random thoughts

I have been having interesting days. Overall, things are going well, with me head-butting an issue that creates an anxiety. yesterday and today – it has been solved. I am really happy with this. I am not afraid of it anymore, as I figured that the issue does not even exist… Sigh…

This is what anxiety does to you. It is debilitating and limiting. I cannot conquer it, but sometimes I can attack it. I mostly attack when I must. Otherwise, I just wait and continue my mental torture. What a ridiculous situation…. Fear of fear is the most paralyzing of all.

Also, yesterday I learnt about Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) from a blog, and it all made sense to me. Like a miracle. I also learnt that I was not the only person who cannot meditate and silence my mind, and maybe it was because it was the wrong thing for me to practice.

I  believe I get anxiety because I do not listen to my inner voice. Since I do not listen to, I miss what it is trying to say, until the situation or possible future event becomes probable. No wonder why when I hear it, my inner voice is almost always alarming and panicking. How else would it get my attention??

I work all the time. I keep my mind busy all the time. What do I expect? I must take regular breaks and let my mind speak to me. Safely. I need inner connection. I do.

Yesterday I also have had fun with meeting my IFS components; the exiles, firefighter, and manager. I can easily see each one of this, as well as my Self, in my mind as of yesterday. They are all lovable. To be able to do this exercise was amazing. I am grateful.

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I cannot count anymore – has it been 2.5 or 3.5 months that we have been self-isolating? I find my work getting less and less efficient. I want to do more, but I do not know how else to kick my arse really. When will we be back to normal, if we will?

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The weather is awesome, and walking is a delight. The nature is awakening, and greeting each tree and flower on my neighborhood has been a cherished activity. Each one of them are beautiful – how do we still deserve and compare to animals and plants? When has human become the most destructive of all?

I continue to limit my meat sources to fish, and occasional chicken hotdogs. I have some minced beef and chicken in my freezer. When they are consumed, I wish to eat any meat other than seafood only when I truly crave or get sick (chicken soup). I may not be a strict pescatarian, but I sure am trying and keeping it the majority of the time 🙂

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I am watching the news on #BlackLivesMatter in horror. I stand in solidarity with the oppressed, discriminated, and hurt. I stand together with the Black community and friends and colleagues. I stand together with all who experienced such nonsense in their lives. We must change how we approach one other. The worst is racism and other discriminating/stereotyping behavior to be institutionalized and politicized. You know that it is not one group or other, but many groups of human beings are treated unjustly. I stand with all of them.

Kindness.

Compassion.

Fairness.

Justice.

Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday evening musings

It has been a fine day.

We have a crispy and windy day today. The ice on the side walk is concerning, but still a short walk to the convenience store was refreshing and enjoyable.

I love snow. I think it lightens up my usually gray city and give a sense of “hibernation” time. Having a mug of hot tea at my hands and watching the outside from the windows are my favorite “me times” in winter. And if I have a plant on the window sill, then it is even more enjoyable (you know my love for plants).

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I would love to just chill during the 10 days following this Friday. I have been thinking just yesterday how my 2018 has developed, and it is amazing to be able to see the progress in some areas, changes occurred, and things to be highly grateful for. I am looking forward to a detailed reflection to remember and enjoy each significant experience, close the unnecessary issues or memories, and open space for new hopes, plans, and opportunities. It is an amazing feeling 🙂

I am unenthusiastic towards cleaning and decluttering I must do at home and the office (my traditional holidays activities), yet I know that once I start, they will go on, and once they are finished, I will feel a lot better. I may also do some small furniture re-arrangement here and there, and certainly shop and take advantage of the sales. I may as well buy one or two more plants, even though I promised myself not to purchase anymore. I may gift myself, right?

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When comes to holiday gifting, I am not very good at it. I lovingly gift my next door neighbours, who have been nothing but lovely and helpful people – I could not ask for more. I bought them a nice set of table clothes, which I hope will be enjoyed very much. While they were the only people I was planning to gift, I was given two nice gifts lately, which excited me. The positive feeling of this joy has prompted me to pay back and buy gifts for a couple of friends and colleagues. I lovingly chose them and will lovingly give them away. What a great feeling….

