Change is good and is here

Happy Sunday, folks – I hope you all are safe and well.

Do you know this feeling when you constantly run from one thing to the next and wish you could just stop and process what has been happening?

Run Away GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I bet you do.

Those who follow my blog knows that I have an intense work that makes me run from literally one meeting to the next, from one task to the other.

I hardly have that life-work balance, and work most of the time, even when I am exhausted.

The good thing is that I have been taking a couple of days off here and there, and this gave me the much needed opportunity to just stop and process.

Relaxing Space And Time GIF by Mya - Find & Share on GIPHY

What did I find during these self-reflection moments?

I have done so well within the last few years, and especially since the Holidays since when I was non-stop working. Yes, things are slower and requires much more effort and time (working from home..), but I have actually done quite a lot, and also entered into new areas and experiences professionally, so I actually admire my interest and resilience now.

I also found out that I was in peace with my past and was peaceful in the present. Whether this is because of my age and wisdom coming from it, or something else (like my antidepressant medication), I do not know. What I know is that I feel good and I am aware that everything happened and every choices I made, even the bad ones, brought me to today.

Chanel Iman Peace GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I also realized that I had changed a little bit, especially during the pandemic. I can so “no” more easily and reduce my workload (and stress). I can stop being too meticulous on things that do not matter that much. I still do a great, high quality job. I just better sort what needs my meticulousness, time, and efforts at full extent, and what does not.

And, I found out that I need to change a couple of things in my daily life. I struggle with eating a variety of food – I tend to eat the same greens and fish all the time. Recently shopping became just an automatic act, picking up the same things all over week after week. I always fell into this routine. I made a mental note that I could make an effort to diversify the food I am consuming, and make cooking and eating a little bit fun.

Cheese Stirring GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I also need to care more about my bones, muscles, and flexibility as a mid-age lady. I know walking is great but it does not help much with the bone density, so light weight training as well as stretching need to be an integral part of my daily life. These are not new aims – in the past I was able to keep up with them for sometime, and then they slowly slipped out of my routine. Why? Because I have so many things in my to-do list. By having a me-time, which will help these permanently integrated in my life. is thus more important than ever.

Workout Gym GIF by Petter PentilΓ€ - Find & Share on GIPHY

My weight. I was always a big girl, which I do not mind. But with age came the fat in the belly area, which I do not like. I know what makes me lose weight and what makes me gain weight. Exercise will not make me lose weight, only what I eat. So more greens, less starchy food, and more protein. That is my best dietary strategy to lose the fat. Since I many times in my life wanted to lose weight but never kept it, perhaps this aim is now more important than ever. Why not to make the weight loss one aim that will stamp my mid-age years? Worth trying πŸ™‚

Professionally, I looked at my to do list and I have seen a couple of things only πŸ™‚ That means I can start new projects, undertake new roles, and develop more as a professional. I am very excited about this πŸ™‚

Dont Worry Love GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Somethings however does not need to change. They are well established in my life and they are good. for example, saving, investing money for my retirement. Cleaning the home regularly. Visiting the thrift stores for items I may need and use. Helping others in need, such as family or animal shelters. Limiting waste, especially food waste. My furniture or other items in the house. All good for now.

The moral of the story is that sometimes we need to stop and help our mind bring us what needs to be cherished and what needs to change. Both are good. Take that time off, folks.

Has the pandemic helped save money?

I have seen a couple of articles suggesting that Canadians saved a tons of (billions) of money during the pandemic.

Some of the expenses cited as cut, and hence, saved money from, were child care, extracurricular activities, and commute-related expenses.

For those lucky ones, like myself, who kept their work and salary, things might have been better than those families and individuals who struggle with affording daily essential expenses. That is for sure.

I know many people lost their jobs and many businesses had to spend extra money to adapt to pandemic style business. So, hearing that we have overall saved billions of dollars during the pandemic sounds a little bit brutal to me.

I do not have kids or dependents, so the first two factors do not make a difference in my life. I take the bus or walk mostly, so commute, or lack of it, did not help me save a good sum of money. But I still did save money during the pandemic. My income also increased because of my recent promotion.

My most important expense is my annual visit to my family overseas, which used to cost me around 5K each year. I have not traveled in the last two years, so my major savings was the lack of these trips.

While I am not very social and hence do not get together with my friends frequently, I nevertheless had a few lunches or gifts to pick, so while there is some sort of savings in this area, it is not substantial.

My innocent yet kind of expensive interest in thrift store hunts, however, seems to make some sort of difference. I used to visit thrift stores every two weeks or so pre-pandemic, so while the prices are quite affordable, you can imagine the annual expenses.

On the other hand, I think like many, my food and personal care/cleaning products expenses increased. This is mostly because of working from necessitating use of the cleaning products more; starting fostering a cat; and the inflation or increases in the prices just because of the pandemic’s effect.

I am one of the lucky ones who comfortably has gone through this pandemic financially. I am feeling lucky and grateful, but you know, things will not get better anytime soon, the economy will continue to be unstable, and who knows what will happen to our investments or jobs.

Until, then..

Random thoughts

What a beautiful morning.

I took my time to get up, at the expense of feeding Mona, my foster cat, an hour later than usual. She only eats wet food and that means it needs to be replaced or removed after 2 hours or so during the day. Naturally in the mornings, she is hungry. Yes, my consciousness is not clear and I have had a huge debate in my mind about this, but eventually let the guilt go. Every once a while, I simply cannot get up as early as usual.

Hungry Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I took yesterday off and made it a long weekend, which feels great. It gives me freedom and time to recuperate. We have had a hard year and very intense work schedule since my last break (Holidays in December). There were many times I was simply exhausted yet continued to complete work. Now is a great time to simply rest and enjoy the gorgeous summer we have.

Summer Water GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Where I am in Canada, often we have cool summers and a little bit rain. But this year has been exceptional, like last summer, with lots of sunshine and a little bit higher than normal temperatures (and yes climate change is a real thing). The blue, clear sky lifts the mood immediately, and the nature around my neighbourhood and yard makes it even more beautiful and appreciable. If you have a good summer and opportunity to enjoy it a little bit more, please do so.

Summer Vacation GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I am at an age where I know that today may as well be the best day of my future life. I know that I am alive and my family is well, for now. But there is no guarantee, right? Things change like this – bam. We have had a global pandemic just like this; economy is shitty and many lost their jobs; there is social and political unrest here and there; and yes, the climate change is already showing its disastrous effects and unless we take radical moves to stop and reverse it (is it even possible to reverse it?), we are looking at a huge disaster. even the Hollywood movies and their heroes cannot save us, believe me.

I am reading about Indigenous worldviews (what wonderful views, by the way – if you are interested in please check it out) and how west and Indigenous nations (at least in Canada) are approaching to all living and non-living things in our environment. They got it right – human is NOT on top of the hierarchy to exploit and harm its environment for its own benefits. Rather, human is a part of this ecosystem with a role to honour, respect, and protect it.

We have done so much harm – to nature, to animals, soil, sea…

Without a healthy environment and ecosystem, there is no human.

And, we all have played and are still are playing, a huge role in this.

Climate Change Environment GIF by INTO ACTION - Find & Share on GIPHY

Simple fact.

Let’s take a moment to re-align our views.

Climate Change Earth GIF by Bhumi Pednekar - Find & Share on GIPHY

random thoughts

I started the week high energy and started to feel tired again since Wednesday. Since the Holidays it has been non-stop – what was I expecting? I need a break.

How are you all holding up? Did you get the vaccines yet? I am still not eligible – because of my age, but hoping soon it will get to my age group. I cannot wait. The new announcements that it is an aerosol transmission/airborne is alarming me – how are we going to ventilate all these workplaces, schools, and residences? If my work place offers half working from home program, boy, I will take it right away. Vaccine or not, have no interest in getting anywhere close this virus.

Our weather is gray nowadays. Maybe we will see blue sky and sun this weekend. It would be so nice. There is something so great about the Spring. It is energizing and tell us that the hibernation season is over. We can rejuvenate.

So, how exactly am I planning to rejuvenate? I have done well walking just for the love of walking in the early week. Seeing the neighbourhood, trees, and houses are always a delight. I love the crisp air that “washes” my face and gives me tremendous peace. Walking in the mornings and evenings are certainly great. I cannot wait to do this more regularly. But, what else? Will I declutter? Will I change the furniture? What will I do?? Dilemma. And mystery πŸ™‚

Despite being in a lock-down in the last 14 months, I have not gained weight. What a miracle… Did you? Many people have. Maybe this is one of these fortunate times that I was spared of extra fat. I wanna laugh, but I am also serious. It feels great to be on the lucky side πŸ™‚

My foster cat Mona is doing well. Such a sweet heart. She eats less now and is losing weight. We waste quite a bit of wet food, but honestly, as long as she is well, I am okay with this. Why are the cans so big? A kitty cannot eat the entire 156 grams of food in 3-4 hours, so what is the point?

Anyways, let’s focus on the positive that Mona is well. I am well. My family is well. Spring is here. I had a little increase in my salary so I feel great about it. I am abundant and have everything I need. I can contribute to the animal rescue organization by covering cost of some of the food and litter. My friends check on me. I can walk, I am functional. My antidepressant works. I can take things much easier and and feeling absolutely better.

I saw a blog by a medical practitioner the other day with a title asking Do antidepressants work? Boy, please do not use this kind of titles – it sounds like you are suspicious. In my experience, yes they do work. My medication may not work someone else, and they can hopefully find relief in another drug (if they are interested in taking a medication). I feel like the fact that sometimes we are put in places where we need to defend our choices or our antidepressants is mind-blowing. Ask me and my experience.

How is the economy going on where you are? It is surprising me that the market is still doing high. Prices are going up, though. My favorite yogurt has increased like 50 cents a tub, and I am hoarding it whenever it is on sale. I can eat around 5-7 tubs of yogurt per week, so hoarding is for a short time only, and it works well, In a given day I probably have like 10 tubs in my fridge. You can call me freak if you want, but it does not change the fact that it is my favorite evening/night snack. I also use it liberally with meals and soups. Yogurt is good and much better than McDonald’s.

When was the last time I ate from McDonald’s? Hard to remember. Wendy’s possibly, yes. But not McDonald’s in decades..

