Yes to life: my life – the life as I interpret it

It had never really occurred to me why I have chosen such a name for my blog. I could use my name, something that was important or fun for me, or something related to then-focus of my writing, which was poetry.

Just yesterday night it came to me that the life I define as “my life” was a part of life, and more importantly, it was a part of life I keep define based on my “interpretations of what was going on in it”.

This was quite strange, because it told me pretty much what every wise person/book was saying – I make what my life is and I am responsible for it. It also said that I was in control of it, I could change and make it better with an intention and a switch in my perspective.

How does this sound?

………………………………..

Having control over my life is very liberating and empowering. It means I am not the victim, but rather the boss and mastermind of my life. I may not change what I do not like, but I sure can change how I interpret or care for them.

Having control also means that I may have so far limited my opportunities unknowingly because I draw the line for what I accept in my life, what I care for, and what I do not have.

What if I choose to have more positive light in my life?

What if I want to take steps to get out of my comfort zone and move up and farther?

What if I want to take more risks and dramatically change things like the work I have, the city I live in, or the way I spend my days?

What if I explore and find out what is more important to me – my current life and the current/future financial stability or moving back to where my family and spending time with them?

What if I leave my fears out of the door and open space for more love, hope, opportunity, and joy?

What is I accept the miracles, self-love, kindness, and being in the moment?

………..

Earth would not shatter, but my life could certainly expand.

I could both change the way I interpret things already in my life and reach out to opportunities, miracles, money, success, recognition, wellness, and happiness available out there further away from the circle I have drawn for my life.

I can be courageous enough to re-evaluate my perspective and expand the circle of life around me with a clear intention, a child’s amusing and hopeful attitude, and a little bit effort.

I do not know what these mean for me or whether or when I would start taking the steps. But I am glad that at this middle age of my life, I finally understand myself, my life, and life as a whole better.

It is mine and I draw the lines. I can change these starting now.

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gif by:https://giphy.com/gifs/kawaii-flowers-INlJUYclnafdu

 

 

 

Sunday morning musings

Another lovely summer morning – hope everyone is gonna have a great day!

I am enjoying my coffee and the bright day outside. Already walked in the yard to see how the plants/seeds were doing. Some of the seeds germinated alright and my potato and onion plants are growing. It seems like a spider formed his net where my potato plants are. Yesterday there was no such thing. Nature is an amazing thing. Perhaps I should start studying zoology 🙂 The yeast and lacto bacilli bacteria in the sourdough starter, yeast and all bunch of bacteria in kefir, and all the lives in the yard….. I have a little piece of nature here 🙂

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My plans for today is to start re-arrange the furniture in the living room, while also decluttering that area. This is gonna take a number of days as the arrangement in my mind is something new and I do not even know that in reality it will work. So I will take it easy and will come up with alternative plans if needed. But I am determined to change the current face of the room. The items that I bought yesterday from the thrift store are making this room look quite better already. I am so excited about this 🙂 One of the best times of my weekend time spent 🙂

I also am trying a vegetable sourdough today. It smells gorgeous but not sure how I would like it in a bread. We all will see this this afternoon.

And in the evening, of course I will keep watching the X-files! Friends; when I was young I knew about this show but was never mesmerized by it. Now, I am hooked! I started from season 1. Mulder and Scully are so young, so different from each other, but also so sweet and innocent. These actors should have had lots of fun and development during this series.

When I retire (!), one of the plans I should have is to have a fan review of these and other series and characters (like Game of Thrones). So mesmerizing is this thing between Scully and Mulder, and Brienne and Jaime. Damn!

 

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And, I have reached 1,000 followers today… I never thought that I would have such a large number of bloggers finding something in my blog. What a significant milestone. Thank you each one of you….

When I started this blog in Nov 2014, I did not know what I wanted to do with it. But I had things to say and boy, did I say them. This is one of the 1225 posts that exist in more than 15 different categories.

