They both made me feel dissatisfied/angry with myself and with my life. Five days ago I decided that I wanted to remove these from my life, be content with myself, and take control of my life back. Do you think I can do these?

No more junk food (how am I going to “gift” myself when I am stressed or want to enjoy my moment?), eating better and cooking at home (I actually do this and enjoy it as long as I have time), looking better with better outfit (yes, I want to buy new ones as soon as I start losing weight; I have not updated my wardrobe in the last while) and a better hair cut (boy, I love my hair but it really does not look good in this humid weather. I want a short, modern cut that I will wear with love and confidence), and feeling more confident and self-pleased as a result.

I really want to do these, but it is hard, especially with the cravings I have for junk food during the afternoon.

I have little confidence in me that I will get over these and reach my objectives, but hey, maybe I am in a lucky period of time.

 

 

holidays diary – day 7

Today it felt more like a break and better – I am grateful! πŸ™‚

I am going to bed late and I am getting up after 7 am – this has been one of the blessing of this break – thank you!

I am cooking and eating relatively healthy – this feels very energizing and I am kind of proud of myself πŸ™‚

I worked nice and easy at the office (the last two days), which is amazing. It is quiet and beautiful. Not getting 50 emails a day, not having anyone calling or waltzing in my office regularly, and not rushing from one meeting to other have been feeling amazing. On top of that, the clean and organized office has been a blessing – it feels energetic, spacious, and just lovely. I am in love with my office nowadays πŸ™‚

My home is clean, decluttered, and well organized as well. Little re-arrangements here and there have made a positive impact. It feels really lovelyΒ  πŸ™‚

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Today was very cold, with possibly -10/15 C. Waiting for the bus was not fun, but it was well worth it. I have not taken the cab in the last while and my purse feels quite rich. On top of this, I limited, significantly limited, my junk food consumption, which makes me save lots of money πŸ™‚ I feel very abundant, now that I have tons of extra money (well, not tons of it, but you know what I mean). Shopping hence does not feel like a way to further spend money, but to treat (with healthy food) and nourish myself. Overall, these two (taking the bus and limiting the junk food) always make the most impact on my financial well-being. I hope to be able to keep going.

This being said, I always have a great frugal life in the first 6 months of the year, and then with summer I seem to open the purse. Can I make it an exception this year? We shall see πŸ™‚ Honestly I do not have much of an alternative; my chequing account is very low and my mortgage is due renewal this year, which means I am looking at a mortgage with a higher interest. I must be keeping my money as much as I can in order to keep up with these…. This is my plan. Wish me luck!

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This year I have not posted an yearly financial well-being/net-worth post. The main reason is that I have accidentally deleted around 6 months of my recordings. Oh, well. That is alright. My net-worth has increased around 25K, mostly thanks to home equity, but my investments (RRSP and TFSA) have lost around 10-15K…… Go figure…. I am taking it easy, however. Now I may have lost money, but I have faith that over time it will increase again. I have time.

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Tomorrow, I plan to visit the thrift stores again. A pot that I bought yesterday find its plant, a beautiful prayer plant I have at the office πŸ™‚ Together, they are the most elegantΒ  and elite decoration I have ever had in my possession. I feel so lucky and happy about them. Long live the thrift stores and all the people who donate there πŸ™‚

I will visit 2 stores tomorrow. I shop at both of them; one being more affordable than the other, but the other one is bigger. I have no ambitions whatsoever and will just take my time to explore every inch of both of them. Who knows, maybe I will find some unexpectedly interesting stuff. Tomorrow will be my first “for my enjoyment only” day of the holidays.

Let’s remember that the new year is the year of Ease, Comfort, and Appreciation πŸ™‚

 

 

 

a little bit of self-tolerance is awesome

I was not feeling great the whole day as I am, as usual, behind some of the tasks that I have assigned to myself at the first place. All work related of course. The main idea was that I would do these so that I could feel completely free to take a rest during the holidays. I have 3 more days but I am assuming some will lag and I will take care of them during the holidays. Felt exhausted the whole day as a result….

So what?

Not the first time that I had a hard day or not the first time that I will work during the holidays.

So with this, just an hour ago or so, I am relaxed a little bit and feeling better.

I like the fact that I really want to take a break during the holidays. I know that it will energize me and I will once again feel ready for the next 6 months. So, I will take thisΒ  and let it sink.

I will rest and I will take a break during the holidays. Period.

One thing I really would like to do during the holidays is doing something for my own enjoyment only. Not a chore (like cleaning or decluttering), but for my own enjoyment.

I decided that reading a novel or two would just fit this well. I am excited!

Another thing I would love to do is buying some aromatic stuff. I have had an essential oil that has been lightening my senses for some time. I think it is time that I get a couple of more, and enjoy.