One of these gifts is to our administrative director. She always is considerate and help get gifts and cards to us when need/occasion arises. Just last week she organized a gift card for a member of our floor, who does an amazing job cleaning and ordering our work-place. I could not help but think that we have never returned her favor and gifted or recognized her specifically. I picked something for her, which I am sure she will enjoy. I will know tomorrow from her face 🙂

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So, my friends, this is a great day and a great time of the year. For many the holidays means a lot. Although I do not celebrate Christmas, it is still a very enjoyable time of the year; I will take a break, rest and reflect, and clean and declutter the house/office.

Honestly, I cannot wait 🙂

 

 

 

all the good things – check

It has been a fine day, my friends. Not spectacular but just fine – I am grateful.

  • sleeping an hour longer than usual and resting with ease – check

this has been a welcome change in my early bird/short sleep habit. I woke up at around 4-5 am, but was able to go back to sleep or just lie there without feeling stress or dealing with negative thoughts. I have had some peace at last 🙂

  • treating myself to some baked goods from the coffee shop – check

I usually do not do this, but today was the day that I in fact craved for some comfort food. I am glad I treated myself

  • engaging in a meeting with an important focus and doing my job – check

don’t we all love meetings where we just sit and are expected to nod heads or something? I am not interested in sitting in an environment unless I engage my head and contribute to discussions. This means sometime finding myself in trouble 🙂 but this is okay. I am getting increasingly aware, thanks to this kind of meetings, that I am methodological and would like to see/know the facts before I can make a decision. This is in contrast to many people who I would label as kind of conformist as they just sat there and vote for what the majority or the leader does. Do you see why I said earlier that I sometime find myself in trouble? 🙂

  • finding out that I had a supporter in that committee – check

one of my colleagues approached me after the meeting and we talked about the dynamics of the meetings, sub-groups that support each other, and how we both fit in it. It was great to have this conversation, as I found myself think more about my own behavior and realize a thing or two. I realized I did not care about the opinions of the other members who would dislike my questioning or comments. I realized also what a positive effect I have had on my colleague now that they felt supported as well. How fresh and how lovely….

  • gifting a friend of mine with some pots and other stuff – check

my friend has been very generous with me and she gifts me all the time with new plants or with food. Last week she brought me some food, which I enjoyed very much. I thought that I could get her something she was likely to need or use, and I ended up with purchasing a number of lovely pots for her a few days back. She was excited and happy to receive them and seeing this was awesome. Generous people like this person deserves every kindness

  • getting a ride from another colleague of mine – check

I was so exhausted at noon that I jumped into this opportunity – it was lovely of her to do this. Yet another generous person 🙂

  • forcing myself to work at home, but finding myself quite un-enthusiastic – check

why would I be ever grateful for this kind of negative experience???

I can tell.

I noticed once again that I was the boss of myself and if I did not work I would not feel good. I consider doing grocery shopping and then ruled it out. Since I was determined to use my time well so that I can catch up with the mounting work, but also I was not really into work that requires high level of focus, I decided rather to clean and organize my home. I had not had a chance to do so last week. My friends – it felt great to be seeing my home clean, my floors, shinny, and my desk decluttered! I felt an immediate relief and a sense of peace and harmony 🙂

  • completing and online learning module with ease – check

while I was not into work, I wanted to at least take care of minor things that I was supposed to do in a week or two, so that later I could have time for much important things. This module did not take much of my time, but learning the main points made me feel satisfied with myself. I used my time effectively and opened some space for later. So I am very pleased with my decision 🙂

  • cooking not one but two dishes and eating them with a great appetite – check!

I have not cooked in the last 2-3 weeks. This felt very nourishing and pleasing. I am very happy with this!

  • feeling all energized and positive after these experiences today – check!

Natalie Portman Flowers GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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a touch of kindness and cacti

I have a colleague that I find quite annoying. I really do not understand his reactions or comments. It is like we are of different worlds.

Fine with me. Fine with him. We keep our professional interactions distant. It works.

This morning he brought me a cactus (prickly pear) – my first cactus ever! He was aware of my latest interest in succulents and thought I might rescue his cactus. It is the most beautiful cactus -a  little one with 3 levels of pads; the third level consist of small ones and it is so pretty 🙂

It has been a warming moment between my colleague and I. I was genuinely happy and he was happy to see how happy I was. Emotions can be quite healing, my friends.