Notable categories include:

baking bread: which has been an intense interest since May 2016. I failed quite a bit but after a year or so now I have generally nice quality of loaves. Every weekend is an excitement because every weekend is an opportunity to try a new recipe, a new sourdough loaf. Could not ask for a more exciting hobby.

joy Journal: where I write the things that I am grateful for. The most healing experience that I have had for years. There is something exciting and surprising about finding the so called little things and experiences that fill your heart with joy, excitement, and happiness 🙂

Conscious spending: is where I documented my financial hardship, plans, failures, and achievements. It has been 2 years now that I have a budget that ever evolves and bring me not only savings, but also gratitude and joy.

Random thoughts: is where I write about no particular theme, but whatever comes to my mind, often unrelated things and events. It is one of my busiest categories of mine. Truly loved.

Kate’s short story, poems, The life in the diary, Sasha’s story, fiction bits: are my literary trials. I started this blog mostly focused on these, especially Kate’s short story and poems. i am not a professional, but i love writing free style and putting those words that come to my mind without much of a revision. Every once a while something, a sentence, a paragraph, a poem comes along that surprise me. These are precious…

Sunday morning musings: is a new one that I started lately to write solely on the joy, relaxation, and beauty of this wonderful weekend time. It is the most optimistic of all my writings and I really love this. So for so great 🙂

Now I am gonna go there and start my day. But, first let me get another cup of coffee.

Have a great Sunday everyone!

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gifs by:https://giphy.com/gifs/spider-man-marvel-786qVQHXMJhnO;https://giphy.com/gifs/mulder-and-scully-141Mzlnzd1lE9G;https://giphy.com/gifs/coffee-lover-fresh-brewed-HVhofxmUXMyGs

 

 

unhappiness

poem

——————

sometimes we must accept that

we do not have all the answers

and we cannot get everyone’s circumstances

in these cases;

empathy has the softest voice

and silence has the sweetest tune……

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All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

PS: the interesting thing is that I wrote these words in anger as a response to a comment on one of my posts about unhappiness. I hardly get upset about the comments on my posts, yet in this case I had taken the comment as “blaming” me for my unhappiness, which is ridiculous. Nobody wants or plans to be unhappy. Right?

Right.

Cheers! 🙂

what do I think about commercial blogs on financial freedom?

Sometimes when I read the stories of “highly successful savers”, which are full of glory and high savings rates (like >50%), I get jealous or frustrated or something…

It is because with my best intentions I can only save around 35% of my income and not one (per)cent more (and that is so if I do not get an extra expense related to a serious repair or house maintenance issue). Why? I do not know but I cannot significantly reduce my expenses more than what I already have without seriously hurting the quality of my life, getting really cheap, or foregoing activities, such as visiting my family, that are highly important for me.

When I examine my feelings a little bit deeper, I see that when I read those stories I actually lose my hope to save a lot of money. This is simply because I realize that while I make a great effort to save (saving 35% of my income is not bad at all), since my expense-to-income ratio cannot be reduced more, I become aware that what I can save is considerably less than what I should be saving….. Long story short, those success stories/blogs make me feel like a failure.

Go figure..

Strange, is it not?

When I come to my senses and start thinking objectively, things start to look a little bit better. I think that some of these blogs are not giving us the full picture and they function to inspire the readers (which is awesome), yet one also wonders how much their interest in making money out of their blogs affects the stories they write. 

Since last year I ceased reading such “commercial” blogs, some of which are quite famous in the financial freedom-world by the way. I decided their story was not beneficial for me and I wanted to choose to surround myself with positive – not negative- feelings and confidence during my frugal journey.

Additionally, I must note that: there is quite a difference between those commercial blogs and the blogs I follow here, who are genuine and open about their struggles; their accounts are sincere and naturally full of both failures and successes. These are real people and real stories, just like mine and I am very happy to follow them. I would recommend them to everyone who is interested in inspiration, saving, and making better choices related to their finances.

