random thoughts

How you all been doing?

I feel like this pandemic has got on my nerves quite a bit. Self-isolation, working from home, limited social life, limited store visits, and limited fresh food all suck.

There.

I said it.

It sucks!!!!

Today I went to a store just to pick a box of pastry. I felt victorious and free. I decided to do my grocery shopping every week to buy different food each time. I decided to eat better and a variety of food. I decided it was not yet a disaster situation. It was still safe where I was. And, it was okay that I get some sort of normalcy and provide my body and mind some sort of a relief.

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Summer is here and I love it. My yard is good – I cut the grass almost every day to control it. My trees are blooming and I just love nature and what it can do. It is the best time of the year.

I have saluted each tree, each plant in my neighbour during my daily walks. They are pretty – how come I have not noticed them earlier? This pandemic is allowing us to approach life a little bit different. Not necessarily a bad thing, as this new ability to pay more attention to our surrounding shows. Some says the current social activism around #BlackLivesMatter movement and the protests were able to involve more people because many of us are away from the workplace. I think there is a truth in this.

What is happening regarding the #BlackLivesMatter movement is certainly an interest to me. I hope that the words will be followed by actions by allies, public members, governments, and organizations, and things will permanently change and equity will be everywhere and racism, discrimination, oppression and increased violence and poverty and so on will cease to exist. I know it is not going to be easy or in a short time, but we can strive for these objectives. It has been a long time that these hurt and harmed. It is up to us to end and turn things around.

Let’s do it.

Let’s act.

Genuinely.

Persistently.

Happily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

random thoughts

It is a beautiful morning.

I am sipping my coffee with no rush, however, I have plans for the rest of the day. So I am alert.

First, I will donate the extra house and personal items I found in my home during the cleaning + decluttering saga last week. I plan to take the bus, which will be a challenge. But I will try.

Then I will shop at the same donation/thrift store. I need nothing particular but would love to see whether I can get a great item or two that I will love to have.

Then will come the book store. There is a book that I want to buy. I am hoping maybe it will be on sale this week. Who knows? Unless I check it..

Then I will go back to office for a short time. I did some work last week which I want to check and finalize. It is not supposed to take a long time, and knowing that that work will be done will feel awesome – cannot wait.

Then I am supposed to visit a sick colleague of mine. She is doing well now, recovering, which is great news. But I am invited and I will go. It feels good to be supporting someone in such a stage. I am looking for an elegant visit.

Then, I will find myself in front of the TV watching Netflix. Have I mentioned that I have got Netflix a week or two ago? Yes, I have! Man, what was I waiting for – it is amazing! It helps me empty my mind from the daily clutter of thoughts, spend more time in the living room, cook meals, and go to bed a little bit later than my usual 8-9pm ritual. These are all positive things so far, including going to bed late. I think it actually helps me with my insomnia – that I sleep well till later, say 8 am, rather than 5 am. A shift in the perception of insomnia. It helps 🙂

Netflix means an extra cost in my monthly bills, but it is a great entertainment. So, for 11 bucks a month, nothing better comes to my mind. It was silly of me to think that I was saving money without it – but I know.

Some expenses are good expenses.

Have a great day friends – all and well.

random thoughts

I lack my regular excitement for the upcoming holidays.

Why?

Because I have not been anticipating.

It is true – anticipation of having or doing something makes it more exciting. I still have a week before my 2 weeks of time-off starts.

So I kind of hoping that I will develop that anticipation and, hence, the excitement of the holiday season!

What could be my plans and therefore anticipation items for the holidays?

Hmmmm….

 

1. As usual, I will analyze my spending in the last one year and calculate the savings and net-worth next week. This is exciting.

Planning for the next year will also be exciting. Are there any areas in my financial plan that can be expanded, changed, or improved? How can I save more money? Can I get a side gig and earn some extra money?

Good questions.

 

2. As usual – again, yes – I could look at my life style and implement healthy choices; better eating; more diverse food; losing weight; walking everyday; home-exercises, especially to strengthen my back, bones, and muscles

When can I make them permanent efforts?