I was excited the whole day.

I planted my cactus in a new pot, changed its soil, and placed in a nice window sill. I will not water it for a week or so to give the roots a chance to heal. In a couple of months, I will try propagating it – I may have mini cacti! 🙂

These being said, I have 4 cacti seedlings germinated. Unfortunately I dropped and broke one of the glass propagation containers. It demoralized me, but it should not (my new approach to self care – trying not to beat myself for accidents or mistakes…). I sifted out the soil, hopefully still having the seeds, and placed in another pot. I am not hopeful about the future of this propagation attempts, but who knows? Maybe the more I ignore (which I am inclined towards now), the more likely that one or two seeds will germinate… We shall see.

Three lessons learnt today;

  • A touch of kindness certainly can dissolve ice
  • Ignoring succulents/cacti is a much better approach for propagation – I can swear that the more you care, the less they grow or strive!
  • I can be compassionate towards myself 🙂

 

 

 

all the good things – check

  • eating carrots and an apple at the office – check
  • not being stressed much – check
  • working nice and easy – check
  • advising three of my team members about their performances – check
  • having the energy to work and keep going – check
  • prioritizing comfort – check
  • saying no to an extra responsibility – check
  • deciding not to attend to a social I am insisted to attend – check
  • finishing up some great projects and opening time for new projects – check
  • aiming to re-prioritize my well being and simple/frugal life – check
  • planning to visit some thrift stores tomorrow – check
  • flossing my teeth – check
  • feeling good about a new team member’s performance – check
  • being vocal about an extra work we are imposed to by the administration – check
  • drinking kefir – check
  • getting a large piece of home-made cake by a colleague and enjoying it with coffee in the morning – check

 

joy journal – Jan 21, 2018

1. I am grateful for sleeping well and getting up with the feeling that I care about myself and support myself with kindness, understanding, and food. Great food 🙂

2. I am grateful for baking sourdough loaves. I baked two loaves today; both turned out to be delicious. How did I start with baking bread? It is a dilemma really. I remember that my first trials were frustrating. I am glad that I did not give up.

3. I am grateful for speaking with my family. we all love cats and talking about cats make us all cheerful and happy 🙂

4. I am grateful for cooking a healthy meal for myself and eating it with lots of garlic. Garlic became somehow common in my life lately. This crunchy and tasty food is making me feel better, presumably by reducing my blood pressure. I will take it! 🙂

5. I am grateful for seeing a change in my perception of my conditions. I see the glass half full increasingly. For a person who is known to be highly critical and skeptical, this is a wonderful change that has naturally come to my life.

For example:

I complained about my work a lot, but what if it is the best job for me for now? What if it is better than other alternatives I may have had should I have made different choices? I may have a stressful patch at work, but it is a meaningful job that allows me to contribute, create, train others, and learn. It also comes with a great salary. Although my salary is eaten up significantly by the taxes and extra taxes, it is still good enough to let me pay my mortgage, have an abundant life, and invest for my future. These may not be as much as I wanted them to be, but when I think that it could have been worse, I can do nothing but appreciate and like it…

The same thing with the city I live in. The economy may not be good and the future does not looks prosperous here, but it is a small and safe city with a very simple life. What if it could have been worse? Full of crime, traffic, and complications? I am indeed lucky to be living here.

Thus, I may have been going through a hard time, but it could have been much worse. I am grateful for realizing this.

6. I am grateful for being kind to myself.

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for eating better, drinking kefir, eating fruits, cooking healthy food, and baking my own bread
  2. I appreciate myself for seeing the positive out of the negative, even though it may not be visible at the beginning
  3. I appreciate myself for exercising my right to say “no” the other day and having no negative feelings about it, which says that it was the right thing to do
  4. I appreciate myself for taking time to relax this evening after days of non-stop work
  5. I appreciate myself for getting excited about my plan to shop next Saturday
  6. I appreciate myself for exchanging nice words with someone I know and feeling elated about it
  7. I appreciate myself for working on my issues; I know I am angry deep down. I will find out why and I will release it
  8. I appreciate myself for mentally supporting myself when I feel like things are too much and I cannot handle them
  9. I appreciate myself for being ready for a busy work day tomorrow. I know what I will do and I am confident that I will do well 

 

 

do something good today and tomorrow and the days after that

Let’s do one gesture, help, support, kindness to someone who is in need of it today, tomorrow, and the days after that.