 

 

joy journal – Oct 25, 2016

I have been feeling great lately and that reflects on my joy levels. I know this is life and there are ups and downs, so this up will be likely followed by a down period. Yet, I am determined to enjoy and be grateful for every minute of this period, rather than anticipating a down period following it. Writing solidifies and makes my mind know deep down (and hopefully remember in the future) what a lovely time I have had. So, here I go 🙂

1. I am grateful for the refreshing sleep. I have not dreamed this time, but I woke up feeling good, which is quite rare for me. I often times wake up with thoughts and stress of things to do during the day ahead, but not this time. This time I was just joyful; free and optimistic.

2. I am grateful for the nice Fall weather that makes it enjoyable to walk 🙂 The Fall scenery is so beautiful to look at – I am in love with it this year.

3. I am grateful for the relaxed and happier mood I have after walking. Being in the office, doing work, but not getting stressed or down because of work is a true blessing. Today I worked easy and effective without getting crazy stressed. How about that? I wish my every day was something like this.

4. I am grateful for not leaving my office early and keeping working at the office in the afternoon. It has been sometime I have done that and I must say it is beautiful. I also enjoy working at home, but I think it is time that I spent more time in my office – it is comfy, lovely, and there are nice people around. It also helps me to limit the work I do at home and this way my home once again becomes a place for relaxation.

5. I am grateful for brewing my own coffee at my office and having the means to do so. How lucky I am to be able to do this?

6. I am grateful for walking at the evening and sweating a little bit. It is a little bit windy but still warm for late October. I love the peaceful feeling coming out of walking and sweating.

7. I am grateful for doing my lower-back stretches and also adding some push ups, tricep and bicep exercises (with dumbbells) as well as forward lunges. It has been some time that I tried push ups and I was happy to see that it did not kill me right away 🙂 I hope to continue to do these light exercises almost everyday.

8. I am grateful for drinking milk and getting my calcium and vit D supplements. My blood tests show that they are helping me increase the calcium and Vit D levels in my system, which is awesome 🙂

9. I am grateful for the raw veggies, beans, and eggs I have consumed today; they are healthy, simple, and lovely food; I am blessed with having them at my home. oh, and it is the first carb-less day in a while 🙂

10. I am grateful for yet another no-spending day 🙂 is that not awesome? 🙂 It is awesome! I feel lucky and very abundant. A miraculous feeling indeed 🙂

11. I am grateful for good memories and laughs that put a smile on my face whenever I remember them. There are so many good people I should thank for these – may they always find life easy and lovely.

12. I am grateful for relaxing the entire evening at home – I am free of stress, concerns, or negative feelings.

13. I am grateful for the song I have been listening in the last few weeks. I have an habit of focusing on one lovely item and listen/watch it over and over until its effect on me disappears, which leads me to find something new. I am still hooked with this song and am enjoying the feelings its music creates in me. The lyrics is depressing, but there is something captivating about the tune and the voice of the singer.

14. I am grateful for all the food, furniture, clothes, shoes/boots, accessories, appliances and anything else at my possession in my home; they make my life easy, complete, and enjoyable. I am so lucky to have found and purchased them.

15. I am grateful for my blog that allows me to express my joy as well as sorrow. Life, as it is. Life, as I experience it. Life, as I interpret it….

16. I am grateful for being grateful 🙂

would I follow my own blog?

Honestly I have no idea…

Let me contemplate for a minute or two…..

I have a tendency to follow blogs that are focused on certain themes (like gratitude, cats, poetry, recipes, bread-baking, or minimalism). If I was to look for such a blog that is focused on one or two topics I think I would be more inclined not to follow my blog.

This is because I have no focus on particular themes. Generally speaking I write about anything  – any day I may come up with a post on something different. I think sometimes it makes it hard to follow or sometimes perhaps interesting/stimulating – after all variety and spontaneity may be interesting time to time, at least for me.

Or, is it?

So, I must ask my fellow bloggers and followers:

Why do you guys follow me really?

