why guilt is so easy and why self-love is so hard to find

I came to realization that I have a hard time loving myself.

After yesterday’s post on prioritizing myself and feeling selfish, strange things happened.

First, I thank everyone who commented on that post – your support and kind words meant the world to me.

Strange thing is that today one of my family members experienced a very serious accident and another family member helped them return from near-death. I am serious.

My guilt of not being with my family amplified as a result.

I think life is trying to say something.

joy journal, Jan 27, 2018

1. I am grateful for sleeping till past 9 am; I was surprised with this but obviously my mind or body needed this rest. So it is welcome.

2. I am grateful for enjoying my coffee and feeding my sourdough starter; it had risen well and was smelling very fresh and sourdy 🙂 Good baby!

3. I am grateful for speaking with my family and being happy altogether – what a great feeling to be happy together with the people we care.

4. I am grateful for reminding myself that I will make an attempt to not let others hurt me with their greed, unkindness, and mean and demanding attitudes. This is very important for all of us; why do we permit this kind of people or their behavior in our lives? I know at work it is important to keep these people in our circles for our work, but is there not a better way? There is. I will find it out. I am determined to keep reminding me this and make an effort to find ways to manage mean or negative people.

5. I am grateful for walking to a store and buying eggs and other items that were on sale and I had needed. It is important to be able o care for ourselves – whether this is food, exercise, or pampering ourselves, let’s do it!

6. I am grateful for treating myself with chocolate today 🙂

7. I am grateful for working on a report and then stopping to enjoy my evening. I meant to reflect and nurture myself by reading a book. I have read for a while and now it is time to chill in dark, writing my journal, and listening to music.

8. I am grateful for eating healthy with eggs, tomato, garlic, and sourdough bread. It was a light but tasty dinner.

9. I am grateful for liking my graying hair 🙂 What a wonderful feeling!

10. I am grateful for liking to care for myself; I love shopping and getting things that I need or consume; I like making my own bread and eating it with love; I like cleaning myself, my home, and my clothes; I like functioning and still kicking and never ever ignoring my own needs!

11. I am grateful for being abundant and having everything I need being available or accessible to me.

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Things that I appreciate myself for today:

  1. I appreciate myself for keep going and not stopping my routine
  2. I appreciate myself for letting myself to be happy with my family and others
  3. I appreciate myself for pampering myself with chocalate
  4. I appreciate myself walking to the store even though it was a chilly day
  5. I appreciate myself for eating healthy and not needing expensive or luxurious things to eat
  6. I appreciate myself for realizing the progress in me and in my thinking; I learn; I realize; I appreciate; and I move on.

 

 

 

 

loving ourselves, loving others

I am not the only one who left a loved one behind, not being there when they needed us, or betrayed/disappointed them over own wellness, convenience, or happiness.

What does it mean to prioritize our best interests over others’?

Does that mean we are selfish? Loving ourselves more than others? Is it a survival instinct? Knowing what we are capable of and what not? Not caring much? Not loving others enough? What is it really?

I do not know.

There is a cost of loving others; whether they are people or animals. When they are sick, sad, down, or death, it breaks us…..

Does that mean we should not love?

No.

Is there a cost to others if we prioritize ourselves over them? Certainly.

Should that mean we should not love ourselves?

No.

Life is very strange.

Here are the life lessons I have got lately

Here are the life lessons I have got lately:

1. whatever you do, never underestimate yourself; modesty is a great virtue if you ask me. Yet some people confuse modesty with lack of confidence. Horrible experience.

2. never take b.s. from others. Even those people who are very important for your life can push you with their unacceptable behaviour – never let your self-worth to be trashed; never let insults, games, and whatever else you think is an unacceptable behaviour on you by others. Stand up and speak up. Let it be known. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder after that.

3. Try something new every once a while; start a light yoga, stretching, or meditation class. See how you feel during and after the class. have you noticed something new? something different? is it a positive experience?

the truth about love

The simple truth is not everyone can love the way we want it.

There are personal differences among people (e.g. some people like to show it, some people do not like to show it, some people show love in an artificial way); the levels of love towards each other can differ from one person to other (e.g. low, medium, high, unconditional, conditional, permanent, transient, cyclic), and there are expectations that can vary among people (e.g. call me, do not call me, where is my flower/meal, blah blah..) .

The best love we can have is therefore the one we have for ourselves; there is no complications; only ourselves.

Love yourself the best; you deserve it.

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