random thoughts

Mona – my foster cat, my family, and myself are well. What else do I want?

Wellness is important. I am glad I have health. So do people and creatures important for me.

I had a shitty, quite fragmented, and inefficient work day yesterday. I went to bed thinking, “I want to work!” Thank goodness, today was productive and I feel quite energized again 🙂

I will get my taxes done this weekend and I cannot wait to see how much return I will get. I hope to add up on top of the tax return, and make a mortgage pre-payment 🙂 It excites me – this simple idea of reducing my mortgage. My plan is to pay it off completely in 2 years. I will use some of my investments to pay a chunk of the remaining mortgage at the end of my current term. Since the investments have been losing value, I think this is just the right way to make use of my money.

Once I pay off it all, I will focus on saving cash. My ideal dream is to retire in around 5 years. I am still young and I am getting better each year, but I cannot take the stress, and lack of recognition and appreciation at the work place. The early retirement will not provide me a lot, but if I return to my home country, I can live comfortably with what I have. I wish I did not need to leave Canada – I really like this country and living here. Why is money so restrictive??

Anyways. Early retirement is not necessarily a bad thing. I can still work and make money. I also feel like I need this, because I feel like I was born for something else. My current profession – I love it, it is meaningful and useful to community and humanity in many ways, yet I feel like I gotta stop it so that I can find my own true gem, I have a feeling that this will be something related to literature.

Yes, I am talking about writing stories, or novels. My imagination has always been wide and vivid (one of the reasons for or consequences of my anxiety, I think…). Anyways. I really would like to try literary writing and coming up with stories. I have always had a heavy, dark, emotional side in me that knows what suffering is. I also know what struggle, mystery, and victory means. I am such a fighter.. Even though, most of the time, I down-value myself, I have always fought by putting extra energy, effort, and thoughts on my life, and others’ lives. Digging into human psyche and nature, detailed description of human conditions, experiences, and emotions.. These concepts just fire something in me. I am excited 🙂

These being said, until I started to seriously think about early retirement, I must say that I did not have any future plans. None…. It bothered me so much, for so long… A void future is not fun, friends.

Having retirement dream is literally priceless.

First 50 pages of “A Game of Thrones”

I have read the first 50 pages of the 1st book, A Game of the Thrones, in the series of “A Song of Ice and Fire”.

Boy…. I am amazed how much the HBO series kept close to the book, even the sentences or the events. I am so pleased with this. I have seen the HBO series twice and as such developed visual memory as well as knowledge on the characters and events. I did not get everything, though. Now the book fills all of these blanks.

I had missed, for example, the sword of Ned Stark called Ice. I know in the later books, it has a critical role (learnt while surfing sites about the books). I also had never paid attention to the character Rhaegar Targaryen before.

Anyhow, I try not to miss any details about the lives, life events, and history of the characters or the houses in the series. This way, I hope to get a good idea about the author and the stories depicted.

I am glad that I have watched the series before and has been reading about the story-line and character on the net. Now I have a basis to further expand.

This is quite contrary to what I would do usually – I generally would not show such a deep interest in a story that I would have known about. Yet, here I am all excited and eyes and ears, reading the books. The mind of the author GRRM. The style it has been written with. And all the details that have not been captured by the TV series. Or, by me.

I do not know why these books/stories captivate so much….

Imagination? Richness of characters and events? Unexpected twists?

I do not know, but life is good 🙂

 

random thoughts

Well, after a long work day at home, I am finally settling down and trying to enjoy by reading stuff about, well, yes my latest interest, Game of Thrones 🙂

I know that for all things that are interesting or loved with such a tense interest eventually come an end.

I thought this morning that I would lose my interest in the books soon if I continue to keep reading about  them. My books are about to arrive next week and I heard that they are long and many (5 to be exact). Will I lose my interest? Will I get more interested in? I do not know. But I sure would like to read these stories and write about the characters.

It is very interesting though – now that I have seen the TV adaptation (twice) and read about a couple of characters mostly on the internet (Jamie Lannister and Brienne of Tarth mostly), I wonder what I am going to find in these books? All the details I was curious about? The characters as they were written by the author GRRM? How the HBO series and the original story did differ from each other?

Possibly all these.

On the net, I have found many excerpts from the books, which were not reflected in the series. Remembering this actually makes me keep interested. This per se should be enough for me to eagerly wait for my books and start reading them with affection and amazement until I am done with all.

Until, the next book in the series comes along of course.

They say the release date of the next book in the series is not known. It was initially scheduled for late 2015, but who knows what is going on. Even GRRM says the HBO Season 6, which will air in April 2016, is likely to be earlier than the book #6. Considering the fact that the Season 6 is based on book #6, it is weird…. If I was the publisher, I would have a trouble with that.