Anyways, seems like I am very talkative tonite πŸ™‚ I will cut it out here and say that please keep yourself safe, have hope that this too shall pass, and enjoy whatever you have and give you joy.

random thoughts

Life is good, as Spring is here πŸ™‚

Other than this the news coming from India about the lack of oxygen tanks and the huge number of deaths are simply depressing me. I am so sorry for the residents of India, and all those who are affected by COVID-19. The health care services, like education, should be on the priority list of any governments. Perhaps they did not have the means to do so, but the numbers are so high and the stories are so heart-breaking that I cannot feel but angry for all the lives lost..

Tu Bhoola Jise India GIF by bypriyashah - Find & Share on GIPHY

I visited to my yard this morning. Grass are growing and trees are about to get leaves. It has been great lately, with clear and blue skies. The temperature is not too high yet, but I can open the windows for a few hours everyday, just to get fresh air on my face… What an awesome feeling…

I was almost sick last week, so decided to take a few days off and rest. It was the best decision. I have not rested – but I found a chance to stay away from online meetings and just focus on what I want to do. I really dislike the meetings… We have so many.. Why do we have so many meetings????

Oprah Winfrey Meeting GIF by MOODMAN - Find & Share on GIPHY

I decided that I want to keep Fridays to myself, and refrain from meetings if possible. The 3 days – together with the weekend – just make it a stress and distraction free time period. Sounds like a mini vacation to me πŸ™‚ I could not be more excited.

Mona, my foster cat, is doing really well. Her last set of medications seem to work and she is feeling much better. She has a little rash on her skin, which worries me. For now, we are tackling it by limiting the food to her regular brand and refraining from using chemicals, especially those that I used to apply while cleaning her litter room (lysol). I clean that room everyday now, with hypo allergenic baby wipes and vacuum the floors every day. Her blankest are also washed regularly and I try to pay attention to her grooming habits. My good girl. She will be fine. She will get better. I love her so much.

Top Hat Hello GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Do you have plans for summer? I know this does not sound right as many of us are under lock down still. But we all must try to enjoy and celebrate summer. Nature is amazing, so is weather in summer. We can spend more time outdoors, as many experts recommend, and enjoy gardening. This is the 2nd year that I will not be visiting my family. I cannot complain, I love walking in the city and enjoying the fresh air. I like looking at the yards, trees, plants, and listening to the birds chipping. I like having the windows open. I simply love the blue skies and having people talking on the street. Life is fuller when these happen.

Summer Water GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I am looking at a busy summer though. I just got a new team member last week and another one is to join in two weeks. That means a lot of one-to-one meetings and trainings. I have work to be completed and new ones to start. I am so looking forward to accomplishing all of these, and start new projects.

At least, I will keep my Fridays to myself (I hope), will continue to say no (which I have been getting really good at), prioritize my work better, and take it easy. We are going through a global pandemic and our lives are not the same. Our mentality and emotions are not the same. Our priorities are not the same. We simply cannot keep up with everything and that is okay. I came to accept this a while ago and this reduces the pressure on me. I also expect less from my team members – we all are struggling in one way or the other.

Think Schitts Creek GIF by CBC - Find & Share on GIPHY

But I am truly grateful that we are all safe now, my family, my team, my friends, and myself. So far so good. What the new days will bring, nobody knows. but until then – keep safe, folks, wherever you are, take time for your and your loved ones’ wellness, enjoy the summer as much as you can.

Better days ahead.

random thoughts

Time flies. We are at mid-April. For many, it means Spring. Happy Spring everyone.

Loop Spring GIF by audreyobscura - Find & Share on GIPHY

We have a foggy day and I cannot help but admire the scenery. It is so mystical. I am sure many writers and novelists have been inspired by such scenery.

Anyways – life has been going well, thanks to my antidepressant and my foster cat Mona.

Mona is well and going through some medications. Hopefully these are the latest in the round and she will be just fine to be put for adoption. I say hopefully for her being well and healthy, and finding her forever home, but not for being separated from her. It has almost been 6 months and every day I get more bonded to her. It will be difficult, but we will do it. Then, another kitty in need will come… I will love that kitty, too.

Cat Hello GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I have had otherwise quite a stressful time in the last one year, and honestly I think that without my antidepressants that I started taking 6 months ago, it would break me. I am so grateful for this medication. I can take events and people easier; I can enjoy and feel much better; and more importantly I fear and worry less. Unbelievable. Why did I torture myself all these years, denying myself the medication option?

One reason was that I thought I would lose control, get lethargic, or just do not care about anything anymore. How silly are these. These do not happen. At least, not in my experience (my medication fits me; no side effects and effective in managing my depression/anxiety).

My doctor was happy to hear how well I was feeling. He said that he will likely drop the dose in a couple of months and then stop all together. I knew that one day I would go off this medication, but honestly I was not expecting it to be soon. While there are many horror stories out there about weaning off anti-depressants and increased side effects, I want to be courageous, but honestly I am scared!! I am scared of getting brain zaps or other effects of stopping medications, or feeling like shit again….. Logically, the brain zaps may or may not happen, and are temporary. Second, nothing prevents me from taking the medication again. So I must keep brave πŸ™‚

Career Suicide Balloon GIF by Chris Gethard - Find & Share on GIPHY

For the second time during the pandemic, I went to thrift stores yesterday πŸ™‚ I was so craving for an excitement, something away from my routine life. I bought really lovely and useful things and I could not be happier. for a total of 28 bucks, I bought a kitchen knife, a sturdy belt, a pair of pants, a new pairs of sports pants, new socks, and a large pillow for Mona. All worth the bucks I spent πŸ™‚

Anyways, these are the main things in my life nowadays. Wherever you are I hope you and your family are keeping safe and you have access to vaccinations. I am not eligible for vaccination yet, but cannot wait to get it. If you are in Ontario, my sympathies. The situation got so bad there that I cannot help but get angry at administrators. They failed the people. Please stay safe. You are in my thoughts.

Hope Hoping GIF by The Bachelor - Find & Share on GIPHY

breaks, break-throughs, and burn-outs

Whatever they say or you say to yourself, I hope you are good at taking breaks.

I am not.

The only time I took regular breaks were last Spring when we were working from home, and I could walk around the neighbourhood during the day, to take a break and enjoy the Spring.

Certainly, it made me happy and relaxed.

Then came high volume of work, well because, hello! working from home is so inefficient for some tasks and things started to pile up on my to-do list. Then came winter, and the to-do list became longer and more painful.

I have been tired since the beginning of the month, and am hoping to take some time off in April. But the lagging works, uncompleted work – some urgent and critical -, the stress and un-satisfaction coming out of all of these naturally have brought me to near-burn-out.

I can work with great energy 2-3 days a week (rather than 6 days a week, as before) now. Still good performance, but not good enough. Since I am tired, I want to rest during the weekends, but if I do not work even for a couple of hours each Saturday and Sunday, my week work load gets bigger. And I am back to square one. Tired, but cannot rest to prevent further tiredness, or goodness prevents, a future burn-out.

I try to be compassionate and tolerant with myself and with people I work with or need for my work. My stress levels are manageable, thanks to the antidepressant medication I have been taking and my foster cat Mona, but my frustration is at high levels. The demands from us gotta reduce. The aftermath of this lock-down and its effects gotta be considered quite seriously, and risks to people’s not only career progress but also mental & physical health/well-being need to be addressed in any future professional plan.

It is insane. What we are going through.

It is also insane that organizations and some colleagues behave like nothing prickly has been happening, we all adapted with maximum efficiency, everything is going well, remote working is an opportunity and only an opportunity (what?????), and things are moving forward well. All sugar-coated mess.

Insane.

Since I cannot reduce the quality of the work I do, I reduce the quantity of the work I am asked to do. Many of these are voluntary roles. I say no more often and it feels great. Last week I notified a committee that I was only gonna look at one part of the document, but not the rest, as I have no time. It felt good.

While I had started to say no occasionally in the last few years, it is becoming more “normal” for me. I do not feel guilty or apologetic anymore. Just the other day, a departmental administrative assistant, who was supposed to help me draft a document, gave me directions to draft the document – all format related – and that. was. it.! Did not follow the directions and sent it as I drafted, leaving it to them to figure out whether I formatted it as they wanted, and to format it themselves as they wanted. Honestly, is this my job, too?

No it is not.

Words of compassion. Words of kindness. Words of support.

What needed from leaders is deeds. Walk the talk. Help people go through this difficult time without further damages to our health, abilities, and motivations. Reduce the expectations. Increase genuine support. Have future plans at hand to minimize the long-term effects of this lock-down and frustration. Otherwise, honestly I am not sure who you will find to work – with adequate experience – and expedite things.

Start of a new month

Tomorrow is March 1st.

I am glad that the harshest months of winter – January and February – are behind us. Yet, I feel like time flies and I have some sort of grief coming with this.

Nevertheless, I think we must celebrate reaching to the middle of winter. Spring is always joyful, and makes us feel much better. Nature awakens; yards, tress, and birds become alive and joyful. Having a window open and getting fresh air in are certainly priceless and delightful.

This weekend was fine. I worked in the morning and am ready for the week. I must say the weekdays continue to stress me and weekends continue to relax me. They say so much about the life-work balance. I wonder if this balance is ever achievable?

What is that balance, anyhow?

I was reading an essay about it the other day, and the author claims that there is no such thing as a balance, as there is no true border between work and life. Also, the term itself implies that either our work or life – or both – are miserable and unbearable.

Truth.

Cat Balance GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

In my profession, having this balance is almost impossible. We work anytime and any day, as we always chase for new things and have serious obligations. The expectations increase day by day, especially happened during the COVID-19 pandemic for some unsensible reasons – as we have a highly competitive job. So either we will perform normally and risk being called and feeling unsuccessful and a failure (duh! even with a little bit of or work, we do amazing and incredible things), or hurt ourselves with countless of hours of work, stress, thinking, writing, reading, discussing, training, and presenting. All to feel competent and successful. Whoever has implemented this self-inflicted, unhealthy, and counter-intuitive system must be very proud of themselves. There seems to be no way out of it, unless the vast majority think the same way and stop slowing.

Slowing down is a term I have been associating with the pandemic. I heard it from many of my friends and colleagues, and it kind of makes sense. I believe that I could be not only healthier, but also more creative if we could slow down a little bit.

On the positive side, I feel like I have slowed down somehow and tipped to scale towards the life part of the work-life balance, especially now that I have a lovely foster cat with me. Spending time with Mona, even feeding her or cleaning her litter box are giving me much needed mental brake. I am determined to continue with fostering even when she is adopted. My beautiful girl. May she always have the best, kindest, and most compassionate people around her, the best meals and cleanest litter box, and the best vets.