 

3. New hobbies! I am getting interested in stained glass now – can I find a workshop on it?

Can be quite exciting 🙂

 

4. Cleaning and decluttering the home – yay!!! My most consistent holiday season activity :((( Hah haa…. or Argh….

I love decluttering, but cleaning not so much. Often times it takes around a week to do this cleaning…… I also need to declutter my computer files and email…. Well. one thing at a time…

 

5. I sure would like to shop.

There are a couple of items I am eyeing now – a TV and stainless steel kettle being the two of them. I can also get some furniture for home, especially cabinets. I also would like some new pants and a purse. These last items may be easily found at the thrift store, which you know I am a regular customer of 🙂 I have not been to the thrift stores for some time, so I am looking forward to this.

 

6. Reading books, visiting cafe houses, eating different foods, and reflecting on the year going by…..

Just stopping will be so good… So good…. There are so many things to be realized and appreciated once I manage to stop running from one task to other, from one plan to the next. Reflecting has always been one of my most cherished activities.

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Reflecting on 2019 and welcoming 2020 with hope, excitement, and love.

Hmmm.

.

.

Yes.

🙂

 

 

 

 

 

random thoughts

I have not written in a while.

I have a number posts started and then halted. They did not feel genuine enough. As if, what ever I would write would be just an automatic statement rather than me speaking. Who needs the dry facts and reports? Nobody. But we need conversations.

That is right.

Lots happened since I last posted here. Some good, some not so much, some just meh. Overall, I could say there are positive progress in how I manage things.

For one; I started to lightly delegate the tasks that I am not even supposed to do, but end up on my shoulder anyhow. Very, very light improvement, but quite significant. It feels right and I am happy with it.

Two; I did not work this past weekend, which is again amazing. I rather wanted to shop, see other places, and do things that excite me. Well done.

Three; I did get a professional award, which felt quite good! It is an international award which makes it extra sweet. I feel confident. Much confident and this is so well deserved.

Four; I realized that as long as I continue to react to, rather than manage or just ignore emotionally, the adversaries, I will find myself in the same stressed or over-whelmed state. So, I am head-butting some small challenges, rather than avoiding them. Maybe I will get de-sensitized. Maybe I will get crazy. But maybe I will just float with the situation while also making realistic decisions and taking realistic steps. We will see. This is a classical getting out of the comfort zone trial….

Fifth: I continue to be mortified by death and my own aging. Fearing death has been a recurring theme since my dad passed away. I do not want to die, as I do not know what it feels like, whether I would have strong regrets. Not having the people, or coffee, or plants, or anything else that I in fact love around myself… This feels like horrible to me…. Even though billion and billion of people and animals have experienced this since the dawn of times. I also feel like I have wasted my life as I am now close to 50 and my hair is silver gray. Somethings cannot be done anymore. Some looks cannot be had. There are regrets. There are “what is it that I am missing today?” feelings. This one will require me some reflection and acceptance…..

Death anxiety? Middle age crisis?

Both are real.

So, let’s honour this sweet moment of life and peaceful evening.

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random thoughts

It has been sometime, folks.

I have been busy preparing a dossier that took longer than I imagined. For a person who is well-organized and well-prepared for such tasks (often times way before), this was interesting. The good thing is that I have two more days after which I will be done with this blessed and important dossier, and I will move on 🙂

Somethings are going well in my life. For example, since my vacation In Iune-July, I did not experience anxiety just yet. Thank goodness for this. I am not highly stressed and I continue to work well. I spend quite a lot of time at the office now, rather than home office. My love and interest for plants are continuing, so is my interest for thrifting 🙂 I also walk everyday, in the afternoons. It is beautiful.

Some other things are going without much of a progress. I still have not lost weight. I am eating much less carb and more protein than before, yet I do not see much of a difference in the scale. My carb cravings get strong sometime, but other than this it seems to be manageable.

