The day has been strange. I have been feeling tired in the last few days, so I got up late. First thing first, I replaced the water and food for the foster cat, Mona. She is doing well, well adapted to home and me, does not bother me at all, and very loving and loved 🙂 She is lovely and I am lucky.
I worked well in the morning, but in mid-noon, I have become overwhelmed. I felt weak, shaky, hopeless, scared, and feeling like the only solution to all problems I am facing was to quit my job.
This is not something new. I react badly to all negative emotions work-related issues create. I want and deserve a better quality of life.
Will I be able to feel absolutely better for ever if I quit job?
No. If it is not the job issues, then I am sure there will be issues in other areas in my life. Like family, or other relations. Will I quit them too? (No).
So, when I think like this, I start to find myself responsible for my feelings, which somehow hurts me. My thoughts in these situations are “I should be dealing with things better, I should not let annoyances and annoying people annoy me and put me in this emotional state, and I have not been able to do this all these years. Am I weak? Am I broken?“
What is it? I do not know. Maybe I need a vacation (who does not?), therapy, or some medications.
The positive thing is that I want to feel better.
The negative thing is that I frequently feel like sh.t.
Maybe it is time that I ask my doctor to prescribe me an anti-depressant. They usually do not want to, but if I ask, there is a chance. We shall see.
These are the days that I “cave in” in my bedroom. For some unknown reason, spending time here helps me gather myself up, for which I am grateful. It mends me. Now that I also have this wonderful cat snoozing next to me :), I think the healing power of this room has grown quite a bit. Wonderful.
Mona has been good for me. Today is the first time I have had emotional collapse or stress since she arrived here. I always wondered how I would react with a cat at home. One restriction I felt was I did not feel free enough to do whatever I want to do to soothe my nerves. Other than that, I think she is an angel, heals me, gets me, and loves me.
I wish the best for Mona. I hope she will find a great permanent home soon. I will miss her and cry quite a bit when she leaves, but I will get over it eventually. I feel like her eyes are reading me, so I cannot look at her eyes for too long – can you imagine?? 🙂
If only animals had spoken – we would learn so much from them.