Let’s make it someone who we may know or we may not know; can be family, friends, neighbours, fellow residents, or a complete stranger here at home or somewhere else.

Let’s make it an animal who needs a home, shelter, food, or who just (rightfully) needs respect for its existence from us.

Let’s be human for not one or two days but the rest of the days.

Goodness GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

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7th and 8th Day of #TheLeanSpendingMonth

Today I realized I needed to be kind and nourishing toward myself.

Not that #TheLeanSpendingMonth plan is hurting me; no. I enjoy challenging myself, finding new ways to save, getting excited about the things I can do; and overall I seem like saving a dime or two along the process (though it is not too much – I will write about this later).

But I, like anyone else, wake up with issues and negative feelings on my mind, go thru life as it is, work hard, and get annoyed by people or events. So, there are times that we just need to support ourselves a little bit better. Whether that would mean to care less about money and eat something unhealthy or luxurious, or do something that requires a little bit more money.

Today has been such a day; I decided I did not want to eat the same things as I have in the last few weeks. So even though it know well that it is unhealthy, I bought hot dogs and ate them with a large salad.

I ate the entire package (around 12 of them) without cooking… I know it is gross…. But, I wanted to do that – it is a manifestation of how much I do not care. And I can say now that I am not eating hot dogs again (at least for some time)…..

So I spent $4.5 for bus fare (yesterday and today) and $8 for food this afternoon. I am still doing strong and frugal.

And now I am craving for sweets… go figure….

 

I Dont Care GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

what was love?

One of my friends told me about an old movie about a young and beautiful lady with a little kid running away from something/someone and eventually finding sanctuary at the house of an older guy, who would protect and got to love both of them over time.

They were not wife and husband, though, as the lady was still in love with the father of the kid; the father who has not cared about them, the mother and the child, and the father whom they were running away from (or the negative conditions that were created because of the lack of the care by the father, like providing for them, protecting and making them safe, etc.). They just stayed at his house and under their care without any problem/annoyance created by the older guy.

Then the father shows up many years later and things get tangled. She still loves him in a way. First thing that she wants to do is to reunite with the father as he is the love of her life, yet then there was this other guys who protected and provided shelter, food, and safety to the kid and the mother without expecting anything in return. Plus, he got to love her as a woman and the kid like his own.

She was confused: What should she do?

Her heart pulled her to the father and then to the other guy, and then to the father, and then to the other guy.

And eventually, she chose the other guy.

She asked herself before making her decision:

“What was love?”

 

“Love was the demonstrated goodness/kindness/camaraderie.

Love was effort.”

………………

I keep thinking about love in multiple dimensions today because of my decision to not adopt the wonderful cat I fell in love with, which seems to have serious dental problems even though he is only around 2 years…

What was love for me?

What was love?

kind neighbours

A couple of weeks ago I was working in the yard and I said hello to my neighbour from the other side. This was the first time we ever talked. She is a lovely elderly lady who was nice and kind. She said “it looks like you like plants. We are in the process of dividing some yard plants. if you wish, I can give some of them to you – I could hang the pots on the fence“.

I said sure – I would love this and was happy with the kindness of the lady. I must admit I not necessarily expected that she would give me any plants, but that was okay.

Well, it turned out I was wrong; today I found 4 small pots on the edge of my yard, close to her side. Is that not awesome! 🙂 She did not forget and took the time and energy to place/throw ( 🙂 ) the pots in my yard :). I happily found a suitable place and planted them. I made a mental note and when I am back from my vacation, I would love to give them a loaf of home-made bread 🙂

Now the waiting games starts to see what kind of plants they will turn in to 🙂

The kindness episode

Kindness_jar

 

This is the first post for “The Kindness Episode“, focus of which is to remind us about all the kind, nice, beneficial, and good things we do or can do for other people and animals, our communities, our world, and our environment.

My kindness episode for today was to attempt to help an elderly lady who was struggling to get up from the chair at the hair salon. She managed it before I could reach her, but it took her perhaps 7 attempts to lift herself up off the chair. We exchanged smiles after that.