I look old, considerably older than a few months ago. And knowing that this may not be true; that is, one cannot age so fast in such a short time, I decided today that it must be the style, not the gray hair or aging. I am getting a hair cut, preferably on Friday when I will be done with my blessed and important dossier. What a nice finish to this weeks-long run that I have had while preparing this file 🙂

My friends; I missed blogging. I am refraining from checking the date of my last post – was it longer than a month??? By the way, WordPress sent me notification congratulating my 5th year with them. What? 5 years ago I opened this blog, did I? Wow… I remember that I was not active at first, maybe months, maybe a year, but then I had picked up.

4-5 years is a long time. I am glad I am here, I am blogging, and I have blog connections that I cherish. Thank you all for being a part of this experience 🙂

 

 

 

 

random thoughts

After a couple of days with temps around 30C, I welcome the cooler and slightly rainy today 🙂

I continue to sleep well – the last 2 weeks since my vacation. I hope it will continue like this for ever. I really do! Insomnia and waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep have been such a recurring and annoying theme, in the last year particularly… I am grateful for the comfortable and easy sleep I have in the last while.

This is the 5th day that I gave up junk food (yes, again. I am trying again).  It is hard. Very hard. I know after a few weeks, I will get used to living without them, but the first days are the hardest – especially at around noon. Then, I crave for them. Yesterday and today were particularly difficult. I believe with each day it will get better, but goodness, is there a medication or something like that to get rid of the cravings!!!

It is quite a mental judo. But, I want to be in control of my life and quitting junk food is one the ways to do it. The second one is to lose weight. Interestingly junk food addiction and weight gain are linked, right?

Right.

And both of them have been a struggle for years (or decades). They both made me feel dissatisfied/angry with myself and with my life. Five days ago I decided that I wanted to remove these from my life, be content with myself, and take control of my life back. Do you think I can do these?

No more junk food (how am I going to “gift” myself when I am stressed or want to enjoy my moment?), eating better and cooking at home (I actually do this and enjoy it as long as I have time), looking better with better outfit (yes, I want to buy new ones as soon as I start losing weight; I have not updated my wardrobe in the last while) and a better hair cut (boy, I love my hair but it really does not look good in this humid weather. I want a short, modern cut that I will wear with love and confidence), and feeling more confident and self-pleased as a result.

I really want to do these, but it is hard, especially with the cravings I have for junk food during the afternoon.

I have little confidence in me that I will get over these and reach my objectives, but hey, maybe I am in a lucky period of time.

 

 

random thoughts on a random evening

I do not even know what I will write in this post 🙂

Here I go.

Today has been a good day. It was bright and warm. I worked till noon at the office, taking care of a number of critical things. Then I walked back home (grateful for this decision of mine) and started a new a highly critical work. It went really well till now and I am quite pleased with my performance. Home office works for me 🙂

I do not know how my colleagues interpret my absence from the work office… I sometimes hear things that make me nervous. Once my boss asked why I was mostly absent from the office. It was a couple of years back. The question was careful but made me feel defensive and nervous. I may be the only one who appreciates this opportunity to utilize the home office. I made a mental note to talk more about it. One last thing I want is its working against me. I do so much better at the home office and feel so much better..

I found a chance to chat with my neighbours and it was quite pleasant as well. It is so important to have good neighbours… I am one of the lucky bunch indeed. This is a very satisfying and exciting thought – I am grateful for this as well. If you have good neighbours, go appreciate them as well as yourself – they would not be so good to you unless you were good to them.

It is warm at nights, but it is manageable. I know how hard it can be to sleep at temps above 25C. I could not be happier in this regard. It is great not to need and AC. I am grateful for this as well.

I want to go back to walking. I have been walking almost everyday from office to home, at least. This makes me feel good about myself. I must admit that sometimes it is difficult – I find myself at the bus stop so easily. How do I make the decision to rather walk? Habit? Not wanting to wait for the bus? Finding a chance to relax my mind while walking? Any of them can be quite powerful. The end result, walking, is the best, but I wonder how I make my decisions?

