snowy and windy night

We have got our first snow storm – yay us! 🙂 

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It is quite windy as well making me nervous. There are a number of trees in my yard that have tall and shaky branches. Why did I not get them trimmed the last summer/fall?

I will answer that:

I was busy, even though the idea crossed my mind several times. Bad choices. Or bad priorities.

Anyways; as soon as weather becomes bearable, I will call someone to see whether we can do this now.

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The wind is shaking the house a little bit and is worrisome. Last year we survived a wind storm that moved the roofs of some houses in my area. What an incredible experience. This time we are crossing finger that over night the wind and snow will subsidize and things will turn okay. Okay means less snow but snow and less wind but not this wind. We shall see.

I was naive the other day when I said that I loved seeing it snowing. Obviously forgotten how it felt to shovel in cold and while the rain or snow batters my face. I walked to a nearby store this noon to pick something and I thought this was the end of it. Humans seem to forget the nasty weather easily, especially when they have a warm and long summer and fall, like we have this year. Naive=silly=there is nothing much to do=suck it up.


I can hear a vehicle outside hoping it is the snow mover. But no. Must be someone brave or in urgent need to go somewhere. 


Does that occur to your town too? When there is a warning of bad weather like snow storm, do people raid the grocery stores and get everything they can find? Last year I was not able to find milk one time and half of a huge store was gone. We all have food, but I think sometimes it does not feel enough. Panic? Maybe. An alternative opinion, which made perfect sense to me, was that people would go grab stuff thinking that the new ones may not arrive soon after because of the weather. That can explain a part of it, though I must admit I never thought like this and shopped.

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Anyways, I turned my lights off knowing that in some areas people had lost power. In this chilly weather we could preserve whatever we can to help the others. I have had black out twice here. In both cases it lasted less than 24 hours but staying warm in unheated house and trying to keep calm and not thinking whether this would last longer and if so what could be done. Panic and lack of hope is not something we are looking for.

Where ever you are, take a moment to be thankful for being warm and well-sheltered tonite.


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random thoughts

Life is interesting; I happen to get this impression time to time.

Today I am once again aware of this because something nice happened. Let me tell you:

For some time now I have been working on developing a project, which I halted time to time, sometime for months. I was very displeased with myself for doing this; I believe I have ranted about this earlier.

Lately, for this project I had contacted a colleague of mine to ask whether she would like to be a part of the project. I did not think she would say no, but I did not think she would like to add and lead a unique component to it, either. She did and now we have a project way better than before!

All these times I did beat myself for not taking care of this task…

All these times that I ranted about my own performance…..

All these times that I found myself inefficient or with poor performance….

None matters now.

As a matter of fact, now I am glad that I delayed this project (unknowingly) so that it could develop into this wonderful one.

Life is good, my friends 🙂

random thoughts

What a beautiful day; crispy but sunny 🙂

I have a good mood mostly because I have had a great work day today; I have had 5 different meetings but all went very well. Also after I came home from the office, I took care of a document which was lagging at my hands. I always feel awesome after my procrastination ends 🙂 During the day, I also started to take care of another big work related issue; once I started and if I do not lose my speed, I know I will progress this one, too.

Considering how much I have been beating up myself for not working efficiently lately, this improvement in my performance is an exciting one. I am not sure what contributes to this, but I am glad it is happening.

I must tell you one thing: changing the furniture around my home last weekend has had a positive change in my mood. I keep telling myself how great and peaceful the new couch/seating area feels. I have been contemplating about it yesterday night and I am kind of thinking this set the positive mood for today. Could not be more appreciative 🙂

have a great night everyone! 🙂

when the right time comes, it all happens

It is only natural for me to rant when I procrastinate and delay things. A few days back I was ranting about how I had not taken care of some winter preparations for my house – painting the window trims to protect them from water damage was one of them. Well it is done today! Weather was nice, I was working at home and needed to collect my thoughts at one point so I decided to take a break. I decided to do some of the chores and vola!, these tasks are done, in addition to cleaning a part of my siding that seemed to have black dust, cleaning the outside of my doors and windows, and filling in a small hole of siding.

I could not be happier 🙂 It is true what they say: “when the right time comes, it all happens”. So maybe I should not rant about procrastination that much 🙂

procrastination and venting

Have you ever experienced that you are not taking care of the stuff that you must and have self-destructive feelings as a result?

I am. As a matter of fact, it is a lot nowadays.

I have work-related, house-related, and personal healthy life-style related things to do; the majority of these have been on my to-do list for sometime. As such, the fact that I have not taken care of them makes me feel incapacitated and lazy. I do not like this feeling.

For work-related things: I am way behind some of them, which is really annoying. There were times that I took it light and did not work long-hours with a sharp focus. Then I went on vacation. Then I came back and the weather and the comfort of the home were so nice that I left the office early (though I kept doing light work at home). And eventually, now I am feeling very heavily the weight of the unfinished tasks. I have done a good job today at the cafe and then later at home, but still feeling not adequate… The only remedy is to have a hard-look at the items in my list and start committing my time and energy to them.

For house-related things: I have started some of them, but did not finish them all yet; caulking around the bathroom tubs, re-painting the window trims, staining the patches that lifted up on the front stairs and the back deck are the main ones. What am I waiting for? I do not know. To my credit, I have finished caulking around the windows and between the windows and the siding. Yet, it is not enough… And the weather will turn soon, start raining and all – I must complete these in a couple of weeks.

Also decluttering the house activity: I have done quite a bit; yet the most important one, the living room, has remained. It is the hardest as I have the most paperwork and clutter in this area. Again, what am I waiting for? (I am scared to start it, see; I know it will take me maybe a day or so to do a through job; I do not like seeing piles of stuff sorted out here and there. What is my solution??).