I felt sad for this, knowing that we all can find ourselves in the same situation one day. But I am also happy that the lady did not ask for help and continuously tried to get off the chair. Her autonomy and freedom are certainly well deserved.

I am sure you have had similar gestures of kindness and compassion for others today. Share and let us cherish with you if you wish.

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Credit: image by hunterdt @ https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kindness_jar.jpg

 

The Angel Zoe Kindness Project

What is Sparkly Shoes & Kindness day? Spreading kindness in the world however your choose. While wearing sparkly shoes of course (or some other sparkly accoutrements of your choice). And everyone’s invited!

via You’re invited: Sparkly Shoes & Kindness Day — Retro Girl & the Chemo Kid

 

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I invite all of you to read this post and wear “sparkly shoes” (or, if you are like me and do not have such a pair, wear a special pair of shoes of your choice) on Monday, April 4 to remember and cherish the 10th birthday of Zoe, a little girl  lost to cancer 4 years ago.

I have some high heels that I have not worn in the last decade or two. I will wear them on Monday for Zoe and her mom. I plan to post the pictures on Monday 🙂

Zoe’s story is narrated by her mom, Kiri, on her blog. It is a sad but also powerful story that always resonated with something in me. May Zoe rest in peace.

I hope one day we all will be free of cancer and its impact on us. Until then, be safe.

joy journal, March 14, 2016

It has been a while that I have posted this journal… I am not particularly in a “joyful” mood, but then is this not the entire point of the joy journal?

1. I am grateful for the book that I have been reading, which had a chapter about “gratitude”. This has reminded and prompted me to write this post. Hoping to find many things to list now, even though I am still down after the recent death of my dad..

2. I am grateful for remembering my dad with affection and love. I am so sorry that he passed away but there is nothing much I can do about this. I rather make it a priority to remember him, cherish his memory, and make sure that he is remembered by others.

3. I am grateful for sleeping well and waking up on time this morning. Looks like I was not affected by the daylight saving adjustments done yesterday. I was not late and not sleepy or cranky; surprisingly well done.

4. I am grateful for deciding to take the bus even though it was snowing nice and easy. The bus was late but this did not defer me from waiting for it. I almost decided to return to home to check my emails to see whether my work place was closed because of the snow (visibility was really poor), but I waited anyhow and the bus showed up. All is well.

5. I am grateful for the coffee one of my friends and colleagues bought me this morning. It was delicious and a nice change from my usual coffee. This did not mean that I did not brew my coffee; I have and it was great to have it 🙂

6. I am grateful for working with a team member before noon and submitting two reports for review. It always feel good when things are done. Now we are waiting for feedback, which is fine. Feeling satisfied about work.

7. I am grateful for wanting to work today and taking care of many stuff. It has been a really fruitful day and before I realized, it was past 5pm. Lovely! I love it when I lose myself in work.

8. I am grateful for walking back home from the office, despite the snow on the road. It is difficult and takes more time to walk on snow, but I keep telling myself it is a great exercise.

9. I am grateful for taking it easy this evening. I have eaten lightly today. I do not have appetite nowadays, which is very unusual. yesterday I had felt like maybe I was getting down with a bug or something and lots of lemon juice and hot soup were my medicine. I am feeling better today but the appetite is still nowhere to be found. That is okay. I continue to have soup with lemon juice, which I believe is good for my immune system.

10. I am grateful for all the food I have in my fridge, freezer, and the pantry. I am feeling abundant and very grateful for their presence.

11. I am grateful for my computer, internet connection, books, notebooks, and pens that make my life easy and enjoyable. These are probably my most important material possessions, other than the pictures and gifts from loved ones.

12. I am grateful for one of my bosses giving me a hug today and asking how I was doing. This was the first time she has seen me since my father passed away and I really like her sensitivity and kindness. It is good to have kind and nice people around us, especially when we are most vulnerable and sad.

13. I am grateful for being grateful and taking my time to note these. I am feeling better than 10 min ago, thanks to remembering and finding all these things (and more) that I have experienced today.

 

random thoughts

This was another great work day; I am very grateful.