Cats GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

random thoughts

A somewhat boredom-filled weekend. I keep reminding myself that I have all the opportunity to feel good, but can not stick to it. This is pretty much how I survived the last few decades, prior to the start of the antidepressants. In the last 3 months or so, this is the 2nd time I feel like it does not work.

Logically, the medication works. I generally feel much better, more optimistic, and more effective. I do not get bothered by small stuff and do not get stuck at miniature shit. Expecting that I will never experience these while taking this medication is what my fault is. Expecting that the medications will fix everything.

These being said, things have been spiraling up and far regarding the pandemic. While we are still doing much better, now we have a case or two of the variant virus. The cautions are highlighted, as a result. Naturally, as a person who lives in a place where the case load is low and life pretty much continued as before, except with limited social interactions, use of mask, and working mostly from home, I took it kind of hard. It took me sometime to remind myself that this virus is nothing to be taken lightly. With or without the vaccines. And, where the hey are the vaccines? Has any of you been vaccinated yet?

Homer Simpson Snow GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

There is no mention of when we can get the vaccines. I am not in the risky group category, so I think that it will take some time.

Our works have been tremendously affected. We continue to work and produce ideas and results, but honestly I keep thinking that this focus on work has made me forget the reality. The reality is that we all are going through a very tough and serious patch of time. I have hope that things will get better, but when? Perhaps none of these that we keep doing at work will have any value in the long run if we cannot keep ourselves and the rest of the globe safe from this virus. How long are we looking for? At least a few more years is what my prediction is.

I can forget traveling and visiting my family for at least two years. Will my family be okay during this time? My friends? Myself?

Our lives have changed, whether I realize it or not. Things have changed, we adapted, but harder days are yet to come. One thing I really find peace in is that this is a collective journey. There is so much compassion and understanding in so many different people, communities, and institutions.

Pop Tv Hope GIF by Schitt's Creek - Find & Share on GIPHY

Perhaps, in the post-pandemic era, our lives, work places and practices, and how we go through our days will be much different. Many of us will be out of work. Some of us will have new jobs. There will be different values, different priorities. Perhaps we all will start homesteads and happy with our simplier, more frugal lives.

I have no issues with frugal and simple lives, as long as the basic rights are protected and healthcare and education are accessible by all.

I predict that in the years coming, I will volunteer more, and support the community and the vulnerable. I please ask once again you to help foster animals. It does not have to cost you anything – just talk your animal rescue organization. Give these creatures a beautiful, safe and loving environment. Let them feel the love and care. You will feel the happiness of their companionship and satisfaction of helping others in turn. Please foster or adopt an animal from a shelter.

Be the hope for a life that was otherwise put in a very vulnerable position by humans. Do it.

Stray Dogs Dog GIF by HuffPost - Find & Share on GIPHY

Joy journal – February 11, 2021

It has been some time that I wrote on my joy journal. Not that I have not been having joyful moments, or needed to remind myself the experiences, things, and people/animals that had some sort of positive values.

I was just simply engulfed too much in the COVID-19 matters, the lock-down, and work. Anyways.

I am grateful for the followings today:

  • for sleeping well and waking up feeling good – check

I have been sleeping much better because of the lock-down. I have no shame telling this. I also have been sleeping much better since I started my anti-depressants and my foster cat Mona joined my life. Insomnia is a terrible thing. Your mind races from one thought to other, without finding any solution to the situation or to the issues at hand. A tired mind leads to a tired body. Not a cool thing. For over 3-4 years I slept around 4 hours every night and then woke up, always feeling like shit and stressed.. It is over for now, for which I am extremely grateful

  • for Mona being well and safe – check

I really love my foster cat. She is the most joyful, kind, pleasant, and loving thing in my life. She changed my life for the better and every minute spent with her is precious.

  • for working well and without much of a stress – check

my goodness – my work stress has reduced quite a bit and I can work and enjoy completing things. I am so pumped up by these feelings. I must say I spend much less time on uncritical things than before – I do not need to check every word, every calculation. I can, rather, make it an effective and joyful experience by not straining myself and by not needing an extreme focus to work at hand πŸ™‚

  • for eating healthy – check

I love apples, but in the last few weeks I have not eaten any. I bought apples yesterday and this noon I enjoyed one. I really like this fruit that is neither too sweet nor too sour. I also ate yogurt, which is one of my daily snacks. It nourishes and hydrates my body. Feeling good πŸ™‚

  • for not going to the office – check

our case numbers have been good, but are increasing. So I keep to home mostly, without going to the office. The new variants are making us anxious and just because the COVID-19 situation is much better here than many other places around the globe does not mean I should relax. I must admit I had relaxed and did not care much about the pandemic (while also socially distancing and wearing masks/gloves). I was shopping like any other time. Now, I feel like I need to start being a little bit more cautious, as we will never know when the variants will hit my region.

Our workplace allows us to go use our offices, but I will mostly keep it to my home. So, I am grateful I have this flexibility

  • for tomorrow being Friday – yey!

I am very excited about this! Since new year, I have completed a number of things that were on my plate and handled many difficult people and situation. This weekend I will work again, only to finish small staff so that from next Monday on, I can start focusing on big plans. feeling excited πŸ™‚

  • for having all the essential items at home – check

I have been shopping to make sure in case of a strict lock-down I could still be able to comfortably feed myself (and Mona). I have everything, enough for at least 3 months. I can get some laundry detergent sometime, and maybe facial tissues, but that is pretty much it. I am glad that I stocked up on things that are durable and useful so that I can feel secure if pandemic starts to soar here again

  • for being alright and grateful for today and everything and everyone in it – check

πŸ™‚

Sunday morning musings

Good morning everyone – I hope you are enjoying this day.

We have a bright day outside, which is always a treat for us folks during winter. I plan to walk a little bit and get fresh air. Seeing snow all white and fluffy (sometimes; some other times it is just that dirty snow banks – ugh) gives me some sort of serenity. I love it and cannot wait for my walk.

China Snow GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I am currently enjoying my coffee. I have already browsed through the news and social media. Feeling connected and informed by what have been going on around the world.

The COVID-19 pandemic is going on (duh!). Many folks are still in lock-down, some have stricter, some have more relax regulations. It is hard to believe that it has been almost 10 months for us…. I remember the initial days – how I sent my team members to home earlier, advised them to take personal items with them, and make sure their personal computers can function to continue work. I have been used to work at home, so it did not affect me too much, but going out and shopping was the one that bothered me most.

Loop Health GIF by xponentialdesign - Find & Share on GIPHY

Then came the news of more deaths, more people affected. International borders being closed and travel becoming a hurdle. We all hoped for vaccines to come along, which now are available to lucky countries and bunch.

The moment we thought we had hope with the vaccines came the news of the new variants. At first they said that there was no evidence of the new variant being associated with higher mortality, only higher infection rate. The last few days I have been hearing that now there is some sort of evidence that it may be more deadly.

One wonders how long we will go ahead like this and worry about ourselves, family, friends, neighbours, and global population overall.

I think the answer is as long as we all can.

Michelle Obama Hope GIF by Obama - Find & Share on GIPHY

The other question everybody has in their minds is how we are going to recover economically, socially, or otherwise. I have no idea… Today may as well be the best day economically. For example, we expect some job cuts soon. Will it affect me personally? I have no idea. But it will affect many people, if it has not already. So, let’s enjoy what we have already, folks. Tomorrow we may not have jobs, or our salaries and benefits may be cut, or we all may feel like doomed. Let’s not let this get into our ways. Not yet.

I had heard once that a library was looking forward to the diaries that pen down the experiences of individuals during the pandemic. What a great idea. I feel like we are in the middle of a historic moment in human history. I expect many novels, collections, and movies describing our experiences in the future.

But more importantly, how we all have adapted to this situation. What worked and what did not. Just like the 1918 flu pandemic, perhaps we will leave important clues for the next generations, for the next pandemics and infectious diseases, or catastrophes.

I am aware that none of these are new to you, so this blog entry is rather meh (at least this is my own assessment). But I felt like writing these down. I am lucky that I have not lost anyone I know to COVID-19 and live in a place with rather low numbers of active cases. I am one of those lucky people, who just happened to be in the right place in the right time. I feel guilty rather than lucky, to tell you the truth….

The other day I was having a conversation with an acquaintance and she reminded me that we are all connected – all life forms. We in fact are.

Stay safe and connected.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Loved Ones Love GIF by University of Florida - Find & Share on GIPHY

It is Friday

Happy Friday, folks

I have had relax and somehow un-busy two weeks since the start of the year. I kind of find this strange, considering my often quite busy schedule. Perhaps this is a good thing.

For example, this afternoon I was able to clean my home in between meetings. I now partition my cleaning, with vacuuming both floors and cleaning of kitchen and bathrooms happening at different times during the day. Since I am fostering a lovely cat, vacuuming the floors and carpets as well as the floor of the litter room (aka my guest bathroom) has become routine. I also bought an additional vacuum so that I do not carry vacuum in between the storeys. Life is much easier this way and cleaning is not overwhelming so much.

Robin Williams Dancing GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment - Find & Share on GIPHY

My foster cat Mona needs some medications and it has been quite a hurdle, to be honest. I got liquid medication to squirt into her mouth, which I could not. I then mixed them with her wet food, which she refused to eat. Then, we got pills for one of them and pill pockets. Again, she refused. Tonite I will be trying to cover the pill with cheese and follow with a treat. I hope for the best. The next solution is likely asking her to be cared by someone else during the next two weeks till her medications are administered completely.

Angry Cat GIF by memecandy - Find & Share on GIPHY

I gotta read and learn quite a bit about different ways to give medication. Some pills can be crushed, others cannot. The best way seems to be administer orally by syringe or putting the pill behind the tongue, yet that requires someone who has got the confidence. I do not have that. Mona senses that I am tense and gets even more tense, so trying to hold her, opening her mouth and placing the medications seem a very distant dream to me. Perhaps with some sort of help by another person, I could get to learn how to administer medications, but this will have to wait till the end of the pandemic.

How is your pandemic going on, by the way? We are still working from home and we are quite safe where I live – the case load is low and I could not be happier. I still dream for the day that I will get the vaccination, though. And I hope my family will get it soon as well. It is so surreal… This entire ordeal… I now know 3 close relatives or friends who contracted the virus. Most were okay, but one of them needed hospitalization. It is so scary to know and experience this. Please be safe, friends, and keep practicing the public health measures.

