May all your relationships that need to end do so peacefully.

Some relationships (friends, co-workers, or romantic ones) in life are not supposed to last; yet some survive; maybe we need them for some reason, or there is no urgent need to discard, or some other reasons I cannot think right now.

But when the time comes to stop that relationship, kindness and positivity/neutrality is always better than having arguments or cutting the ties with no real conversation or understanding. Respect for being fellow human beings, kindness and having good wishes for each other is a way better situation than other alternatives. (Of course, if these feelings are possible – when for example somebody is constantly hurting you, I do not think there is a need for this extra effort).

There is no room for unnecessary resentments or hard feelings. Life is short and precious. Positive or neutral feelings/memories are better than negative ones. We can try and be at peace with ourselves and maybe with the other person.

May all your relationships that need to end do so peacefully.

Here are the life lessons I have got lately

Here are the life lessons I have got lately:

1. whatever you do, never underestimate yourself; modesty is a great virtue if you ask me. Yet some people confuse modesty with lack of confidence. Horrible experience.

2. never take b.s. from others. Even those people who are very important for your life can push you with their unacceptable behaviour – never let your self-worth to be trashed; never let insults, games, and whatever else you think is an unacceptable behaviour on you by others. Stand up and speak up. Let it be known. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder after that.

3. Try something new every once a while; start a light yoga, stretching, or meditation class. See how you feel during and after the class. have you noticed something new? something different? is it a positive experience?

I saw you though

I was so young, so naive

when I first met you

I did not see much

among my bunches of trouble

I saw you though

yes, I did my love

yet time was not right

I was not right

this time was better

we both had changed

you were more relax

less reserved

there was no walls around you

mine were gone, too

as usual it took some time

to know in my mind

what went through my heart

did I lose my chance with you?

did I?

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Changing directions

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In the entire story, two things are constant; the hurt and confusion created by ever changing directions of my emotions. One moment I am so profoundly in love with you; nothing and no one else matters. My entire existence is you, thoughts about you, longing for you. And the next day, I feel simply nothing towards you. Sometimes, just sometimes, I just hate you.

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Kate’ short story – XIII

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unassuming of you (#1)

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no Sir,

not yet

you seem not to

have shared

the best of you

and you tell me that

I do not get you?

no Sir,

not yet

without mutual laughter

and time spent together

I can not be guilty of

unassuming of you

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Kate’s short story – XII

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while waiting the end of “us”

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I trashed everything that reminded you. But memories are the worst; how do I bury a part of me?

Nevertheless, with a strange pleasure I can say that it has been four days…I was not able to feel anything for you.

Neither love nor hate.

I did not miss you.

I did not even cry.

There has been other times like this before; none so long, though. I had estimated that over time they would get longer and longer. Then, one would be “it”. “It” would be the end of “us”.

While I cry over you, I often find myself humming “Come What May” of Moulin Rouge; one particular line I like – “suddenly my life does not seem such a waste“. It is such a fragile line.. What happens if one replaces the word “waste” with “mess”?

ah, yes..

There will be an end of us.
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Kate’s short story-V

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the poem of heart

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we all were wrong

it started as a joke
then stuck around
yet I got it serious
and I was into it
maybe it was your joy
may be your loveliness
for whatever reason there I was
waiting you

one fall evening
you gave me a flower
finally thought
you would ask me out
waiting long enough

I asked a friend
“T, do you think he likes me?”
he said with sadness

“no, he does not”
my heart sank…
we all were wrong
and I was
the last one to know
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Kate’s short story-IV

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love comes and goes

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Love comes and goes; that is my observation.

It is such a fragile thing, love is; it is like an unstable chemical that one moment there with all of its intensity requiring all the attention for its needs and then the next time, it is gone … no more the exhilaration, no more the joy, no more the excitement, no more the demands of it.

Nowadays I feel like it does not exist any more and I find a kind of serenity, peace in it. Deep down, though, I know I in fact find a great pleasure for its non-existence towards him. That is possibly my ego talking and if my ego was not strong enough, then I would be deeply saddened by its non-existence; is not my love toward him what I loved more than him?

Things will change soon;  I will choose practising kindness and forgiveness and my ego will subsidize as a result. I will start feeling the intensity of it and its demands from me again. Like someone/something that I cannot say no, I will give my whole attention to ensure its survival. It will drill my heart. I will shed tears.

Human heart is a primitive thing and human mind is a calculating one. This duality is what bothers me most about love.

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Kate’s short story-III

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the sincere poem

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when I was there with you
I had a glimpse of life;
it was beautiful
and exciting.
and I was plain happy.

Happiness, one I got used to too quickly.

did I love you?
I have been pondering over and over again
I cannot know the answer;
as I do not know why I loved you
before and then
but then I came to realize that
when it is just an internal monologue,
it is not love anyway.

but I loved myself when I was with you;
a happy, excited, soft, and expressive intense creature!
Boy! I loved myself then
and now when I remember!

if you are going to stay angry at me
go ahead do that
but if you think you cannot forgive me for that
you are plain wrong

Kate’s short story – II

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love as I understand it today

My first entry better be about love.

I used to think that I could only love something/someone as much as they let me; not more than that. Just yesterday I noticed maybe that was not correct; we may love more than they let us if we have a tendency to love, have a need to love, or have a wish to forgive and forget, yes?

Or maybe, we do that because we feel like it is an honourable thing to do. Maybe if we do so, we will prove ourselves and others that ours was a true love – as if we have to convince that it was love and we were good at it. Why? There can be truth here that sometimes we can never be sure whether it is love or not; there is so many mixed feelings coming through our minds and going through our hearts. Knowing ourselves is the biggest challenge when comes to love.

Attaining and living love is a painful thing; we struggle, confuse, question ourselves and others, calculate or deal with risks and  issues/unexpected, but I do not agree that it can be explained by only pain, or by mostly pain. I think love is bigger than pain.

There is this love story of two young and terminal cancer patients by John Green, in the novel “The faults in our stars”. I read this book in a single day. It is an easy reading with tragic topics, such as death and life, but the love story between the two teenagers is interesting. I came to realize why love is bigger than pain for me, thanks to this story (because in contrast to the character in the book, I do not associate love with pain that intensely).

Love as we feel it is beautiful whether there is pain in it or not. If pain is bigger than it, then we would not call it love now, would we?

I love loving some people; more than they can think about or deserve. And I think that says something about me as much as them. This love, though, I own.