I am such a habit-person, who has a routine and sticks to it; my work days are ordered, so are the weekends. Anything different that needs to be done requires most often a prior planning… Sometimes this is great, sometimes it makes me bored – especially when all of a sudden I find some time at my hand. Dilemma….

Anyways; other good things include eating apple at the office (very healthy), giving away a couple of more succulents to a colleague (always a pleasure to spread the love of plants), having a dinner with home-made chickpea meal and sourdough (yummy), and taking this time and evening to just relax.

It turned out to be more like a joy journal entry, but I am pleased what went through my mind while writing this post 🙂

 

 

pretty random thoughts

Yes, thoughts can be quite pretty 🙂

I have been in a high-speed work period for some time. Somethings are going better and some others are still challenging me. But in the middle of everything, I keep going.

I have an internal compass that is quiet and when I find it, no matter how challenging is the situation, I for some reason know that I will solve it. Has this ever happened to you?

It is such a strange contrast to my regular self, who gets stressed and anxious at the face of adversity.

Just yesterday I have got a rejection for a project that I worked very hard for. They want me to revise and re-submit, which I will. They caught the part that was most under-developed and want it fixed. I knew that I must have worked on it, but did not, could not. Now is a good time, it seems. I know that I can handle this for some strange reason. I am not panicked.

I may of course be wrong and still get a rejection after my revision. It will be a blow to my now-confidence, but I think we will see. But what I understand most is how I approach to problems and what creates my anxiety; my lack of trust in own ability and confidence to take care of stuff. Otherwise, I would have been anxious about not getting this project accepted or not making a good revision next time and getting rejected again.

It is quite strange.

I always knew that I am a perfectionist and I would like to do better each time. That means I curb my confidence in myself. However, if I do feel confident in my abilities (mostly a learnt response from my past similar experiences), then  approach things with less anxiety and worry.

I think that it all ends in believing in myself and this is the most important type of validation for me, not the others’ evaluations on me.

Strange. Strange. Strange.

I knew I would beat myself over things, but realizing that a) I limit myself more than others, and b) I in fact have a sound confidence in my abilities in some cases was surprising.

This is a beautiful day my friends.

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This week I have learnt some other things about my work habits.

I noticed that early morning (6-9am) when there is not many people around are my most productive times in the office. I must use these times effectively.

I still struggle with prioritizing the most important tasks and working on them first, but I will continue to work on this.

I realized also that I can rather use the evenings and nights for works that do not require much of a focus; like emails, little reading material.

I also took the yesterday  night and tonite off from work, and am enjoying calming down, with the confidence that I will take care of things tomorrow morning.Rushing constantly does not make me justice.

Listing the things to do a night before helps me use the next morning better. I feel at more control of my stress this way and satisfied knowing that I do work, not waste time trying to decide to what to do.

I am looking at a busy weekend again, but I am not worried about this – I appreciate the availability of time at my disposal. This is very good.

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I mentioned at the beginning that somethings were going well. I am working on two new ideas (both are challenging as well). High risk-high reward kind of projects.

For someone who is usually cautious at work, this kind of brave attempts come every 10 years or so 🙂 It is tough times, but eventually will resolve (feeling this way again based on my past experience). There is some kind of accomplishment and adventurous sense that fills me with not only panicky feelings but also with joy, confidence, and determinism. I really love when I feel this way. Especially when I see that I have not chickened out. Voila! 🙂 Hard work and stress are worth it. I am growing mentally and professionally, and I have not given up knowing that eventually I will be better in two months than today.

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I have also learnt to trust more to my team members. They make all of these possible. They work hard just like me and with me on many details and their methodological expertise is making progress in these ideas possible. I must be more appreciative of this, which I am glad that I have seen.

It is a beautiful day indeed my friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

random thoughts in a fine day

It has been a fine day.

What a luxury.

I am for sure grateful for today enormously.