Mask Safety GIF by Providence - Find & Share on GIPHY

I am looking forward to a fresh day tomorrow when I would like to just chill down. Honestly, un-busy or not, there is so much out there in life to experience and learn that I appreciate any day without the pressure of work. I hope you too will have a great, relaxing Saturday.

GIF by Shalita Grant - Find & Share on GIPHY

Random thoughts

I hope you all have a great Holiday Season and a happy New Year’s Eve!

First, a note on New Year’s Resolution. I have been seeing on social media people mocking others for having New Year Resolutions. I do not understand this – resolutions are hopes and objectives for many people, and some actually can reach their objectives. Many cannot keep up with their resolutions, so what? Let people hope and plan. Whether it is time for them to reach their destination is none of our business.

Happy New Year 2021 GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Second, I wanted to think about what I would like to change in New Year myself. I noticed that there were two things that have been in my list, like for ever. One, to lose weight. Two, to exercise more. Should I focus on these two? Absolutely. Even, for a short time if I eat reasonably (I am old enough to know what my body likes and what makes it lose fat…) and take my time and creativity to exercise, it will help me. I do not plan to become a model or an athlete. So, keeping my plans light and my expectations small helps, even if I fail to keep my resolutions.

Exercise Exercising GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Third, I realized I had less to change this year compared to previous years. Why was that?

I thought maybe I already reached or integrated the necessary changes in my life permanently (like, being fugal, making good savings and investments every year, making pre-payments, and so on), or I trust myself that when a change is needed, it finds a way to get in my life anyways. These thoughts actually made me happier and gave me a sense of freedom that I had not felt at around other New Years. Liked it – I think aging with wisdom has been happening with me. Cool πŸ™‚

Bottle Flips GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

————————————————————

My 13 days of Holidays break is ending tomorrow. I managed to work only a few hours during this break and enormously liked it. Having time myself helped me clean and declutter my home; donate what I had but did not use; shop and purchase great food and other necessities; and change the face of a couple of corners in my home.

Season 2 Cleaning GIF by The Good Place - Find & Share on GIPHY

For example, I never knew how larger was my entrance deck than I thought until this Holidays. It is because I keep my coats and shoes out, rather than hanging them in the cabinet, and sometimes the recycling bags, too. I thought enough was enough, and found one of my racks and placed in on the wall. Now, my scarf, hat, and coat are nicely hanging there, right behind the door, without the need to use the cabinets (I am too lazy to open the cabinet doors to take my coat out each time I am out – simple truth…). Also, I placed all of shoes in the cabinet, and left two boots that I use during the winter out in the deck area. The space I have and the welcoming feeling this gives me is truly astonishing πŸ™‚

More over, I put three of my favorite plants to the entrance deck. It could not be more beautiful than this. For a person who is into plants so much, the fact that I just now could think about this baffles me. As, I said above, finding time for myself during the break has been an amazing experience for me. It also made me get excited about retirement – imagine all the new great things I can integrate into my life? πŸ™‚

Queen Love GIF by Alina Landry Rancier - Find & Share on GIPHY

Overall, I truly enjoyed my break and am ready to start the work tomorrow. I am grateful for everything I could do and the rest I have taken during the last 2 weeks.

————————————————-

I believe one of the reasons that many cannot follow their New Year’s Resolutions is that we are simply too busy in the rest of the year….. To integrate things, like eating better or exercising, we need to find “time”.

One may say that we make our time, but if you are like me and have a highly competitive and high-energy job, then you will also understand that focus on work always takes over focus on myself. Time cannot be generated or saved. Not in such a society where the demands on ourselves increase constantly. So if there was one thing that the pandemic and lock-down did teach to many of us is that status quo of hard-work and not having a true, healthy life-work balance are not good for us, but are the norm.

I hope we will change this, though, I am less than hopeful, knowing there are always overly ambitious people and profit-oriented companies that will drive the glamor of over-work in the future as well.

Laid Back Vacation GIF by Corona - Find & Share on GIPHY

Happy New Year!

Folks,

I wish you the greatest year and wonderful experiences ever in 2021!

New Year Tunisie GIF by Digital discovery - Find & Share on GIPHY

I know the situation is far from being normal and positive, but we must keep the faith in wonderful things happening and our hope that it will get better with time.

I feel selfish to note this here, but I think 2020 was one of the best years of my life. I know… I am sorry that I can say this…..But finding good things in our ordinary life, slowing down, daring for things that I wanted but did not (aka fostering a lovely cat), and making good progress in some areas – both personally and professionally – are all what make me feel grateful for the lock-down.

Happy New Year Ukulele GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

These being said, I continue to be worried about my own and my family’s health and safety during the pandemic. I also feel the burden of being one of the survivors of this pandemic, while millions have died so far in 2020…..It is a real burden.

  • Those who are affected by this virus or have lost a loved one, I hope you will find peace in being better now and in good memories with loved ones.
  • Those who are affected by the lock-down and lost their jobs/closed their businesses – I hope you will get support during these difficult times and receive opportunities to keep going.
  • Those who has got knowledgeable about the racism, double standards, femicide, domestic violence, homelessness, addiction and mental health sufferers during the pandemic – I hope you will continue to feel these people’s pain and do something, really something, to prevent further injustice.
  • Those who are working from home, while also caring for elderly or kids – I hope the child care will be free for all of you real soon. I know it is hard one to wish for, but I do genuinely wish this for you.
  • Those who got bored during the pandemic/lock-down and started new hobbies and life-styles with positive outcomes – I applaud you and I hope you will show this plasticity in the future and bring the best of creativity to your lives.
  • Those who sacrificed for the rest of us; the essential workers from healthcare providers to grocery clerks – I hope you realize your importance for the globe. Thank you for all you have done for the rest of us.
  • Those who has found something positive out of all of these uncertainty, pain, and worry – I hope you will keep going and share it with everyone around you.
Good News Smile GIF by Mia Page - Find & Share on GIPHY

This last one is particularly important – let’s always remember that labeling 2020 with hardship and pain only, and wishing it be gone will not change anything…. Pandemic is here – people suffer and have suffered. We do not know what the next day will bring.

But, maybe it will bring A GOOD thing.

Let’s remember to remember the wonderful things happening in our lives and in others’ lives. We owe it to our collective well-being.

Have a great 2021 and stay safe.

Mine Luv GIF by BLVK JVCK - Find & Share on GIPHY

Sunday morning musings

Life is good right now, with a peaceful mind and coffee on the side.

There are a lot to be said and comment on; the pandemic, the negative effects of the lock-down, and the itsy-bitsy things that keep filling my mind. BUT, this morning, I will rather contemplate on the positives.

It has been more than 6 months that we have been in lock-down. We work mostly from home, going to office only occasionally. One of my team members have not been to his office since the start – they really would like to limit their exposure to common areas. I respect that. They are doing as good as it can be with remote work. So there is no need to be worried about.

Rather, I am glad that he is that cautious and is a great example to many people who would not follow the guidelines. I am lucky as a boss that I have responsible people working with me.

Sony Thank You GIF by Zombieland - Find & Share on GIPHY

This brings me to the cluster at White House – I am so surprised by the lack of understanding of the real situation. That is all I can say. Surprised. We are failing in bringing knowledge to the public. While this is a negative thing to say, it should also help do better.

What I learnt from the recent Black Lives Matter movement and demonstrations was that once we accept that we are a part of this – directly or indirectly – then, addressing racism, inequities, and unfairness becomes much easier.

It is the resistance that blocks change or actions that will benefit most.

Accepting the fact that politicians, medical authorities, scientists, and media are failing in disseminating COVID-19 related knowledge out to public is the first step.

Angry Bruce Willis GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

One can argue that even the knowledge is there, its uptake by the citizens/readers is not. True. Then perhaps we must also look into the reasons of this. Obviously, knowledge per se is not enough.

I personally accept that I have not done my part as a citizen to inform others better about the dangers of COVID-19. I will with diligency think about what my next steps can be.

These being said, on the personal side my insomnia almost disappeared since the lock-down and I can handle the emotions and emotional reactions better as I cave in my home.

Home is healing in so many ways, isn’t it? πŸ™‚

Home Sweet Home GIF by swerk - Find & Share on GIPHY

Home. Home. Sweet Home. Enjoy your home and surroundings, folks. The trees, the streets, the houses, the neighbours. When I look at all of them in the last few months, I have seen many beautiful trees and yards in my neighbourhood, and many people doing and talking sweet things. Paying attention to good and a little bit curiosity about life is the spice of life. Let’s enjoy it.

I am not walking as frequently as I had in the first few months of the lock-down. In a month or so, we can expect snow to start. That white, fluffy, and innocent thing always makes me feel more cozy, homey, and celebrate the slow pace of life.

Snow Day Winter GIF by Disney - Find & Share on GIPHY

We cannot keep running; that is why perhaps we can keep enjoying the slow-down. Like what the pandemic has done to us. Like what Winter does to us.

As long as we are safe, healthy, and accept our failures and misses, I believe we will be in a much better place in the next day.

Enjoy your Sunday, folks.

Saturday morning musings

Folks,

it is a beautiful morning. Coffee is great and the background music is relaxing and joyful. There is no rush to attend a meeting or do work that has a tight time-line. Things are well on this side at the time being.

Today is a chance to start anew – whether it is our plans, daily life, goals, or experiences.

I welcome the day and the opportunities it will bring to me with warm arms.

Sending positive thoughts to all around the globe. Stay strong and hopeful, and know that collectively we will go through this pandemic and anything else that affects our well-being and existence.

Good Morning GIF by Chippy the Dog - Find & Share on GIPHY

Saturday morning musings

Happy to type this post this morning; it has been a while that I put my heart, mind, and words here.

The great news is that it is a beautiful morning where I feel no rush to sip my coffee or start doing home chores. I am not in rush… What a powerful, positive, and attractive feeling.

There is this bird that I woke up to each morning. She sings like nothing I have heard. Incredible melodies, maybe 2-3 different tones. Remembering it even puts tears of joys in my eyes. My daily walks around my neighborhood continues to delight me – there are so many new trees, yards, and plants that I got to notice, admire, and love. It is these moments spent in nature that I realize the one organism messes up with much is sadlyΒ  human.