And, why would you or would not follow your own blog if you were someone else?

sometimes it is the right time to change

Sometimes we force ourselves to change, and sometimes it just feels right or good to do so.

The first one is enforced and is usually against some wishes/priorities. Thus, it is not an easy one. I like the latter – it comes naturally without negative emotions attached to it. The only disadvantage is I never know the timing as it is also spontaneous. In the last 24 hours, I enjoyed this type of changes.

First; since I started thinking about adopting a cat, I have been reading lots of blogs and watching youtube videos every night. Eventually, I got tired of it and decided to remove the cat-related tags that I follow from my blog’s main page. I have done this today and I feel good about it. I will also remove bookmarked sites tonite.

Second; yesterday I had a look at the blogs I followed and unfollowed around 30 blogs that either had not posted in at least 6 months, or their scope was no longer one of my interests. I am not saying that there was something wrong about these blogs – absolutely not. But they did not contribute to enriching my life and as such I needed to let them go and open space for new ones, new interest, and new bloggers.

I am just curious now what these new topics could be 🙂

so it has been 2 years blogging…

So it has been two years that I started this blog??

Wow!

Time has truly flied.

I started this blog to keep my mind busy with something new so that I could heal my heart break. I was not interested in neither writing nor reading blogs.

At first, of course…

Then, things have changed.

I started to be brave and enjoy putting in words whatever came to my mind. I wrote my first poetry here; often without editing or revising, and in my second language. A couple of them turned out to be good. Surprising…. I write my joy journal here. My humble lazy recipes. My daily ordeals and baking adventures. My struggles with issues, work, unhappiness, and loss of dead ones, to count a few. Over time, I opened more and more about myself, my inner world, and my life – I never thought I would in a virtual world. What a blessing and freeing opportunity.

I also started to enjoy reading others’ blogs and learning from them; the pain, love, excitement, and issues of people out there; I come to realize once more that we all were more or less the same. I thought and reflected a lot. I still do.

I met with wonderful people here; supportive, smart, sincere, genuine, and lovely. I found myself in a community – a virtual but nevertheless real community.

The recipes made my day; even though I did not like cooking. I sure tried many bread recipes posted here, though.

I did my most frequent decluttering activities, thanks to many bloggers here that inspired me with their efforts, plans, and wisdom.

I got many useful tips about budgeting, saving, and financial health. Some of them I implemented in my own financial life.

I learnt about others’ suffering, like sickness or treatment. I developed empathy as a result.

I learnt things that I had never thought before; like minimalism, homesteading.

I learnt about myself; not only by blogging but also by interacting with other fellow bloggers.

Blogging, in a sense, has changed me and my life next to my family, friends, unfortunate life events, and career.

I never thought it would.

I am mesmerized….

And hugely grateful….

One Lovely Blog Award

Once again, I am humbled by one of my fellow bloggers, Jennie at A teacher’s reflections, by being nominated for a blogger award. Jennie is a long-term teacher with a sharp focus and compassion for education. I always admired and respected teachers, and I am happy to follow Jennie to learn about an teacher’s wisdom and observations in education. Thank you very much for this nomination Jennie.

I am usually skeptical about who we directly benefit by circulating this blogger awards, yet I also see a value in recognizing other bloggers for their blogs and sharing a little bit more about themselves and myself. So, here we go 🙂

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I have pasted the award photo and the rules directly from Jennie’s post. Here they are:

The Rules:

*Thank the person who nominated you, and give a link to his/her blog.

*List the rules.

*Display  the image of the award on your post.

*List seven facts about yourself.

*Nominate (up to) 15 bloggers for this award, and notify them to let them know you have nominated them.