As a reader/audience I have a problem, too. Man, my problem is a) how to watch the Season 6 now that I have no subscription to HBO, and b) I am assuming the book #6 will be expensive and if I want to order it right after it is published, I will have to start saving money for it.

Well…. Let my only problems be these 🙂

 

 

The life in the diary – XVII

Fiction

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May 11, 2013

It is one of those days that I feel cheerful for no reason.

I grabbed my jacket and left the house for a nice walk. The fresh air is so lovely; feeling it on my cheeks, on my skin. Time to time there is a little breeze that caresses me. The sky is open and blue and it is around 25 C. It is a perfect spring day 🙂

As usual, I walk with my hands in my pockets – for some reason, that makes me feel good. Very good. It automatically puts a smile on my face and lift my upper back up. No more sluggish walking. Confidently and cheerfully I start to walk.

The street is wide and long; I can see the road ahead crossing it and the shops at the far end. They have bright colors, these shops do. I know they are doing this on purpose to appeal clients. Well, they are doing a good job by getting my attention as well as by making me feel grateful for what I see. Not surprisingly, I am a good customer of one of these stores.

I enter the store. I love this store as there are so many items that I regularly love to check. I for sure forget everything by just focusing on their items. And their prices and variety options. I have got my most cherished CD in this store years ago. I loved it so much that I had also bought a copy for a cousin of mine. The personal grooming and cleaning products are my favorites; I love the lip-stick that I keep buying from this store, for example. It is a glossy cherry-brown; neither too red nor too brown. It lifts my spirit up while also preventing them from drying. I love my lip-stick…

I do not buy anything this time, knowing that I am rather on my way to a long and relaxing walk. I leave the store, turn right, and start to walk down the street towards downtown. My home is located right at the perimeter of downtown, so it is 10 minutes walk to it. I feel excited about this. I always loved being around people, around movement. There is some kind of energy that transfers right into me. Maybe I am an energy-Dracula (this idea makes me chuckle 🙂 )

I do not have a definite plan as to where to go. I am free to go wherever my feet carry me, free to stop wherever I wish. The freedom, the feeling of having no rush, is giving me serenity, a mental chill. Not the bad type. Like water distinguishing a fire. It cools down my nerves and makes me breathe just fine. Slowly. Steadily. Peacefully.

I see a little store and get in. This is the store whose coffee I like. The hazelnut coffee!… Smell is mesmerizing me…. I buy a large cup, pay the clerk, and get out to continue my walk. I am in love with the smell and the taste of my coffee. I smile for no reason and shrug my shoulders as if to say “I do not care about anything, anyone, or any memory right now; this moment is mine and mine only. And I am enjoying it“.

I look at another cafe on the right side. I come here time to time, not for the coffee but for the fresh pastry. During spring and summer months, it is a great pleasure to sit at a table outside while eating fluffy pastry. Watching people walking up and down the street and feeling the sun on my skin…

Come to think about it, I have so many things that I like about this city and about my life. Who is happier than me right now? Who can possibly be? I have a lovely drink at my hand, walking in a fine spring day. I feel happy. For no reason or little reasons. I am lucky to have all of these.

I stop at the lights to wait for our turn. I remember how I had once skid and fell in the middle of the road in a winter day. It was my first experience with the black ice; never saw the darn thing. People had offered to help me get on my feet. For such a big city, people are great; they have not forgotten to be considerate and helpful. I love these people. I love this city.

Finally it is green light and I walk in between 30-40 people towards the center of downtown. There is the organic store on my left I check time to time. Teas and spices are my interest. Especially one of the herbal teas; I cannot remember its name. It is odd but I affirm that I will remember it later. Better yet, I can go to store anytime and recognize it by its look. I have a good memory still yet.

I contemplate about visiting the book stores a couple of streets ahead. I have spent so much time in them, often to distract my paining mind that I do not want to get in there today. I shake my head and continue. I love books but I need not to remember my pain. Not today. Not now. Not for some time.

I glance at the tall building on the right side. I used to live in that building once. Whenever I am around, I look up to see my ex-flat on the 30th floor. The glass window in the living room was awesome, as it would show the downtown with no reservation whatsoever. I could see not only the buildings around, but the hot dog stands, the bus terminal, and a little bit of the harbor at a distance…. People were everywhere… The nights had the best view; the lights scattered around the dark blue sky and the brown sidewalks. Even in the middle of the night, this city was alive. Energetic. Awake. Listening. And with it, I would lie awake on my couch, listening, but mostly lethargic. Sometimes crying, sometimes thinking. But mostly peaceful and serene.