The day started before 9 am with a good night sleep and not so negative thoughts rushing in my mind. The Sunday morning routine, which consists of shaping my sourdough loaf and then drinking coffee nice and easy while also browsing the news and emails, went without any rush or stress. It was fully relaxing.

A couple of things that I have done differently than my routine weekend activities were speaking to my family a little bit early, dressing up for the afternoon funeral, taking the bus to go to office, and working there for a few hours without any distraction or humans around.

This may sound weird, but not having anyone around gave me peace today. 

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I then walked to the funeral home nearby and paid my respect to the deceased person I knew. She was lovely person with a genuine interest in anyone she met with. I hope she had had a lovely life and lots of laughters. She sure was loved.

At the funeral home, I gotta meet with a few colleagues of mine and found a chance to talk with them as well. It was nice to feel like a community and supporting our friends during these difficult times. Togetherness means a lot in these situations. I am glad I have showed up there today.

While I stayed longer than I planned, I left there feeling at peace. The walk back to home was around 30 min and relaxing. The chilly but clean air makes a positive impact on me – it was one of these rare occasions lately that I just walked effortlessly and without any work related issues in my mind. There was no stress today.

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I keep thinking that I am not a funeral person. I believe this was the 3rd funeral I have ever attended in my life. I know this is weird, but I am not used to death even though I am mid-aged. I have a tendency to get emotional, break tears, not know what to say, eventually feel like a drama queen who thinks that she behaved like everything was about herself, rather than a concerned person who supports the people who have lost a loved one. I find myself ridiculous, in summary. But I also like the fact that I am aware of my behavior or naiveness. I know that next time I will become closer to what I think I must do and support those people with words, actions, and care.

It occurred to me once again today that I did not attend my father’s funeral almost 2 years ago. Not that I did not want to. I could not. It would require me to fly around 24 hours to reach to my home country and then an additional 12 hours to reach where my father used to live. I could not see myself doing this trip without breaking emotionally. So I rather stayed here and lived every single pain, concern, and true sadness of this new reality of my dad.

One of the colleagues I met at the funeral today told me that we come to life alone, and we leave life alone. How true. It is this part of the journey that made me sad more – the process of death and going through it all alone. Did my dad know that he was dying? Was he scared? Did he need me or someone else? I will never know. But I know that by giving my full attention to him in my thoughts I at least felt like I was with him then.

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Death changes you. That is for sure. It is so powerful. But so is life. Another colleague of mine I saw today said that it was all about what we wanted in life and whether or not what we have right now was it. If not, what were we waiting for? Let’s make that jump to start the journey towards what our heart wishes. 

How interesting to hear this from someone else today.

I told her what has been on my mind for sometime – I know that this was not what I wanted, but I did not know what I really wanted and hence cannot take the steps. Yet.

She smiled and said – its time would come eventually.

I believe in this. Life is precious. My life. Your life. Anybody’s life. 

random thoughts

A very busy day, it is well worth it. This week seems like a highly productive week with many long term tasks/projects being coming to an end, as such, is highly charged and satisfactory – I could not be more stressed and excited at the same time! 🙂

We woke up to 15 cm of snow dumped during the night. The roads were in bad shape, but the cabbie made it to my building safe and sound. It was quiet around the building, which I assume is because of the many people not showing up to work. I do not blame them – I hope they have had a lovely day away from work.

My anxiety levels are down, but I keep feeling overwhelmed. I feel the need of winding down and showing compassion to myself. That means no work for the next few hours. I plan to reflect on the positive things that has happened lately and realize how I fit in the center of all of these. Hard work pays off eventually; my efforts are met with results; I turn the work around to my best; and I feel less stressed as a result. At least, I must 🙂

I had read many years ago on a newspaper of a newly appointed manager of a unit. He had expressed that “he was looking forward to the challenges everyday may bring“. I never understood this, as challenges do not sound pleasant or easy to deal with. One of the constraining issues for me was a new addition to my team, which requires a lot of attention to help them keep moving. In some ways I feel pressured to spend time and train personally, because the skills this staff wants to develop requires my direct involvement. How do I deal with this “challenge” in these time-pressuring times? By further stressing and feeling inadequate, of course.