Seven Facts About Me:

1. I am an introvert and would be comfortable with people after a long time of interaction. It helps me to assess the individuals and develop trust – we do not need unnecessary or hurtful people in our lives – only great ones. That is my motto 🙂

2. I recently became interested in baking breads and I am having a great time reading, writing, and experimenting about baking 🙂

3. I do not know how to ride a bike. I may be able to drive a car in case of an emergency (with a 5 mph/hour speed 🙂 ), but hopefully that will never be required – I do not even have a driving licence 🙂

4. I am on a life-long quest to happiness. I think everybody deserves it and it is a beautiful thing. I salute all out there who are happy and who are like myself are on their way to become happy 🙂

5. I have got a PhD degree. I studied for a very long time with little pay, but also got to live and work in many different countries, obtained many incredible skills and experiences, and constantly try to benefit the humanity as a whole through my work.

6. English is my second language.

7. I love blogging and reading others’ posts. It is a great way to learn and pass time. Plus, I (virtually) met with tons of great people here. Thanks for this joy everyone 🙂

Here are my nominees at no particular order (There are many more bloggers to list here; I sure will acknowledge them at another time):

1. Deb at https://onceuponahotflash.com/ Her daily gratitude posts and her wisdom about life are one of my most interesting experience here in the blogger sphere 🙂

2. Melanie at https://1000needles.com/. She makes amazing quilts and I like her kindness very much.

3. Hidden hoarder at http://hiddenhoarder.com/. She is another kind blogger who is always positive and supportive. She has been on an amazing “decluttering” adventure, which is very inspirational 🙂

4. You and me at https://savingwithoutscrimping.wordpress.com/. She is like myself on a frugal life journey and often has very useful tips to share 🙂

5. Pamela at https://mymoneycounts.org/. Great tips and experiences for saving money and living a frugal life 🙂

6. Cheryl and Becky at Life With Becky. lovely people with great and practical recipes 🙂

7. Red at https://iamredphoenix.com/. A very strong and lovely young woman, who chronicles her life and cancer journey. Very inspirational blog 🙂

8. John and Barb at https://declutteringthestuff.wordpress.com/. A great blog about decluttering and saving/financial freedom 🙂

9. Cori at https://thelookingglasslife.wordpress.com/. One of the blogs that always delights me with their recipe 🙂

10. Saadia at https://saadiapeerzada.wordpress.com/. Amazing poetry 🙂  I have been following this blog from the beginning on 🙂

11. averagegirlsavingmoney at https://averagegirlsavingmoney.com/. Another great and genuine blog about saving money and frugal life style 🙂

12. Anne Price at https://snowbirdofparadise.com/. She is one wise and lovely lady, who also touches social issues – love her posts 🙂

13. Grace at https://thecfomom.wordpress.com/. Another lovely blogger determined to save and have financial freedom 🙂

14. BetweenThreeWaters at https://betweenthreewaters.com/. She is a mom with two lovely kids – there is always love and somethings to cheer you up in her posts 🙂

15. https://quercuscommunity.com/. These bloggers have amazing post on children, farming, and our interactions with animals and nature 🙂

 

Thanks everyone 🙂

The Siblinghood of The World award :)

Time for another award and another opportunity to introduce bloggers with each other 🙂

Thanks a lot Joss for nominating me to the Siblinghood of The World Award. I too enjoy reading your blogs, especially those about the money management and life-work balance that you wrote recently; I am looking forward to witnessing you reaching your goals and objectives soon! Keep going 🙂

Ok; as usual, first the rules of the award (pasted directly from Joss’ blog):
Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to their blog in your post.
Display the award on your blog.
Answer the questions that the blogger who nominated you has provided.
Nominate ten other bloggers.
Create ten questions for your nominees, and notify them of their nominations.