Song Thrush Bird GIF by Head Like an Orange - Find & Share on GIPHY

What is going on in some countries with COVID-19, all the suffering and deaths, failure to control the pandemic and support people, and resistance to use even the simplest public health measures makes me angry, disappointed and disgusted. This is human life we are talking about – can you not implement policies that others are already successfully doing? Can you not put on a mask, or practice physical distancing of 2 meters? Can you not realize this is not FLU.

Rant over. But I needed to do this for the memory of all those who lost their lives needlessly to COVID-19.

Public Health GIF by INTO ACT!ON - Find & Share on GIPHY

The effects of this pandemic is continuous, of course. I continue to feel depressed, but not sure whether this is due to pandemic and the changes it implemented in my life, or other things going on in my life, especially related to work.

It has been a mixed feeling at the beginning. I had enjoyed having a break from office and working fully from home. It was doable and I was feeling advantageous because working from home is not something new to me. BUT over time people I worked with could not keep up. We started to fall back and my productivity decreased considerably. This sucked. Only lately I feel like I am finally completing the lagging tasks and I can look forward to new, fresh ideas and projects. This is at least a great development lately.

Good News Smile GIF by Mia Page - Find & Share on GIPHY

I also feel like I must take a break and I am starting with a few days the week ahead. I plan to do what I want to do most – contemplate about what is important and what is not. In life and at work.

Remarkably, it has also been a time of change for me. I try to remove my perfectionist attitude and relax the measures a little bit, which makes an awesome difference in the work load I shoulder and give others more responsibility for their action or inaction. There are other changes. I think I will write about these changes and the positive effect they have on me later. Change is an opportunity and gives me hope, makes me excited, and absolutely less depressed.

I think I am feeling depressive because there are things that are not working for me anymore. That is why change is powerful, needed, and feels hopeful.

I also feel very strongly about the fact that I have been feeling like shit for a very long time and it was time that I choose to feel better.

It is gonna be alright.

This too shall pass.

When it does, it will be much better.

I believe in it.

Stay Positive Good Vibes GIF by Positively Present - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/headlikeanorange-bird-thrush-song-SVbnT8Mm8MpdS;https://giphy.com/gifs/IntoAction-virus-corona-coronavirus-J2mdpPPLZfJJI6Bsxx;https://giphy.com/gifs/animation-news-3o6ZtbRh0xqwWzO8PC;https://giphy.com/gifs/stay-positive-positively-present-positivelypresent-oNw2xEiUlHJdLP3cGb

 

 

random thoughts

How you all been doing?

I feel like this pandemic has got on my nerves quite a bit. Self-isolation, working from home, limited social life, limited store visits, and limited fresh food all suck.

There.

I said it.

It sucks!!!!

Today I went to a store just to pick a box of pastry. I felt victorious and free. I decided to do my grocery shopping every week to buy different food each time. I decided to eat better and a variety of food. I decided it was not yet a disaster situation. It was still safe where I was. And, it was okay that I get some sort of normalcy and provide my body and mind some sort of a relief.

————————————————————–

Summer is here and I love it. My yard is good – I cut the grass almost every day to control it. My trees are blooming and I just love nature and what it can do. It is the best time of the year.

I have saluted each tree, each plant in my neighbour during my daily walks. They are pretty – how come I have not noticed them earlier? This pandemic is allowing us to approach life a little bit different. Not necessarily a bad thing, as this new ability to pay more attention to our surrounding shows. Some says the current social activism around #BlackLivesMatter movement and the protests were able to involve more people because many of us are away from the workplace. I think there is a truth in this.

What is happening regarding the #BlackLivesMatter movement is certainly an interest to me. I hope that the words will be followed by actions by allies, public members, governments, and organizations, and things will permanently change and equity will be everywhere and racism, discrimination, oppression and increased violence and poverty and so on will cease to exist. I know it is not going to be easy or in a short time, but we can strive for these objectives. It has been a long time that these hurt and harmed. It is up to us to end and turn things around.

Let’s do it.

Let’s act.

Genuinely.

Persistently.

Happily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the benefits of the COVID-19 pandemic

It sounds odd, but there are benefits to this fatal pandemic.

Our lives have been interrupted and changed. We do not know what the future will bring, and whether we and everyone else we care about will survive this virus.

We do not know whether we can keep our jobs and mortgages, and put food on the table, and if so, for how long.

We do not know.

Every morning I get up with one thought on my mind – that we are in fact going through a disaster. Some of us, like me, are experiencing it mild, some others are experiencing with daily death and suffering around them.

It is a very depressing and anxiety-creating situation. But, I think I am also good at keeping myself busy and pretending that nothing is happening. This must have kept me sane so far.

I feel horrible writing these words, but this pandemic has been good to me. I realized that I have a high quality of life in my personal life, but low quality of work life.

While I knew that I had a stressful job, I did not know that my life outside of it was a blessing!!!

There are things at work that I fully dread and would love to get rid of, like some roles that drain me but bring me little or no recognition or benefit in return. There are some colleagues who are the worst and I would not like to see or interact with them anymore. This is in fact a great time for me to shake shit out of my shoulder.

It is also strange to be happy that I am not going home this year (my flight has been canceled). I am not feeling bad about this. I will enjoy staying here and experiencing summer. The good weather. The peaceful working from home order. I will. I want to.

All the good things – check

It has been sometime that I posted in this topic πŸ™‚ Lots to be grateful for!

  • sleeping well and getting up early – check

as I had expressed a few times before, the self-isolation and working from home have been good for my work-related stress and insomnia. I am very grateful for the restful sleep I get almost every night and the optimistic mornings πŸ™‚

  • enjoying my morning coffee and afternoon tea – check

coffee may be the most exciting treat I can ever give myself. Every single morning I find it loved, enjoyed, and wanted. Isn’t this real love?

And tea with lemon, honey, and ginger. It can be the second best treat I can give myself, almost every day now during the pandemic. I kind of feel that it is therapeutic and I am so eager to have it. A very soft, enjoyable drink. We are lucky indeed to have coffee and tea in our lives.

  • walking an hour while also enjoying the soft, bright, and cool air around me – check

it was delicious. The walk. The softness of the air around me. The feeling of being surrounded by a healing air….Delicious.

  • working from home and making things happen – check

it was yet another day where I was able to handle a number of things nice and easy, and bring solutions to them. I was not stressed at all, and things went well.

  • being anxiety free so far today – check

I have not had fear or anxiety-creating thoughts today – how wonderful is this? πŸ™‚

  • for completing mulching my yard – check

yes, I have completed the mulching saga! I think it is good, but I will have to see how the mulch stays and behaves over time. I have additional bags of mulch in case I will need them – this makes me feel good. I want to buy some bushes and plant flowers in pots and place them around the yard. I hope I can do this this year. Looks like we will have a warm summer and I would love to spend some time in my yard. It is going to be so good πŸ™‚

  • speaking with my family and having laughs – check

I spoke with mom, sis, and bro – the complete family πŸ™‚ we had great laughs. They feel the stress of the pandemic as well, but are trying to keep things and minds in place. It was lovely to be with them, even through internet. It is funny how now online meetings are becoming a norm…...

  • eating healthy and tasty food – check

I ate a broccoli salad

(steam it; add garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, sesame seeds, and vinegar together and whisk into a sauce, and Voila! – you have a beautiful, healthy salad)

and my specialty soup

(add 1 cup of red lentil, 1/3 cup of wild rice, 1 potato (diced), 1-2 tbs of butter and 2 cups of water, and cook till the wild rice is soft – and Voila! you have a hearty and healthy soup that will fill your stomach and make your body happy!)

It was awesome to have these two together – give it a try πŸ™‚

 

 

 

 

cabin fever is real

I have had it enough.

The revolution started this week (e.g. making the decision to do the grocery shopping every two weeks, rather than every three weeks so that I can eat and enjoy fresh produce) is continuing.

Lean In Climate Change GIF by Sub Pop Records - Find & Share on GIPHY

Today I made the decision to go to store AGAIN and get some more fruits.

And what did I see?

Mulch being 50% off.

Whaaaat? Forget the fruit.

I have been meaning to get mulch for years so that I can make my yard look a little bit better. Friends, since I do not have a car, I needed to make multiple visits to the store and get around 12 bags of mulch. Luckily I have had a shopping cart that can handle 2-3 bags at a time. It was tiring, but I made it πŸ™‚ Tomorrow, I will start cleaning the areas in the yard where I want to place the mulch on. Hopefully what I have will be enough – if not I will make other visits to the store. It is going to be awesome. I am excited πŸ™‚

Indie Musicvideo GIF by Polyvinyl Records - Find & Share on GIPHY

But before I forget, I must say the most revolutionary step I have taken. All multiple visits to the store today were made without a mask on. That is right. I made the decision to not put on the mask. Maybe a stupid idea, but I wanted some sort of normalcy in my life.

Protecting yourself every minute sometimes creates its own stress. I wanted freedom.Β  Luckily, nobody sneezed on me or talked to me.

I am still scared of this virus – do not get me wrong. I am not trying to be reckless and increase my risk of contracting this virus. Please don’t take my lead and forgo putting on your mask. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

I was just scared of that feeling of having a limited life, being limited/isolated, and eating limited food. It has been 2 months.

This thing called COVID-19 affects us in more ways than I initially imagined.

Mental Health GIF by Qieer Wang - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

gifs by: https://giphy.com/gifs/polyvinylrecords-indie-mud-l1Kdc4sWcGwK1qYzm;https://giphy.com/gifs/animal-sloth-6kLewe4FMUhHO;https://giphy.com/gifs/subpoprecords-revolution-climate-change-c4B8U6B0YHQ6k

 

COVID-19 (May 13, 2020)

I am sick of eating canned and frozen food.

I want fresh produce and I am going to shop this Friday. While I am very much scared of catching this virus, I am also scared of the quality and nutrition value of the food I am getting. So, instead of every 3 weeks, my decision today is to do the grocery shopping every two weeks.

It has been only 2 months and I feel like it has started to get on my nerves.

Sunday morning musings

I came to realize that;

  1. I am tired and need a break
  2. I have filled my plate with more things than I can handle – again
  3. I secretly wish that this pandemic and social isolation continue like this for at least a year so that I can take my break, make my mind, and finally start doing things differently

 

I have been longing for changes or so long – this pandemic may be my opportunity to do so.Β  This being said, I have been on this quest for so long and it is strange that I have not moved up a bit (okay, maybe a little bit). Why all this waiting?