Third would be getting rid of some of the things that have been bothering me. So, 20 min ago I decided to give up junk food, which has been not only sinking my purse but also elevating my internal criticism. I am not sure how well I will keep this plan, but feeling in control is great and uplifting. I want to hang onto this feeling.

Fourth thing would be paying more attention to my body’s needs and eating much better, for goodness’ sake. My diet has been very “junky” for some time. This week my grocery shopping will be focused on treating my body well. I am thinking different fruits (e.g. anything other than citrus and apple that I regularly consume) and drinking more tea. The good thing is that since last week I have been drinking tea at the office, for which I must congratulate myself.

Fifth – gifting myself. Thinking about all the money I will save by not eating junky stuff, it is time to make plans to get new stuff. Today I bought myself two fluffy socks, which I have been meaning to get for a year or so. That is great πŸ™‚ I know one of my friends is getting me a plant as a gift, for which I cannot even wait πŸ™‚ A new excitement πŸ™‚ Together with the aroma therapy items, these three are the minimum gifts I will give to myself.

How will you gift yourself in these last days of the year?

I have almost lapsed into extra spending today :)

Almost….

I wanted too πŸ™‚ I really did – I wanted to come home early and get that junk food again..

It was an internal struggle really. I thought “it would be such a shame if I lapse right now, after a great day of frugal and simple life yesterday“.

Thank goodness I remembered that my computer does not run well nowadays and if I had come home and worked here, it would be a disaster. So, I stayed and did some work in the office. My craving for the junk food got subsidized at the same time.

I know in a couple of days I will forget these and will not even think about the junk food or other additional expenses I make to feel good in the midst of all the stress and hard-work. I know if I can go through a couple of weeks frugal, it is gonna be just easy after that.

Really.Β 

 

 

life priorities

I woke up feeling a little bit lost thinking that my life priorities need to change and I should re-prioritize what are important.

For my entire life, my work was prioritized mostly because I love what I do (mostly).

In the last 3 years or so, I prioritized my personal and financial health over work a little bit after I purchased my home: I was not highly successful in terms of personal health (I had a lower back problem that ended me in the emergency, which still acts time to time; I have not lost the extra weight I am carrying around even though I am 5-10 pounds lighter than 5 years ago; and I have not been consistent about eating a variety of food every week). But I was more consistent with the financial planning, frugal spending/budgeting, and savings.

The last 6 months, I became agitated by the toxic work place and all the pressures. One solution to overcome this feeling was working more (irony, is it not? πŸ™‚ ). So I worked almost non-stop since the beginning of July. I feel tired, stressed, and somehow more accomplished. Sadly, working hard and stress also means eating junk and getting lazy and not walking as much as I would. Also not saving as much as I would.

Stressed Big Bang Theory GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Thus, I realized this morning that sometime setting priorities do not work and we may not be able to keep up with all of them at the same time. It does not mean we cannot try. It just means that realistically it may not be possible and that can be okay.

In other words, I forgave myself for eating junk food! πŸ™‚

Joking.

I forgave myself for changing priorities and not sticking up with the most important one.

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I know that my traditional annual reflection time (aka holidays ) is coming and it is only natural to realize these now that we are close to it.

For 2018 I would like to prioritize my health and well being, work, and family; they go hand-to-hand. Financial plans will be my least of priorities this year. This does not mean that I will not be budgeting and aiming to save; just reminding myself what is important more.

Family cannot be prioritized enough. We as mortals are here for this moment and may not be the next one. What $ and work can replace the people we love? They will be on top of my list.

I enjoy not having a chronic disease, but who knows what will happen next year? Probability of having one increases with each age. Thus, I will care about my eating, exercise, and lower back as much as I can.Β 

And work? I can continue to work but maybe a little bit less intense and more effective. What I need is a way to control my feelings and find a venue to vent them out and clarify my mind. The yoga classes offered close to my home always relaxed me, yet looks like they also exacerbated my lower back problem. Goodness knows, I want to start again to feel that way. I wonder whether there are programs designed specifically for people like me having back problems? One thing to check.

Someone GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

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gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/funny-lol-gifs-z8rNTahrkRzsQ;https://giphy.com/gifs/someone-job-nothing-8luKdZnoYWiPK

 

where is my resilience?

I feel on the edge the majority of the time. My nerves are firing and sometime for the little things. It is time that I take a break.

I have another 3 weeks of speedy work schedule after which I will have another business related trip followed by a couple of days for rest in Europe. I am really looking forward to this break. When I return I have another month to go with stress and high work volume, but I am assuming that the break will help heal my nerves. I keep telling myself I must find a way to manage my stress. The best way, in my experience, is cardio exercise, aka martial arts. At my age?? I am hesitant…

Baby GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

My other alternative is to sooth my nerves with junk food.

Food GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

What is it gonna be?

Tv GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

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