Tomorrow is off for us, as it is the Remembrance Day here in Canada. I have plans to meet with a couple of friends and then continue to work at home. That sounds good to me 🙂

Working, being kind to others, and being efficient feels good. Today, I have helped 4 trainees with their tasks. I feel like contributing to their development and moving the work ahead. They will do amazing job.

Young people are great; they have such great potential.

There is also a generational differences. For example, I still need to print out and read and work on the documents; they, on the other hand, work on the monitor. Better? Worse? I do not know. Whatever works for them I guess. I sometime envy this preference as I feel like consuming too much paper. Poor trees…

Young people also are easy to adapt to the changes and develop themselves technologically. One good example is how much they know about computers and programming languages. I can learn these too, but I will need a lot of time to do so. Well done youngsters; keep going.

Seasoned people like myself have experience that can help them develop themselves better. For example, today I was at the presentation rehearsal of one of the team members. He is good, and will get a lot better with the tips I have shared. For instance, to keep eye contact with the audience, not to turn our backs to the audience (while showing a point on the screen), hand gestures, body movements, and voice level and changes on the tone (all help to keep the audience’s attention on the presenter), having clear not decluttered slides, etc. I also helped with the sequence of the slides and animations to introduce points separately on a slide; he seemed to understand and like the feedback. How nice of him 🙂

I am hopeful about the next generations. I once was one of them, Now I am seasoned and old generation. We have a lot to learn from each other and the dynamism and energy of the young generations and the expertise and experience of the old generations make a great mix.

Life is good 🙂

The life in the diary – X

Fiction

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Feb 15, 2013

My boss made a great gesture today and sent me a nice bouquet of flowers! The mixture of green, orange, white, and yellow is a must see! One of my nurses brought them to me with a great smile; “look what we got for you!!!?”.

She is, I am sure, curious. I have been here for some time, had a surgery and am going through further tests. But no one came to visit me. No care-giver, no family, no friends.

They do not ask why. I love this about the nurses – never say or do something that will upset the patient. I feel protected by the nurses. Once when the other patient used to stay in the room and had chatty visitors, one of them had said “please keep your voice low, my patient here needs a rest”.

This patient has been for ever grateful to hear this.

We decided to put the flowers next to my bed. Their smell is very refreshing – kind of dominating the medicine-like scent of the bed linens. For the first time since I am admitted, I feel like normal.

My boss had the card signed by my colleagues – going thru the short messages of good wishes delights me… My first personal encounter with the outside world since I am here. How will I thank them? Tell them how much it meant to receive their generous gift? Thinking about these makes me kind of emotional….

But I have got to collect myself; I have more important things to do.

I finally decided to call my family.

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The life in the diary – X

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goodbyes

Yesterday I have read a blog where a terminally ill patient wrote a “goodbye” post after her treatment failed her and she entered into hospice care.

That goodbye post profoundly affected me in multiple ways. There are a couple of people whom I would not speak to (or they would not speak to me), whom I care about, whom I once loved but did not have a chance to make a good end to our relationships. Considering these, and also that our lives can end any time, I had a tough time yesterday.

If they were sick or dead, I would be saddened beyond their imagination. Knowing that there were things I wanted to say to clarify our interactions, apologies to make, questions to ask to understand them better, and one last hug to show that none of the things happened or did not happen in the past were important now. Knowing that we had no or little chance to do all of these, unless something drastic happens and unless we are given time and opportunity to do so. Knowing all of these hurt.

I loved these individuals more than they can imagine. I loved them deeply, as there was no end to my love for them, regardless of whatever or whoever they were or whatever had happened or had not happened between us.

I loved them timelessly, as not only one spring (where things are the most hopeful, positive, and lovely), but many years (with continuous cycle of different seasons, different grieving, reflections, and healing) passed while my feelings for them excited me, made me happy, and then tormented and emptied me.

I really loved them, as I know I would still love them if I had a chance to be with them, even it has been years or decades since I have last seen/talked to them.

Sickness and death are powerful in the sense that when we face them, then the little things do not matter any more. It becomes easy to forgive and forget all the things that helped our ego or our pain to keep us at an angry, cold, and resentful state.