And for the healthy-life style related ones; implementing an eating healthy strategy is still a challenge. I did not go to office today and rather started working at the cafe. And guess what I have had for the breakfast? Muffin.. Who am I kidding? How am I going to lose weight and also nourish my body while I continue to eat bagels, muffins, and bread rather than whole meals? Why can I not cook meals for myself and refrain from those that I know are not good for me?

How about my walking and more exercise aim? I have not even walked today (only to and from a cafe 5 min away from my house). Why can I not work with the dumbbells at home, or do yoga or aerobic exercise following videos on youtube?

I think there is a little child inside me that prefers the comfort, easiness, and pleasure of not stretching myself to do these…. Even though I know that I must and I can. So who will win?

I had predicted earlier that that I would vent about my lack of discipline or dedication to the changes I would like to make… It is not something new, a consistent struggle, if you will. I am getting tired of this though (which is always a good sign – that means I will start taking steps).

Let’s see how this stage will go.

Once when I had vented here about my performance related to another change that I wanted to implement in my life, some of you had commented saying that I should be kind to myself and take it easy. I am kind to myself, but also have a tendency to choose the comfort over taking necessary items. So taking easy is out of equation – I have been taking it “easy” for quite some time.

I think my main challenge right now is to win over this internal fight, gather my strength, convince myself, and have a plan to follow. I will first start with the list of things I have done so far; at least they will give me a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I find this as a necessary step to realize that I am already in the middle of the road and I can just keep going, pushing forward. Then, I will have an itemized plan for every single tasks in my to-do-list.

random thoughts

Interesting day. First I slept till 11 am, and then I went to office to work 🙂

yes, I have. And I did not forget to have my breakfast and coffee at the cafe and talk to my family before that.

I took the bus! I had a mental wrestling going on for some time though – of course I did not want to wait for the bus. Of course I thought “I deserve to make my life easy and comfy – so let’s take the cab”. Eventually though I took the bus and I am proud of myself 🙂

When I reached the office, it was already past 2pm, yet in 3 hours, I managed to pass a dead-block. These are the tasks that I dread doing, yet are essential to move forward. All I had to do was to find the file and open it. That is. I am the queen of procrastination 🙂

I had read somewhere that the best remedy against procrastination is to not thinking about the work/task/activity we dread, but just aiming to do the activity that would start it. The author of that book had given the example of a lady who did not like to floss. The solution to her problem was just to aim to hold the floss at hand. The lady then happily flossed once the floss was ready! I always found this story fascinating 🙂

In my case, it was finding and opening a computer file. Never forced myself to do the work, though I knew once I opened the file I would go full-speed looking its data and analysing/recording it. And that is what happened.

I know the rest of the work will come – I am writing an important report about one of our projects. I am excited about it because of the results we have obtained. I am in the most dreaded part of the report, which is checking the results for correctness and completeness once more. I am half-way there. Once I do that, It will feel just great.

happy Saturday everyone 🙂

random thoughts

it is the Victoria day, but for people holding my position, it is interestingly not a paid vacation. Thus, I was at my office this morning.

I worked around 4 hours, in which I was capable of taking care of many tasks. One of them I dread so much that I can hardly do on time; I have been delaying for 1.5 months and finally today it is finished. But I must say I really needed to combat with my mind to do it 🙂 When done, of course, I was happier and feeling better. Now I can focus on other stuff. Good job.

It is a little rainy day today. I like the rain only every once a while; today I like it because I believe this light rain is good for the seeds and plants I planted in my yard during the weekend.

Happy growing you little things. I hope at least one of you will survive and when I see you, I will be able to get crazy motivated to do more in the yard 🙂

joy journal – April 1, 2015

It has been a good day; here what make today a good day and me grateful for it:

1. I am grateful that I am alive, well, and sound.

2. I am grateful for the healthy meal I have had for dinner. I did not eat bread today, either. Kinda missing it as it has a pacifying effect on me. But perhaps after a couple of days, I will get used to that “withdrawal” symptom 🙂

3. I am grateful that even though I had a busy schedule today as well, similar to yesterday I kept calm and efficient and took care of work well.

4. I am glad I have walked back from office to home. I even did grocery shopping, something less to think about for the weekend 🙂

5. I am grateful for my progress in topics that I tend to procrastinate. Mostly because I do not know what to do actually. Such as finding a construction company to fix minor stuff around my house. I cannot say I have found it yet, but I have started and once I start, I keep going. I will do just fine, with some good luck in finding a good company.

6. I am grateful that the positive effect of the books I have had last week are continuing. I am calmer, more positive (and kinder), and quite functional. As a matter of fact, more efficient. I know after a while I will stop reading them and start other books, but I take this experience as a gift.

7. I am grateful that a task that required some extra time, which was not welcome by the other side is now completed. I have done my best to do a good job, as much as I can under the pressure of timeline. If there are any omissions or mistakes, I guess I should remember I have done my best with it.

8. I am grateful that now I have time to move on with other important projects that have been waiting my attention for some time. It is great that starting next week, I will be able to take care of them.

9. I am grateful that I have got a complementary copy of a business book today; it is a great book, did not cost me anything, and it is free to be used by anyone in my department.

10. I am grateful that Friday is off! I am actually very excited about this! Why? First of all, it is a good break from office – I am sure on Sunday I will be bored and be very enthusiastic to go back to office on Monday and work :). Second, I am aware that on Friday stores will be closed; but that is okay; I can clean the house and do laundry that day. But Saturday and Sunday, I am sure I will visit the shopping malls, mostly the book stores, change the environment, drink coffee at different places, buy new books, and read my books with excitement 🙂 excited!

11. I am grateful that I am grateful today.

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