The last few days I was trying to think differently and open myself to “opportunities” out there. I did not necessarily think about the new staff, but I think this case is developing into an opportunity; she sent me some information (which she developed herself) that solves some of the problems and also demonstrates that they can develop these skills without much involvement by myself!! Is that not wonderful? 🙂 

When the mind is strained, it is so easy to close ourselves and turn blind to the opportunities and rather move towards challenges, I guess.

By the way, last night two of my previous staff emailed me; one became a mom and her baby girl is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen 🙂 The other one wants to see me sometime, just to catch up and I could not be happier to do so 🙂

These are the moments that make this job something I thank for.

 

random thoughts

I have had a good weekend and I am very happy about this 🙂

I am back to my regular self after four months of rush-rush-stress-stress work marathon and two over-seas trips.

I am eating better and healthy, I walk whenever I can, and my budget is back to its wonderful self 🙂

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My hair is transitioning to gray alright and I have not lost my mind over the abundance of grays or the presence of many different colours in my hair, even though I know I HATE this hair, goodness knows I want to DYE it like right now, and I never knew I could be that BRAVE to carry this hair!!

Peace… I need to make peace with this hair, but it is so challenging…

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Anyways; going back to positive experiences….I plucked out weeds and unnecessary plants from my yard, moved a nice flower somewhere else so that next year I can plant food at the back of the yard, enjoyed the mints and flowers still striving, and felt the satisfaction of knowing that now my yard is ready for winter. There is nothing much to be done. I have done good.

I am baking a great-looking sourdough loaf and I will be sharing my beet pickles and potato salad with my friends, who invited me over for a dinner tonite. I am so looking forward to their company and having great time.

Good people make all the difference 🙂

Have a great Sunday everyone! 🙂

 

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random thoughts

I am writing just because and I have no idea how this post will develop. We shall see.

It has been a miserable day today, with light rain and gray sky. Do you not love it? 🙂 🙂

The only positive coming out of this colorless day is to be able to notice the trees changing colours; all the red, brown, and yellow leaves… Either on the trees or on the ground. I walked by a house with a yard full of fallen leaves. It was so beautiful… What a contrast these colours make with the sky around us and what a blessing to notice them.

Despite the depressing weather, I walked both in the morning and the afternoon. I even saw a colleague of mine biking. How great is that we are making an effort to keep healthy (and frugal)?

My aim of 2 carb-less days per week did not solidify yet. Yesterday I had a bagel in the morning and today I had half a slice of bread with dinner. Both felt very good  and tasty 🙂 Yet, I will continue to make an effort to curb the refined carbs. I am doing good otherwise, eating raw veggies and protein. I hope to continue like this as there is a noticeable difference.

While it is a busy time of the year, yesterday I thought about the holiday time-off. We have two more months to go but still thinking about it makes me excited. We have something like 2 weeks off that I really love. My plans are the usual: taking a rest, minimal work, deep cleaning, airing, and decluttering the house, and shopping. I would love to take advantage of the sales.

I also would like to read books this time. Last year I had bought the “A Game of Thrones” series and was very excited about reading the books until I got stuck at the 2nd book. That one is so boring, my goodness, I need extra motivation to go thru it. I was told that many readers feel the same way about this book, yet once it is done, the rest was as captivating as the 1st book. I believe in this… I will read these books 🙂

As usual, I will also socialize during the holidays and will find time to spend time with my friends. Not sure whether I would host at my home, but I sure will be attending others’ functions.

Holiday season also means the season of gift. I am lucky that gifting for me is not extensive, but I buy gifts for two friends and my good neighbours. The entire year (I cannot believe that time passes this quickly) I was looking for nice gifts, yet I was not successful in getting any yet. I have a couple of ideas and I hope the month of November will give me a lot of options to choose from.

