Random thoughts

What a beautiful morning.

I took my time to get up, at the expense of feeding Mona, my foster cat, an hour later than usual. She only eats wet food and that means it needs to be replaced or removed after 2 hours or so during the day. Naturally in the mornings, she is hungry. Yes, my consciousness is not clear and I have had a huge debate in my mind about this, but eventually let the guilt go. Every once a while, I simply cannot get up as early as usual.

Hungry Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I took yesterday off and made it a long weekend, which feels great. It gives me freedom and time to recuperate. We have had a hard year and very intense work schedule since my last break (Holidays in December). There were many times I was simply exhausted yet continued to complete work. Now is a great time to simply rest and enjoy the gorgeous summer we have.

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Where I am in Canada, often we have cool summers and a little bit rain. But this year has been exceptional, like last summer, with lots of sunshine and a little bit higher than normal temperatures (and yes climate change is a real thing). The blue, clear sky lifts the mood immediately, and the nature around my neighbourhood and yard makes it even more beautiful and appreciable. If you have a good summer and opportunity to enjoy it a little bit more, please do so.

Summer Vacation GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I am at an age where I know that today may as well be the best day of my future life. I know that I am alive and my family is well, for now. But there is no guarantee, right? Things change like this – bam. We have had a global pandemic just like this; economy is shitty and many lost their jobs; there is social and political unrest here and there; and yes, the climate change is already showing its disastrous effects and unless we take radical moves to stop and reverse it (is it even possible to reverse it?), we are looking at a huge disaster. even the Hollywood movies and their heroes cannot save us, believe me.

I am reading about Indigenous worldviews (what wonderful views, by the way – if you are interested in please check it out) and how west and Indigenous nations (at least in Canada) are approaching to all living and non-living things in our environment. They got it right – human is NOT on top of the hierarchy to exploit and harm its environment for its own benefits. Rather, human is a part of this ecosystem with a role to honour, respect, and protect it.

We have done so much harm – to nature, to animals, soil, sea…

Without a healthy environment and ecosystem, there is no human.

And, we all have played and are still are playing, a huge role in this.

Climate Change Environment GIF by INTO ACTION - Find & Share on GIPHY

Simple fact.

Let’s take a moment to re-align our views.

Climate Change Earth GIF by Bhumi Pednekar - Find & Share on GIPHY

stop the rush

I am taking a break today from work. Yes, I am.

I have to.

There are many things are happening, some of them just amazing and one of a life time opportunity. They need to be digested, cherished, and became a part of who and what I am.

Rather, what happens is that there is so many other things in the to-do list that as soon as one is taken care of, I move hastily to the other tasks in the list.

I know. I know. My bad that I do not take a moment to cherish what is accomplished.

True.

Luckily there are two things that help – first, my body requires some care, so I take time. Good body – always there when the limit is reached.

Second, the nagging feeling that straining myself by over-working takes the joy out of everything. With experience I got to learn that something that looks like a mountain can be climbed in an hour, if I am refreshed and bored enough from work-free time. So, why to spend more time on something in a straining mood, while it can be taken care of much easily and in a shorter time later?

Ambitions are great, but having the joy and confidence (and mental clarity) to work is even greater, even at the expense of some urgent matters. Urgency I create for my own ambitions, and urgency others I work with create by the quality or timing of their work.

This brings me to people I work with. We work with a lot of people, all fascinating and highly talented. I must say that it is really amazing what we can do together. The group dynamic is something strange though. Do you also find that often in a team, there is one person who is lifting the weight and moving things and people up and forward? I am that person, almost in all teams I have worked with.

Often times, I am happy and proud of doing this. There were many projects done, many teams and people lifted up. I have so much satisfaction out of this.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it becomes unbearable.

First, when people do not follow the things and it is reflected on their comments and the work that I lead.

Second, when they ask or need me to update them, or worse, do their part.

Third, when with their non-understanding, they put me in a position to defend things, decisions, and actions.

These are the moments when I really question what a team work is for some individuals and how do they feel making comments or work that have no relevance to the situation at hand?

So, today I am taking a break mandated by the need to reflect on this and how to move on in my future activities.

All good, in other words.

How is your day going? Wish you all a wonderful, safe, and joyful Wednesday.

Holiday Season break starts this evening :)

I think I am done! I did close up a number of items/projects with my team members and we are ready to start the Holiday season. Yahoo πŸ™‚

Honestly, I was just struggling to finish all of these. Or, this is what I thought. It turns out that we actually did very well and things went well today as well. So, I have nothing left to do tomorrow. As of this evening, the Holiday Season Starts for me and my team.

Completing what you planned to do right before a break is one of the most satisfying feelings. I could not be happier πŸ™‚

Well Done Good Job GIF by HHLA - Find & Share on GIPHY

Today I also got notifications for the approval of a report by our group and the approval of a project of mine πŸ™‚ It is as if today was supposed to be a blessing for me. Let me cherish this for a moment…

Yest, despite all of these positive and satisfying experiences, I feel less excited than I normally would. I believe this is the phase where you are so tired that you cannot even enjoy your accomplishments.

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To commemorate this evening and the accomplishments of the day, I cooked fried beans and I am in love. Such a creamy and tasty meal. This was my second trial of friend beans and as a beans lover, I cannot imagine how much I was missing by not eating this food more routinely. It has become one of my top food in the list.

To further enjoy the start of my Holidays break, tomorrow I plan to go visit a thrift store πŸ™‚ Now, this is indeed very exciting – cannot wait!

Friends – hope you all are gonna have a relaxing, happy, and comfortable Holiday Season. Please take care of yourself and those around you and those who need help & support. Stay safe and all the best.

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1st day of a 4 day long-weekend

I slept and woke up thinking “I am free”.

I had no need to rush; no bus to catch; no meeting to get ready for; no stress to handle; no plan to follow.

I was free πŸ™‚

I enjoyed my coffee; responded to some emails; talked to family; and then took off to a thrift store.

I was lucky – I found a couple of adorable plant pots and a lovely blouse. All for 14 bucks – how come 14 bucks can make you so excited and happy πŸ™‚

Thrifting is exciting. I still am not completely comfortable with thrifting certain items or being seen while thrifting (I know, I know….), but the excitement of treasure hunting is real (where else can one find all very unique items at one place?) So is knowing that I am saving chokes of money (where else can one find great clothing, books, houseware, small furniture, fabric, purses and so on all so affordable?. Sometimes they are even unused..).

Later, I returned home, cleaned it, and cooked myself some meal. Tonite I will be joining some friends to celebrate the birthday of a friend. I am looking forward to it.

Tomorrow?

Well, tomorrow is another day. I have no plans, but will likely end up doing some house chores – like laundry. I really would like to, however, cuddle with a nice novel and drink some hot chocolate! πŸ™‚

Have a great weekend everyone πŸ™‚

 

 

random thoughts

Exhaustion and fried nerves – I know them very well.

I am very agitated nowadays. I know it from my reactions and how unwell I feel. This too will pass. When, however, I do not know.

Good news is that the weekend is here. I will make it a weekend of self-care and enjoyment. This means not working and not checking the emails – I hope I can achieve this.

Today our administrative staff suggested that I should reduce my work load and care about myself. How true. How do I do this?

Logically I know that if I feel better and energized, and have a clear mind, I can be more effective. Dragging my feet and combing heavily around my mind’s clouds to focus on work and do many things prior to their deadline is not helping my work or personal wellness. It actually drains me even further. I am at a point that I must take that break.

I do not know what I would do this weekend, but I will try to stay away from the computer and work-related thoughts. I want to collect myself and maybe cook healthy meals and think about new things. Maybe I will write a poem, a short story, or start reading about something new. Whatever it is gonna be, I want to remind myself that this is a break, a mini-vacation, and I deserve and in fact need it to keep going.

a little bit of self-tolerance is awesome

I was not feeling great the whole day as I am, as usual, behind some of the tasks that I have assigned to myself at the first place. All work related of course. The main idea was that I would do these so that I could feel completely free to take a rest during the holidays. I have 3 more days but I am assuming some will lag and I will take care of them during the holidays. Felt exhausted the whole day as a result….

So what?

Not the first time that I had a hard day or not the first time that I will work during the holidays.

So with this, just an hour ago or so, I am relaxed a little bit and feeling better.

I like the fact that I really want to take a break during the holidays. I know that it will energize me and I will once again feel ready for the next 6 months. So, I will take thisΒ  and let it sink.

I will rest and I will take a break during the holidays. Period.

One thing I really would like to do during the holidays is doing something for my own enjoyment only. Not a chore (like cleaning or decluttering), but for my own enjoyment.

I decided that reading a novel or two would just fit this well. I am excited!

Another thing I would love to do is buying some aromatic stuff. I have had an essential oil that has been lightening my senses for some time. I think it is time that I get a couple of more, and enjoy.

Third would be getting rid of some of the things that have been bothering me. So, 20 min ago I decided to give up junk food, which has been not only sinking my purse but also elevating my internal criticism. I am not sure how well I will keep this plan, but feeling in control is great and uplifting. I want to hang onto this feeling.

Fourth thing would be paying more attention to my body’s needs and eating much better, for goodness’ sake. My diet has been very “junky” for some time. This week my grocery shopping will be focused on treating my body well. I am thinking different fruits (e.g. anything other than citrus and apple that I regularly consume) and drinking more tea. The good thing is that since last week I have been drinking tea at the office, for which I must congratulate myself.

Fifth – gifting myself. Thinking about all the money I will save by not eating junky stuff, it is time to make plans to get new stuff. Today I bought myself two fluffy socks, which I have been meaning to get for a year or so. That is great πŸ™‚ I know one of my friends is getting me a plant as a gift, for which I cannot even wait πŸ™‚ A new excitement πŸ™‚ Together with the aroma therapy items, these three are the minimum gifts I will give to myself.

How will you gift yourself in these last days of the year?

Saturday noon musings

The beautiful day of Saturday has arrived πŸ™‚

I have been to a short trip yesterday for work and it has gone well. I made new connections, made a great presentation, got people interested in what I was to say, and enjoyed a number of meals and long walks in a city that was surrounded by water. Island cities can be really magnificent.

Beach GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I was very tired physically prior to this trip but I returned back replenished. My mind particularly. This change has been great to my fried nerves. Hence, I woke up feeling better and with a shoother mind. Things look a lot positive and lovely now πŸ™‚ The lesson learnt is to take breaks if we can and focus our minds to different things on the face of adversary. I know this very well theoretically; I am a difficult learner, but I hope one day practice will make it perfect πŸ™‚

Practice GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Now I have a lovely day in front of me with no activity scheduled. I need to go shop a little bit, which would mean walking. I have neglected walking lately because of the pressing deadlines, but I will take this opportunity today to re-gain my love for walking. I am kind of reluctant right now, but I know I will find it great once I start, so as soon as I finish this post I will put on my walking shoes, grab my shopping tote, take myself out to street. I am sure the crisp air will make me delighted.

Walking GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Happy Animation GIF by Chris Timmons - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

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less is more…

I have come across a horoscope on the internet today. I do not believe in horoscope or estimating future. So my relationship with horoscopes is quite rejecting. But I could not help but read this one, which ended with the phrase “less is more“.

It is talking about not only physical but also mental clutter. I am good at keeping my home minimally cluttered. But, how about my mental clutter?

I am guilty of mental clutter that often drags me down.

I tried many times in the past to effectively block this mental negativity. Exercise is good, reading an exciting book is good, making plans is good, working is good.

I work big time, especially nowadays, but it is actually a resource for the mental clutter. So what do I do?

While quitting my job crosses my mind, logically I do not want to do this. I have commitments for the next 3 years, so it is out of question. Plus, I have no better alternative right now, so it is not a feasible option.

Then, what is my solution?

I do not know but a break and de-stressing would be awesome. Timing could not be better – I am going away for a couple of days for a business trip. This will give me much needed break from office. But it will not be a permanent solution – as soon as I returned back, I will find myself in the same stressful and on-the-edge situation.Β 

Removing negative people from my life would be a good option to tackle. I have a friend and colleague who is quite negative and constantly complaining about the work and other colleagues. As a good friend and senior colleague, I listen. I have been listening to for years now, and I cannot take it anymore. Time to keep my distance….

Setting a time aside to meditate each day would be an amazing thing to do. If done properly, this “doing nothing” state always made me feel better and more optimistic.

And being grateful for my job. Just yesterday I realized that I had missed to be grateful for my job….. There are so many things to be grateful for it. I make a living thanks to my job. I am a part of a big organization and train young professionals thanks to it. I have benefits and vacation time thanks to it. I save and invest for my future thanks to it. I have a place in my community thanks to it.Β 

There are countless things to be grateful for my job.

I think remembering these will help make this difficult times turn around.

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hardship teaches good lessons

They say that difficult things happen and we make mistakes to learn and develop.Β 

While I do not enjoy going thru a hard time on things related to my job right now, I also learn.Β 

Today I realized that:

  1. Me resigning from my position is a silly decision.
  2. I am too much focused on protecting my own and my ally’s/team’s rights that sometime i cannot see the other sides.
  3. I am tired and overwhelmed and my mistake rate is increased as a result.
  4. I must not undertake critical tasks right now, but I have to because of some deadlines. I must do whatever I can to make sure my mind is clear.
  5. Not everything will go ahead as I plan, think, or wish for. So I better get ready for failure as well.
  6. Whatever happens, this is a transition and there will be better days to come.
  7. I will change, the way I think or function at work will too, after all of these, but I will keep going.
  8. I will re-visit the idea of resignation in 2 years, or if something catastrophic happens that cannot be otherwise fixed. But not right now.
  9. I must focus on positive possibilities and positive outcomes so that I can move in such a direction. The more I think about resignation, the more I find myself subconsciously moving in that direction. This is self-sabotaging at best. This is silly.
  10. There will be better days and times to come. There will be positive outcomes. I may not know what they are now, but it has always been so. For example; at work there was a big project that I wanted to undertake and lead. It did not happen and it hurt. Last week we learnt that those who have such kind of projects would have to deal with a much bigger problem than I had anticipated. It is not something that I could easily handle, so I came to think that I was in fact lucky to not have this project that I wanted so much.
  11. In the last few years there has been things at work that did not come to a point that I wished them. The project I mentioned above is one of them. But, is that not true that there is a destiny for me and these are all helping shape it? Maybe I will come up with a better idea? Maybe a better project? Maybe I will in fact quit my profession at one point of my life, but maybe this will be a retirement, not a resignation? Maybe I will find a job all of a sudden and without much of an effort, and take it as an opportunity? Maybe these are all normal thoughts of someone who is under too much stress? Maybe whatever will happen will be better for me on the long run. I should have some faith in future and life. I should have patience. I should relax and be less jumpy. I should and will take one day at a time. I should embrace the opportunities and failures alike. Where is my grace? One can be graceful without quitting early, right?
  12. I must reflect on the goodness in life and around me more. Life is full of great things and people!
  13. I must take a break from all of these sometime soon. Luckily I have a short trip to Europe in a couple of weeks. It will give me some fresh air and mental break.Β 

random thoughts

After a busy weekend, I feel well adapted to work today, that is very pleasing πŸ™‚

I have not done a lot of stuff, but was rather busy with meetings with my team members. Things are getting more clear and however slowly moving. A good news was an ex-member of my team came to visit me; she now has a job in another unit after an over-seas work experience. It is always great to see my team members after they leave my team and learning that they are doing well with their lives and careers πŸ™‚

The night is young and peaceful – I love this feeling about the nights. I have many things to think about or take care, I am giving myself the permission to think about them later. Give this a try and see whether it does help you as well. I had read this long time ago in a book, but I was not able to implement it then. Over time I guess I become good at it.

Time to think… Time to work… Time to worry… Time to relax…. Time to take it easy……

Take these times as we all deserve a break.

 

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