I loved that flat and my life in it. Come to think about it, I had hard times there too, but it is the best things, best and happiest memories I tend to remember. Making peace with my past seems to come to me naturally. Only after years of remembering all of course….

to be continued

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The life in the diary – XVII

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Fiction bits – III

Fiction bits

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The room was silent and certainly depressing. I wasn’t sure whether our presence made it better or just worse.

She came in hesitantly. When he saw her, he broke a smile first. Then, his eyes turned dark…. She left silently.

Nurses came; we nervously watched him moved to the OR.

I saw her facing the window in the hall; her face was still emotionless.

I got furious, but stopped abruptly as I came close.

Her face was still, she didn’t even blink, but tears were streaming from her eyes down to neck. Crystal-like drops. Like diamonds.

Inside, she was shattered.

The Wren, Sept 23, 2015

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Fiction bits – III

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15 random facts about me :)

By the encouragement of thesmallc, here I am writing some facts about myself. Thesmallc is a great writer (with no reservation I say this); she has a very powerful and genuine pen and incredible insight into life and cancer. Absolutely one of my favorite bloggers (among many others).

Anyways, here are 15 facts about me; surprise, surprise 🙂

1. Until I started blogging, my primary hobby was to read books. Books are still my favorite items around the house, but blogging has changed me somehow. In a positive way I hope 🙂
2. I happen to be a bad cook – no question about that. I am not proud of it but that is what it is 🙂
3. I have a great job that pays a decent salary, yet since I have spent the majority of my life at schools and with training, I have little accumulated for my retirement, which I regret real good. Be smart and start saving early! Whatever you make, save a portion of it for your retirement. And start doing this early.
4. I have got a PhD.
5. English is not my native language (some of you already sensed that, did you not?) 🙂
6. Even though I dislike it very much, I keep cleaning my home and doing laundry every weekend 98% of the time. I admire my consistency in this regard.
7. The first story I wrote was named “Joe and his dog”. I was 7 years old, penned it down on a small blue covered pocket notebook that I still remember…. The story, as you can guess, remained unfinished.
8. I have a very serious look; scary if you will. Not that I mean to. Unless I smile, a lot of people think that I am angry or pissed off. I am not angry or pissed off. Well, at least the majority of the time 🙂
9. When I was a child, music was my greatest interest. Till now, I tried to learn how to play the following instruments: mandolin, flute, and violin. I must say violin is the most elegant, most challenging, and the most admirable one for me. Of course I have not excelled at any of these instruments 🙂
10. I am a very practical person – can find a temporary fix for almost anything in a split second (unless I am stressed; then the opposite occurs) 🙂
11. My stress levels can get real high. I do not like that at all. I found exercise is the best remedy, yet I have been too lazy too tired in the last few years to exercise.
12. I started martial arts at the age of 35; like many other things in my life I was not good at it but it was very good for me! I would recommend everyone, regardless of their age, to give it a try (should they be interested in) at a safe and serious school (i.e. dedicated to the art but not to giving belts, earning money, or kicking the sh.t out of someone else).
13. I loved opera, not listening to or watching it, but singing it. I was not good at singing opera either (like many of the things in my life I never perfected this skill), but giving it a try has always made me excited and happy 🙂
14. I have read a lot about leadership and management; I am more suitable for management positions than for the leadership positions (who would follow me??) 🙂
15. I think my job is the best thing that ever happened to me (other than my family). It keeps my mind working, I like what I do, and it excites me (yet I still dream about retirement; sigh… 🙂 )

And as I already said this in a comment at thesmallc’s blog, I have to make an effort to know which direction is right or left 🙂 All the cab drivers I put into wrong roads/streets, please forgive me! 🙂

cheers everyone

breaking the routine – March 22, 2015

I have not done anything differently today, but I am aware the things I have to change; here is a short list of things I would like to do:

1. spend less time with the computer

2. everyday eat healthy; every single day eat raw vegetables

3. walk more, take the stairs at the office, start the yoga again

4. think less about issues; breathe and relax

5. stretch everyday

6. each weekend, do something you do not usually do. Go to different stores and explore; buy a new book and read; cook something new; go to a movie; start a hobby; call someone I have not talked in a long time; write more poems or stories; shop at a different mall.

7. everyday; smile more; take a break at work; comb your hair (yes I usually do not do that..); bring lunch in; enjoy any activity other than sitting at the couch; engage in more meaningful activities; give hope to someone.

8. be okay with the idea of going to bed earlier so that I can get up early, too.

9. laugh more; sing more; relax more.

10. do something good for your body every..single..day..