On a separate note, I seem to have got cold. It is Murphy’s Law again; I have a talk tomorrow. I hope to feel better till then 🙂

Until next time, stay safe and positive 🙂

 

random thoughts

It was a bright day with a blue sky – kind of made me think about Spring. What a joy 🙂

I am enjoying my day; I got up not late, shopped and enjoyed it too, read a couple of finance books (more like scanned), and now watching TV and at the same time reading “A Clash of Kings”, the second book of GRRM’s A Song of Ice and Fire series. Yep; I am back to reading it and to my surprise it did not take me too long to remember where I was and who Yoren was. I am pleased with myself – nothing more annoying than feeling like you gotta re-read the entire book from the beginning on.

In the shopping mall, there were sales and I contemplated about buying some gifts for the holiday season. I do not buy or give a lot of gifts during the holidays; only for three people; two of them are my friends and my neighbours, who are good people and reliable neighbours. Eventually I decided it was too early and did not buy anything. Hope I will not regret this decision as I hardly like anything, I would like to give gifts that I like, and I had liked two items today. Anyways…

My back is better but still annoyed. I am keeping up with the exercises I was given to practice every day. They actually help me to feel better. My problem is that I do not like my physiotherapist that much….. She is nice but I wished she had explained me things better before she applies. With such negative feelings, I am not sure how well I am benefiting from my sessions. I guess I must have the benefit of doubt and trust that she knows what she is doing, and as such, eventually visiting her would benefit my back.

I am invited for a dinner tomorrow. I am happy to visit these people, but they made me kind of annoyed as they seem to have specific preferences for everything. And I mean everything. From the food to this to that. I am annoyed by their opinions on everything and honestly each time I struggle with the idea of what to bring to their home. This time I decided I can bake a frozen pie. This is a deviation from other occasions when I almost always brought some nice drinks or cook myself. Well, I am not going to do that anymore. Baking a frozen pie will not take much of a time and if they do not like it, I may as well eat it myself.

The people who are opinionated about many things or vocal about their preferences put me in such annoyed state. I myself have never made a negative comment about what my guests have brought to my place. Never. Not because I am extremely kind or something (so I refrain from making a negative comment). No, it is because it does not matter at all. All is welcome at my place and I appreciate the time and effort my guest put to bring them to our gathering. Whatever they may have chosen to do so.

Tomorrow, another friend of mine is also coming to the dinner and I love her more than any other friend of mine here. I have been to their places, once even with a pie that was hot, not solidified enough, and shaken in the cab and thus turned into a “soup”, yet all they have done was to laugh with me and my joke of “here I made you a soup” and eagerly eat it. I love such people who are easy and welcoming whatever the shape or the value or the brand or the type of whatever treat you bring to their home.

Now that I ranted a little bit and emptied the pressure in me, I may go and continue reading the book 🙂

Have a great Saturday night everyone 🙂

 

random thoughts

One of these days where I have some friction with my old friends over someone we know and differ in opinion.

The person of interest is a previous mentor of us; I have known her for decades and even though she was difficult, I have great respect for her and still keep in touch. This person now is retiring and this is where we got the friction: I welcomed the news and got excited for my previous mentor and decided to do something in her recognition, to be revealed during her retirement party in the coming weeks. My friend, whom I love dearly, seemed to disagree with me and another friend of mine, who feels the same way as I am, fell in between our conversation full of disagreement. We had disagreements, but eventually, everybody respects everybody’s opinion.

My other friend and I are contacting our other friends to see whether they would like to be a part of this celebration. I am assuming we will not be gathering a lot of people, but that is okay. I somehow understand my friends as our mentor was not a pleasant person (they say people never forget how others make them feel), but I and some other friends also recognize her tremendous influence, support, and efforts on our developments. So we feel that this mentor deserves a great celebration and our acknowledgements.

I increasingly think that officially and sincerely acknowledging people’s good deeds, contributions, great works, and help is very important. It is a great pleasure to be writing/saying these nice words to the others and I am sure those who get acknowledgement are feeling great about it, too. I also think that it brings a highly positive notch to the relationships and overall make everyone feels really good; small stuff are forgotten and the big picture emerge. Great.