It is important to say a proper goodbye, it is important to have and show compassion for each other while ending relationships. It is important to remember each other with a smile and warmness in the heart, rather than having the heaviness of negative feelings. I know they have compassion, I know I have, too. I also know neither me nor them will make a move any time soon to restore our compassion and kindness for each other.

Love you both.

acts of kindness

I have been waiting for my order to arrive at a diner this evening, when a person around 60’s came in. His walk was slow, the way he talks was not understandable, and he obviously put an effort to keep his balance. He ordered some food at the counter, but then the person at the counter said “no money, no food”.

I did not understand the situation well, but the man sat on a table and the person at the counter repeated his words, with an elevated voice. Because of the difficulty in speaking and keeping his balance, I thought maybe the man was drunk at first. Only later I thought maybe he had medical conditions.

Anyways, he started talking to a couple at the next table – they also had trouble understanding what he was saying, but after a couple of minutes, the couple said “okay, I will buy you a meal”. The man asked for the food left out in their plates and started eating them. My heart sank…

The couple paid for the man’s meal and left. I found a chance to thank them while they were leaving.

At that point, the person at the counter had changed and the new waitress started to argue with the man that his meal was paid.. That is all she kept saying; after a while, I intervened saying that he did not get his meal….. The waitress was apologetic and brought the man meal immediately.

I do not know what was happening with the man and I hope it is not a serious medical condition. But, the random act of kindness by the couple was very inspiring. They have done really well; feeding someone in need is a great act. I hope this couple will get help themselves from others when they least expect it.

joy journal – March 19, 2015

Feeling not bad; in contrast I am joyful today, so let’s write them down 🙂

1. I am grateful I get up not late anymore (after the spring daylight saving switch); it is good. I can go to office on time and make the best of the day.

2. I am grateful I have lost a couple of pounds lately; I am loving this. Let’s hope I will continue to eat healthy 🙂

3. I am grateful for working just fine; I had a meeting in the middle of the day, which somehow derailed me from work/focus, but I cannot complain about the work I have done today. Feels satisfactory.

4. I am grateful for taking the bus on the way back from the office. I have witnessed a lovely example of kindness; when the bus had stopped at a stop, 20 meters ahead of us an elderly lady fell and could not get up. All traffic stopped to let the lady go up. However, the lady could not, which I believe was because of either her injuries or the ice on the road. A passenger from the bus, another lady, got off the bus and helped her out. Another person from a vehicle on the road also helped. The elderly lady was able to walk herself, which was very pleasing to see. I thanked the lady on the bus, who helped her; I think kindness should be acknowledged; they have done very well. I hope when they need help, there will be others who will help them, too.

5. I am grateful I did my grocery shopping this evening. I am pleased with what I have got and excited about the salt-bag I purchased; sometimes they are so hard to find! I figured while I have the chance I can get an extra one for the house. Well done.

6. I am glad I have carried my groceries and the salt (25 pounds) to home. Even for a short distance, I think carrying heavy items helps the bones and the respiratory system. Happy with that.

7. I am grateful it is thursday, the day before the friday! I plan to shop this weekend, which is always exciting.

8. I am grateful for getting a working copy of the software today that gave me trouble yesterday. I am extra grateful that I had contacted the company yesterday; they confirmed that they also experienced the problem and they will send out a report to get it fixed/notify people. For some reason, I am feeling very good about that; did my trouble with software yesterday help other users? I think so. Then, the trouble I had yesterday is all worth it.

9. I am grateful for having extra toothbrushes at home – the one I have is new but its such an abrasive kind of brush that I feel like it hurts my teeth/gums. I am replacing it with a soft one I had stocked up a while ago.

10. I am grateful for chatting with a good friend of mine today. Always relaxing to have a good and sincere communication.

11. I am grateful for being grateful and feeling good today 🙂

I decided today that life was bright and hopeful

I am excited so I feel like I have to put this excitement into words.

I had a series of writings/poems under the Kate’s short story category; I decided to end it today.

I am very happy with this decision. While I am happy with some of its parts (that I can extend later to form other, much better stories/poems), I am feeling it is also quite a relief to let it go. I have had quite heavy feelings, and not necessarily positive ones, when I focus on writing it; an impossible love is not a positive experience (in terms of the feelings it evoked).

Come to think about it, I have other series called Sasha’s story and The Life in the Diary,  which are collections of two other story lines. Both are depressive.

