dreams are stronger

poem
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I saw a couple today happy

seeing them deepens my sorrow

reminds me…. inside

inside is so hollow

I am missing a part of me

I can’t steer my way around

pain is sharp, my legs tremble

it exhausts me

reality hurts so dreams are better

I long somewhere in another world

where I am…

I am…….

where there is that little line on your cheek!

that makes you all sweet and speak!

seeing that again I can reach to the moon!

humming the sweetest tune!

I fuel the blaze around my feelings

it reaches the sky

gazing up I smile

remembering that I left you behind

much later than you have had

they start to fall from the sky, the ashes

like the wedding veil I embraced

my eyes softened, gazing low

feeling everything I longed for

I lift my own veil

see, dreams are stronger

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heart-break nostalgia

I do not know why but in the last week I have been thinking about my latest heartbreaker quite intensely.

The nights are the worst; why do I experience this? Do I not make myself tired, amused with life, or busy enough?

Nights have always been my favorite time of the day. Quiet, peaceful, relaxing, and all mine…

Not lately.

Lately, he has been in my mind. The bitterness, annoyance, rejection, and pain, all of them, seem to have lifted all of a sudden. I care about him as much as before. I am smitten all over again.

I swear I did not see that coming.

“…I will not walk with you on the same path again

You put traps for those who walk with you..”

candid thoughts

There are times that very heavily I remember the “loves of my life”.

I was lucky enough to love two wonderful men. I do not know what prompts me to remember and wonder how they are.  Are they well? Healthy? Happy? Do they remember me? Ever. How do they feel if they do?

I am lucky that both of them are still alive – to my knowledge. Cannot take the pain of thinking they are being dead. I am so lucky that I have not experienced this yet.

Love is an interesting thing; you do not know where you will find it, and when and how you will lose. Or how it will affect you. It does affect, right? To me both cases were detrimental, with years of trying to forget, trying to get over. They, however, never leave my mind (or my heart for that matter) for good. A part of me is theirs.

I am okay with this. Not that I am interested in the pain of longing or mourning for all the lost possibilities that could be experienced with them. No. It is just that I am glad they were in my life. And I got the chance to love them deeply.

One of the bloggers said in a post last week that he rather prefers to be loved deeply than widely. It struck me hard, as that reminded me many things (I had slightly touched this topic earlier in a post of mine). The reason I had written about it then was a book; The faults in our stars”, a novel by John Green where the author makes a case for being loved widely versus being loved deeply. A friend of mine had mentioned to me this last year, after which I had bought and read the book. I had found it interesting (amazing that a book can make such a shift in my understanding of things). When you think about it, do you not find it interesting? Which one would you like?

Being loved deeply must be a beautiful thing. Loving deeply certainly is.

I am not sorry that I loved that much. At the end of the day (or till the end of my life), I will be grateful for these two men for being so lovable and so amazing.

That is one of the few candid posts I have written where I split opened my heart. Anyways, I think it is okay, as I can not be the only one who loved and then lost.

Live, laugh, and love.

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