In need of “me” time

I have been running and running from one work related issue to other. I think it is true that if you do work hard and well, more work will come to you. Whether it is self imposed or others dump things on you is a separate issue.

I want to have “me time”, now more than yesterday and the day before yesterday…. I missed planning for grocery shopping and getting items at low prices that make me feel incredibly abundant and grateful.

I missed keeping my money to myself and having a simple life.

I missed being excited by the smallest thing in life, a little plant, a beautiful thrift treasure, a healthy meal.

I missed being grateful…

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by the way, am I the only one who absolutely dislike the new editing features on wordpress? It is so hard to write now, with many props popping out constantly. Tell me I am not the only one please.

Rant over.


an open letter to hair dressers

Dear hair dressers,

I have great respect for your profession and I admire your stamina; standing there whole day and working without a margin of error cannot be easy. But, please cut the hair short if your customers ask it to be so. We would appreciate it when you understand what we want and do your best to deliver it. It is not cool that you argue against things that we ask, especially if it is a short one that we want. There must be a way; come on.

Rant over.

W0W Kristen Only Has 2 Photosets Of Her Being Blonde GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/w0w-kristen-only-has-2-photosets-of-her-being-blonde-147OGczGRCK6Q0

random thoughts (and a lot of rant)

Friends;

I have had another challenging day. I am happy that it is over but it was hard. Very hard. I am writing to face my short-comings and rant about myself. So if you are interested in feeling better, I am afraid this is not a post you would be pleased to read.

That being said; yes I have short comings. We have had this 4.30 pm meeting arranged maybe 4 months ago. It involved a lot of people and those that we have not met face to face. Making a good impression and exploring collaborative ideas while also making everyone on our side look good and feel happy was a challenging task.

I failed.

It looks like I was not updated well enough, the idea I was proposing was not well developed, and I did not form critical connections and involve necessary people before. I should have done these prior to this meeting.

I feel like a failure. I feel naive and not suitable for my position. I feel like I would have controlled everything better but could not.

I am trying to mend the things on our side, and I hope acknowledging my own contribution to this experience involving others will ease some sour feelings between me and my colleagues.

I left the meeting feeling stupid. I am now kind of back to my senses and writing helps a lot too. They say after every fail is a great lesson to be learnt. This experience should not be about me being an inadequate person at work, but about discovering the things I should be learning. So I write them as they appear in my mind right now:

lesson 1: be kind to yourself

lesson 2: nobody is perfect, so am I. So what?

lesson 3: next day these feelings will pass – nothing is permanent

lesson 4: when compared to very important things in life, this failure is nothing.

lesson 5: I have short-comings and I know next time how to be better

lesson 6: it is okay to acknowledge my short-comings., especially towards others that pointed out my short-comings

lesson 7: if I find myself fail in one part of life over and over, maybe it is a sign that I must move into another part and try my performance there. Perhaps there is something that I can do a lot better

lesson 8: not all reactions I have got was negative – some things are working.

lesson 9: after all, I may feel like failure but looking at the reactions (that what I was proposing was not well developed), that is also opportunity to get others involved and perhaps contribute to the case more. That is actually pretty good considering that getting my team’s attention to the problem was the biggest challenge for me at the first place.

lesson 10: tomorrow is another day and next year nobody will remember this.

lesson 11: my feelings are exaggerated by the fact that I have had another very ridiculous meeting yesterday. One person that I was interested in working together and I had a phone conference. That person only talked and talked and never let me talk and express my ideas or opinions. At one point, I raised my voice, stated that the person was not listening! (i am sorry I have done that) and cut his words. He then listened to me and understood the issues I have had at my hand related to the work. I dislike being mean to others, but I sure dislike being not considered or constantly being interrupted. I hope I never do that to others…

This and today’s meeting; they helped accumulate my internal pressure.

I will make things better. I promise.

Feeling better already 🙂 thanks for listening!

personal space

I picked up a collaborator visiting from another country at the hotel this morning. I am not sure whether it is the cultural thing or not but at one point he was unusually close to my face (like  10 cm or so), which I did not like or approve at all. I had to say that I needed space and he was too close. He understood and did not repeat the behavior in the rest of the day. I, on the other hand, felt annoyed the whole day and was pissed off big time. Not surprisingly, our professional meetings and discussions did not go well, either, because of my annoyance. I am not sorry that I have lost a chance to work together on a project with this colleague. I am rather annoyed by the entire ordeal.

I understand the cultural differences among different individuals (as a matter of fact I live in a country different than my own and I know the differences very well now). Some behaviour or attitudes are more acceptable somewhere than somewhere else. Yet, there must be a universal understanding that I, unless the other person is a close family member or so, I and the other women I know, do not welcome, appreciate, like, or approve such encounters and disrespect for the personal space around ourselves.

Rant over.

late-night random thoughts

Dear authors of the books on financial, retirement, or investment planning; there is nothing like the “magic of compounding” in interest-based investment anymore. There is no interest rate like 10, 12, or 15%. Our current economic situation and interest rates nullify this claim. Please adjust your thinking and write more realistic/timely books for folks like myself to benefit from; how shall we invest in this economic environment?

I suspect you do not have a clear or guaranteed ideas either, but at least let’s retire this “the magic of compound interest” thing.

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