On the personal side; No person is perfect and some people are not pleasant. But, I would rather choose an unpleasant mentor who cares about me and contributes to my development, rather than a mentor who is an ineffective mentor but highly pleasant person. Of course, it would be great if our mentors were both pleasant and effective. But I know this does not happen all the time. And that is okay.

So, if you think you have people to recognize, thank, acknowledge for their help, support, kindness, goodness, contributions to your education/training/well being, professional success, or development as a person, take this holiday season to send/say them an acknowledgement note. Tell them what exactly you liked about them and how appreciative you are.

If you wish of course.

let’s heal and seal 🙂

 

random thoughts

1. Writing is therapeutic. yes I am not having a blast of good feelings when I think about the possible consequences of my current issues. I want to repeat several times “I will be fine. Whatever happens, maybe not right after, but certainly after a while lessons learnt and my experiences will help me to go in a better direction, a better place in life”. Even writing this helps me to feel better. So please tolerate me writing this or similar sentences today or in the coming days.

2. Self-help books are useful in this sense. I find that the books that use the terms, such as “peaceful, welcoming, acceptance, harmony, etc.” have a positive effect on my psychology. I am aware that many thoughts, not necessarily positive ones, pass through our minds every moment. I believe reading such words and writing sentences as in (1) above, have a direct role in changing the thoughts going thru my mind and the feelings I have as a result of them.

3. Someone said today we need to be a little bit relax in our thinking and worries. I am a control freak, there is no question about that. And being a control freak and seeing possible risks/issues in future so that they can be prevented today are my characteristics. Now, a lot of people would find what I wrote about myself negative; trust me I understand why; because this kind of people are not easy or fun to work with. Yet, when a detailed, meticulous, and high-quality work is needed, such individuals like me can be very valuable. That is why I am okay with being a control freak. But do not get me wrong; it is not fun for me. I go through the anxiety and sometimes exhaustion of controlling things to my best as well as preventing or resolving issues.

4. Come to thing about it; risk assessment and preventing potential issues and errors are awesome; because they lessen the amount of trouble in future. See, I told you! Writing is therapeutic as it just occurred to me that the issues I am facing now could get worse if I had delayed facing them now. So, I should actually be okay with my current situation as long as I deal with them – a worse outcome is surely prevented!

I gotta write more so that I can understand myself and the big picture ahead of me.

honestly random thoughts

I found myself thinking about things not necessarily worth writing an entire post about. So, instead of losing them forever, here they are;

1. why do we not have “good news” channels or newspapers? I had heard one newspaper once a year would only publish positive news. I applaud that newspaper and I hope they will consider doing this everyday.

2. why do I have a tendency for physical laziness but not mental one? I love writing, reading, thinking, analysing but I seem to have lost my aptitude for physical exercise, walking, moving around the house, etc. When did I become this? and why?

3. I am not sure why I almost always miss Thursdays; seriously almost everyday has a meaning or task attached to it, but not Thursday (Tuesdays are quite similar, too; but at least it is close to Monday and as such still feels like the beginning of week and as such has a high energy….). While having a conversation with one of my colleagues today I realized it was a Thursday… Thursday; the day before Fridays. Thursday; the day almost always indifferent or forgotten; Thursday; the day reminds me that the week is almost ending but the work has not been taken care of.. Thursday, the day I have no idea what is happening….

4. I could not get used to the day-light savings thing… I keep getting up an hour later than before. I keep not bothering myself about it. That being said, when am I going to get a break from the work? And when I get it, what am I going to do? I obviously cannot spend time at home (boring), shopping requires time and energy (though once I am in the shopping mall, I usually feel energized 🙂 )….

5. My primary plan (to help break my routine, to help feel excited/positive) should be to find things that will be interesting to do. Art galleries? shows? new book-stores? (yes, yes, yes!!) 🙂 Oh boy…. Book-stores it is…

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