Sometimes a drastic step taken in a new direction without much thinking and saying good bye to status quo is the way to go. I want that. I just do not know how to do it…….

———————————————————————————————————————————

With my summer vacation went out of the window, now is the time to plan a home-vacation……… The predicament is that – what different things can I do to make it a vacation? Challenge?

Oh, on a second thought, I like it πŸ™‚

Just like the song below – isn’t it wonderful everyone?

There are things that energize me. Like Freedom. Freedom to sleep, freedom to watch Netflix, freedom to speak, freedom to get up late, freedom to walk, freedom to not do what I do not really want to. Like walking – honestly it is one the best things that I can do to my body and mind. Like eating healthy food and keeping a healthy body. I am good at cooking and eating generally speaking healthy food, but not necessarily keeping my body fat down. Like journalling and blogging that help me vent out, realize, and reflect. Like doing exciting work and completing important tasks.

———————————————————————————————————————————

At work, I am completing some things, some others are still hanging out, and new tasks keep appearing (mostly generated by myself). I have been kind of slow in the last two weeks. It felt needed and okay, but I think it is time that I speed up now. I know that every once a while I slow down, and when I come back, things go very efficiently. So, I take this as one of such mini breaks. Tomorrow, I can start again and move fast and high. This feels great, my friends.

———————————————————————————————————————————

Do you think we can continue with this altered life style for another year or so, until we have a vaccine that works? Assuming that we will survive this time period, of course (I really hope so!). Or, do you think the negative effects will accumulate and come to a point that it will become quite a strain on systems, governments, and businesses that we will see an incredibly drastic changes and hardship?

This last hypothesis is kind of cruel, and also not so much realistic – I would say. The world has seen worse things, like the 1918 flu, conflicts, two world wars and countless of other wars, famine, lack of services, diseases, injustice, shit and bit – we always found a way to come back and stand up.

Have we not?

Viens, viens… Come, come………

COVID-19 (May 4)

The 5th month into the COVID-19 pandemic – how are you all doing?

Seriously – how are you doing?

Sometimes I think that I am denying the seriousness of this pandemic and keeping myself busy just to not think about it.

Thank goodness, at least I can walk and talk to the people who most matter to me.

——————————————————————————————————————–

Have I gotten a little bit soft as a result of this pandemic? Perhaps.

Have I shed the emotional baggage off my shoulder? Not yet.

Have I gotten a little bit more determined to turn my life around? Not even close.

So……..

What is happening?

Perhaps the lessons I must get out of this are; a) patience is needed, b) we cannot get what we want all the time, c) sometimes more is needed for something to work out in our lives.

Realizations… Wisdom… All great words… Not so much action.

I need to act on things that have been bothering me.

Sunday morning musings

Good morning everyone.

πŸ™‚

It is Sunday.

Does it make a difference that it is being a Sunday in an epidemic when we self-isolate?

It seems it makes a difference in me. I just slept in a little bit longer today after I remembered that it was a weekend. No matter what, the work continues to rule our lives, it seems.

I am one of these individuals whose work-related stress went down with the self-isolation. I was speaking to a long-term friend yesterday. She said that it has been good to people like me who were always rushing, rushing, rushing. Now we all have to sit back a little bit. She is so right. Do you feel the same way?

Do you feel you have slowed down and had the chance to notice other things about life? Yourself? What is and who is important?

There are unexpected gains due to this COVID-19 pandemic.

This is of course quite insensitive to say when there are thousands of people who have lost their lives to this disease. Or, lost their wages and jobs……

They say that our lives will not be the same even if survive this disease/pandemic. I would like to believe in this. In a good way.

Dog Love GIF by Red & Howling - Find & Share on GIPHY

——————————————————————————————————————————-

gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/dog-grateful-dogmom-jslqD89flMlWrKUZsT

 

 

morning musings

It is early morning πŸ™‚

One of those peaceful times of the day. Do you also find the early and late part of the day the most peaceful, most yours?

I had a very busy day yesterday with a 6 hours of online meeting going up late in the evening. I volunteer in that committee, but I keep thinking why I do that year after year. Maybe next year it will be wise to skip this role.

I am sometimes surprised by my (optimistic) thinking. I am still mostly focusing on work, its stress/issues, and completing tasks. However, I do not even know whether myself or people that I care and love most, will be here next year in the face of this pandemic or another reason…..The ambitions I feel for my job performance and the sourness I feel because of the recent rejection of my promotion request – do they really matter? Will they matter if something happens to me or my family?

Group Hug Family GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

The absolute answer is no. But I must remember this context and ask this question to come to this answer.

The mortality risk due to COVID-19 is real. For someone who has a tendency to be pessimistic and having depressive thoughts, I think I actually try not to think so much during this difficult time. I think keeping busy with work actually helps my mind not focusing on these highly depressive but somehow realistic thoughts.

A strong part of this silent pain is because I am away from my family. I feel trapped, and I would feel kind of terrorized if something happens to them now. I cannot fly, I cannot reach. Goodness help me.

I am sure I am not the only one.

I Love You Corona GIF by Chippy the Dog - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

But, enough with that negativity.

  • I am grateful that my family and myself are safe and well.
  • I am grateful that I have a shelter, food, and a job that pays the bills and mortgage.
  • I am grateful that with each day passing, we are getting a little bit closer to a medical solution to COVID-19.
  • I am grateful that the morning is peaceful and I am free to walk and enjoy these hours all by myself.
  • I am grateful that I have coffee and I enjoy it every single morning day after day.
  • I am grateful that I have this blog that helps me connect with the rest of the world.

Season 5 Thank You GIF by PBS - Find & Share on GIPHY

———————————————————————————————————–

gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/love-i-you-coronavirus-YqEXVQT755oOmiSZj1; https://giphy.com/gifs/pbs-season-5-gbbo-jafcQpzkQK8HX58GKj;https://giphy.com/gifs/season-5-the-simpsons-5×18-xT5LMXR7iA0mSSxOBG

COVID-19 (April 28)

Just yesterday I was thinking how much I enjoy working from home. It works for me.

I am not sure of my work-place’s future steps. So far we all have been increasingly distancing ourselves from work. There will come a time when they will say “hey, what have you produced during all these times? What else can you do for us?“.

I will be ready then.

This is the 6th week. I kind of have a routine. I wake up around 7 am, brew coffee, browse news and emails, and start working. I often continue till 4-5 pm. I also walk twice a day; one short (around 25 min) and one long (around an hour). The weather is permissive, sky is blue, and walking is relaxing. It is one of my quality of time activities.

The other would be tea. At around noon every day, I brew tea with lemon and ginger. Top it with honey and Voila! You have a great, healing drink at your hands πŸ™‚

The news are often negative and pessimistic. While I like to read each day, I try to stay away from thinking too pessimistically about COVID-19. I want to remind myself day it has already been 4 months that we have been surviving this pandemic. We are going through it. My sympathies to all who have lost a loved one to this disease. Or jobs.

I do not know how long the Canadian economy will hold up. I do not know how long my work-place will keep floating, either. I try not to think about the potential lay offs, but honestly. If there is a time that they will attempt this, it is this time. I am grateful for each salary cheque I receive. Honestly. One cheque at a time.

Life has changed so much. I could make plans for long-term investments and so on. Not anymore. I already lost a portion of my investments when the markets went down. I do not want to get crazy about it. I hope that things will get better.

In the middle of all of these, what is more important is that I try to sort what and who is important and what/who is not. It is fun. The best way to do this is to take a break from work. In the last while, I worked almost everyday. I have been meaning to take a break since February. Perhaps next week I will take a couple of days off and read books. Reflect on life. Reflect on issues and wishes.

Stay well, everyone. Wherever you are, I hope you are healthy, have food, shelter, and safety.

 

Good morning

Good morning everyone!

Let’s start the day having good wishes and vibes. Are we not fed up of the news and worries the current pandemic and other life conditions & experiences generate.

Let’s make today a day of positive thoughts and experiences. Whatever our life conditions are.

It is a choice.

I will not work today and tomorrow.

I rather want to cool down, connect, and reflect.

Time to get the mental strength back out of the confusions, disappointments, worries, and other limitations.

Once my mind is clear, I am strong.

When I am strong, I can take care of many things.

When I take care of things, I feel confident and satisfied.

When I am confident, I can grow bigger.

When I grow bigger, I can do more.

But first, I must get my mind clear and free.

Today is the day.

Happy Shaq GIF by JCPenney - Find & Share on GIPHY

——————————————————————————————-

gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/jcpenney-shaq-shaquille-oneal-dJGYFScvBjfRabiH7m

COVID-19 (April 15)

Yesterday and I today I worked long hours. I am writing an objection letter to rejection of my promotion request.

I know that it will not make a huge difference. Goodness knows, I wanted to quit putting energy in that, but could not. I had to do this.

But I seriously want to quit my job, and I cannot afford it, either. Not yet.

This is how you lose motivation towards your workplace.

I have been to this point a number of times. This is not the first time. But it can be the best time.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Time to finally change priorities.

I want to prioritize:

  1. my survival
  2. my family’s survival and supporting my family during the pandemic and beyond
  3. quality of my life
  4. being grateful for each pay cheque
  5. being grateful for each dime saved
  6. having hope that I will look for jobs once this pandemic is over
  7. dumping all unnecessary work off my shoulder

The rest, like promotion, should not matter.

 

Sunday morning musings

Good morning everyone – hope you are all safe, healthy, and free of COVID-19 related anxiety.

I know, I know….

It is hard not to feel anxiety about the situation; about ourselves, our and other loved ones’ well-being, and the current and future financial outlook.

….

Like any of you, I am getting more and more aware of the global and national situation, issues, and future predictions on a daily basis. The fact that I have been stocking up essential items and food in the last 3 weeks or so states this very well. I sometimes think quite drastically and assume that we will be only dependent on the food that we can grow in our yard and homes. Funny I know, but I cannot help but think about this. We will not have that panic-situation, will we?

I am quite aware of the importance of the cash right now and keeping my job. Goodness…

I wished somebody deferred the mortgage payments for 6 months or so – without interest – so that we all could save some cash and feel more secure…

I do not know what to do with my RRSP and TFSA contributions, either. I keep going as before. Since the market is down, it seems like the perfect time to invest. Yet, I cannot think about yet another blow to the market and the value of the investments getting even smaller. Since I used a portion of my RRSP to pay my down payment, I must continue with my RRSP contributions, but what about TFSA? Shall I rather stop my contributions and keep the cash in my chequing account?