I decided today that life was bright and hopeful.

I decided today that I did not need more “heavy feelings”: rather there is also joy, happiness, opportunities, peace, kindness, and goodness in life. I will focus on these from now on.

I will make my writings reflecting these. Pain is everywhere, so can be happiness.

cheers

joy journal – Dec 9, 2014

I am grateful for many things today;

1. I am grateful for being well and sound, without sickness or ailment, with no dependency.

2. I am grateful for not working too much today; it was a relaxing day.

3. I am grateful for helping my assistant go home after she fell sick.

4. I am grateful for another assistant of mine giving a ride to the sick one – the collegiality in my work place is really awesome. I am happy to have their well-being at the highest priority and ensuring that they will feel cared and fine. I hope that is also being a good role model for them and maybe in their future work places, they will continue with such acts of care and kindness towards their peers; I hope helping others will be their normal.

5. I am grateful for organizing and reporting my activities to a virtual group of people on a common project, rather than getting upset. It was a good idea to email all parties rather than responding to each one with their sometime overlapping and repeating questions/request (which drew me crazy). I hope that will work out for them so that we all can save some time and nerves.

6. I am grateful for walking today; after work, I walked around half an hour. That is good for my health.

7. I am grateful for eating nourishing, warm and tasty food today. They help me feel good about myself and my life style.

8. I am grateful for weather – it was less chilly today and quite a bright day. I like sun and blue sky. There are so many nice feelings driven by them. Hope, joy, happiness, optimisim..

9. I am grateful for my boots – they are new and are very comfortable. They did not hurt the back of my feet, they fit just fine, and they are water proof. Once I verify that they are skid-resistant as well, I will be relieved, happy, and grateful again.

10. I am grateful for some work completed at my place this morning. I thought I would get more work done, but I think I will leave it here. I can take care of others next year. It is a lot of money that I have to pay, some of the work on the roof may not have been done as they promised, but I have no way to verify. I will not get crazy about this. Rather, I will be grateful for these people coming over and fixing stuff to help protect my house.

11. I am grateful for my positive attitude today.

12. I am grateful for the cab driver in the morning – she and I laughed quite a bit over the weather and the road constructions that have been going on in the neighbourhood for quite some time.

13. I am grateful for the soup one of my friend’s mom prepared. It is tasty and nourishing. I could not think about something else that could make my evening warmer.

14. I am grateful for giving a gift to one my assistants recognizing, acknowledging, and appreciating the volunteer activity he has done over the year. The gift was something little, but I am sure he was surprised and got happy. That also made me recognize that my other assistants would also like to receive something to recognize their efforts. I made a mental note of getting gifts for the rest. Right before the holidays when I take them out at a lunch, I can present theirs. That is a great idea.

15. I am grateful for only two weeks being left till the holidays and the time I will take off until after the new year. I am feeling this excitement seriously at a very deep level. We all need a break.

16. I am grateful for the night still being young. There is so much I can do, relax and enjoy in the rest of the night.

17. I am grateful that I do not have to get up early tomorrow.  There is freedom in this.

18. I am grateful that we had a good laugh with my team this morning – I was showing them the prize I got yesterday for the worst performance at a friendly competition. It is a stick with a little hand at the end. And there is a button that when pressed lights up one of the fingers. It will be fun to use it at presentations.

19. I am grateful for the animation movie on TV – the narrator has a smooth voice, which makes it very easy to listen to.

20. I am grateful for being grateful; writing these things here makes my evenings exciting, joyful, and relaxing.

Wish good, seal, and mail

I got a correspondence by a colleague today. We had planned to do work together. After his initial commitment and months of delay, finally he says he cannot do it. It was not an urgent matter, so ok by me. But would it not be nice to show regret for slowing me down? Now I gotta reply. I will wish him the best for his future career. Kindness brings in more kindness. It heals things. Having a positive closure to the end of a work/life relationship is a lot better than carrying untapped frustration inside.

Wish good, seal, and mail.

Done.

That being said, I also have great colleagues that work wonders with me; they are reliable, dependable, and they deliver. The best way to find them is to go through all out there and then let them sift themselves out by the quality of their words and works. So this one did not work out, but the next one may. I am positive.

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