on getting pissed, caring and non-caring, forgiving, and not giving a rat’s nose

I have been organizing a professional event in the last while. The amount of time and nerves I spend on it is HUGE. I mean, really huge. Only someone like me who is interested in, determined to deliver, and not giving up easily can go through this without throwing the idea out of the window. Or, a few people. Well, come to think about it, getting rid of the idea is much better and suitable to my character….

Anyways.

You have got the idea that I was furious at one point.

This was because three people have tried to treat me like a door mat along the way. One of them repeatedly showed rudeness including throwing documents almost to my face; another one jokingly said that they will sue me if one of the pieces we work together on was not selected (or something like that), and yet another one decided to change a part of the event without asking me and yelled at me when I asked about it and objected to their plans that somehow put me at risk as the organizer of the event.

Mean Taylor Swift GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

In all cases, I did something I am proud and surprised of, and showed reactions in a logical and cool way. In two out of three cases, I have got an apology. Not that this meant anything – it did not. Anyways. In all cases I did see that I can stand up for myself if the situation arises (honestly I do not get to experience this kind of shit and mistreatment often). But most importantly, this is how one loses respect for others.

I do not care about these people anymore, not more than just any other human being (they used to be close/respected colleagues).

Next time, I am sure I will be less willing to listen to them or speak to them.

I really do not care about their behavior and their problem.

I move on with my chin naturally lifted up without any effort….. (this is beautiful).

I just wished they did not go around and identify yet another good soul to mistreat.

Flowers Spring GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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joy journal, Jan 27, 2018

1. I am grateful for sleeping till past 9 am; I was surprised with this but obviously my mind or body needed this rest. So it is welcome.

2. I am grateful for enjoying my coffee and feeding my sourdough starter; it had risen well and was smelling very fresh and sourdy πŸ™‚ Good baby!

3. I am grateful for speaking with my family and being happy altogether – what a great feeling to be happy together with the people we care.

4. I am grateful for reminding myself that I will make an attempt to not let others hurt me with their greed, unkindness, and mean and demanding attitudes. This is very important for all of us; why do we permit this kind of people or their behavior in our lives? I know at work it is important to keep these people in our circles for our work, but is there not a better way? There is. I will find it out. I am determined to keep reminding me this and make an effort to find ways to manage mean or negative people.

5. I am grateful for walking to a store and buying eggs and other items that were on sale and I had needed. It is important to be able o care for ourselves – whether this is food, exercise, or pampering ourselves, let’s do it!

6. I am grateful for treating myself with chocolate today πŸ™‚

7. I am grateful for working on a report and then stopping to enjoy my evening. I meant to reflect and nurture myself by reading a book. I have read for a while and now it is time to chill in dark, writing my journal, and listening to music.

8. I am grateful for eating healthy with eggs, tomato, garlic, and sourdough bread. It was a light but tasty dinner.

9. I am grateful for liking my graying hair πŸ™‚ What a wonderful feeling!

10. I am grateful for liking to care for myself; I love shopping and getting things that I need or consume; I like making my own bread and eating it with love; I like cleaning myself, my home, and my clothes; I like functioning and still kicking and never ever ignoring my own needs!

11. I am grateful for being abundant and having everything I need being available or accessible to me.

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for keep going and not stopping my routine
  2. I appreciate myself for letting myself to be happy with my family and others
  3. I appreciate myself for pampering myself with chocalate
  4. I appreciate myself walking to the store even though it was a chilly day
  5. I appreciate myself for eating healthy and not needing expensive or luxurious things to eat
  6. I appreciate myself for realizing the progress in me and in my thinking; I learn; I realize; I appreciate; and I move on.

 

 

 

 

joy journal, Jan 25, 2018

A relatively good day and I am happy to share these with you:

1. I am grateful for getting up a little bit earlier and catching an earlier bus this morning πŸ™‚ It was a chilly morning but I just made it to the bus stop. A minute later my hero bus showed up and it really made me feel lucky and happy πŸ™‚

2. I am grateful for having a very quiet time in the office before anyone showed up. It was beautiful and gave me much needed stress-free time πŸ™‚

3. I am grateful for keeping calm the entire day, decluttering my office and opening space for new paperwork, relieving myself from stress induced by lots of things around.

4. I am grateful for sitting at a meeting that lasted 4 hours this evening πŸ™‚ It is not bad for a person who has got a lower back problem πŸ™‚ What helps in this situation is that whether it is an effective meeting with opportunities to learn something new and contribute. I have got these today so I am satisfied.

5. I am grateful for eating lots of healthy food in the office; apple and baby carrots being my favorites πŸ™‚

6. I am grateful for changing my cab company today; yesterday one of the cabbies made me think very hard about taking the cab at all – mean people have no place in my life. While one bad apple should not make the entire batch of nice and kind cabbies bad, I felt like I must preserve my self respect. So I decided I did not want to pay another dime to this cabbie and one way to achieve this was to change the cab company. Over.

This will also give me much needed chance to stop taking cab, unless really needed, and rather focus on taking the bus or walk.

7. I am grateful for not working tonite

8. I am grateful for sitting in the dark, listening to a nice music, and writing my journal. It is “me” time, alright πŸ™‚

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Things that I appreciate myself about today:

  1. I appreciate myself for focusing on work and feeling logical and calm
  2. I appreciate myself for making my self-respect a priority
  3. I appreciate myself for not working tonite
  4. I appreciate myself for learningΒ 
  5. I appreciate myself for keeping up with the ever changing priorities and work dynamic
  6. I appreciate myself for being genuinely happy for a colleague of mine who will take a leave to recuperate after a highly exhausting and stressful work conditions – she deserves this. I wish her well.

 

 

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