I took so many things granted…Like many of us I guess.

————————————————————————————–

It is a beautiful, shinny, and peaceful morning out there. Perfect time to walk without even thinking about where to go.

I checked on a couple of people who I worked with in the past. I hope they are doing well. It will be awesome to hear from them. It also feels great to reach out to people I care about.

These being said, it is sad that I am away from my family and who knows when I will be able to visit them. I had purchased a ticket for this summer, which I am sure will have to be canceled. Next year? Will this be over next year? if so, how expensive will be the tickets? Will I be able to make it home then? I must confessed that this year I did not want to go visit my family – I have posts about it. I never thought that it would become a necessity like this. Life is so strange.

Over and over, I come to realize that while my mind is busy getting stuck at little pains of the past, it misses the chance of living what is important.

Here is to a painless past and vivid present:

random thoughts

The second day in the row that I am not working. I like this break.

I started watching the Black List on Netflix and I am really enjoying it. I did the mistake of looking for some information about the plots – it really downs the excitement. So a mental note to not do that for future episodes/other shows.

I went to Shoppers today. I had difficulty finding liquid hand soap at Sobeys – my regular store. While I meant to limit my visits to crowded places, I thought it was a good idea to visit Shoppers and get other personal care and cleaning products at the same time. I went there early,Β  waited in the line to get in, and got in together with around 40-50 other customers.

They counted the people at the entrance, which tells me that they allow for a certain number of individuals all at the same time. But I still thought it was crowded. Some people do observe 6 feet distance, many do not. So, it is really up to you protect yourself in such environment. I put on disposable gloves and mask on the entire time. They give you some sort of peace, but it is also uncomfortable to have something on your face. Alas. Shopping my friends, which was fun in the past, is now a hurdle and risky business.

Shopping GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Nevertheless, I am grateful for the eggs I purchased, hand soap, hand creams, and facial tissues. I feel like I have no cleaning or personal care products that I need for at least 3 months. This feels good.

 

gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/animated-gif-3d-animation-nKERd2uhn8hhe

 

COVID-19 (April 9)

It has been a bright day with a beautiful blue sky… Under different conditions, we would have been jumping up and down with excitement. Alas. We have a pandemic to go through this Spring (and beyond).

Despite the negative air it carries with itself, we must find ways to appreciate and love the life we are having right now. It is possibly the best day and best life we can have compared to what we will have in the next while. It is true – we may get sick, we may get more isolated, we may experience financial hardship, and we may lose loved ones. But today we are okay. Let’s appreciate this for a moment or two.

Tomorrow will mark the 3rd week of self-isolation, working mostly from home. 3 weeks – can you imagine?

I think we are doing it. I think we get used to this new life. I think we adapt to it better than we thought we would.

What do you think?

 

COVID-19 (April 8)

How is it going everyone? Hope you are all healthy and staying inside, washing those hands, and keeping sane in the face of anxiety.

Canadian provinces have been projecting numbers based on some models, and the numbers of cases and deaths some of them are estimating are horrifying. I increasingly become aware that we are looking at a long and serious ordeal. Whatever I must do, I must keep healthy, isolated, strong, employed, engaged, and connected.

As long as I have my job, I can do any of these. Goodness help us – my organization has been under financial crunch for sometime. It is, I hope, not the time that they start let us go. I doubt it – they can reduce our numbers to some extend, but I as a moderately senior employee should not be in the immediate line. I hope.

I can continue to walk everyday (around 1 hour), keeping away from others in the street. The majority of the time this is quite possible, but today three gents were walking (they were side by side – are they not worried at all?) and I was not able to navigate my way away from them, as they decided to walk right towards me in the last second. This kind of things make me nervous. Anyways – walking is good for my physical and mental health. So I am looking forward to continuing this activity.

I can continue to eat healthy, drink tea with lemon, ginger, and honey everyday. I like it. In the last few weeks since I started self-distancing, I have been having light coughs and sneezes every once a while (nothing serious). It feels like cold, and what better remedy than tea? I believe tea, ginger, lemon, and honey are therapeutic together and keep my body strong.

I can do grocery shopping only once every two weeks or so, and not go to office unless it is really needed. My plants will dry up, I am afraid.. They were so nice and beautiful. Some of them were just flowering… This is sad. But they drying up is preferred than me getting this virus. So we will take it easy.

I can continue to frequently wash my clothes, gloves, and others that I use while outside. I can sew and put on masks while outside, particularly while shopping. I can continue to wash my hands and keep them away from my face (boy! how hard is this? Just right now both my nose and eye are itching!).

I can continue to contact and communicate with my family, friends, and colleagues. The daily human interactions are for sure important and help me against the threat of psychological isolation.

I wonder whether I can cut out some more expenses. I am pretty frugal anyways, just pumped up shopping lately to stock up essential items. I plan to do yet another big shopping next time, but after that it just must be the food. I cannotΒ  keep fearing the financial hardship to come during and after this pandemic. I think we all feel this one way or the other. As a bank official said today, we will get out of this pandemic “a little bit less wealthier”.

Well.

As long as we get out of this pandemic healthy and with healthy family members, I will be okay with this.

 

 

 

 

 

fake news, unscientific news, and supernatural

Gotta tell you – I just un-followed an account I have been following for some time.

The reason?

If I understood correctly, promoting fake/un-scientific things about COVID-19 (such as it is being caused by 5G) was okay and considered an example of freedom of speech.

Well.

No.

I have no idea what 5G is exactly and whether it is related to COVID-19 (I doubt it, but anyways we need scientific evidence I guess).

However, if it does NOT cause COVID-19, then I know that with such a logic, we would also have telling lies, deception, and making up things related to people, events, and things being okay under the notion of freedom of speech as well.

So.

No.

 

 

Sunday morning musings

If it is anything, it is Sunday πŸ™‚

A day to be excited about. Normally! πŸ™‚

I woke up early, spending the next 1 hour drinking coffee and browsing the news. It is like I expect some miracle good news to show up and tell us that the pandemic is over.

Not gonna happen anytime, soon. Logically, I know. But, hope is a good thing πŸ™‚

It has been two weeks that I have been away from the office (went there only once). I keep myself busy with work and, on the average, 7 remote meetings every week. I kinda feel like I am not feeling the heat of this pandemic yet…For example, I or my family members can contract this virus. They may have medical hardship to deal with it. Heck, we may die.

Sh.t.

I know deep down that I must do whatever I can to limit my exposure to outside world. My family is better than me and thanks to them I implemented some measures, like changing the clothes right away upon returning from outside; aiming to shop only every two weeks or so; wearing masks and using vinyl gloves (yes I have started doing this. Whether they protect me at all is questionable. Whether I protect my mental health and reduce my anxiety; without question the answer is yes. So I do put them on when I go to stores, for example. Then I discard the gloves and refresh the mask.). I wash my hands frequently and clean the fresh product that I purchased, and leave those in cans and bottles three days in a room. After that, they go right into the pantry.

Shopping was once a delight. A pleasure.

Work From Home Health GIF by Joan Kamberaj - Find & Share on GIPHY

Perhaps it is a good thing that I still have my job and we still work remotely. Another fear I am developing is losing my job or significantly reduced salaries and benefits because of this crisis. A lot of people have been laid off their work. Considering the economic hardship the pandemic is adding up to, I would think – similar to politicians and other authorities who are hinting this – that we may be looking at a financially very insecure and tough times. I must do whatever in my power to keep my job and make the best out of my salary and benefits. Will there be a retirement for any of us, I wonder.

Anyways. At least we all will be in the same boat.

I bought a large amount of food and other essential items yesterday. The first time I ever spend more than $200 in a grocery store….I think as the pandemic spreads, and as we hear more of the stores closing due to staff being diagnosed with COVID-19, the more I realize that there may be food shortages as well. I believe I have a good amount of food right now and will not need to shop the next two weeks.

Food Shopping GIF by MOODMAN - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

Using food wisely is becoming a reality. Can I dry them up? Can I freeze them? Can I grow my own? Can I can food/meals?

Well.

To some extend I can do any of these, but none will be a permanent solution. My freezer has a limit; my yard is still under snow; I do not have a dehydrater or a sunny climate but certainly I can try to dry up some veggies at home; and I can pickle a couple of more jars.

See; self-sustaining communities become more and more relevant and important.

Canning Pickling GIF by US National Archives - Find & Share on GIPHY

if anything friends, grab a cup of coffee or tea.

Have a great Sunday.

Coffee GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

———————————————

 

gufs by: https://giphy.com/gifs/preservation-canning-home-3oz8xRoukXmFtZWc4U; https://giphy.com/gifs/3jVT4U5bilspG;https://giphy.com/gifs/moodman-PjJ1XUXFkp6FRA2SrB;https://giphy.com/gifs/hands-wash-hygiene-d7HWDCV6t72iRm9vPh

COVID-19 (April 3)

Friday.

Yay….

The day started early, which is awesome. I worked a few hours and then spent the afternoon on a 4 hours remote meeting.Β  4 hours…

I walked twice today. In one of these walks my roads crossed with an aggressive big doggy. I screamed in horror when he came literally a centimeter away me and showed me his teeth. He was weird. He seemed to be very friendly. Maybe he was playing – I don’t know. But it was very scary. Luckily he run away for an unknown reason. I was sure that he was going to sink his teeth on me. I am lucky…

I am also lucky as there are friends that check on me. One just emailed. How wonderful is this?

πŸ™‚

It has been 2 weeks that I have been mostly working from home.

While I had decided to do grocery shopping every two weeks, I decided that I better do one big shopping tomorrow. I just heard a grocery store being closed because an employee was diagnosed with COVID-19. If something like this happens to my store, my chances of acquiring grocery significantly reduce (I have no car..).

So tomorrow morning first thing first, I want to grab my shopping cart and purchase as much food as I can. I am not gonna hoard, but will get a significant amount of dry/canned food. I must do this.

 

Stay safe and be kind

First to yourself, and then the others

Give someone in need a hand

Smile at least

 

πŸ™‚

That turned out to be fine,Β  “pandemic poem” πŸ™‚

COVID-19 (April 2)

It has been a more or less pleasant day.

I could not sleep yesterday night. Felt kind of sick and it worried me. But then in the morning all was okay. That is good.