Joss’ questions and my answers are:

1. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be? South America! There is something calling me in there – I must go, explore, learn, interact, and enjoy something in there. One day.. 🙂
2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be? Bagel/bread 🙂 Yep, I can eat them any day, anytime. I am a carb person (though I have done well limiting them since September) 🙂
3. What’s your favourite book and why? There are a number of books that left a huge impression on myself. If I must select one, today I am selecting “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky. This great Russian writer not only understood the pain and darkness in human psyche, but also brilliantly penned it down. Great novel. Great writer. 
4. If you were a superhero what would your power be? Healing sick people, including mental ones.
5. You’re in a room that’s completely dark, do you open the curtains or the door? Surely the curtains 🙂
6. What is your favourite way to relax? Reading books and lately, blogging
7. Do you have a lucky charm? Not really, but I do keep items and photos that remind me wonderful people in my life. Feeling their love and support is healing and nourishing :)
8. What is your favourite colour? Orange 🙂 just check my home page background 🙂
9. Do you have a favourite song? What is it? Changes time to time; nowadays “Show Must Go On” by Queen 
10. What’s the cheesiest thing that you like to watch/read? Self-help books! Many people are ashamed to admit that they are reading these books. I am not one of them; sometimes they can be good friends by reminding me that I am not the only one feeling or thinking the way these books are all about 🙂

Here are my nominees: as usual, there are many people to nominate, many to recognize. I can select only 10 bloggers for this award. So here is my list:

1. https://adventuresofmrbudget.wordpress.com/ great posts on money management/saving
2. https://unleashyourhappinessblog.wordpress.com/ loving her daily affirmations; so positive
3. http://howtostuffyourpig.com/ a great blog for those who would like to save money and become more knowledgeable about financial topics
4. http://movinitwithmichelle.com/  genuine posts on life, recipes (who would not like them?), and running
5. https://thecoffeemomblog.wordpress.com/ another great blog about saving money and being kind to ourselves
6. https://prosperityandcalamities.wordpress.com/ photos to recipes to  book reviews.. this blog has diversity 🙂
7. https://moneylifehappiness.wordpress.com/ money, life, and happiness; important topics here 🙂
8. http://unchained55.com/ money management; my favorite topics nowadays 🙂
9. http://directorb.net/ wise words about life; cool
10. http://guelphfoodwaste.com/ wondering about the food waste and how to reduce it? check it out

Now my questions for the nominees:

1. When was your last decluttering activity?

2. Are you a minimalist? Why? Why not?

3. What types of exercise are your favorites?

4. If you were to cook now, what would it be?

5. Having dreams are wonderful – care to share one of yours?

6. What color is your hair?

7. Do you think that after a while (above 30), it becomes harder to make friends?

8. What is your favorite movie? Why do you think you like it that much?

9. Do you get stressed easily (like myself) or are you usually a calm person?

10. What have you done (or not done) today that you would like to thank yourself for?

Thank you everyone and big cheers! 🙂

a world within a world

When I first opened this account, I had planned it to be work-related and had one or two post over many months. Many of my colleagues have blogs and they are happy to write and promote them for professional reasons. But I could never move my own.

Then something happened and I felt that I had things to say, things to share, things to put in writing. So I changed the theme and started to write poems and a little story-line. It went so, with spontaneous addition of other pages (such as question of the day, today’s crush) and before I knew it, I started to write about my thoughts and experiences as well. Recently I re-started with few poems and some fictional posts.

I never thought I would have such a blog, write these posts, or write poems or stories like this; I am sincerely surprised. I  cannot wait to see how it will evolve over time.

I am spending quite a bit of time everyday here, writing or reading. I enjoy both of them. I have come across many beautiful and interesting blogs, which I am happy to follow. I have also started to interact with some of you about your blogs or by responding to your comments. I was very hesitant at the beginning (for a long time actually), because of previous bad experiences with virtual interactions. So far all correspondence was respectful, genuine, supportive, understanding, or fun, which tells me that I am in fact very lucky 🙂

Some of you guys/ladies are really great, smart, and lovely which makes me feel very excited to get to know you, and very grateful for;  thank you all 🙂

In addition to the changes in the types of my posts and the way I interact with the others here, I also change the topics I read about or the blogs I follow (I usually keep frequent posters and those who are insightful, kind, and nice; so the turn-over is actually not too much). That is in fact exciting as I love reading and learning about new topics. Last month I read mostly about gardening and budgeting/saving for example. I am now not that interested in gardening, but my interest in budgeting and saving continues. I also have a new interest, which is DIY. I know that anytime I am curious about something or need informal info, I can get it here.

