There are times that very heavily I remember the “loves of my life”.
I was lucky enough to love two wonderful men. I do not know what prompts me to remember and wonder how they are. Are they well? Healthy? Happy? Do they remember me? Ever. How do they feel if they do?
I am lucky that both of them are still alive – to my knowledge. Cannot take the pain of thinking they are being dead. I am so lucky that I have not experienced this yet.
Love is an interesting thing; you do not know where you will find it, and when and how you will lose. Or how it will affect you. It does affect, right? To me both cases were detrimental, with years of trying to forget, trying to get over. They, however, never leave my mind (or my heart for that matter) for good. A part of me is theirs.
I am okay with this. Not that I am interested in the pain of longing or mourning for all the lost possibilities that could be experienced with them. No. It is just that I am glad they were in my life. And I got the chance to love them deeply.
One of the bloggers said in a post last week that he rather prefers to be loved deeply than widely. It struck me hard, as that reminded me many things (I had slightly touched this topic earlier in a post of mine). The reason I had written about it then was a book; The faults in our stars”, a novel by John Green where the author makes a case for being loved widely versus being loved deeply. A friend of mine had mentioned to me this last year, after which I had bought and read the book. I had found it interesting (amazing that a book can make such a shift in my understanding of things). When you think about it, do you not find it interesting? Which one would you like?
Being loved deeply must be a beautiful thing. Loving deeply certainly is.
I am not sorry that I loved that much. At the end of the day (or till the end of my life), I will be grateful for these two men for being so lovable and so amazing.
That is one of the few candid posts I have written where I split opened my heart. Anyways, I think it is okay, as I can not be the only one who loved and then lost.
Live, laugh, and love.