It has been a week that my dad died.
I truly loved my father and if I had an opportunity, I would choose him again as my dad. May he rest in peace…..
I am broken and saddened.
But, I know this; I could not get by these days, this agony, the loss of my dad without my family; each one of them mended the broken bricks in my heart. I am forever grateful.
There are many things to be said, many things to be remembered. Perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t. Perhaps they should remain sacred.
The truth is death of a loved one changes you, makes you realize and experience new things, new feelings, new thoughts. Nothing and no one can prepare one to the grief of such a loss.
I found some more relief (in addition to the support of my family) by reading about death and grieving. I now have 5 books that remind me that I am not the only who grieves after a loved one; that death is a natural part of our lives; that everyone goes thru it and the grief individually and uniquely. For some reason, reading and contemplating in these gives me peace and helps with my sadness.
I did not want to see anyone when I heard the news for 4 days, except my family. I simply faced my emotions. They were raw… But I sincerely think that this was the wisest thing I have ever done. I know myself; I could as well choose to suppress my feelings, deny everything, and keep busy with work or otherwise distract myself. I am glad I have not. Allowing myself to feel my loss and going thru the initial steps of grief was wise. I feel like I am coming back to my life, however slowly or broken-hearted I am.
I also wonder why we hardly talk about death and why we do not have a healthy grieving culture…..
Losing my dad was the first major loss in my life. There will be many more as nature dictates. I too will die one day. Will I take them easier after my dad’s death?
I guess I will write more about grief in the coming days…