To me this blog-space is a world within a world; a life within a life.

note to self – Day 3

This is I guess how one loses herself in love.

emotions and writing

Emotions drive writing; yet writing about them lessens the strength of emotions.

I wonder how those who write love letters feel.

unassuming of you (#1)

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no Sir,

not yet

you seem not to

have shared

the best of you

and you tell me that

I do not get you?

no Sir,

not yet

without mutual laughter

and time spent together

I can not be guilty of

unassuming of you

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Kate’s short story – XII

All rights reserved.  © https://lifeasiinterpret.wordpress.com/

writing I figured

I cannot write today; writing I figured is easier when I choke of emotions.

oh man

This is my dilemma: I am a 40-something years old professional and I know what logical or realistic mean and how they differ from fantasy and fiction. Except when it is about feelings.

Or man.

I have a friend who cannot ask the girl he likes out because he thinks the way she dresses is not feminine enough and this puts him off quite a bit. See, he likes colourful stuff, dresses not trousers, and he insists a woman should have a long, and wait for it, blonde hair!

I know the girl likes him, too, but she cannot really understand whether he has got a genuine and sound interest in her because of his conflicting behaviour. It is up to them, but see, knowing both of them, I actually think they would be a lovely couple.

I tried to talk to my friend; I told him that if he had asked her out, I am sure he would be surprised to see how lovely she can be. My friend, remains unconvinced, misses two points:

1) a woman shines around the man she likes. No dress, no colour, no whatsoever can make a woman more radiant, lovely, or feminine than the excitement of being around the guy she likes, and

2) a woman would know the difference between a regular day attire and a date attire. Do men not know how much we care to get ready for our dates? I sure will shop for sometime to choose the best attire, shoes, and the accessories, if I do not have them stashed somewhere already. I will have a fresh hair cut, care for my nails, and polish them to finest. I will do all bunch of things if I am really interested in and if I really like the guy! And depending on his reactions, I can figure out more of his likes and if they are what I like, too (like a nice black dress, my all time favourite or the small hair pins I love so much), then, yes why not? The trick is I would not go to my work like this, but I sure will go to a date different.

Well of course the blonde hair is a little bit off; for the record, I would never change my hair colour for a man. No matter how much I love him (seriously). Only because it is not something I ever wished for myself.

Nobody is perfect but certain things, like attire, nails, this and that can be done if one wants. Do not let such things to slow you and prevent you from asking that nice girl out on a lovely date.

love as I understand it today

My first entry better be about love.

I used to think that I could only love something/someone as much as they let me; not more than that. Just yesterday I noticed maybe that was not correct; we may love more than they let us if we have a tendency to love, have a need to love, or have a wish to forgive and forget, yes?

Or maybe, we do that because we feel like it is an honourable thing to do. Maybe if we do so, we will prove ourselves and others that ours was a true love – as if we have to convince that it was love and we were good at it. Why? There can be truth here that sometimes we can never be sure whether it is love or not; there is so many mixed feelings coming through our minds and going through our hearts. Knowing ourselves is the biggest challenge when comes to love.

Attaining and living love is a painful thing; we struggle, confuse, question ourselves and others, calculate or deal with risks and  issues/unexpected, but I do not agree that it can be explained by only pain, or by mostly pain. I think love is bigger than pain.

There is this love story of two young and terminal cancer patients by John Green, in the novel “The faults in our stars”. I read this book in a single day. It is an easy reading with tragic topics, such as death and life, but the love story between the two teenagers is interesting. I came to realize why love is bigger than pain for me, thanks to this story (because in contrast to the character in the book, I do not associate love with pain that intensely).

Love as we feel it is beautiful whether there is pain in it or not. If pain is bigger than it, then we would not call it love now, would we?

I love loving some people; more than they can think about or deserve. And I think that says something about me as much as them. This love, though, I own.