I walked twice today. Once prior to a meeting, around 25 min of walk, It was nice to get fresh air. The second was longer around 45 min. It was beautiful out there, just walking.

My stress levels are low. I think this may be the best thing coming out of this pandemic.

I find that my work communications are kinder and more compassionate. While we still continue to talk about work, we also talk more about how we are during this time. It is good, There is a sense of community in the air. Maybe it is true that once we get out of this pandemic, the entire human species will become enlightened, selfless, compassionate.

I wanna believe in this beautiful picture, BUT I also know that once this ordeal is over, we will likely go back to where we were. I suspect though some things can change. For example, there are more emphasis on caring ourselves and s.l.o.w.i.n.g d.o.w.n…….

Slowing down can be the best thing we can ever do. Indeed!

We are so competitive; always running against time. We always have deadlines – even our bills have deadlines. Our food has expiry dates. Like, what is it with us and time really?

I like the idea of slowing down and savouring it – whatever we are doing.

Let’s slow for a day and savour the moment…

————————————————–

 

COVID-19, April 1

So, Spring is here!

My, my, my..

It should be feeling great, but with what is going on with the pandemic, the sad sorrow and fear it creates, it is hard to get excited about the Spring.

Are we getting depressed?

Sort of…

……….

Maybe just depressive, not depressed.

……….

Let’s keep our chin and hopes high, friends. It is a strange time, but we are going through it.

Brighter days to come.

 

COVID-19 (March 31)

Cannot believe we came to the end of March. Spring must be here πŸ™‚

I slept well again and woke up at 7 am. It was a great morning and I decided it was time that I went to the office. It was quiet there, which is great for work. It was a productive day.

I am tempted to go to office and work there, but I came to my senses this evening. I must limit my risk to be exposed to COVID-19. To do so, I must limit my out of house adventures. I decided that unless extremely needed, I can visit my office once every two weeks or so. Not more frequent. Nope.

Since I walked both in the morning and evening, I felt great today. While I was walking everyday, what is a much better way is to be walking long (around 45-60 min), just enough to break a sweat. This kind of walking is more pleasurable and more relaxing than short walks.

I cooked and ate home-made dishes.

I spoke to family and knowing that they are okay feels great.

I heard from two friends today – one through an email and the other on phone. It was awesome to hear from them and I feel very lucky to have them in my life.

Good night, friends. May you always be kind and loving to yourself and others, including animals.

COVID-19, March 30

Monday.

Really?

It feels like Tuesday already. Have you also lost track of days?

It was a productive work from home day. I also managed to have two remote/online meetings.

I continue to get up early. Today it was 7 am. Have I mentioned that I wear my work clothes? Yup πŸ™‚ I comb my hair as well. I don’t put make up, however. That is a nice break from the routine.

I want to go to office, but the weather is not permissive.Β  I hope that before the end of the week I can make it there. There are a number of things I must do to help my work. Like printing some documents; getting some files; and so on. I also want to have a kind of break to my isolation. A change in scenery. A change in activities.

Anyways; I continue to cook and eat at home. Today realizing the extra weight already put on, I decided to do some light exercise at home. Nothing major but I believe it helped at least stretch my muscles. It was also relaxing. I want to keep doing it.

But really, the weight gain is real. OMG – why is it so easy?

The COVID-19 situation continues to escalate. Some of the stories are very horrific. The rapid deterioration that some of the hospitalized patients showed is what makes me scared most. They say around 30% of the hospitalized patients have now passed away. Is that correct? My goodness – please help us. What are we up to really??

I have been checking online grocery shopping services, and it seems there is one at around my neighbourhood. This is very pleasing. If I must, I can survive at home.

How is our mental health in the midst of this pandemic, isolation, and fatality news?

I am grateful that I continue to work, otherwise I think the situation is not fun…. How long will we able to go on like this, before we develop serious or permanent mental health issues, I wonder. There is peace coming from knowing that we are all in this together. At least there is healthcare. At least we are not out there but inside (some countries did not lock down yet). At least we have connections – online and remotely. The community seems to care about each other and compassion is palpable. And so on. In the midst of this pandemic, it is worth remembering these.

Eventually we will survive it. I suspect, however, we will also be changed deeply. Somehow, I feel like it is going to be something better. I just wished we did not need to have people die for it.

Let’s flatten this curve, friends.

Let’s stay inside.

Wash those hands.

Be kind to yourself and others.

Call a friend.

Connect with family.

Take good care of yourself.

And have hope.

COVID-19, March 29

Sunday is here πŸ™‚

I do not know what I am doing with my days. I meant to enjoy being away from office and finding a chance to actually reflect on life, but this is not happening. Maybe it is not the time.

I had not meant to work today, but I was bored, and eventually, craved for work. So work I did. I am glad I have, as I love the feeling of things working and moving. It is motivating.

I ate more than I want to. I have no solution to this. I never had… Better let go?

I spoke with my family and seeing that they take this virus more serious than me is very inspiring. I am proud of them. While I want to go to store and do my grocery shopping, I think I will look for opportunities for pick up services or online orders. I am sure these will not be easy, as many people will be looking forward to these services. Oh, well. Whatever I can, I will take it.

Tomorrow is another remote work day. With two remote meetings. Somebody needs to abolish all meetings. I mean it. I dislike them. More so now than before. Many professionals love to brag about online meetings. I beg to be more genuine and say they may be good if done sparingly. Nobody wants to spend their time looking at a monitor and seeing the background of other people’s, unless there is a good reason and it is of a reasonable length of time.

 

COVID-19 (March 28)

I am enjoying my Saturday so far. Not to a great extend, but as much as I can.

First; I did not work and this feels great.

Second: I slept great yesterday night as well, and this is fantastic!

Third: I went to a local branch of Dolarama. It was a good walk. There were a couple of people walking, often with their pets. Other than that, it was a quiet and lovely morning. I bought a couple of things, including freezer bags which I now use to store my food in (I dump the store-wrappins as soon as I bring the food home) and pens. The store was awfully quiet. I wonder whether we will ever heal the economy after this pandemic.

Fourth: I did some pickling and strawberry jam/marmalade. The jam turned out to be really cool. We will see how the pickle is in a couple of days.

Fifth: I talked with my family and we are trying to support each other as much as we can. They are feeling the COVID-19 situation hotter than me here in Canada as where they are the resources and public health measures may not be as strong as in Canada. Like me, my family loves to spend time at home and have stocked up food that is enough for some time. But the morale is down, nobody knows when this will be over, and what will happen to us if we get infected.

While I have done implemented new measures to help minimize my risk now – like, minimizing the visits to the grocery store; cleaning the food/changing their wraps at home; keeping stuff in the front porch for 3 days before bringing them in the house; changing my clothes immediately after I come in from outside, and so on, I still am not 100% sure that I am doing my best. As a result, I am scared of getting sick…

Oh, well.

Sixth; over and over I come to the point that I must sort out between what is important and what is not, and this solitary period of pandemic may be just what I need. I have a long way to go, I know, but so seems the pandemic. My painful growth in this important area therefore seems to go on for some time…

…….

Stay safe, friends. Sending love.

 

 

 

COVID-19 Day 3

Sunday is here!

Friends; I continued my day as usual; baked my sourdough (my goodness; can something smell better?), did some work on computer, planned for my week (yes, we are still working), made two jars of pickles (jalapeno and radish pickle), cooked food, and walked twice – one in the morning and one in the afternoon.

The roads are almost always empty with occasional cars and walking/jogging people. I question sometime whether I should still be out there.

I know my chances of getting the virus from those who are walking on the road is low, as I keep at least 2 meters of distance from anyone, but still; paranoia is paranoia and I tend to think conservative when it comes to serious things. Thoughts?

My plan for this evening and tonite is to chill back and enjoy my time as much as possible. My plan for tomorrow is to get up early – as usual – put my work attire on (it helps to work at home!), attend two remote meetings, and do work that has been on my list. I also want to walk twice again; one in the morning and one in the afternoon to keep my body engaged and get fresh air and sunlight.

Have a great Sunday evening everyone. Wherever you are I hope you are safe, washing your hands, staying away from people, gatherings, and social functions, and taking great care of yourself and others around you.

 

 

 

COVID-19 Day 2

I slept like a child and got up at 7 am.

When you start the day early, the day welcomes you, nourishes you, and slows you so that you can enjoy more of it without stressing for time. I love such days.

I have not worked today. This is a wonderful development on my side. And it feels great.

As usual, I cleaned my home and did the laundry. I also fed my sourdough starter and have a dough to be risen overnight. I have not been baking bread in the last 2 months or so, so having my hands in that dough and working with it was an amazing feeling. I cannot wait till tomorrow and smelling it, right out of the oven.

————————————————————————————————————

I did some more shopping. I feel like I am hoarding. Nowadays my shopping is almost doubled. It is not necessarily a bad thing – my freezer and fridge are full, just in case, and I have all cleaning and personal care products, except liquid hand soap. I feel confident this way and it is a plus on my side, but from this week on, I must just focus on getting fresh food and other essentials, but not necessarily stocking up.

I walked in the afternoon as well. All of a sudden it turned out that I ran out of garbage bags. Now. I was one of those who used the plastic shopping bags as garbage bags. Since they are not offered anymore in the grocery store I often go to, that means I must purchase them…… Okay…. I have. I am good for another 2-3 months – thank you. Who knew?

I found a chance to talk to my good neighbours and they are scared. They are both above 60 but very active people. She said that she could not look at facebook anymore as she only saw scary stuff. Sometimes I think that we must be scared so that we will take it serious. Is this really the only way, however?

The death rate in Italy and other parts of the world – due to COVID-19 – is continuing to break my heart. I do not think anyone see that coming. Or, maybe someone did but many people did not hear or listen to.

———————————————————————-

Overall, I enjoyed my Day of self-distancing. But it is just the beginning. I want to feel like this is an adventure (no disrespect to those who get sick or die is meant here). A change in my daily life. Hope that does not mean that I will gain weight, but, oh well…. Just for the record and to keep myself accountable: I am 217 pounds today. Cannot gain more!!!

Also, when I think about the economic consequences, I cannot help but think that if this continues like this – and by all predictions it looks like it will continue for months – what will happen to our workplaces? Will they try to get rid of us? OMG.

But, no.

It is not a time to feel discouraged and pessimistic.

We will get through this.

 

 

 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: