unhappiness

poem

——————

sometimes we must accept that

we do not have all the answers

and we cannot get everyone’s circumstances

in these cases;

empathy has the softest voice

and silence has the sweetest tune……

—————-

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PS: the interesting thing is that I wrote these words in anger as a response to a comment on one of my posts about unhappiness. I hardly get upset about the comments on my posts, yet in this case I had taken the comment as “blaming” me for my unhappiness, which is ridiculous. Nobody wants or plans to be unhappy. Right?

Right.

Cheers! 🙂

things that make me happy

After occasional yet permanent rants of mine about the negativity and tiredness around the issues, work, and other stuff in my life, I have prepared “a list of things that make me happy“.

It is good to remember these as I have a tendency to dwell into negativity. Once I started writing this list, it grew pretty fast. I am very pleased with this activity and reminding myself about all the things I have and I do not have (such as sickness or unsafe conditions).

I must acknowledge the support and motivation by NinaSusan about this activity; her question in a comment to one of my posts drove me to post the list – so appreciated 🙂

 

THINGS AND PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

Work:

working nice and easy and taking care of stuff make me happy

coming up with new ideas makes me happy

recognition of my efforts and projects makes me happy

having a great office with windows, great view, and functional furniture makes me happy

being able to brew my coffee in my office makes me happy

flexibility around my schedule makes me happy

being professional makes me happy

being usually tough when faced with adversary or bad attitude makes me happy

having a great salary and benefits makes me happy

having a small salary increase every year makes me happy

having a relatively stable and respected job makes me happy

training and teaching young professionals makes me happy

being creative and resourceful makes me happy

working with great people makes me happy

being highly productive makes me happy

insisting on good quality work makes me happy

 

Family:

having an awesome, supportive, thoughtful, and loving family makes me happy

these people being safe and sound makes me extra happy

 

Home:

having a yard makes me happy

having a large house with functional rooms and kitchen/bathrooms makes me happy

having minimal and functional furniture makes me happy

having a computer, TV, cable, and internet makes me happy

having many books to enjoy makes me happy

my spices make me happy

having a house with large windows and sunlight exposure makes me happy

being safe makes me happy

living close to downtown makes me happy

being close to my work place makes me happy

being close to bus stops makes me happy

being close to restaurants, second hand bookstore, and grocery shops makes me happy

having an old house, which forced me to save more aggressively, makes me happy

 

Finances:

having a  good salary makes me happy

having insurances makes me happy

having a healthy chequeing account (i.e. not negative) makes me happy

having an RRSP account and maximizing it in the last 10 years makes me happy

having a TFSA account as an emergency fund makes me happy

having a retirement plan and investing every year makes me happy

spending much less than before makes me happy

removing two significant costs from my life makes me happy

being abundant makes me happy

having future plans for investment and mortgage payment makes me happy

having cash in my pocket makes me happy

being generous with my friends and people I work with when needed makes me happy

stocking up durable items when they are on sale makes me happy

seeing the positive difference that my budget makes in my finances makes me happy

 

hobbies, life-style, and others:

coffee makes me happy

baking bread and experimenting with yeast and dough makes me happy

reading and buying books make me happy

peanut butter makes me happy

no food waste policy of mine makes me happy

decluttering makes me happy

shopping makes me happy

spending time with good people makes me happy

watching TV shows or movies makes me happy

listening to music makes me happy

writing makes me happy

reading blogs on interesting topics makes me happy

supportive people/friends/co-workers/bloggers make me happy

walking and sweating makes me happy

eating healthy makes me happy

eating oranges, avocado, water melon, and berries makes me happy

eating carbs makes me happy

having great memories makes me happy

national or international trips makes me happy

being at the airport and leaving everything behind makes me happy

having useful stuff at home and using them till they are worn and thorn makes me happy

using cleaning clothes rather than paper towels makes me happy

nice scents makes me happy

my perfume and hand-soap makes me happy

the scent of my shampoo and conditioner makes me happy

my floss makes me happy

having an adequate amount of clothes makes me happy

my sun-glasses makes me happy

not eating too much and losing, however slowly, and looking better make me happy

my annual vacation with my family makes me happy

resolving issues makes me happy

my pens, notebooks, and scrap papers make me happy

my slippers make me happy

my fluffy socks make me happy

my office snacks make me happy

gifts I receive makes me happy

doing light weight training and seeing my muscles developing makes me happy

having an almost minimalist life-style and furniture makes me happy

sunlight makes me happy

anticipation of the seeds I planted in the yard blooming makes me happy

having a good sleep makes me happy

taking the bus makes me happy

having a nice hair cut makes me happy

my functional purses makes me happy

my loyalty cards and the points I use for useful items make me happy

being kind and helpful makes me happy

my new water jar I use at the office makes me happy

frozen food in my freezer makes me happy

weekends and taking time away from work makes me happy

having no critical disease or condition makes me happy

my nice dentist/doctor makes me happy

my imagination and determination make me happy

my resilience makes me happy

………..

 

The list is really long 🙂

 

the quest for happiness

The more I write about happiness, the better I understand about it.

Yesterday I wrote about it here; comments and interactions by other bloggers were great, too. I understood somethings; about myself, about happiness, and about how other individuals see it.  Thank you everyone who commented.

I understood that the definition of happiness may be not one, but many.

I understood that if the power of being happy is in ourselves, then that means we are responsible for our own unhappiness. Boy… Does that mean I am silly, incapacitated, or weak (otherwise I would be happy?). Does that mean my “happiness genes” are mutated? I strongly react against this statement; I believe things out of our control can greatly influence our chances of happiness and how we feel. I would have never chosen to be unhappy. Why would anyone choose to be unhappy? Unhappiness is not a choice. Not mine. Not many people I know who were unhappy. You cannot stand tall, laugh, and glow when you have lost or never have had things, people, opportunities, loves, and all bunch of other things that affect you today. You can choose to move on with your life maybe. You can choose to forget maybe. You can pretend to be happy maybe. But sometimes our circumstances lack the conditions to be happy. No matter how some of us try hard to be happy. Can we really blame this person for not being happy?

I understood that I could be clinically depressed nowadays as I have everything I need; I have a great family, a great and meaningful job, finances and anything else I can need in the material world. I lack no material. But I lack happiness, the zest and excitement of life.

I understood that I find in me the right to be happy. I demand happiness. I demand my right to be happy. I am rebelling against the status quo re; unhappy state.

I understood that if that turns out to be because of a chemical imbalance in my brain, I will regret not going to a doctor before. Nobody deserves to be unhappy and miss their life because of a chemical imbalance.

I understood that I am not the only one with a quest and thirst for happiness.

I understood that my happiness and unhappiness might be different than others’ experiences. As I wrote as a response to a comment; “sometimes we must accept that we do not have all the answers and we cannot get everyone’s circumstances. In those cases, empathy has the softest voice and silence has the sweetest tune“. I may not understand your unhappiness and you may not get mine. Assuming that we understand and have all the answers you or I need is not right. Discussions are helpful, but sometimes empathy and silence are the best ways to respond to someone unhappy.

I may be depressed but not even once I thought about leaving life. That makes me excited 🙂 I hope I have a long and well life in front of me, in which I will keep exploring myself, life as a whole, and become happy.

on happy, unhappy, and neutral mood

Today I have decided to check time to time how I was feeling during the day. In a few cases I did that I found that I was feeling okay (i.e. neutral); neither unhappy or happy; neither stressful nor un-stressful. Neither joyful nor un-joyful.

At first I thought this was not good as I am determined to make myself happy from yesterday on.  Only later I realized that that was actually not bad; I could as well be unhappy, stressful, and miserable. But I was not. That should be something to be grateful for 🙂

I remember 2 different times in my life when I had felt happy for extended periods of time for no apparent reasons:

First, many years ago when I had first moved here. I had got the greatest job I had dreamed for many decades (literally); my finances were better, and I had the job security for the first time in my long career. I could not help but feel genuinely happy 🙂 This feeling of happiness lasted around 6 months until a person I dearly loved got seriously sick.

The second one was in January this year, when I had started the yoga/stretching classes. They have had highly positive influence on my mood; I was relaxing and feeling connected to my body and myself during the sessions. It lasted until I have had back problems first and then the death of my dad at the end of February.

For a middle aged person, these two occasions of happiness may sound pathetic. Maybe it is.

But, perhaps I must explain what I mean by happiness first: when I say “happy” I mean seriously happy, elated, hopeful and joyful about everything in life and having no problem whatsoever. It is kind of different than what I have felt today, where I am neither feeling elated nor down (i.e. depressed). As a person who suffered from depression in the past, let me tell you being in a neutral state of mood is not bad, either. As a matter of fact, it is quite a progress for me.

Yet, knowing how sweet is the happy state feels, I naturally long for it.

happiness

I have many objectives in my live that I believe will make it better, make me healthier and wealthier (at least debt free). These are more or less attainable.

My life-long objective was to be happy. I have had happy periods in my life, which I cherish. These memories also make me believe that I can be happy.

Do not get me wrong, I am not unhappy. I just would not define myself as a happy person.

I just have had a conversation with a friend of mine. She is a single mom and having financial problems. On top of that, she feels stuck and hopeless. Obviously a down time for her. I could do nothing but listen to her. I understand that she is deeply unhappy.

It is selfish, but after hearing her hurdles, I felt blessed. So what if I do not feel happy? I at least did not have the challenges my friend have: I was in a safer environment, largely abundant, with a stable and awesome job that stresses me but also excites me. I never needed to think about finding the food for the next meal in my life. Maybe I am spoiled in fact.

I always believed that happiness is not a neutral state (as the state I am in where I am neither happy nor unhappy). It is rather a positive state where I smiled for no reason, looked at life and observed it rather than reacting to it, and hummed songs along the way. Life was very enjoyable then.

I also know what unhappiness is; it is agonizing, painful, and depressing. Very negative state.

I have had long, unhappy periods of life in the past. I wish not to feel that way again. So what if I do not feel happy? At least I do not feel unhappy right now.

But, as soon as I read the above sentence, something inside me started to rebel; I want to be happy!

So how do we get happy?

I have analyzed the times I was happy. I have no particular reason that I can put my finger on. It is so fuzzy that seriously if you asked me what would make me happy for a prolonged time, I am sure I could not tell you what that was.

This does not mean that I do not get momentarily happy; I do. when I see my family and friends, when I travel, when I realize something, when I have good luck in something… But momentarily being happy and being happy for extended periods of time are different; it is the latter that I am curious about.

Is it possible that we get happier as we age? i am not sure. I for sure deal with things and emotions a little bit better now that I have experience. But as I age, the probability of serious issues and experiences (such as sickness, losing someone loved, grieving etc.) also increase. I do not know, but I have been feeling like I am at the best period of my life. And I should be very grateful for it. Perhaps I should forget about happiness and accept what I have as the best.

Still though something inside me rebels…

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